[xmmff] Sweet dreams in new york pt 7 [xmmff]
- see others for info
(thanks to nicca for helping pull me out of the rut i was in)
the after affects....
That fight went on for an hour or so untill i left. i couldnt take it anymore. John was right. I was wrong for what I did, and Bobby had ever right to know. I just didnt know how I was going to tell him.
I waited a few days till i did, and we both agreed to split up for a while. I ofcorse was hurt, but I knew it was the best thing to do. I hurt him pretty bad. i would walk into our dorm, and he would be on his back looking up at the celing crying or he would be drawing. I think it was of me, but I never saw what it was. I would walk past him in the hall to go to our classes, and it was hard. i would watch him talk, or read, i would watch his soft lips move and i would tear up as the gental words rolled of them, and into the heavy air. i knew he was in love, as well as i. but i couldnt take back what i did. and i knew he wouldnt ever trust me the same again. but if i didnt start now. i would loose him forever. i knew i had to aske, to beg to plead for a chance to show him how i felt.
I was heading to the training room, ready to blow off steam, when i saw him walk down the hall.
"bobby, wait........... can i talk to you?"
He turned to face me, and his soft pinkish lips curled into a sexy smile.
"sure. what about?"
"i was just wandering...... how..... how can i get you back? what do i have to do to prove my self to you? how can i show you i was wrong, and that i want you to trust me? How can i get your trust back bobby?"
"i.... i dont know if you can.... you hurt me bad Krista. you riped my worl apart. i dont know i can ever love you again.------ i know you can read my mind, and i know you know that was the biggest lie ever. Krista i want to trust you... i really do i just dont know.... i mean. i love you, i do nothing could ever change how i feel... but what about you? if i let you back in are you in it for the long run? or do you just this to be a short, fun kid like thing. because i am past that. i want to know that you want to be with me forever. i want to know that you will love me forever, and that i am the only one your body will ever call out to. that i am the only one who holds you close at night. can you do that? can i be your only lover?"
Tears of love and hate rolled down my face. they felt like fire. they burned my face and eyes and i couldnt stop. it wasnt that i couldnt love him truely forever. i just... to hear his voice, to hear him say he needed me, that he loved me. i knew i was wrong and that i hurt him, but he was willing to forget it, and let me back in.
"but you have to wait..... show me that you can go a whole week with sleeping with any one, and then... then i will take you back. but you have to go a whole week. no less. can you do that?"
i nodded dumbly, and smiled. he smiled and walked away. i had one week to sleep by my self, to get him back. it couldnt be so hard. i was in love. i could walk through fire for him. this shouldnt be so hard.......should it?
Well i guess i was stronger enough to pass, because by friday i was so use to sleeping by my self, when bobby, crawled into the bed with me, i moved to make room. he didnt understand what i did, so he pulled me back into him, and i just stayed there. i had lasted the week, and delt with the nasty harsh words from every body who knew. but that night, was the hardest for me. i could feel his warmth, hear his heart, and i could feel his breath, and that brought me to tears. i had hurt him, i massicored his world, and yet he was holding my tight aginst him, and i didnt understand why. i wanted to run, to get away from the shit i dug, and the hell i lived. but i couldnt. because i loved him and there was no getting away from that. if i was to run, the ferther i was to get, the harder it would be keep going. i would come back, i would always come back, and i never came back. he had a new type of hold on me, one that no one, not even noel had on me. i wanted him, not just he wanted me.
this was going to be hard. i would have to watch myself, and i would have to try to mellow out. less clubing, and less sex, unless bobby could go everynight, and at the rate we have been keeping, i tihnk he can.
Bobby was differnt from the others, i still couldnt figure it out, but he was. i have ben with better looking, and smarter. and i have been with better, and worse. he is just in the middle, not so hott i have tp worry, but not ugly i have to worry. he was hott and i dont think every one sees it at first. he is smart, i mean real smart, for his age i mean. and in bed.... lets just say, he can hold his own..... for a long time. but i just couldnt, it was eating away at me. i wanted something, to hear it it know it was there, and i didnt know what to do. i turn my body to face his, and i nuzzled close to him. we stayed like that for hours, untill i moved again. i moved myself up abit and i kissed him.
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