- Title: Dante
Author: Kalimando (Quidam)
Rating: PG-13 (swearing)
Genre: Could be movie-verse
Disclaimer: With the exception of Dante, all characters belong to
Notes: This story is a prequel to "Essay by Jubilation Lee." A bit
of background info: Ferrets are believed to have originated in
Greece. The dook and weasel war dance mentioned in the story are
authentic and rather amusing to witness. As always, feedback is
"Dante came from an exceptionally fine line of ferrets whose
ancestry dates back to ancient Greece."
"Okay, so he came from a pet store in Nevada, BUT!..." there was a
dramatic pause as Jubilee turned to meet every face at the lunch
table, completely ignoring the rolling of eyes and smirks on every
face. "...if you look closely enough, you can totally see the
royalty in his eyes."
Kitty piped up, "Yeah. He's a royal pain in the ass and he's been
chewing on my pillow again. I swear to god, Jubes, if he..."
"Summers!" Peter coughed discreetly into his fist, effectively
putting an end to all things Dante.
It was amazing and something of a miracle, sure to become a school
legend in later years, that Jubilee had managed to sneak a ferret
into the mansion right under Scott Summers' nose. The man who never
missed anything, was completely ignorant to the fact that a very
active, very naughty ferret was living just down the hall from the
room he shared with Jean Grey. But then, Scott wasn't really given
the opportunity to notice anything out of the ordinary as Jubes
found numerous methods of diverting Scott's attention... at the
price of her own freedom. She set a new record, amassing the highest
number of detentions the school had ever seen. It was a small price
to pay if it ensured that Summers remained in the dark.
The tread of approaching feet sounded anything but light and
happy. "Ms. Lee. My office. Now."
A heavy sigh, purely for show of course, "Coming, Mr. Summers." She
waited until Scott retreated out of the dining hall before grinning
widely at her unsurprised friends. "Wonder what it'll be this time.
I already waxed his car this morning and dusted the library
yesterday. Anyhow, I'll see you all back at the room." Jubilee had
taken to recounting every detention to her friends back at the room
over a bowl of popcorn. At times, Jubes' detentions were better than
watching the hottest flick at the box office.
The punishment, mucking out the horse stalls, was positively the
most disgusting and vile punishment ever inflicted upon Jubilee. So
much so, that she actually began to wonder if enlightening Summers
might be a good idea. Smelling like horse manure and sweat, Jubes
trudged up to her room, anxious to bathe before `Story Hour.' It was
several moments before Jubilee realized that the door to the room
she shared with Kitty and Rogue was ajar.
"Why's the door open? You want Dante to..." The room was empty.
Empty meaning no Kitty, no Rogue, no Dante. Panicked, Jubes began
searching under all the beds, in the bathroom, in every crevice,
nook, and cranny. The musky ferret scent, usually present in their
room, was much fainter than it had been earlier in the morning,
Jubes realized with growing horror. Either her friends were playing
a very sadistic joke, for which they would pay dearly, or Dante had
escaped. Sinking down on the bed, Jubilee tried to think
positively, "Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Fuck, I'm so dead,"
only to arrive at the same nightmarish thought. There was a ferret
loose in the mansion and he could be anywhere. And if Scott Summers
found out, he was going to kill her and barbeque Dante and serve him
as an appetizer.
Still in a state of shock and disbelief, Jubilee didn't even bother
looking up when her roommates burst through the door. Her recent
punishments were going to seem like child's play compared to what
Summers was going to do to her if she didn't find Dante- and fast.
But locating the furry little devil was not unlike searching for the
proverbial needle in a haystack. How many rooms did the mansion
have? Not that it mattered, for Dante was small and could (and often
did) wiggle his way into any impossibly small opening that caught
Rogue and Kitty immediately noticed Jubilee's gloomy expression. It
was one of doom.
"Dante?" asked a tentative Kitty.
Nodding, Jubilee continued to stare at her floor. "Someone left the
door cracked and now he's gone." It wasn't accusatory- she never
would have believed that her roommates would purposefully leave the
door open regardless of how they felt toward Dante or the numerous
times they had threatened to kill him.
"Maybe he'll get bored and come back?" offered Rogue.
Jubes snorted. Not bloody likely. She knew her ferret and it was
rather obvious that Rogue had never owned one before. Ferrets were
notoriously bad and Dante was probably having the time of his life.
A mansion full of endless possibilities... why in the world would he
want to return to a closed off room anytime soon?
"I'll leave out some treats or something in case I can't find him.
Maybe food will lure him back."
Rogue then spoke the words Jubilee had been thinking. The thoughts
she'd been dreading.
"You don't think he got into anyone else's room. Like..."
That was all it took. Jubes winced. It'd be just her luck, blame it
on bad karma, for Dante to wind up in Summers' room. How many ways
were there to die? Whatever the number, Scott was sure to add to the
list. If Dante did manage to find his way into Scott and Jean's
room, could she sneak in unnoticed? Would she even be able to get
into their room? If not there was always Kitty..."
"What?" asked Kitty. There was a certain gleam in Jubilee's eyes
that meant she was plotting something.
"Hey Kitty, you think you could... you know. Stick your head in
their room or something and look to see if he's there?"
"You mean phase in their room, stick my head in?"
Jubes nodded, trying her absolute best to give Kitty the `poor hound
dog eyes' expression. It must have worked because Kitty agreed to
it, albeit not enthusiastically.
"Fine. Hopefully the two lovebirds aren't in there."
It was a true mark of their friendship. Kitty was willing to risk
having her head chopped off by a pissed off Summers in order to save
Dante's furry little butt. Jubilee resolved, right then and there,
to attend Kitty's funeral and speak kind words about her dear
departed friend if it did indeed come to that.
"Good luck" Jubes shouted at Kitty's retreating back.
Not long after Kitty phased through the walls, there was a knock at
the door. Naturally, Kitty would have phased back through the walls
so it wasn't her at the door. Frantically, Rogue and Jubes pushed
any items which might be considered contraband, under the bed. The
door opened and Jubes half expected to see Summers carrying Kitty's
head on a silver platter. Both girls visibly sighed with relief when
Bobby stuck his head in.
Rogue jumped up excitedly, "Hey!" and pulled Bobby into the room
then quickly shut the door.
"Dante's gone. He pulled a Houdini and vanished so if you see him,
smell him, or find any traces, let us know. Preferably immediately.
If Summers finds him before we do we're..."
Bobby couldn't hold back the grin on his face. Sure he had the hots
for Rogue, but this was too much. "You two are so dead. But I'll
help look for him," he added quickly after catching a glance at
Jubilee's perfectly murderous stare. Jubes wasn't anyone he wanted
to tangle with- not when she had the ability to produce a
firecracker under your ass.
If it weren't for her unfortunate mutation, Rogue would have kissed
Bobby right then and there even with Jubilee in the room. Another
member recruited to help search for that infernal Dante, no pun
"He's definitely not in here anymore. Can you check downstairs?"
Maybe it was the way Rogue batted her eyelashes innocently at him...
or was it her intoxicating Southern accent that made Bobby want to
do anything she wanted. No. It was neither of those. Quite frankly,
it was her body that captured Bobby's heart, soul, and groin.
"Follow your nose," advised Jubilee. "If you detect any musky-like
scents, that'll be Dante. I think we should split up too. It'll look
a bit suspicious if we all search the mansion together." Jubilee was
an expert on this as she had the reputation for being responsible
for most of the mischief that occurred at the school. When Jubilee
strolled down the hall with her comrades in tow, the faculty sounded
Rogue nodded in agreement. "Kitty's going through, literally, this
floor. We might want to wait till she gets back. Maybe she found the
little basta... guy."
All three turned to stare at the wall which Kitty had phased
through. "She should've been back by now. We'll give her 5 more
minutes and then we'll have to split up and search. I'll leave her a
cryptic note or something, letting her know we're looking
When Kitty did reappear, it wasn't through the wall but the
conventional method of bursting through the door. "He's in Logan's
room," she panted, her hair all amiss as if she'd just completed a
strenuous workout. "I almost had the asshole too, but he did some
weird dance and hiss type thing. You sure he doesn't have rabies?"
Breathing an audible sigh of relief, Jubes shook her head. "No, it's
a ferret war dance. He's excited. And I'm going to forgive you for
calling him an asshole."
While her relief was great, Jubilee found that they had even a
bigger problem. Dante was in Logan's room which meant that even if
they did manage to find and bring the ferret out, Logan would know
that not only an animal had been in his room, but a couple of
teenagers as well. Nothing escaped that man's olfactory senses.
Looking on the bright side, if Logan popped his claws, she and Bobby
could always find sanctuary behind Rogue. Everyone knew that Logan
and Rogue had a special relationship. Translation: Logan wouldn't
Calling in one more favor, Jubes pleaded, "Kitty, do you think you
can manage one more phase? I need you to get inside Logan's room and
unlock the door for me. Then Bobby and Rogue... you two can stand
guard. But don't look like you're standing guard or anything. Act
nonchalant. Flirt or something."
Crossing her arms, Kitty headed out the door. "There'd better be a
nice fat reward in this for me, Ms. Lee."
"Yeah, I'll make sure Dante doesn't piss in your bed," she muttered,
following Kitty out of the room. She knew she was asking a lot from
her friends, but getting that ferret back was crucial!
Jubes appointed Rogue as head guard and raced down the hall to
Logan's room. She didn't have to wait for Kitty to unlock it- the
door was already cracked by the time she arrived. Dante's scent...
god there was no way Logan's was going to miss that... greeted her
even before she walked into the room. Kitty was standing against the
wall, half hidden in shadow.
"Last I saw him, he'd darted under the bed."
"Dante," Jubes crooned. The noise didn't come from under the bed,
but from across the room. It was a ferret's dook. Ferret speak for
"Come here, boy," she continued to coo, slowly making her way over
to Dante. There came another dook and then a furry blur shot past
her and out the crack in the door.
She followed after only to witness Dante perform the weasel war
dance. His mouth was wide open, his white teeth shone, the tail
puffed up and out, and then he was gone. Just before Dante shot like
a cannon downstairs, Jubilee swore that he was smiling, daring her
to follow after. Rogue had made a futile attempt to snatch the
creature, but Dante was just too damned fast. She looked over her
shoulder apologetically. "Uh, Jubes? Isn't Summers' office
It's what Jubilee had been thinking. God, it sounded so much worse
when spoken out loud. "Yeah. It is." With trepidation, Jubes
approached the stairs. Was that the JAWS theme music playing in the
background? Nervously, she began her decent down the stairs which
seemed to have sprouted poisonous fangs and claws.
At the bottom, she came to a dead stop. Scott Summers was standing
not 4 feet away firmly holding a very pissed off Dante by the scruff
of the animal's neck.
"I. Am. So. Dead."
"No, but this..." he held up the hissing animal, "...is. My office.
Jubilee stared in horror as Scott stalked off to the garage with
Dante in tow. There was nothing to do but sit in the death chamber
and wait. Even before she'd reached Scott's office, Jubilee
formulated her act of revenge. By tomorrow evening, Scott Summers,
Mr. `High and Mighty, Stick Up His Ass,' could kiss his Mazda RX-8
goodbye. By the end of tomorrow evening, the RX-8 would have a new
parking spot... on top of the school's roof.