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Fic: Make Me Bad R - NC-17

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  • Atkins, Katharine
    TITLE: MAKE ME BAD AUTHOR: BlackDiamond RATING: Yet again BD comes out with a dark dark darkdarkdarkdarkdarkdark heavy R fic, and yes, NC-17 aspects this
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 30, 2000
      AUTHOR: BlackDiamond
      RATING: Yet again BD comes out with a dark dark darkdarkdarkdarkdarkdark
      heavy R fic, and yes, NC-17 aspects this time as well.
      'SHIP: Scott/Jean, Jean/Logan . . . again
      SERIES: Umm, well, not really, it's more of a companion piece to 'Trash'.
      You can read this without that.
      SUMMARY: Logan's wishes have all come true. He has a secure home and the
      woman of his dreams. So what's wrong?
      WARNING: Youngins and sensitives beware. Like it's companion piece,
      'Trash', this story deals with some pretty twisted themes and the, umm,
      shall we say, most well hidden side of the human psyche. If you ignored my
      previous warning and read 'Trash' anyway and were disturbed, don't read this
      too. It's the exact same kinda thing.
      AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am so sorry to everyone who sent me the AMAZING feedback.
      My mom went off to Greece really suddenly with her boyfriend so I am
      temporarily without access to the internet (staying with a friend) except at
      lunch at school, so this is just a general huge THANK YOU and promise that
      I'll reply to each and every one of you when mom gets back from her trip.
      FEEDBACK: There's a reason that stuff is associated with food - it keeps
      people like me alive. ;)
      ARCHIVING: Just tell me if you want it. I'm so attention deprived it's an
      automatic yes to anyone who wants it. *G*
      DISCLAIMER: *in a suspicious monotone* They do not belong to me and I am
      making no monetary gain from the production of this work of fanatical
      fiction. *long pause before we hear the hammer of a gun cock and BD gulps*
      These characters belong to The Man, Marvel, Twentieth Century Fox, Bryan
      Signer, the actors who portrayed them, etc. etc. *another long pause*
      Alright Stan, you can put the gun away. I said it all.
      OTHER DISCLAIMER: Again the title and lyrics are taken from a KoRn song of
      the same name, also off the 'Issues' album.


      Make Me Bad


      I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation
      There's so much shit around me
      Such a lack of compassion


      Okay, so my first hint shoulda been the fact that I couldn't stop thinkin'
      'bout ya no matter where I went, no matter how far or how fast I ran. I
      couldn't get ya outta my head.

      Believe me when I say it's the first time I remember somethin' like this
      ever happenin' before.

      The entire time I was away all I could seem ta think about was gettin' back
      to ya. Bein' able to see those long legs and that long hair and those big
      eyes and those full lips and . . . you. All of ya.

      And not just seein' ya, but hearin' your voice say my name, and smelling
      that touch of cinnamon when your in the room, and touching that perfect skin
      on your neck one more time, touching those lush curves you are definitely
      not ashamed of seem to love showin' off.

      My favourite was definitely thinkin' about tasting ya though.

      And when I got home everything I had been dreamin' about on the road between
      BC, Alberta and the Yukon
      suddenly fell into my lap.

      That first night, only a week after I had gotten back, when I dropped off
      exhausted on your shoulder in the woods, it was the first time I hadn't had
      a nightmare in almost two years.

      After a while everythin' fell apart.

      You're my breath, and when I don't smell you on the air something in me
      starts to break. I know you still love him, in some way, but if he was all
      you needed and you were as happy as you want them all to think, you wouldn't
      be comin' to me to make ya feel like I know ya do.

      To make ya feel like a woman.


      I thought it would be fun and games
      Instead it's all the same
      I want something to do
      Need to feel the sickness
      in you


      Every time the same things happen now.

      You give me that not-so-innocent look, scratch the shit outta my back, sigh
      in somethin' that has to be either happiness or pretty damn close, ya cry,
      then ya won't talk ta me for a few days.

      I don't push ya. I see how much this is hurtin' ya, and hurting you is the
      last thing I ever wanted to do. But I can't stop wantin' you.

      I can't stop loving you.

      I need to feel your arms around me, feel you all around me. I even need to
      feel the sting of your hot tears on my fingers. I need everything you are,
      and I don't think I'll ever be able to give ya up.

      Not without one helluva fight.


      I feel the reason as it's leaving me
      No not again
      It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling
      The flesh made me bad


      I can't help but be just a little sorry about what I'm doin' with ya, but
      it's not like I've never done it before.

      So what if you're engaged to Blinky? If he was as perfect as he wants us to
      think he is, you wouldn't be sneakin' outta his bed to fuck the 'animal' out
      in the forest.

      I've wondered this for a long time, never gotten the guts to ask, and
      probably never will, unless he pisses me off somethin' fierce. But here it
      is anyway. Have you ever had an affair before? Have you ever cheated?

      If you have, was it ever anything more than sex?

      Is he good in bed?

      Is lack of talent that brings you to me? Or do you just like my style?

      He's so fuckin' controlled in everythin' else why wouldn't it carry over to
      that stuff? Do you just want the complete lack of control I offer?

      I know sometimes I hurt ya, and I am sorry, but I've never lost it with
      anyone like I lose it with ya. You bring it out in me, and by the sounds
      you make you must like it.

      And since I finally realised the fact that you're never gonna be mine, not
      completely, I think I've been a little more . . . gruff . . . than usual
      with everybody.

      Snappin' more, growlin' more, smokin' more, drinkin' more, stayin' in the
      woods more. The kids here run away and the only one's who will still put up
      with me are Marie, Storm surprisingly, and of course Professor Xavier.

      Not even you look at me, unless were alone, and even that's been gettin'
      less and less lately.


      All I do is live for you
      I need my fix, you need it too
      Just to get some sort of attention


      I judge my whole life now on the time between our meetings.

      Blocks of time totally cut off from each other, like I'm livin' a whole
      bunch of mini-lives, just waitin' for the next time you give me that look
      that means 'Fuck my brains out tonight.'

      The last few times have gotten farther and farther apart, almost like you're
      weennin' yourself from it, but I don't think you'd do that. You need this
      as much as I do, though I don't think it's for the same reasons.

      I didn't say anything, but that last time, when you came, you said his name.

      It was real quiet, more breath than sound, and for about a day I couldn't
      figure out if you had sighed or actually said it, but the more I play it
      over and over, the more sure I get.


      What does it mean to you?
      For me, it's something I just do
      I want something
      Need to feel the sickness
      in you


      Although it's totally unlike me to ever think anythin' like this ever, to
      ever be insecure, I've found myself wonderin' if this means anythin' to you
      other than sex.

      I like to think that it does, but I'm not so sure.

      He gives you everything you could possibly need in life, except possibly
      wild sex, and after every time you always say this hurts him too much to
      keep it happening.

      The only bruises I've ever seen on your body have been from either my hands
      or from a mission, though the former is much more common than the latter
      with that teke of yours, so I know he's not hurtin' ya.

      I can't stop though. I'm like a junkie, just waitin' for my next hit, and I
      know that you're not any better.

      What do I give you that keeps you loving him?

      And why have you started to hate me?


      I feel the reason as it's leaving me
      No not again
      It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling
      The flesh made me bad

      Does it make me bad?
      Does it make me bad?
      Does it make me bad?
      Does it make me bad?


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