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Kid Time And Couple Time

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  • distribution@isnare.com, Ph.D.
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 3, 2005
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      Please consider this free-reprint article written by:
      Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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      Article Title: Kid Time And Couple Time
      Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
      Word Count: 756
      Article URL: http://www.isnare.com/?id=13497&ca=Parenting
      Format: 64cpl
      Author's Email Address: margaret@...

      Easy Publish Tool: http://www.isnare.com/html.php?id=13497

      ================== ARTICLE START ==================
      Summary: Are you having trouble finding time to be with your
      children and to be with each other? Discover how important this
      balance is, and what may be the underlying issue in the way of
      couple time.

      A reader emailed me the following question:

      �Many dads and moms, especially those that work full-time, are
      torn by guilt when it comes to time allocation. They have been
      away from the kids so long during the working week that the
      weekends MUST be spent with them. Result: There is simply NO
      couple-time. Any suggestions?�

      One thing that is often not realized by parents is that a happy
      and harmonious marriage is one of the greatest gifts they can
      give to their children. Most children will gladly spend less
      time with their parents when they know that some of the time
      being spent away from them is about creating and maintaining a
      loving relationship between their parents.

      Parents who work full time do need to be sure to spend some
      quality time with their children each evening. I was in this
      position when I was raising my three children. My husband and I
      would each spend an hour each evening, sometimes with one child
      and sometimes with two. On the weekends, we set aside some time
      alone with each other and alone with ourselves, which our
      children learned to respect. Then we spent the rest of the time
      in family time. Parents need to understand that they are the
      role models for their children, and if they are not taking
      responsibility for their own needs, their children will not
      learn to take responsibility for their own needs. What we role
      model regarding personal responsibility for our own happiness
      and wellbeing is as important as spending time with our
      children. Both are equally important in raising healthy

      When parents do not find the time to be with each other or to
      be alone with themselves, they may need to examine what else
      might be going on within themselves and in the relationship.
      Are they using their work and their children to avoid
      themselves and each other? If their time alone or together is
      not fulfilling, then work time and kid time can be ways of
      filling an inner emptiness. Or, the time problems might be a
      result of unexamined priorities.

      We all tend to do what is truly important to us. If work is
      important to us, then we may work a lot. If parenting is
      important to us, then we might spend lots of time with our
      children. If our creative pursuits, hobbies, or sports are
      important to us, then we will find time for them. The same is
      true for our relationship. If it is very important to us, we
      will find the time for it. So, if parents are not finding the
      time to be together, they might want to examine their
      priorities and explore why time together might not be

      Often time together is important to one partner and not to the
      other. When this is the case, partners need to explore what is
      happening between them that is leading to the one partner not
      making time together a high priority. Some of the issues you
      may want to examine are:

      * Is one partner fearful of being pulled on for sex?

      * Is one partner fearful of being pulled on to fill up the
      other partner emotionally?

      * Does one partner feel fearful of being criticized in various
      ways when they are alone together?

      * Is one partner emotionally unavailable and the other partner
      feels lonely with him or her when they are alone together?

      * Has one partner become so preoccupied with being successful
      or making money that they no longer have anything to talk

      * If fun lacking in the relationship?

      * Does one partner feel resistant to being controlled by the
      other partner?

      * Is one partner resenting the imbalance regarding work, chores
      and childcare?

      * Is one partner feeling angry or withdrawn? If so, why?

      If the real reason for not spending time together is truly
      about not enough time, then you need to consider how you can
      get help, such as hiring a neighborhood teenager, to do some
      chores or spend some time with young children.

      If spending time together is a high priority, you can find a

      About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
      eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
      You� and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
      process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
      Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
      at mailto:margaret@.... Phone Sessions.
      ================== ARTICLE END ==================

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