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  • Jengrrrl
    Author: Jengrrrl Title: Light Reflected Series: The Big Crunch Rating: PG Category: Angst Spoilers:none Summary: Rogue deals with her feelings for Logan after
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 5, 2000
      Author: Jengrrrl
      Title: Light Reflected
      Series: The Big Crunch
      Rating: PG
      Category: Angst
      Summary: Rogue deals with her feelings for Logan after his return.
      Continuing from "The Arrow of Time".
      Archive: ask me first please
      Email: Rogue22@... :)
      Feedback: please feed the monkey (That would be me)

      Light Reflected

      Kitty reads these horrible romance novels that are all about how the
      protagonists are just destined to be together. It makes love sound like one
      big cosmic match game. God, or whoever, putting us together before we�re
      born and then just letting us figure it all out. That�s bunk, if you ask
      me. If that were the way it really was, no one would ever find anyone else.

      I have to admit, though, when I used to let myself daydream about such
      things, I thought Logan might be meant for me. It wasn�t readily obvious to
      anyone else, I know. I was seventeen then and he � Lord only knows how old
      Logan is. I was fairly innocent then, despite everything that�d happened.
      Logan was � is � as world-weary as they come. But he was so kind to me, so
      considerate. And he saved my life. And, well, I loved him. Or thought I
      did, anyway. Who can tell?

      The problem, of course, was a pretty big one. He didn�t love me. Logan, as
      far as anyone could see, loved Jean. I knew it; Scott knew it; everyone
      knew it. It wasn�t like Logan was subtle about it. You didn�t have to be
      telepathic to see what he was thinking when she walked by.

      And Jean� Well, she didn�t encourage it, but she didn�t so much put a stop
      to it, either. His flirting, I mean. I think she liked the attention. If
      she weren�t so nice, I�d be angry with her. Because she gets enough
      attention as it is. She doesn�t really need it from Logan.

      I wonder if Logan�s gone back to his old ways. I�ve only really talked to
      him once since he came back, when he caught me in the study. Afterward, I
      scurried away because -- God, it really hurts that he still thinks of me as
      a kid. I wasn�t a kid when he left, much less now. But he thought I was.
      Still does. Maybe he always will.

      I saw him one other time, about a day later. I was going down to the
      kitchen to get a glass of water and he was there, eating from a cold plate.
      He was standing by the window looking out. His back was turned to me, so
      he didn�t see me right away. The moonlight was shining on him and it hit
      me again how beautiful he was. Really beautiful and powerful. He was only
      wearing his jeans. He looked so comfortable standing there, barefoot and
      bare-chested. I envied him, a little. All that skin. Usually, that makes
      me uncomfortable and I have to turn away from such exposure. But right
      then, I just stood there and admired him.

      I don�t know how long I stayed that way. A while. When I finally went to
      get my water, he must have sensed my movement because he said, �Hey,
      Rogue�, without turning around.

      I remember thinking how glad I was that he didn�t call me �kid.� I stared
      at his back as I drank my water. Finally, after I rinsed the glass, I
      asked, �What are you doing up so late?�

      He turned around then, and the look he gave me made me realize how little
      _I_ was wearing. I mean, I�m usually very careful about covering myself
      up, but since I got my own room, I haven�t had to put on so much to go to
      bed. No problems with running into someone in the next bed as you get up,
      or anything like that. When I went to get my water it was two-thirty in
      the morning, so I figured it would be pretty safe to go without my robe.

      People don�t really look at me. I mean, really look at me. I get glanced
      at, acknowledged, but no one takes the time to see me. I never paid much
      attention to that until the moment Logan looked at me then.

      I don�t know what he was thinking. I mean, I could take a guess, but I
      might be wrong. Still, the way he was staring at me was definitely
      unsettling. He wasn�t looking me in the eyes, either. In fact, he was
      looking everywhere but my eyes. Then, when his gaze settled right below my
      line of vision, I remembered I wasn�t wearing a bra; that my gown was very
      sheer and that he could probably see right through it. Self-consciously, I
      crossed my arms over my chest, forcing him to look up.

      He looked a little angry. Putting his plate down on the counter, he finally
      answered the question I�d forgotten I�d asked. �I was hungry.�

      I muttered something incoherent, upset that he had me babbling like a fool.
      He didn�t say anything, instead picking up his empty plate and carrying it
      over to the sink, right by me. As he washed his dish, I was very aware of
      the proximity of his bare arm to mine. No more than a foot separated us. I
      could feel the heat radiating off his body.

      When he was finished rinsing, he moved right in front of me and gave me a
      little half-smile. �Shouldn�t you be going to bed now?� he asked, his head
      bobbing closer to mine as he spoke.

      �Probably,� I whispered, and cursed my own voice for sounding so weak in
      his presence.

      He moved back then, not smiling anymore. �Go to bed,� he said, a little

      He was being authoritative and stern, so I replied, �You�re not my father.�
      I said it playfully because, in my mind, Logan was nowhere near a father

      �Go to bed, kid.�

      I flinched at the words. Slowly, I turned around and started walking away,
      because I didn�t want to say anything I might regret. Just as I reached the
      doorway, I heard him say, �Wear your robe, Rogue. You�ll catch your death
      walking around like that.�

      I half-turned and replied, �It�s not cold.�

      For a second, he looked like he didn�t know what I was talking about. Then
      he said, �Wear it anyway.� And before I could respond, he walked out of
      the kitchen, almost brushing against me as he did.

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