Tainted water detected in North Texas results in conflict - Bush blamed
- (just came across the newswire... thought I'd share - Adam ;-)
October 1, 2005 01:30 (CDT)
Frisco, TX (AA)
EPA investigators are looking into a rise of a dark chemical substance
found this week in waste water samples taken in this Collin County
Testing of the substance revealed a mixture of paint and thinner,
though neither were believed to be at harmful levels, officials state.
Spectral analysis indicate the paint to be a Brunswick Green color,
which was historically linked to the Pennsylvania Railroad (PRR).
This color has not been used for almost thirty years. Since the
Pennsylvania has been involved in several corporate mergers in the
past three decades, investigators reached a dead-end in attempt to
obtain an explanation of how the paint reached Texas.
The thinner-type chemical was determined to be "Easy Lift Off" from
the Polly-Scale paint company. When questioned, a spokesperson from
Polly-Scale stated that sales of the paint remover are up in the past
month, and have been attributed to model train sales of a new
locomotive from Micro-Trains Corporation of Oregon.
Further investigation found that Micro-Trains released a Z scale model
of a PRR locomotive, known as a "GP-35", on the first of September. A
check of sales indicated that Polly-Scale saw increased purchase of
their "Easy Lift Off" product within a week of this release.
Tracing sales receipts to local model train stores found sales of the
PRR locomotive and Easy Lift-Off at Discount Model Trains in Addison,
Texas. The sales were made to an individual named Adam Amick of north
Dallas, and when questioned by EPA officials Mr. Amick indicated that
he was the reason for the increased chemical levels.
"Hey, I bought and used legal products in a legal manner. Yeah they
may contain chemical substances known to cause cancer or brain defects
in children in California, but this is Texas. We're tougher cookies
here..." Mr. Amick explained. "Besides, last I checked this is a free
country, and I can buy and strip paint off a model locomotive anytime
I want. I'd just as soon buy and strip a PRR locomotive than pay more
for a [Union Pacific] (expletive) just to turn it into something I
Moments after making these comments black helicopters swept in and
officials and attorneys from the Union Pacific Railroad moved in to
issue charges against Mr. Amick for disrespecting the company. Almost
simultaenously EPA officials moved to apprehend Mr. Amick for
violating some obscure environmental law, "for dumping of chemicals
that might cause cancer in labrotory rats in the State of California."
Officials of both the Union Pacific and EPA began squabbling over who
had the greater case against Mr. Amick and should be allowed to take
first action. Mr. Amick, sensing impending disaster, made a phone
call to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) but was then
put on hold for 96 hours.
While being pulled in opposing directions by Union Pacific lawyers and
EPA officials, Mr. Amick cried, "It's President Bush's fault!"
As if this were the modern-day cry of "Uncle", Mr. Amick was released,
and all the parties departed as if nothing had happened. Mister Amick
seemed puzzled by the event, and that seemingly on cue, a FOX News van
pulled up, and Heraldo Rivera jumped out with his crew and manuvered
himself into a position to appear he had saved the day.
After threatening to "Rochambeau" the FOX reporter, Mister Amick
walked away from the scene. He was overhead to say, "well, back to
work." Ostensibly he meant to working in stripping more PRR
locomotives to repaint them into other colors. Heraldo, meanwhile,
was looking for a cat to save from a tree.