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Tainted water detected in North Texas results in conflict - Bush blamed

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  • Adam Amick
    (just came across the newswire... thought I d share - Adam ;-) October 1, 2005 01:30 (CDT) Frisco, TX (AA) EPA investigators are looking into a rise of a dark
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 30, 2005
      (just came across the newswire... thought I'd share - Adam ;-)

      October 1, 2005 01:30 (CDT)
      Frisco, TX (AA)

      EPA investigators are looking into a rise of a dark chemical substance
      found this week in waste water samples taken in this Collin County

      Testing of the substance revealed a mixture of paint and thinner,
      though neither were believed to be at harmful levels, officials state.

      Spectral analysis indicate the paint to be a Brunswick Green color,
      which was historically linked to the Pennsylvania Railroad (PRR).
      This color has not been used for almost thirty years. Since the
      Pennsylvania has been involved in several corporate mergers in the
      past three decades, investigators reached a dead-end in attempt to
      obtain an explanation of how the paint reached Texas.

      The thinner-type chemical was determined to be "Easy Lift Off" from
      the Polly-Scale paint company. When questioned, a spokesperson from
      Polly-Scale stated that sales of the paint remover are up in the past
      month, and have been attributed to model train sales of a new
      locomotive from Micro-Trains Corporation of Oregon.

      Further investigation found that Micro-Trains released a Z scale model
      of a PRR locomotive, known as a "GP-35", on the first of September. A
      check of sales indicated that Polly-Scale saw increased purchase of
      their "Easy Lift Off" product within a week of this release.

      Tracing sales receipts to local model train stores found sales of the
      PRR locomotive and Easy Lift-Off at Discount Model Trains in Addison,
      Texas. The sales were made to an individual named Adam Amick of north
      Dallas, and when questioned by EPA officials Mr. Amick indicated that
      he was the reason for the increased chemical levels.

      "Hey, I bought and used legal products in a legal manner. Yeah they
      may contain chemical substances known to cause cancer or brain defects
      in children in California, but this is Texas. We're tougher cookies
      here..." Mr. Amick explained. "Besides, last I checked this is a free
      country, and I can buy and strip paint off a model locomotive anytime
      I want. I'd just as soon buy and strip a PRR locomotive than pay more
      for a [Union Pacific] (expletive) just to turn it into something I

      Moments after making these comments black helicopters swept in and
      officials and attorneys from the Union Pacific Railroad moved in to
      issue charges against Mr. Amick for disrespecting the company. Almost
      simultaenously EPA officials moved to apprehend Mr. Amick for
      violating some obscure environmental law, "for dumping of chemicals
      that might cause cancer in labrotory rats in the State of California."

      Officials of both the Union Pacific and EPA began squabbling over who
      had the greater case against Mr. Amick and should be allowed to take
      first action. Mr. Amick, sensing impending disaster, made a phone
      call to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) but was then
      put on hold for 96 hours.

      While being pulled in opposing directions by Union Pacific lawyers and
      EPA officials, Mr. Amick cried, "It's President Bush's fault!"

      As if this were the modern-day cry of "Uncle", Mr. Amick was released,
      and all the parties departed as if nothing had happened. Mister Amick
      seemed puzzled by the event, and that seemingly on cue, a FOX News van
      pulled up, and Heraldo Rivera jumped out with his crew and manuvered
      himself into a position to appear he had saved the day.

      After threatening to "Rochambeau" the FOX reporter, Mister Amick
      walked away from the scene. He was overhead to say, "well, back to
      work." Ostensibly he meant to working in stripping more PRR
      locomotives to repaint them into other colors. Heraldo, meanwhile,
      was looking for a cat to save from a tree.
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