FIC: Universal Distortions (L/R, angst, rated R)
- Author: Jengrrrl
Title: Universal Distortions
Series: The Big Crunch
Rating: R, for language and sexuality
Summary: Rogue gets what she can't have.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not mine at all. I just play with them sometimes.
Continuing from "The Arrow of Time", "Light Reflected", "Time Warps",
"Black Hole", "Expanding Universe", and "Temporal Extremities", and "Chaos
Archive: Ask me first please, unless I've already said yes. Then, go ahead.
Story, and series, archived at Disquieting Muses
Email: Rogue22@... :)
Feedback: please feed the monkey (That would be me)
He was right. I didn�t know what I was getting myself into. I watched him
walk into the dining area talking with her, smiling, and I felt something
inside of me twist. The cereal I was suddenly not going down my throat and
my stomach rejected any further thought of food. The spoon clanged loudly
as I dropped it into the bowl, not setting it aside, but knowing I would be
having no more.
They grabbed their breakfasts and made their way over to my table, sitting
and smiling amiably at me. I watched as Logan dug into his meal with the
same ferocity with which he tackled everything else. Jean merely picked at
her bagel. They continued talking, mostly about nonsense. Logan complained
that he preferred something more solid than eggs for breakfast. Jean
laughed and said something witty like, �Oh, Logan,� and continued nibbling
at her bagel. They were so shamelessly flirting, I felt like slapping them
Instead, I heard myself say, �So, Logan, we going dancing tonight?�
Jean left her bagel alone and Logan swallowed his mouthful of food before
training his eyes on mine. �I don�t dance, kid.�
I nodded and said, �It�s just, well, you�ve been dancing around Jean the
whole time you�ve been here��
�Rogue!� Jean exclaimed. Guess that ruffled her feathers. Another time, I
would have apologized. But this time, I was angry.
Logan was angry, too. His eyes narrowed, his eyebrows knit together in
fury. I�m surprised he didn�t bare his teeth at me.
I didn�t stick around to hear what he would say. I stood up and said,
�Really. What would Scott say, Jean?� It was unfair probably. A venomous
accusation by someone who had no right to make it but at that point, I
Running out of the room, I heard Logan call out, �Now, wait a minute--�
It was too late. I was gone.
It was a long day. I spent most of it in my room, curled up in bed, trying
to concentrate on my book.
I was reading Therese Raquin and I inadvertently cast Jean as Therese and
Logan as her lover. I couldn�t really picture Scott as the weakling
husband, but I tried anyway. It was sickening, they way I couldn�t get them
out of my mind.
Thoughts of Logan in Jean�s bed flickered through my head and, I had to
throw the book across the room so I�d stop torturing myself. I knew what I
was doing was wrong. I realized how pathetic I must�ve seemed to Logan:
begging for his touch.
After a while, feeling sorry for myself started weighing too heavily on me
and I decided I need some fresh air. I decided I�d go out to the lake. It
was a pretty miserable day, cold and cloudy, so I didn�t think anyone would
be out there. I was right. The area was deserted.
I lay myself on some grass and looked up to the gray sky. It was horrible.
I was still feeling sorry for myself, just in a new, slightly more
I kept thinking about how, yes life had been rough on me, but I�d
complicated things so much more with my stupid ideas. Trying to get Logan
to touch me was just one of them.
Just as I was getting ready to throw myself into the lake, ready to emulate
the mad Ophelia, I heard the crunch of footsteps behind me. The darkening
sky was replaced by Logan�s scowling face.
No exchange of pleasantries for us. �What the hell did you think you were
I didn�t move. I just watched as his countenance grew as dark as the
heavens above. �Answer me, Rogue!�
Sitting up, I shook my head. His anger was unabated by my silence. �This
was a bad idea,� he said.
A well of anger burst inside of me, and I suddenly remembered why I�d been
so upset that morning. �Someone had to say something!� I shouted. �It�s
embarrassing, watching the two of you. Flirting right in front of everyone,
as if you were teenagers.�
�It�s none of your--� he began.
�I know,� I interrupted. �It�s none of my business. So what? It wasn�t any
of her business either, was it? What was going on with us? That didn�t stop
her from butting in. And of course, she�s Jean Grey, and whatever Jean
says, Logan listens to. What did she say to you, Logan? Did she tell you to
leave me alone? Did she tell you she�d sleep with you instead?�
He reached down and jerked me violently to my feet, his face contorted in
fury. �Shut up, Rogue,� he whispered roughly. �Shut up.�
�Why?� I could feel my eyes begin to sting, but I wasn�t going to let the
tears loose. �Why the hell should I, Logan? She�s married. Or don�t you
give a fuck about breaking up a marriage, as long as you get what you
He pushed me down again, so I landed on the hard ground. �You stupid girl,�
I wasn�t going to let him look down on me. I rose to my feet and moved
until I was just inches away from him. �I was stupid. I was stupid for
thinking you could possibly care about me. I was stupid for letting myself
beg and plead for something�God! What an idiot I�ve been. What happened,
Logan? You decided I wasn�t good enough to satisfy your urges with?�
I saw him flinch and, before I knew, he�d pulled my body up to his. I felt
the world tilt and I was on the ground and he was on top of me, his body
pressing into mine. His fingers were digging into my sides, a thigh
pressing up, between my legs. I gasped and he said, �This is what you want?
Is it Rogue? You want me to satisfy your urges, don�t you?�
I shook my head, the tears insistent now, begging to be released. He took
my hands and pinned them above my head, holding them both in one of his
hands. For a second, I struggled against him, moving frantically. But then,
he moved his other hand to the juncture between my legs, his mouth moved
down to my chest. And as I cursed him, I closed my eyes and let him. I let
him touch me, even though he hated me. I needed him to touch me.
His mouth was hot and moist against my breast; his hand was resting,
unmoving between my legs. I felt cold. The wind was blowing cool against my
head and neck, the moisture on the grass chilled me to the bone. I was
freezing except for where he was touching me. There, I was burning. He
moved his mouth to my other breast and bit down, hard. I winced with the
pain, but didn�t say anything. I let him. I let him do everything. My other
breast, a ring of moisture surrounding it, grew immediately cold, the
absence of his mouth immediately felt. I wondered if that�s how I would
feel when he was gone from me: cold and empty.
He pressed his hand against me and I felt a rush a sensation that left me
shaking. He continued pressing, kneading, and it seemed to me I couldn�t
get enough air into my lungs. I opened my eyes and was left to stare at
that dark, bitter sky, the moon and the stars brightening only to be
swallowed immediately by the black clouds.
I heard my own heaving breath, strange to my ears. I felt the pressure
build inside of my body. I saw Logan look into my eyes; his own inscrutable
in the shadows of the evening. His hand moved against me one more time
before the damn broke and the pressure dissipated, and my own body was left
trembling against his. And the tears finally escaped.
And I watched as he rolled away from me, running away into the overwhelming
night. I closed my eyes and felt the winds envelope me, replacing Logan�s
warm hands with their own, chilled and hard, sweeping against me furiously.
And the tears continued falling.
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