Kid Time And Couple Time
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Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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Article Title: Kid Time And Couple Time
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Word Count: 756
Article URL: http://www.isnare.com/?id=13497&ca=Parenting
Author's Email Address: margaret@...
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Summary: Are you having trouble finding time to be with your
children and to be with each other? Discover how important this
balance is, and what may be the underlying issue in the way of
A reader emailed me the following question:
�Many dads and moms, especially those that work full-time, are
torn by guilt when it comes to time allocation. They have been
away from the kids so long during the working week that the
weekends MUST be spent with them. Result: There is simply NO
couple-time. Any suggestions?�
One thing that is often not realized by parents is that a happy
and harmonious marriage is one of the greatest gifts they can
give to their children. Most children will gladly spend less
time with their parents when they know that some of the time
being spent away from them is about creating and maintaining a
loving relationship between their parents.
Parents who work full time do need to be sure to spend some
quality time with their children each evening. I was in this
position when I was raising my three children. My husband and I
would each spend an hour each evening, sometimes with one child
and sometimes with two. On the weekends, we set aside some time
alone with each other and alone with ourselves, which our
children learned to respect. Then we spent the rest of the time
in family time. Parents need to understand that they are the
role models for their children, and if they are not taking
responsibility for their own needs, their children will not
learn to take responsibility for their own needs. What we role
model regarding personal responsibility for our own happiness
and wellbeing is as important as spending time with our
children. Both are equally important in raising healthy
When parents do not find the time to be with each other or to
be alone with themselves, they may need to examine what else
might be going on within themselves and in the relationship.
Are they using their work and their children to avoid
themselves and each other? If their time alone or together is
not fulfilling, then work time and kid time can be ways of
filling an inner emptiness. Or, the time problems might be a
result of unexamined priorities.
We all tend to do what is truly important to us. If work is
important to us, then we may work a lot. If parenting is
important to us, then we might spend lots of time with our
children. If our creative pursuits, hobbies, or sports are
important to us, then we will find time for them. The same is
true for our relationship. If it is very important to us, we
will find the time for it. So, if parents are not finding the
time to be together, they might want to examine their
priorities and explore why time together might not be
Often time together is important to one partner and not to the
other. When this is the case, partners need to explore what is
happening between them that is leading to the one partner not
making time together a high priority. Some of the issues you
may want to examine are:
* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on for sex?
* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on to fill up the
other partner emotionally?
* Does one partner feel fearful of being criticized in various
ways when they are alone together?
* Is one partner emotionally unavailable and the other partner
feels lonely with him or her when they are alone together?
* Has one partner become so preoccupied with being successful
or making money that they no longer have anything to talk
* If fun lacking in the relationship?
* Does one partner feel resistant to being controlled by the
* Is one partner resenting the imbalance regarding work, chores
* Is one partner feeling angry or withdrawn? If so, why?
If the real reason for not spending time together is truly
about not enough time, then you need to consider how you can
get help, such as hiring a neighborhood teenager, to do some
chores or spend some time with young children.
If spending time together is a high priority, you can find a
About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You� and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:margaret@.... Phone Sessions.
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