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[zeph] Zeph's First Awakening Part 3

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  • !Namo@mituofO!
    ZEPH & FRENS #3 _______________________ Zeph s First Awakening Part 3 Time passed and he didn t know how long he stood. The sun is setting but my fire inside
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 8, 2000
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      ZEPH & FRENS #3
      Zeph's First Awakening Part 3

      Time passed and he didn't know how long he stood. The sun is setting but my
      fire inside burns on bright and fiery. Christmas night Orchard- the people
      increase. He looked at them. All seemed so purposeful. The waiting are
      waiting impatiently, the walking are walking and the talking talking. No one
      looked lost. But he alone stood like an idiot in the middle of "nowhere"-
      or is it everywhere? The heart of celebration he is in and he had nothing to
      celebrate about. But nothing to make him weep either. Just an echoing
      emptiness resounding within that he couldn't hear well but won't quieten
      down. His legs are getting numb and pain alternately. The pain in between
      the numbness reminded him that he was alive. He yearned for the feeling of
      no-feeling- that of comfortable numbness. Is that not death itself? There is
      no pleasure in it- none in my existence here and now. I'm numb to this
      world, maybe even bitter for they who pass me by, who feel not what I feel.
      For this I am in pain. No- I am pain. Anguish. The thoughts are coming in
      fast and furious. There is no specific purpose in life. I have no
      obligations. Just know what you want and go for it. But be sure it is worth
      all the trouble. After all- it's going to cost you your life. What do I
      really want? To see "Dumb and Dumber"? That seems dumb. I want to find the
      meaning of life. After all, I'm in it.

      Lighting on in Orchard like lightning. More purposeful people going by.
      Maybe I am not alone. maybe every normal person has such an attack when
      growing up, maybe it just a depressing passing phase. If so, please pass by
      quickly. But I think it is here to stay. Is no one really lost? A person
      alone usually gets lost in a crowd or he finds himself. To be lost is to
      wander around aimlessly. "I, Zeph, am no longer going to be lost. I am
      standing. I am stationary. I am still." Christmas night tonight most
      uncanny. People in their Sunday best with their family and friends and
      lovers. Seems like every single thing we do we do out of loneliness- be it
      going for tea, chatting over the phone, listening to music, shopping,
      movie-going, smoking, reading, sex. Isn't it all escapism? When do we face
      our true naked selves? All my life I had escaped from this moment; now I got
      me cornered. Maybe the biggest thing most do to cover up their loneliness is
      to fall in love and get married. But two lovers discover that they are still
      lonely- and they have kids. And the vicious cycle repeats endlessly. It
      seems so ultimately sad and bad, bleak and black.

      [To be Continued in #4]
      Please feel free to share with us your thoughts on the above
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