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FIC: Pursuit of Happiness (What’s Past is Prologue 3/18)

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  • Mo
    Pursuit of Happiness (What’s Past is Prologue 3/18) Half-awake, I reached for Adam, and found I was alone in bed. That woke me up the rest of the way. A
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 20, 2005
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      Pursuit of Happiness (What’s Past is Prologue 3/18)

      Half-awake, I reached for Adam, and found I was alone
      in bed. That woke me up the rest of the way. A
      glance at the nightstand showed his glasses weren’t
      there, so I knew he hadn’t just gone to the bathroom.
      I found him at the dining table, laptop in front of
      him, writing. He didn’t hear me come in, I guess. I
      watched him for a minute. Hair all tousled, my
      bathrobe wrapped around him, fingers moving quickly on
      the keyboard. I came up behind and put my arms
      around him, bending down to kiss him on the neck.

      “Hi,” I said.

      “Hi, back.” He turned in his chair to face me, pulling
      me down onto his lap. We kissed, long and slow. He
      tasted like coffee. I noticed the half-filled mug, a
      Frontrunners one. I took him by the lapels of my robe
      and he looked a little sheepish. “I got cold,” he
      said.

      “No problem. Mi casa es su casa. Mi bathrobo es?
      Okay, so I don’t speak Spanish, which is pretty
      disgusting considering I’ve lived all my life in
      California.” He laughed. “Use my bathrobe. Use my
      coffeemaker. I want you to feel at home here. Feel
      free to use my body, too.” I kissed him, tongue
      meeting his again, opening the robe and sliding my
      arms in and around him. He pulled back from the kiss.
      His hands were stroking my thighs now, one sliding up
      and teasing my balls a little. I was getting hard
      from his touch, even more so as he looked down to
      watch, the look on his face saying he liked what he
      saw. I smiled at that and he looked up, meeting my
      gaze.

      I picked up the coffee mug and took a sip. “What have
      you been working on?” I asked. “The NIH piece?”

      He shook his head. “I’ll work on that on the plane
      going back. I’m just taking some notes on Charles
      Xavier’s life.”

      “How come?”

      “Scott Summers wants me to write up some stuff. To
      put in the program for the Memorial Service next
      month.”

      “Is that why you’re going to Westchester?”

      “Part of it, anyway. Cyclops wants to meet about
      that, I know, although I got the impression there’s
      something else he wants to talk about, too.”

      “What do you think is up?”

      “I don’t know. He just sounded strange.”

      “Well, he’s in mourning, right?”

      “Yeah, they all are. It’s a huge loss. Charles
      Xavier was... unique. I wish you’d known him.”

      “Me, too. I’d like to meet the rest of them.”

      “I hope you will some time. Anyway, I’ll interview
      Scott to get ideas for what to say about Charles, but
      I thought I’d start with jotting down what I know.
      Mostly I was just keeping occupied until you got up.”
      He turned to the clock on the laptop, his hand
      brushing across my leg again. “You woke up early.”

      “You’re up.”

      “Yeah, well I’m still on east coast time, really.
      This is your chance to sleep in. Do you want to go
      back to sleep?”

      “I can nap after you’re gone. I want this time to be
      with you.” I stood up, and took Adam by the hand,
      pulling the robe off of him as I pulled him up. “Come
      back to bed.”

      My bed’s low to the ground. I like it that way. It
      allows for some interesting possibilities. I was glad
      that Adam seemed fully willing to try some of those
      interesting possibilities out. Before long I had him
      lying on his back, across the bed, feet on the floor.
      I was on the floor, kneeling between his legs, hands
      on his thighs. I could feel his legs trembling a bit.
      I wasn’t sure why, but I liked it. I started licking
      all up and down his long hard dick, feeling his legs
      shake, listening to the pleased sighs I was coaxing
      from him. “I love your cock,” I said, in between
      licks. And I meant it. I can’t get enough of him –
      taste, sounds, all of it. Sucking him in, feeling him
      filling my mouth, pushing his hips up to get more of
      it into me. Greedy, eager, wanting – he was making me
      crazy. I was hard as a rock and dying to fuck him,
      but not wanting to let his cock out of my mouth long
      enough to do that. It was a dilemma, albeit a
      pleasant one.

      I reached for a condom and a nearby tube of lube,
      continuing to suck on the head of that beautiful cock
      as I opened the wrapper and slipped the condom on me.
      He tasted so good, and he was saying my name now, low
      and longing, again and again, his fingers in my hair
      while I played with him with my tongue. Squeezing
      some lube onto my hand, I stroked myself as I spread
      it on me. Oh Adam, I want to do everything with you,
      and all at once. If I’d been a gymnast instead of a
      runner, I might have been able to manage it.

      I held him by the ass, fingers probing. “Please,” he
      was saying now, pushing my head down so I’d suck more
      of that beautiful cock in. As he filled up my mouth,
      I slid a lubed-up finger into him, feeling him push
      down to meet my hand.

      After a while I took my mouth off of his dick, one
      hand on that round ass, a finger still inside him.
      Stroking from root up to cock head with the other
      hand, I licked my way up his body now. I lingered at
      the navel, salty/sweaty taste as I pushed my tongue
      into that hole, then continued kissing and licking up
      his belly and chest. I forced myself to move slowly –
      almost lazily - stroking Adam’s cock. His breathing
      was speeding up. He was panting now. I sucked hard
      on his right nipple, and pinched the left one, making
      Adam groan in a way that went straight from my ears to
      my cock.

      But was that sound pleasure or pain? “Too hard?” I
      asked him.

      “No, it feels good. Pinch hard. Both of them.”

      I did what he asked of me, no longer worried that my
      enjoyment was his pain. Both hands on his nipples
      now, I played with him like that, pinching and
      twisting, until I couldn’t stand it anymore. “I want
      to fuck you now,” I told him. I have to fuck you
      right now, I thought, pulling myself back from him and
      up on my knees.

      Adam nodded, eyes closed. I pulled his legs up over
      my shoulders, then positioned myself right at that
      tight hole. Leaning down I kissed him on the mouth,
      pushing my tongue in while I pushed the head of my
      cock into him. His eyes were opening now, with a kind
      of vacant, spaced out, lusty look that made me want to
      push in farther, but his body was tightening. He
      grabbed onto my shoulders and squeezed as I entered
      him. I pulled away from his mouth. “Are you okay?”

      “Yeah. Go all the way in now.”

      Oh yeah. I made myself go slowly, a bit at a time,
      until I was in him all the way up to my balls. His
      head fell back on the bed, mouth open and his eyes
      closed again. I put one hand on Adam’s hip and the
      other round that beautiful cock, feeling like I never
      wanted to let go. Holding him like that I moved in
      and out, slowly and rhythmically, timing myself to the
      sighs coming out of him.

      We were moving faster now, working together, harder
      and faster. I needed both hands to hold him by the
      hips, to steady us on the bed while I pushed into him
      hard and strong. I watched him reaching for his own
      cock as I let it go, rubbing it as forcefully as I was
      fucking him. “Oh God,” Adam said. “It’s so good like
      this. Push it in. Fuck me hard.”

      I did, ramming it into his hot, tight hole, over and
      over again, loving how he gripped my cock with his
      asshole and his own cock with his hand. The sudden
      spurt of cum all over my belly, the way he said my
      name while the sticky stuff spread on me, the way he
      looked at me when he finally opened his eyes – it all
      made me fuck him harder, pounding him into the bed
      again and again. I was talking now, but I’m not sure
      what I was saying. “I love you” came out in a whisper
      just before I came. I hadn’t meant to say it. I
      wasn’t sure he heard me. If he did, he didn’t say
      anything about it.

      We lay down on the bed side by side afterwards. “I
      wish I didn’t have to leave so early this time.” He
      pulled me closer as he said it, kissing my neck,
      stroking my hair.

      “I wish you didn’t, too. Still, I think it’s great
      you’re helping the X-Men. You know, that it’s not
      dependent on your relationship with Jean-Paul.”

      “Jean-Paul’s how I met them, but I do feel like I have
      an independent connection now. And I was involved in
      mutant rights before I’d ever met Jean-Paul.”

      “Yes, of course.” After a minute I asked him, “Will
      he be there?”

      “Will who be where?”

      “Jean-Paul. Will he be in Westchester when you’re
      there?”

      “Yeah. He’s there a lot lately. They want him to
      join the X-Men full time.”

      “I guess I shouldn’t suggest you say hi to him for
      me.” Adam didn’t answer. “Do you think he will?
      Join full time, I mean.”

      “It sounds like he will. We’re supposed to talk about
      it when I see him. How it would work with Ezra and
      all that.”

      “Ezra’s there with Jean-Paul?”

      “Yeah, he’ll come home with me later in the week,
      after I’m done in Westchester.” He turned over then,
      lying face down on the bed. I put one hand on his
      ass, thinking about what it had felt like fucking him.
      “There’s something else I need to talk to Scott about
      while I’m there,” he added. “That guy from the
      Washington Times you sicced on me.”

      “Rick? He called you?” Adam nodded. “That was okay,
      wasn’t it?”

      “Yeah, fine. I didn’t give him the information he
      wanted, but he was nice enough, anyway.”

      “He’s a good guy.” I kissed him and added, “Pretty
      good in bed, too.”

      “I had wondered.”

      “You don’t mind, do you?”

      “No, of course not.”

      “You’d like him, I think.” The just-fucked glow on
      him was irresistible. I pulled him on top of me and
      he lay with his head on my chest. “Hey, maybe we
      could have a three-way sometime.”

      “Yeah?”

      I shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

      “I haven’t... well, I haven’t done anything like that
      for a long time.”

      “Right. You and Jean-Paul were into that whole
      monogamy thing.”

      He laughed. “You say it like it’s some weird kink or
      something.”

      “I guess it seems that way to me, a little. That was
      more him than you, right?”

      “No, I don’t think so. Maybe at the start. He’d
      wanted to earlier, but by the time we agreed to it, I
      was fully on board. Or thought I was, until I slipped
      up with you.”

      “I’m glad you ‘slipped up.’ Aren’t you?”

      Adam sighed. “No, not really. I’m glad to be with
      you. I wish we’d met some other way.”

      “I don’t think monogamy is natural. Not for men,
      anyway.”

      He smiled. “Lots of things that aren’t natural are
      still worth doing.”

      “Don’t tell me you think gay sex is unnatural? Every
      culture, every species –“

      “Jake! Of course I don’t think that. I’ve been out a
      long time. I did manage to educate myself.” He
      smiled, and added, “A little, anyway. Maybe not like
      what you got at home, but enough. No, I was thinking
      about reading.”

      “Reading?”

      “Yeah, as a species we’re not evolutionarily adapted
      to it. That’s why so many of us are nearsighted. You
      can see it when cultures get introduced to written
      language. Suddenly, myopia abounds. And for people
      like me,” he added, reaching for his glasses, putting
      them on, “it adds to the problem. I know it’s because
      I read so much that my eyes are getting worse when a
      lot of people’s have stabilized by my age, but it’s
      worth it to me. I’d rather wear glasses all the time
      and keep reading. It’s one of my favorite unnatural
      acts.” I laughed at that. He continued, “So, maybe
      monogamy is unnatural, too, but it felt worth it to me
      to go against nature when I was in a committed
      relationship.”

      “And you never did it with anyone else all that time?”
      He shook his head. “Never even thought about it?”

      “Oh I thought about it plenty. Nothing wrong with
      thinking, with looking, with imagining. Look, but
      don’t touch – that was my motto. That’s what I
      thought was going on with you and me at first.”

      “Do you wish it had stayed like that? If we’d never
      met – if you and I had never fucked – you and
      Jean-Paul might still be together.”

      “You didn’t break us up. We did that to ourselves.”
      He changed the subject. “This guy Rick? A gay
      reporter at the Washington Times. Can you imagine
      working at a place like that?”

      “Well, he’s not out at work.”

      “I didn’t think he would be. Still, it must be hell
      working there. I couldn’t do it.”

      “Me, neither.”

      “Have you always been out at work?”

      “Yeah. Sports isn’t an easy beat for queer reporters,
      in general, but this is San Francisco. And I’ve
      pretty much always been out everywhere.”

      “Good for you. I was 25 before I came out to my
      mother, even.”

      “It’s different for me, being second generation and
      all.”

      Adam shook his head. “That boggles my mind, you know.
      I can’t imagine growing up like that, with a gay
      father.”

      “Ezra is.”

      Adam laughed. “Yeah, two even. I wonder whether
      he’ll be gay or straight.”

      “Do you care?”

      “I don’t know. Did your dad mind?”

      “I’ve always wondered that, if he would rather I’d
      been straight. He never let on, if he was
      disappointed when I came out. Well, he wouldn’t. I
      mean, like you said, I was getting educated in queer
      politics and queer theory all the time at home. I’d
      been taken to Pride parades since I was in diapers; I
      was raised to be an activist. Yet, somehow I wonder
      if he was a little taken aback when I was fifteen and
      brought home my first boyfriend. If so, he covered it
      up well.”

      “It’s natural to want your kids to have an easier
      life. It’s still hard to be gay sometimes. Look at
      your friend Rick, hiding out at work.” He thought
      some more. “With Ezra, I do wonder occasionally
      whether he’ll be gay or straight. I wonder if he’ll
      be a mutant, too. I’d like to think I don’t care
      either way. I think I’d have an easier time with him
      coming out than coming into his powers, though.”

      “Why?”

      “I don’t know.” He sat up, seemed to think about it
      for a minute. “Maybe I want him to be more like me,
      less like Jean-Paul? Breaking up has changed so much.
      He’s such a great father to Ezra – so fun, much more
      creative than I am. A hell of a lot more patient.
      When we were together, I thought all that was
      wonderful. I admired it; I gloried in it. I still
      think it’s great for Ezra that he’s like that, but
      maybe I feel a little in competition with him now,
      too. Maybe I worry that Ezra will grow closer to him
      and I’ll get kind of cut out, you know? Particularly
      if they have being a mutant in common and I don’t.”
      He sat up. “Sorry. I don’t mean to dump this stuff
      on you.”

      “Don’t apologize. I want to hear it. I think it’s
      just adjustment stuff, though, you know? You’re still
      trying to work out all the co-parenting issues and it
      makes you feel insecure. Maybe you’ll feel better
      after you talk to Jean-Paul about the X-Men job and
      figure out how to handle it with Ezra. Ezra will
      probably spend most of his time in DC with you and
      Anjuli, won’t he?”

      “I don’t know.”

      I thought back to what Adam had said before. “Why do
      you want to talk to Scott Summers about Rick?”

      “Because Rick wanted to talk to me about Scott
      Summers. That’s what he’s working on, a story on
      Scott. So I figured he should know.”

      “I suppose he’s getting a fair amount of press
      attention now, since he’s taking over the X-Men.”

      “Yeah, but this is something different. I wish they
      hadn’t put in the press release that he was Charles’s
      son. That’s what your Rick is looking into. He wants
      to know if he really is.”

      “Is he? Charles adopted him?”

      “I don’t think so. I don’t know what the deal was
      with Scott when he first came to Xavier’s. No one
      seems to. He doesn’t talk about his childhood. Other
      than that he’s from a small town in Indiana, I know
      nothing about him from before Charles took him in.
      And I’m pretty good at getting people to tell me
      things about themselves.”

      “None better.”

      “You’re no slouch yourself. Anyway, he seems to have
      no contact with any relatives. I always assumed he
      ran away from home. I wouldn’t think his parents’
      rights were ever terminated. I don’t think Charles
      adopted him. He wouldn’t have been available for
      adoption.” He threw an arm across me and moved in
      closer. We fit together so well. “But they
      definitely considered themselves father and son.” Adam
      shrugged. “So, as far as I’m concerned they were.
      Hell, Ezra isn’t legally Jean-Paul’s son, but
      Jean-Paul’s every bit as much his father as I am.
      Scott was definitely Charles’s son in every sense but
      the legal one. And I can see how he wanted that
      acknowledged when Charles died. Still, I don’t think
      it was a good idea to call attention to himself that
      way.”

      “Why not?”

      Adam shrugged. “Everybody’s got something to hide.
      You’ve been in this business long enough to know that.
      And, like I said, he doesn’t talk about anything that
      happened before he came to live with Charles Xavier.
      I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott Summers has more to
      hide than most. This Rick seemed pretty dogged. If I
      were Scott, I’d want someone to tell me what he’s up
      to.”

      “So you’ll tell him Rick’s looking into his past?”
      Adam nodded. “Jean-Paul isn’t legally Ezra’s father?
      I didn’t know that.”

      “He couldn’t be. We adopted him in Texas. No way we
      could do that as a couple. We’d hoped to do a second
      parent adoption later, in Canada. It’s pretty easy
      there, at least in the past few years. But then there
      was the war and we moved to DC, and Jean-Paul isn’t a
      citizen, so it wasn’t clear how that affected
      things... I don’t know. The whole thing got legally
      complicated.”

      “So if he has no rights to Ezra, you could just say
      you’re having sole custody, right? And that’s it? He
      just gets to see him when you say it’s okay?”

      “He knows I’d never do that. At least I hope he
      does.” Adam thought some more. “Maybe I should just
      say that to him, tell him plainly that I’d never use
      my legal advantage. That we broke up doesn’t have
      anything to do with being Ezra’s parents. That’s for
      life.”

      “Your relationship with Jean-Paul was supposed to be
      for life, too, right?”

      Adam sighed. “Yeah. So maybe he doesn’t trust that
      I’d keep my commitment to parenting with him, either.
      I probably should reassure him. I hadn’t thought of
      that. Thanks for bringing it up.” He looked at the
      clock by the bed. “I guess I should get dressed.” He
      sighed. “But you go back to sleep. I can get a cab
      to the airport.”

      “Nah, I want to take you.” I kissed Adam, pushing my
      tongue in deep, hands in his hair.

      “I’ll stay longer next time. I can get the Monday
      off. Two weeks?” Adam asked, right in my ear, hands
      on my ass now.

      “Yeah, two weeks. I’ll pick you up Friday night. It
      feels like a long time away. I like having you
      around.”

      “I like being around. We’re good together.”

      “How about if I come out to DC next weekend? Then we
      don’t have to wait so long.”

      Adam shook his head. “It won’t work. I’ve got Ezra.”

      “So what? I’m good with kids.”

      “It’s just... different when I’m with him. It
      wouldn’t be any fun for you. Really. No going back
      to bed for a morning fuck, you know?”

      “I’m not an idiot, Adam. And I haven’t spent my whole
      life picking up tricks in bars. I know something
      about family life. I’m not expecting it would be like
      when we’re alone. I just want to see you, to spend
      some time with you. And I want to meet Ezra. I’m
      your lover; when do I get to meet your son?”

      “Jake. I don’t know that...” He didn’t finish the
      sentence.

      “I’m not your lover?”

      “It’s not a word we’ve used.”

      “Well, what do you call this? We spend every weekend
      together when you’re not with Ezra. We have great
      sex. We talk about our work, our lives. You call me
      up every day. We have phone sex at least a couple
      times a week while we’re apart. If we’re not lovers,
      what are we?”

      The silence lengthened. “I don’t know,” he said,
      finally. After a while, he added, “I’m sorry. Maybe
      this is just too soon.”

      “What do you mean?”

      “This isn’t fair to you. I like you so much, but I
      can’t really offer you anything. I don’t know what
      I’m doing with my life. I’m still working things out
      with Jean-Paul, you know?”

      “Are you thinking of getting back together with him?”

      Adam didn’t answer for a long time. “I don’t think
      that would work. Too much has happened.”

      “Well, that’s honest. I’d feel a lot better with ‘I
      don’t want to anymore’ than ‘too much has happened’
      but I guess me feeling better isn’t what this is
      about.”

      “I’m sorry, Jake,” he said again. After a while he
      added, “Do you still want me to come out week after
      next?”

      “Yes.” I said it emphatically. I wanted to say more,
      but I didn’t know what to say. The silence between us
      lengthened.

      Adam got out of bed. “I’m going to go take a shower,
      okay? I think I’d better head to the airport soon.”


      Mo
      Mofic Website: www.angelfire.com/comics/mo
      www.livejournal.com/users/mofic

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