Author: Quidam (Kalimando)
Title: Essay by Jubilation Lee
Pairing: Jubilee and others are mentioned
Disclaimer: Alas, the X-Men characters mentioned here belong to
Summary: After a prank goes wrong, Scott gives Jubilee her
punishment: Write a 3 page essay explaining what happened and how
she proposes to settle it.
Notes: This fic evolved during the X-Men rpg on Phoenix St.
Thanks to Lisea for assigning Jubes the essay and for acting as beta
for this fic. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.
September 1, 2003
You said you wanted a 3 page essay on the events leading up to what
happened the day of the barbeque. I guess I should start with Dante.
Dante, as you already know, is my ferret. My parents didn't
want any pets but I was able to talk them into letting me have a
ferret. When I told them that ferrets were small and easily litter
box trained, I think that was when they changed their minds. Or
maybe it was because I wouldn't stop asking them and my brothers
backed me up. Anyhow, he's the cutest thing, I think, and really
sweet. He just likes to get into trouble now and then like when he
shreds the toilet paper rolls in every room of the house. I think
that's his favorite activity besides eating and sleeping but he
doesn't sleep much.
It wasn't such a problem having Dante in the house when I
was home during the holidays because I was there to take care of
them. I guess my mom and dad got fed up with looking after him while
I was in school because when I went home this summer, my mom said
she was thinking of getting rid of Dante. I think the trouble Dante
got into this summer made her decision final, but that's all my
brother's fault. He gave Dante broccoli after I told him not to.
Broccoli doesn't really agree with Dante's stomach because he ended
up getting the runs and no one was home, so you can just imagine the
mess. If you've never heard my mom yell in Chinese, count your
blessings. Dante had to spend the weekend outside and we all had to
help, even Rogue, clean up his mess because our cleaning lady,
Sasha, refused to lift a finger. She said she wasn't paid enough to
clean up animal *expletive.* Right after that, my mom said either I
find someplace to take Dante or she was going to send him to a fur
factory. You've met my mom before so you know what she's like.
I couldn't just get rid of my ferret, so I decided to bring
him to school with me. I know it was against the rules, but I
figured if you ever found out, you'd think Dante was so cute and
all, that you'd bend the rules just a bit. Did you know Dante's a
really good traveler? He didn't make a peep during the entire ride
from California to New York! I gave him Benadryl just before we left
though, so that might have been why he slept the whole time. I was
pretty sure that he was going to cause trouble in your car because
the minute we arrived in New York, he woke up. But he didn't and you
never even noticed I was hiding a ferret in my bag.
Later that night I showed him to Kitty, John, and Bobby and
I made them swear not to tell anyone. We then had a little party,
but nothing illegal unless you count Dante because students aren't
allowed to have pets at the school. But I swear all we did was play
Truth or Dare and eat junk food because the dining hall food that
night was pretty bad. Did you let Dr. Grey cook for us again?
Anyhow, you already know what happened next because I told you the
next day. Ms. Frost and Logan came into the room and found out about
Dante pretty quickly and I got punished for mouthing off to Ms.
Frost but it wasn't really a punishment because she took me to the
spa and I got my hair and nails done. The waxing hurt though. I wont
go into details about that because it's probably something a student
shouldn't discuss with her teacher.
I'm not sure what happened next because I wasn't there but
when I got home, my bedroom door was open and Dante was gone. I
don't know how I knew, but I just knew that Dante was in your and
Dr. Grey's room. I got Kitty to go look in your room and she's lucky
she didn't get caught because you were in the shower (I don't think
she saw anything, but I'm not sure) and Dr. Grey was in the bedroom.
Anyhow, she never managed to get Dante because you and your brother,
Alex (He's not very nice to me by the way. Maybe you should have a
talk with him about that.) caught him first.
When you called me, Kitty, and Rogue into your office and
said that Dante had been dealt with, if thought you meant you'd
killed him or something. This year we have to dissect cats or
something in Dr. Grey's class and I didn't want to have to dissect
my ferret. That's why I ran off and planned to get even. I wanted to
take something of yours and hide it just so you would know what it
felt like and the Mazda seemed like the perfect thing. I thought
that putting it up on the roof would be the greatest thing ever but
I couldn't do it by myself so I asked Peter to help. He said yes but
you shouldn't get mad at him because he was half asleep when I asked
him and I made him say yes before telling him what I wanted him to
Peter and I took part of the car apart because it was easier
to bring it up to the roof that way. I made sure we set it down
somewhere level so it wouldn't roll off and kill anyone because I'm
still young and don't to be charged with involuntary manslaughter or
anything like that. We tried putting the car back together but there
were a few extra pieces leftover and I set them on the front seat
because Pete and I weren't sure where they went. I kind of figured
you would know where they went. I emailed one of my brothers and he
thought what I did was pretty cool and even offered to come down
here and kick your butt. I told him that that wouldn't be necessary
and then I went to upstairs to go to bed. Rogue had left me a note
saying that Dante was alive and you had just been yanking my chain.
Well, instead of trying to get the car down, I went and got Dante
from the storage room instead. I was still mad at you and that's why
I left the car on the roof. Besides, I don't think Pete would have
helped me bring it down.
On Saturday, you started to suspect something and I guess
Dr. Grey figured out what I'd done (she's sneaky) and told you
because that's when you told me that unless I got the car down
without a scratch, I'd be scrubbing the pool clean with a
toothbrush. I have my social life to think about and you'd already
threatened me with that punishment twice so I knew you meant it.
Lorna offered to get the car down and I told her no and that it
wasn't as if I doubted her superior mutant ability or anything but
that I wanted Dr. Grey to help instead. Lorna thought I was
comparing her to Magneto and she got all upset (you know how she is
when it comes to Magneto) and left the barbecue with Tessa following
after her. I didn't realize what was bothering her until later, or I
would've tried to explain.
She tried to get the car down herself, and that's when your
car got totaled, and ended up overcharging her powers or something.
I'm still not exactly sure what happened but Dr. Grey tried to
explain it by saying she basically overdosed on her powers. I didn't
know that could happen. When I did see Lorna, she did look like
she'd overdosed on something because her eyes were huge, like that
cat in Shrek 2, and she was staring at the ceiling. Dr. Grey then
gave me a lecture and part of my punishment. I'm saying part of my
punishment because I don't think she's quite done with me just yet.
Anyhow, I had to stay with Lorna until she fully recovered and I had
to tell you what happened. Then you gave me another punishment which
was this essay.
So that's what happened and now I'm supposed to tell you how
I plan on fixing it. I don't know how to fix cars and I don't have
enough money to buy you a new Mazda Rx-8. Those are expensive cars!
You must get a nice salary, do you mind me asking how much you take
home each year after taxes? You can have what's in my savings
account to help with the cost of repairs. Just keep in mind that if
you do take what's in my savings account that you're also taking the
money which will pay my way to college. Anyhow, I can also try to
help you fix it after school but you'd have to tell me what to do
and what goes where because like I said, I don't know anything about
As for everything else, I think I should apologize to
everyone I involved in my prank because it wasn't fair to involve
them especially when they didn't know what they were getting in to.
I don't know what else to do except promise that I wont ever put
anymore cars up on the roof. I can't promise not to pull anymore
pranks because we'd both know that I'd be lying. I'll try to stop
pulling so many though. Also, I guess I should get rid of Dante, but
I really don't want to! He's my first pet besides those boring
goldfish that always die once you change the water. Isn't there
someway I can keep him?
So that's what happened and that's how I hope to set things
right and I expect you'll be calling my parents. If they haven't
killed me by Monday, I guess I'll see you at dinner. If they do kill
me, my will is in my top dresser drawer under my socks.
I'm really sorry for everything that happened.