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  • mike miller
    Mother: David, come here. David: Yes, mum. Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse. David: But I will only get my report book
    Message 1 of 4 , Jun 2, 2008
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      Mother: David, come here.
      David: Yes, mum.
      Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
      David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
      Mother: I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong
      tomorrow so I'm scolding you now.
       
      Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
      Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
      Father: So? Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.
       On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
       
      Girl: Do you love me?
      Boy: Yes Dear.
      Girl: Would you die for me?
      Boy: No, mine is undying love
       
      Man: How old is your father?
      Boy: 1 year older then me
       Man: How can that be?
       Boy: He became a father only when I was born
       
      Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
      Simon: No, teacher. It's the same dog!
       
      Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
       Son: That's why I say she's no good!
       
      Teacher: Where were you born?
      Student:
      Singapore
      , Sir.
      Teacher: Which part? Student: All of me, Sir.
       
      Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair?
      Ah Kow: No comb, Sir.
      Teacher: Use your dad's then.
      Ah Kow: No hair, Sir.
       
      A boy came home from school with his exam results. "What did you get?" asked his father. "My marks are under water," said the boy. "What do you mean 'under water'?" " They are all below 'C' (sea) level!" 
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    • Mike Miller
      You can be sure the person is Sardar when He - Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. - Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. -
      Message 2 of 4 , Nov 2, 2008
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        You can be sure the person is Sardar when He

        - Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.

        - Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

        - Thinks socialism means partying.

        - Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

        - At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius. "

        - Sells the car for gas money.

        - Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

        - Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and   goes home.

             * * * * * *
        Why did 18 sardar go to a movie?
        Because below 18 was not allowed.
             * * * * * *
        How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
        Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
             * * * * * *
        What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
        Trying to hold on to a thought.
            * * * * * *
        Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
        So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
            * * * * * *
        What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
        The back of his head.
            * * * * * *
        What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
        Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
           * * * * * *
        Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
        They think their picture is being taken.
           * * * * * *
        Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
        Toes Go In First.
           * * * * * *
        Why can't Sardar dial 911?
        They can not find the eleven on the phone
           * * * * * *
        "Oh, look at the dead bird."
        Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
           * * * * * *

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      • Mike Miller
        (1) A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body? He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense
        Message 3 of 4 , Mar 1, 2009
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          (1)
          A wife asked her husband:

          "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

          He looked at her from head to toe and replied:

          "I like your sense of humor
          (2)
          Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

          The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warnin g."
          (3)
          A newly married man asked his wife,

          "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

          "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you,

          NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
          (4)
          Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet to the
          office. Why?"
          Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how
          impossible,
          I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
          Wife: "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for
          you?"
          Hubby: "Yes!! "I see your picture and say to myself,
          "What other problem can there be greater than this
          one?"
          (5)
          Wife : "Do you want dinner?"

          Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"

          Wife : "Yes and no."
          (6)
          Wife: "What are you doing?"

          Husband : Nothing.

          Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

          Husband : "I was just looking for the expiration date."
          (7)
          Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

          Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
          (8)
          Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man,

          The Master of Women'?

          Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
          (9)
          Different Phases of a man:

          After engagement: Superman

          After Marriage: Gentleman

          After 10 years: Watchman

          After 20 years: Doberman
          (10)
          Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?

          Take vo Marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel
          kare aur agar
          Nark jaye to homely feel kare..
          (11)
          There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.

          It's called marriage.
          (12)
          Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

          After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
          (13)
          If u r married please ignore this msg., for everyone else:

          Happy Independence Day
          (14)
          It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged.

          It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
          (15)
          Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

          Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
          (16)
          Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

          It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands

          before the fight begins!
          (17)
          Getting married is very much like going to a
          restaurant with friends. You order what you want,

          and then when you see what the other person has,

          you wish you had ordered that.
          (18)
          Is there any way for long life?

          Dr: Get married.

          Man: Will it help?

          Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
          (19)
          Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?

          Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
          (20)
          When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.

          Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife?

          Sit back. I will drive.



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        • Mike Miller
          An elderly gentle man ... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
          Message 4 of 4 , Mar 21, 2010
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            An elderly gentle man ...

            Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

            The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

            The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'


            Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Rodger, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel ?'

            Rodger says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

            'Really! ?

            Like a newborn baby!?'

            'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

            =================================================



            An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

            The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

            The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

            The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
            You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

            'Do you mean a rose?'

            'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, darling, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

            ==============================================================



            Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, the nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
            After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

            On the way down the nurse asked him if his wife was meeting him.

            'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

            =============================================================


            A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
            'So I hear you're getting married?'
            'Yep!'
            'Do I know her?'
            'Nope!'
            'This woman, is she good looking?'
            'Not really.'
            'Is she a good cook?'
            'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
            'Does she have lots of money?'
            'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
            'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
            'I don't know.'
            'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

            'Because she can still drive!'

            ============================================================



            Three old guys are out walking.
            First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

            Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

            Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'


            One more. . .!

            A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

            The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

            'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

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