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FIC: Light and Love, 1/1, NC-17, Charles/Erik, (pre-movies)

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  • Henrika
    Title: Light and Love Rating: NC-17, obviously. Pairing: Charles/Erik Fandom: Many years pre-movies. Summary: Charles has a dream, but everything isn t like it
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 7, 2003
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      Title: Light and Love

      Rating: NC-17, obviously.

      Pairing: Charles/Erik

      Fandom: Many years pre-movies.

      Summary: Charles has a dream, but everything isn't like it seems.

      Disclaimer: Not my characters. They belong to Marvel/20th Century
      Fox. No money made from this.

      Archive: My own website,
      http://www.geocities.com/henrika_amanda/Index.html and list
      archives. Others, please ask me first.

      Feedback: Please? Send it to henrika15_@...

      A/N: This story was my mom's idea, and it all started with a pic
      I
      drew, which can be found here:
      http://www.geocities.com/henrika_amanda/xaviermags12.jpg So if you
      think this sucks, blame her, not me.

      Another image I drew for this story is this one:
      http://www.geocities.com/henrika_amanda/xaviermags17.jpg

      *~*~*

      Charles Xavier was lying on his back, looking up at the blue, almost
      cloudless sky from his blanket down by the sandy shore. It was a
      completely calm day. The lake, some ten yards away, looked very much
      like a smooth, blue velvety carpet.

      Charles lay in the shadow of a large oak tree, since the sun and the
      almost still air would be too much to handle otherwise. Instead of
      watching the sky, Charles turned his head to look at Erik. For a
      short moment it seemed like the other man had fallen asleep, but
      that was not the case.

      Erik was lying sideways with his eyes closed, but he wasn't more
      asleep than Charles himself. Probably Erik himself would choose to
      call it "resting", but Charles knew he wasn't sleepy.
      When he had
      that expression on his face it meant something else.

      That was one good thing about being a telepath; no one could fool
      you. Charles was always filled with love and compassion when he
      watched his lover for 20 years. Erik was a very beautiful man,
      although that wasn't the reason why Charles liked looking at him.
      Everything, all his features, were so personal.

      Now Erik was breathing heavily. A thin, shining layer of sweat
      covered his slim, pale body. Obviously he was as hot as Charles was.

      Charles smiled, and propped himself up on his elbow, and gently
      brushed Erik's hair back from his sweat-slick forehead. Suddenly
      the
      other man opened his eyes. Erik's eyes were as blue as the clear
      sky. His thick dark hair, pale blue eyes and rosy cheeks made him
      look like a male version of Snow White. Well, maybe Erik wasn't
      so "manly", but he was no queen, despite his orientation. He
      was
      slender, and didn't look very strong, but in his was the same
      stubborn strength as in Charles himself.

      "Are you asleep, darling?" Charles asked with a mischievous
      glint in
      his eye.

      Erik snorted. "Of course not," he replied solemnly. "I am
      merely
      resting my eyes."

      Charles placed his hand on Erik's hip and slowly passed it down
      along his slim thigh. Luckily they were alone here, and didn't
      have
      to wear any clothing. In this heat any clothing would have been
      unbearable. And watching a naked Erik was certainly not bad, either.
      Or to show him love.

      The world was actually evolving, but they still had a long way to
      go. Being openly homosexual on a public beach was perhaps not to
      recommend.

      "Aren't you hot?" Charles asked.

      Erik rolled over to his back, sighing. Yes, he was hot, alright.

      "Very," he confessed. "I almost wonder if not Hell is
      cooler…" he
      muttered, and then couldn't help laughing at his own statement.
      "But
      we will know, Charles, since we'll get there, at least according
      to
      all those Christian priests!"

      After saying this Erik began to laugh even more. Charles really
      didn't think it was funny, but he laughed with Erik anyway.
      Sometimes his lover could be so cynical. Probably it was due to his
      childhood and his time at Auschwitz during the war, and although
      Charles knew what had happened there, it was nothing that Erik was
      happy to talk about, so they mostly left it alone.

      Charles, whose parents had been faithful Christians, didn't have
      such a cynical approach to the Church's way of regarding
      homosexuality. His parents were dead now, but if they'd been
      alive
      Charles was sure they wouldn't have liked the idea of their son
      loving a man, who was also a Jew. It was sad, as Charles never had
      the chance to tell them about his orientation.

      But, he thought, I didn't tell them I could read minds either.
      And
      actually that is a whole lot weirder than my love for Erik.

      Charles didn't know where his unique and sometimes frightening
      ability came from. Neither of his parents, nor any other relatives
      had it, but he suspected it was caused by some kind of hereditary,
      mutated freaky gene.

      Only Erik of the people he now knew was aware of this anomaly, and
      Charles knew he could trust Erik. Erik loved him, of course, and
      they belonged together, but Erik's understanding also depended on
      the fact that he was abnormal himself. He wasn't a telepath, but
      instead he had a perhaps even stranger power – complete control
      of
      magnetism.

      Unlike Charles, Erik wasn't interested in knowing where his
      incredible power came from, or why he had it – all he wanted was
      to
      keep it secret, since he knew the society wouldn't accept him if
      they found out.

      Yes, Erik could be really cynical.

      Charles regarded Erik inquiringly. Right now his face was lax and
      peaceful. Despite that Erik wasn't old – barely even middle
      aged –
      he often had hard lines around his eyes and mouth, but all such
      signs of age were gone now. Charles knew why. Erik felt safe here.
      Now he didn't have to worry.

      "What are you thinking about?" Erik suddenly muttered when he
      noticed Charles' intense look. "Tell me, I can't read
      minds."

      Charles smiled. "I am just thinking of how beautiful you are."

      Erik snorted, but still had to laugh.

      "Do you know how I really feel? Like a boiled hotdog. Can't
      we take
      a dip?"

      "Yes, that would be great," Charles agreed.

      Erik quickly bounced to his feet and stretched his slender naked
      body. His pallid skin gleamed with sweat, and he looked exactly like
      Charles felt – hot. Erik reached out his hand and pulled his
      lover
      to his feet.

      They exchanged a quick kiss before they continued towards the water,
      with their arms around each other's waists. This would be their
      first time swimming in the lake's clear blue water.

      "Do you think it's cold?" Charles asked.

      "We'll see," Erik replied.

      "Yes, you're so right about that!"

      Right in that very moment Charles decided to so something impulsive.
      He bent down and scooped Erik into his arms before the other even
      could react, and started running fast toward the water.

      Erik started screaming the following second, and kicked his legs
      out, though it was no real resistance, but he actually liked what
      was happening. But when he saw Charles was approaching the water
      front he got terrified.

      "No, don't drop me there!" he cried and tried to fight
      down the
      laughter that was bubbling out of him. "Charles! You hear me? You
      can't…!"

      But Charles could, and he did. When the water reached his mid-thighs
      he let go of Erik and mercilessly dropped him into the cold water.

      Erik was still laughing and yelling when he went into water, and
      therefore swallowed several mouths before he could react and fought
      to get his head over the surface.

      Charles was laughing. His darling looked like a drowned mouse. In
      spite that Erik got quite a few involuntary gulps of cold water he
      wasn't really mad. But he was pretending.

      "You bastard!" he spat out furiously. "What were you
      doing? Drowning
      me?!"

      "But honey, you know I think you're so cute when you're
      wet!"
      Charles teased.

      Erik's eyes narrowed, and he said, "But do you know
      something,
      Charlie? So are you!"

      Without a forewarning, Erik kicked out his legs from under him and
      made Charles fall headfirst into the cold water. Charles wasn't
      sure
      which was worse; what Erik just did or that he had called
      him "Charlie".

      Erik, who obviously realized he was in trouble, started moving away
      already before Charles got to his feet. But running in water
      wasn't
      easy at all, and Erik didn't get a very long start. Charles soon
      caught up with him, and once he caught Erik, he wrapped both his
      arms around him and seized him in a grip his lover couldn't break
      free from.

      Erik sure was a bit taller than him, but more slender, so Charles
      knew he was physically stronger.

      In vain Erik struggled against the arms that were wrapped around his
      waist, but they seemed to be made of steel – although if they had
      been, he could have taken care of them easily. Flesh and blood were
      worse.

      "Let go before you choke me…" he muttered at last and ceased
      to
      struggle.

      "Erik, my love, after 20 years in my house, plus my bed, you
      should
      really know my name," Charles said with his mouth to Erik's
      ear. "*Not* Charlie. Not ever. Have I made myself clear?"

      "Yes, sir…" Erik muttered and tried to wriggle out again.
      "Can you
      let me go now?"

      "Ask really nicely."

      "Pretty please Charles, maybe you can let me go now? I'd
      really like
      to get out of this without rupturing my spleen."

      Charles laughed. "Sure, sweetheart. Just don't fly at me."

      "I cross my heart."

      Slowly Charles released Erik, yet he stayed closely behind him,
      ready to grab him again in case he attempted something. But Erik did
      not. He leaned back against Charles' chest instead, and turned
      his
      head toward the blue afternoon sky. "The Dip" had actually
      been
      refreshing and he no longer felt so sweaty. The water was cold, but
      it didn't take his body long to adapt, so it no longer bothered
      him.

      Charles kissed the soft skin of Erik's neck and shoulder, and his
      arms closed around Erik's waist again, though softer this time.
      Now
      he didn't have to worry his lover would run away from him. At
      least
      it didn't seem so. His body wanted to feel Charles' hands on
      it.

      "Erik…" he whispered and started to notice his increased
      heart rate
      and ragged breathing. "I don't know if it's some strange
      chemicals
      in the water, but I'm getting very…"

      "Horny?" Erik finished his sentence. "Or maybe that word
      can't be
      found in your vocabulary?"

      But whether it did or not, Erik knew that was the case. This because
      he could feel the proof of Charles' arousal against his buttocks.

      "Hmm…" the telepath muttered dreamingly. "How could you
      know?
      Perhaps because you are so lovely I can't be near you
      without… Erik,
      do you believe it is possible to have sex in the water?"

      Erik chuckled. "I suppose it's possible, but certainly not
      comfortable or healthy, so my suggestion is we wait until we've
      out
      of the water. So let me go now, you lovesick dummy, I'd like to
      have
      another swim."

      Erik shook free from Charles' embrace and dove into the water
      again.
      Charles himself merely sighed, sinking back into the lake until he
      was floating flat on his back and looking at the still-as-blue sky.

      He came to think of something that Erik said earlier; the ironic
      statement about the Christian Church's view of homosexuality.

      Is there a God out there? Charles wondered. I was raised to believe
      so. If there is, does he hate me because I love Erik?

      There were so many questions, and Charles didn't know the answer
      to
      any of them. But he knew one thing – whatever happened, he
      couldn't
      lose Erik. A few minutes later Erik returned, splashing water on his
      face to get his attention. When Charles' face crumpled up and he
      went underneath the surface Erik couldn't help laughing at his
      little trick.

      "Come on now!" he snickered. "Weren't we supposed to
      do something?"

      "Like what?" Charles asked while rubbing his eyes.

      "Come on, I'll refresh your memory!"

      Erik grabbed his lover's hand and started pulling him toward the
      beach. Charles let him do it. Of course he knew what Erik was
      referring to, and he wasn't exactly unwilling. Very well. Perhaps
      he
      was teasing Erik just because he looked so cute while begging for
      something.

      When they crawled up from the lake they were cold and wet, and
      despite the warm air Charles shivered. He glanced at their blanket;
      well protected beneath the huge oak tree, and could hardly wait to
      take Erik there, and…

      Suddenly he glimpsed something else that caught his attention. To
      their left were a few large boulders that reached up to 50 feet
      above the water. Some of the rocks were quite steep, though with a
      fairly good sense of balance and some willpower there wouldn't be
      any problems climbing them. Charles had an idea.

      "Erik," he said, pulling Erik's hand. "Up there,
      look. Wouldn't it
      be cool to get up there and have a look at the view?"

      Erik's reply was a snort. "Really? Just when you've got
      my interest
      you change your mind and want to do mountain climbing instead? What
      a crook!"

      Charles just smiled. Yes, Erik's semi-hard member revealed he
      probably had other interests than climbing rocks.

      "There is plenty of time for that *later*," Charles promised
      him.
      Right now I'd like to do this. We've got lots of time. And
      besides
      you are damn sexy when you're climbing rocks naked," he
      finished and
      winked seductively at Erik, and actually managed to pull a smile
      from the other man.

      "I have never climbed any rocks," he replied.

      "Soon you have," said Charles.

      Despite that neither of them was an experienced climber they managed
      to get up relatively unharmed. A fall could have ended up badly, but
      there was hardly any risk. Erik did scrape his left knee, and
      muttered a few curses in German – a language he now used only
      when
      he was upset.

      When they were finally up they approached the ledge, looking down at
      the lake and its surrounding environment.

      Beautiful, they both admitted. Maybe one scraped knee was a price
      worth paying for such a lovely view.

      "It is beautiful," Charles said, and again took Erik's
      hand to
      entwine their fingers.

      "Hmm…" Erik agreed. "It is."

      Yes, it *was* beautiful, he had to grant Charles that, but really he
      had much rather wanted to lie on the blanket down there with Charles
      on top or underneath himself – which depended on his mood. Right
      now
      he wanted to be on top. But instead of saying it, he squeezed
      Charles' hand back and admired the view with him.

      "Can we sit down?" he asked after some time. "Dangle our
      legs over
      the edge, maybe?"

      "Should we sit without a towel, you think?" Charles asked
      hesitantly. "Isn't it a kind of dirty?"

      Erik laughed. "Dirty? No! This warm piece of rock is going to
      feel
      good underneath our bare buttocks. Come on, now."

      Carefully, without any hast movement, they sat down on the verge of
      the cliff with their legs freely dangling over the edge.

      "If you fall I promise to hold on to you, if you'll do the
      same for
      me," said Erik.

      "Deal."

      Charles leaned forth and gently put his arm around his lover's
      thin
      shoulders. Thin, but not fragile. He then nuzzled Erik's throat,
      inhaling his scent. Right now he smelled of damp skin, summer and
      sweat. It was a very earthly smell. Charles liked it. He opened his
      mouth and let his tongue tip brush Erik's soft, smooth skin. The
      taste was salty, and slightly bitter, but not repulsive. Charles
      would have loved to lick his body clean.

      Suddenly Erik sighed. "Charles… if this is what you'd
      like to do,
      then maybe we should go down to the blanket, don't you think?"

      Charles smiled and pulled back. "It was just a kiss. Nothing
      more, I
      promise."

      "I don't trust you."

      "You have my word."

      "I thought we were here to admire the view."

      "We can talk at the same time."

      "What do you want to talk about?"

      Charles gave it some thought. "You know I love you, Erik, but in
      case we ever marry, I won't change my name into Charles
      Lehnsherr."

      Erik snorted. "In this country? Forget it! I have lived here
      since
      1949 and people are still as narrow minded!"

      "Not everyone, Erik," Charles remarked.

      "Almost. Charles, what will happen to our kind?"

      "Our kind…?" Charles asked. "You mean…?"

      "No, not homosexuals. I mean…"

      Erik's voice sank and his expression grew serious. He clearly
      remembered what had happened to "his kind" – the Jews
      – in Nazi
      Germany, and he was terrified that something like that might happen
      in the States as well.

      "You mean us with…gifts?" Charles asked carefully.

      Erik nodded mutely.

      "I don't know," Charles replied honestly. "I
      don't even know how
      many we are. I am no oracle. I can't see the future."

      "I am scared."

      "I know, darling," Charles said compassionately and started
      stroking
      Erik's neck. "I am scared too."

      "Can we go down?"

      "Yes, come. Let's do it."

      A few minutes later they were down on the ground again, lying in
      each other's arms on the blanket beneath the tree. Once they got
      down they noticed neither of them felt like having sex any longer,
      so they decided trying to take a nap instead.

      Again Charles lay on his back, with Erik pressed to his left side
      with half his body atop Charles' and one arm thrown over his
      ribcage. All Charles wanted now was a pillow to place under his
      head – otherwise everything was perfect. He had his love, he had
      his
      health, and he was happier than ever.

      But…-

      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

      Charles wasn't sure how many times his alarm clock rang before he
      finally woke up from his dream and opened his eyes. It took him
      quite some time to even understand how he was suddenly transferred
      from a warm, sunny beach to his plain old room at home, but when he
      realized the truth and saw the hated, monstrous object, also known
      as his wheelchair standing by his bed he was no longer surprised.
      Instead he despaired.

      For several seconds he lay totally still, simply staring at the
      wheelchair with blank eyes, until he felt something moving behind
      him and then Erik's annoyed voice. "Charles!" the other
      man
      snapped. "Turn the alarm clock off! I'm going crazy,
      dammit!"

      Charles just kept on staring at the alarm clock's phosphorous
      digital numbers, which told him it was 7:02 AM, and then slowly
      reached his hand out and turned off the alarm.

      Erik sighed behind him and leaned back against the pillows. He
      didn't like being awakened either, and wanted nothing more than
      going back to sleep, but he had yet to realize there was something
      wrong with Charles. He still believed his lover simply had trouble
      waking up today – which was never a problem in normal cases.

      Charles was an early bird while Erik himself was a night owl. It
      could be a bad combination sometimes, but so far their relationship
      has survived the differences. So what was this?

      "Charles," he finally said. "Prolonging the ordeal
      won't help. Come
      on now."

      But Charles barely heard what Erik said. He kept staring at his
      wheelchair – a despised object he'd been forced to live with
      for
      over 20 years, and which he'd never be free from. The dream where
      he
      could walk had only been a dream, and when the dream ended nothing
      was left. Only bittersweet memories and a harsh reality.

      Charles recalled every detail in his dream, and realized it was the
      most alive and believable dream he'd ever had, but no more real
      than
      any other dream.

      When Erik sat up in the bed and got ready to jump out, he noticed
      Charles was still lying completely still, and that's when he
      started
      to worry. Was Charles ill? Was he alright?

      "Charles?" he asked carefully and gently placed his hand on
      the
      telepath's shoulder. "Are you alright?"

      Charles tried to suppress a sob. Tears had started gathering in his
      eyes and he was unable to hold them back. He didn't want Erik to
      see
      him cry, because there was really no reason for it, and he didn't
      want Erik to believe he was becoming oversensitive. Charles seldom
      cried, and that's how Erik was used to seeing him.

      But Erik instantly realized something was wrong and became more and
      more worried.

      "Charles, turn around," he pleaded.

      "No, Erik…" Charles whispered back.

      "Please? Let me look at you. What's wrong?"

      "I… I just…"

      "Charles, are you in pain?"

      "N...no…"

      "Then what is wrong? You're scaring me," he said
      concerned.

      Charles sighed, and decided it was best to be honest and tell Erik
      everything. Erik wouldn't give up before he did, and besides Erik
      was his lover and closest friend, so he if anyone should be able to
      understand.

      Charles rolled to his back, so that Erik could see his face, and
      then said, in a slow and clear voice, "I had a dream…"

      Erik's eyebrows went up to his forehead, and he looked stunned to
      say the least, but then asked, "Was it a bad dream?"

      Charles sighed again and chose to look at the ceiling. If it were,
      he thought. You want to wake up from nightmares. But not dreams like
      this one.

      "No, it was a…wonderful dream…" he whispered.

      Erik's bemused expression grew even more puzzled. It was very
      clear
      that he was thinking, //So he's had a nice dream, and yet
      he's sad?
      Weird.//

      "But Charles, why are you crying?" he asked and gently put
      his hand
      on Charles' forehead.

      Charles didn't know what to answer. Yeah, why was he crying,
      really?
      Because he couldn't stay in his dream world, like he'd hoped?
      Because reality was being all too harsh? Because he'd grown sick
      of
      his life? No, nothing made any sense, and Charles honestly didn't
      know.

      "I just…" he sighed and blinked down a tear from his eye.

      "Then what did you dream?" Erik asked instead, hoping to get
      an
      answer this time. Charles very seldom cried, and never without a
      reason, so Erik wasn't sure whether to be surprised or worried.

      But instead of answering his questions, Charles crawled closer to
      his lover and snuggled up against him. "Hold me, Erik.
      Please?" he
      whispered.

      Erik did of course what he was asked, closing his arms around the
      sobbing telepath and stroking his tenderly. If Charles didn't
      want
      to tell, he wouldn't demand an answer from him, although he
      couldn't
      help wondering what it really was.

      "I'll tell you…" Charles said after a while, knowing
      what Erik was
      thinking. "But promise you won't laugh at me…"

      "No, of course not. You know I would never do that. Now tell
      me."

      Charles believed Erik, and slowly started telling him about his
      dream, and how incredibly sad it was waking up to a life imprisoned
      in his own body. He didn't expect Erik to understand exactly how
      he
      felt, as Erik had his full mobility left, but he was hoping his
      story at least would make some sense.

      Erik's listened to his friend without interrupting, and when
      Charles
      was done he didn't know what to do to comfort his lover. On
      Charles
      it seemed almost like his whole life was over because of his
      handicap – something he'd already lived with for 25 years.

      "Charles," Erik finally said. "I can't understand why
      you see
      yourself as a prisoner to your own body. That is definitely not
      true. There are lots of things that you can do despite your
      paralysis. You can't walk, but besides that you are…"

      But Charles firmly shook his head. No, Erik didn't understand. He
      couldn't. Not this.

      "Charles…" Erik tried again, holding the other man close.
      "You can't
      let a dream… There has to be more."

      "I… I felt…" Charles took a deep breath and tried hard
      to speak
      coherently. "When the alarm clock woke me up this morning, my own
      wheelchair was the first thing I saw. It was like seeing your own
      prison. That… hideous thing has become my prison, and I can't
      live
      without it. I need it for everything I do. Everything I dreamt of
      disappeared when I saw that wheelchair. There is nothing left."

      "What about me?" Erik asked carefully. "I am here, right?
      I am no
      dream."

      Charles almost felt like laughing, but he didn't, since there was
      no
      reason.

      "Sometimes I wonder if you're a dream as well…" he
      murmured. "You
      are so beautiful… I don't deserve you, Erik…"

      Now Erik started getting really upset. Hearing such things leaving
      Charles' mouth made him angry; both with his lover and himself.
      But
      he knew one thing – he had to get those thoughts out of
      Charles'
      head. At once.

      "What is wrong with you!" he exclaimed. "Why do you think
      I'm here?
      Because of compassion? I am here because I love you!"

      Erik cupped Charles' head in his hands and forced him to lift his
      eyes. "As a telepath you really shouldn't have to ask! Look
      at me!"

      Erik wasn't sure if this was the best way to put an end to
      Charles'
      melancholy mood, since he'd never been bound to comfort Charles
      before. Instead it used to be the other way around. Many years after
      his stay at Auschwitz Erik had frequent nightmares, and often woke
      up at nights, sweaty and screaming. Charles had always been there to
      take him into his safe arms whenever it happened, and always managed
      to calm him with his serene voice, assuring him everything would be
      alright.

      Erik certainly didn't have nightmares quite as often anymore, but
      when it happened Charles' arms were the first place he sought. Of
      course. Charles always made him feel better. Could he now do the
      same for Charles?

      Yelling was obviously not the best of ideas, so Erik tried to calm
      down and think like a psychologist. Hmm… The first thing a
      psychologist would probably say would be to search for the cause of
      the problem. But Erik didn't know what, and finding out would be
      difficult.

      "Charles," he said again, though with a softer voice.
      "Tell me what
      we did in your dream that we can't do here?"

      "Climbing rocks, for instance," Charles replied. "You
      were so
      beautiful, climbing rocks stark naked," he added with a faint
      smile.

      Erik couldn't help chuckling. "I don't believe you'll
      ever see me
      climbing any rocks, naked or otherwise. That is not my thing. What
      else did we do?"

      "I chased you."

      "You can chase me pretty good in your wheelchair. You don't
      require
      legs."

      Charles just sighed in reply. It wasn't the same, of course, and
      they both knew it.

      "And more?" Erik asked. "Did we make love?"

      "There was no time," Charles said.

      "Too bad. I am sure you would have loved taking me standing,
      right?"

      The questions managed to pull a weak smile out of Charles. Yes, it
      certainly would have been a great experience taking Erik from
      behind. Unfortunately he was incapable of doing it.

      Erik pulled Charles' head against his own and rested his forehead
      against his temple.

      "Maybe you can't take me standing, but you should know I love
      you
      anyway," he said gravely. "So do not let a stupid dream take
      your
      self-esteem, my friend. There is so much you can do, even without
      mobile legs."

      "So you don't think I am… holding you back?" Charles
      asked quietly.

      "You know you don't."

      Erik kissed his lover, and hoped Charles would return the kiss. He
      did, even though it took some time. Charles was a good kisser and
      Erik hoped he still knew it.

      "Would you make love to me, Erik?" Charles asked while
      withdrawing
      his lips from Erik's.

      "Would you like that?" Erik said softly and stroked
      Charles'
      cheekbone with his thumb.

      Charles nodded. "Yes, absolutely."

      "What would you like to do?" Erik murmured and started
      kissing his
      lover again. "Would you like me to ride you, or are we…"

      "You, inside me," whispered Charles. "You know what I
      like."

      "Yes, after all these years I suppose I do," Erik replied,
      smiling.

      Of course Erik knew what Charles liked, and vice versa. Erik usually
      preferred being the active part, and he had his reasons. After being
      raped as a child during the war, Erik had trouble relaxing when he
      was penetrated, and even though they had tried switching places
      sometimes Charles knew Erik couldn't really enjoy it, so
      therefore
      this was the best way.

      They kissed some more before Erik started fumbling for the buttons
      of Charles' nightshirt. Erik himself slept, and would always
      sleep
      naked, but Charles chose to wear a soft loose cotton shirt in bed,
      even though he always slept naked from the waist down. His reason
      was simply that underwear, even small briefs, felt too confining and
      caused sores, especially when you couldn't lift your own legs to
      help it.

      In the summertime Charles too slept naked, but it was already late
      October, and he had gone back to sleeping in his "nightshirt"
      or
      whatever one should call it.

      When Erik was about to unbutton his shirt, Charles caught his hands
      top stop him.

      "Can I please keep it on?" he asked. "I am cold…"

      Erik nodded, although he was surprised. Charles always took all his
      clothes off when they made love, and he suspected there were other
      reasons than cold this time. Was Charles ashamed of his body?

      But instead of demanding he'd take it off, Erik slid his hands
      inside the shirt, and gently started caressing Charles' ribcage.
      His
      skin was smooth and firm despite he was already 46 years old, and he
      honestly had a very good body. But instead of telling, Erik decided
      to show him.

      He pulled his hands along Charles' body until he reached his
      groin.
      Then he pulled the shirt up and exposed his lover's erect member,
      which was already as hard as it could become. Despite his disability
      Charles had no trouble whatsoever getting aroused. He responded
      quickly and was always ready when the time came.

      Charles returned Erik's caresses. Slowly he stroked Erik's
      neck and
      shoulders with his hands, enjoying the feeling of the slender body
      in his hands. Erik really was beautiful.

      They kissed again, and Erik took the upper position, and started
      rubbing their bodies together. He would have preferred feeling bare
      skin all the way, but in a way Charles was really sexy in his shirt,
      especially with his stiff penis sticking out under it.

      Erik took out the lubricant they always used and started to prepare
      his lover.

      Charles closed his eyes when he felt a finger entering him, and then
      two. Erik's fingers were sleek and slid in without resistance.
      After
      two and a half decade of practice Erik didn't have to search for
      his
      friend's prostate; he found it automatically.

      Charles moaned with pleasure and moved his right hand down to stroke
      his own throbbing member.

      "You liked that, didn't you?" Erik said, smiling widely.
      "Soon comes
      the real thing!"

      Erik withdrew his fingers and instead lifted Charles' legs,
      hooking
      his ankles over his shoulders. Charles wished he could have felt
      Erik tenderly stroking his calves, but he couldn't; he could only
      see it.

      "Ready?" Erik asked softly.

      "Yes, always."

      With one fluent movement Erik was in him. Charles gasped when he was
      entered, but it wasn't from pain. Erik knew Charles knew what he
      was
      doing, so there was no reason to be over-careful. Despite this Erik
      was still for a few seconds to give his friend time to adjust, and
      then started moving rhythmically.

      Charles' head lolled aside and he rubbed his face into the
      pillows
      while moaning faintly. He felt a strong urge to reach his hand down
      and stroke himself, but he didn't since he knew Erik wouldn't
      appreciate it. He wanted to do it for Charles himself, but not yet.

      Erik enjoyed the act, but almost as much he enjoyed looking at
      Charles and giving him pleasure. Although Erik preferred being
      active he was far from a selfish lover. Charles' pleasure was as
      important to him as his own.

      Charles knew, of course, and was immensely grateful for the bond
      between them. He was 46, and yet Erik was his only sexual
      experience. As a teenager, when his parents were still alive,
      he'd
      had a number of "girlfriends" – only for the sake of
      appearance –
      but a few innocent kisses were as far as he went with them. Erik was
      the first person who awoke such feelings in him.

      They moved in rhythm for a few more minutes, until Erik felt he was
      approaching his climax and tightened his hold of Charles, as he
      started moving faster. With one hand he started stroking Charles'
      throbbing red erection and was soon rewarded with an intense cry of
      pleasure and a load of semen splashed on his hand and Charles'
      own
      stomach.

      "My turn, darling…" Erik groaned and thrust hard all the way
      to the
      hilt. He repeated the procedure a few times and then spurted his
      seed inside Charles, whose inner muscles clamped down on his member,
      pulling the very last drop out of him.

      Erik almost felt ready to drop. Sex was good, but it was also power
      consuming, and when he thought about it he recalled he hadn't
      eaten
      anything since yesterday afternoon. Jesus! No wonder he had no
      strength left.

      Momentarily dizzy, Erik slid out of his lover and fell down next to
      him in bed, still panting heavily.

      Charles was lying still with his eyes closed, also sweating
      profusely. Maybe it would have best to take the shirt off anyway?
      However, he didn't have the strength for it now. All he really
      wanted was to turn around and go back to sleep, with Erik spooned
      behind his back.

      A part of his wish came true. Erik wrapped his arm around his waist
      and snuggled in behind him. The contact burned when Erik's hand
      happened to brush Charles' now soft, flaccid penis. Erik noticed
      Charles shivered and teasingly squeezed his member once more.

      "I really believed you'd had enough," he teased.

      "I have…" Charles murmured.

      "You're messy," Erik pointed out and rested his sticky
      hand on
      Charles' hipbone.

      "I know…"

      "Are you going up?"

      "No."

      "Good. Me neither."

      They lay still for some time without saying anything, as if both
      waited for the other to take the first step. But neither did.

      "Are you better now?" Erik finally asked.

      "Yes…" Charles murmured back, although the dream was still
      fresh in
      his memory. But what was the good of being sad? He couldn't walk,
      and having the blues would not give him his mobility back. And when
      he thought about it he actually had a lot to be proud of; a
      beautiful house, money, wits, a good education, and the most
      important – Erik, to share his life with.

      "That is good," Erik whispered in his ear and then kissed his
      neck. "I knew you'd be alright…"

      Erik honestly didn't know what he would have done if Charles had
      continued being under the weather. He wanted to help his lover, and
      support him, but Erik understood thermodynamics and supra
      conductors, not people. That was Charles' field.

      Erik often wished he'd had Charles' empathic ability, but he
      didn't,
      and there was nothing he could do about that. He only wanted Charles
      to be happy.

      "Would you like to talk about your dream?" Erik asked gently
      after a
      while of silence.

      If Charles didn't answer he would take it as a no, and leave the
      subject, but in case he said yes Erik would do his utmost to be a
      great listener.

      Charles sighed. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted, but since he
      still thought about the dream all the time, he might as well talk
      about it.

      "Alright…" he said slowly. "I suppose we can…"

      He rolled over to his back so he could look into Erik's face. His
      lover's pale blue eyes were serious and full of compassion. Since
      Erik himself often had nasty nightmares he knew from personal
      experience what a strong impression they could make.

      "Did we talk about anything special?" asked Erik.

      "Yes… For instance I asked you if you believed we'd be
      able to marry
      sometime."

      Erik failed to hold back a smile. "I said "no",
      didn't I?"

      Charles nodded. "Yes. "Never in this country" you
      said." Then he
      shrugged. "Maybe you were right. What do I know?"

      "I don't think marriage itself is that important," said
      Erik. "It is
      merely a formality, and we can live without that."

      Charles smiled. "I suppose you're right. But in case we ever
      marry,
      I will not change my name into Charles Lehnsherr."

      Erik even looked a bit indignant. "Why not? If we have to choose
      one
      name it has to be mine… "Erik Xavier"… How corny is
      that?"

      "No better than "Charles Lehnsherr"," Charles agreed.
      "But since
      Lehnsherr is a…"

      Charles quickly interrupted himself when he realized what he was
      saying, but it was too late. Erik finished his sentence for
      him. "Jewish name. I know," he said.

      "Erik, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

      Erik put his hand on Charles' chest. "Charles, I know. It is
      alright. Really. But you should know I'm not ashamed of who I am.
      We
      Jews are not very liked wherever we go, but I happen to be proud of
      my origins."

      "Erik, I know," Charles said softly and stroked Erik's
      head that now
      lay atop his chest. "You know I'm not shamed of you being
      Jewish,
      but…"

      "But unfortunately you have to be a white, Christian,
      heterosexual
      male to be accepted in this country," Erik murmured.
      "Charles, your
      parents…"

      "They are dead. They mean nothing any longer," Charles
      objected.

      "But if they had been alive? Had your life been different if in
      that
      case?"

      "Probably," Charles admitted. "But that is not the point.
      I met you,
      and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Everything
      else is irrelevant."

      "I just wish things were simpler…" Erik sighed.

      "Me too, my dear. But *if* we ever marry…"

      "Charles…"

      "Are we having a Jewish or a Christian wedding?"

      Erik laughed against Charles' clothed chest. "Neither,"
      he
      replied. "We'll have a private ceremony… With just the
      two of us."

      "We can have that at home… Whenever we want to."

      "You're so right about that!" Erik chuckled and crawled
      up until he
      was in eyelevel with Charles and could kiss him. "Can we marry,
      here
      and now?" he proposed.

      "That sounds like a good idea," Charles replied smiling and
      kissed
      Erik back. "But we've already had our wedding night…"

      "Yes, 25 years ago."

      "Hmm… But it doesn't matter now, does it? We can have it
      again… As
      many times as we want to."

      "Forever."

      "Yes. I love you."

      "I love you too, Charles."


      The End
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