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FIC: April Fools (1/1, G, X1, Logan, Scott)

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  • Jordanna Morgan
    Title: April Fools Author: Jordanna Morgan Author’s Email: librarie@jordanna.net Archive Rights: Please request the author’s consent. Rating/Warnings: G.
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 14, 2003
      Title: April Fools
      Author: Jordanna Morgan
      Author’s Email: librarie@...
      Archive Rights: Please request the author’s consent.
      Rating/Warnings: G.
      Characters: Logan and Scott.
      Setting: General.
      Summary: A late-night conversation over potato chips, pranks and paperwork.
      Disclaimer: Marvel and Fox create the characters that sell. Not me.
      Notes: Honorable mention goes to a certain video-store chain for giving me
      a couple of their "Wolverine’s Revenge" window posters. ;)

      Format problems? Read it online at http://jordanna.net/librarie/xmen/

      April Fools

      The glowing red letters of the clock boldly proclaimed *1:37 a.m.* into the
      darkened bedroom. Lying flat on his back with his head lolled to one side,
      Logan watched the last digit roll over one more time, then sighed heavily
      for no particular reason and got up.

      Less than a minute later, dressed in faded jeans and a half-buttoned
      flannel shirt, he was stalking silently down the hall… on his way to the

      Some people seemed to have the idea that he thought with his stomach. This
      was hardly the case. Back in his drifter years, there were times when he’d
      gone for days without food--okay, maybe not by choice, but it made him an
      expert at living on practically nothing. Food had been a matter of survival
      then. Now that he lived at a school, of all places, it was something to be
      enjoyed, like having a soft bed and a little space to call his own. He
      might get bored of it one day--but he was determined to appreciate it until
      then. And that included sating any odd cravings that might strike him in
      the middle of the night.

      Besides, in point of fact, he could never be entirely sure when his next
      meal was coming. At any time, his association with the X-Men might hurl him
      into some protracted, life-and-death, fate-of-the-world struggle. It seemed
      prudent to remain tanked up for that eventuality. Even if he overindulged
      on occasion, he could just work it off in the danger room, or with some
      manual labor around the school.

      Simple, solid physical effort, in exchange for a full belly and a decent
      night’s sleep--sometimes even free from the nightmares. When you got past
      the pedantic adults and chaotic kids, the mutant powers and the high-minded
      crusades… it was an equitable life.

      Logan moved like a shadow down the hall toward the stairs. The mansion was
      silent tonight; a rare thing. Too often during these nocturnal prowls, his
      acute hearing would detect the small, disquieting noises that brought home
      the cold reality of the world outside: a child’s quiet sobs behind a closed
      door, missing a home and family they had lost--or been rejected from--just
      because they were different.

      He had no problem admitting that made him angry. That he was mad at the
      world in general was hardly a secret. However, it made him feel something
      else that was a lot harder to own up to. Deep in his gut and as sharp as
      his claws, there were twinges of compassion for the lonely soul behind the

      The silence now was a good thing.

      Bedrooms aside, most of the common rooms in the mansion remained dimly lit
      through the night. Insomnia and wanderlust were not strangers to many of
      the residents. The kitchen always seemed to be a little more brightly
      illuminated than the rest, the light there reflecting off the sleek silver
      surfaces of the professional-grade appliances. Logan shambled in through a
      lesser-used door, opposite a doorway that opened onto the dining room. A
      light was on in there, too, which he couldn’t remember as being normal, but
      he heard no sound from that direction. With a mental shrug, he started
      rooting around in the cupboards.

      Everyone at the school had a certain monthly "allowance" in the food budget
      for things they wanted--and staff and students alike had bizarre tastes.
      Animal crackers for Kitty… applesauce for Rogue… cream of asparagus soup
      for Jean… a tin of sardines for who-knew-who. The case of caviar tucked
      away in a bottom cabinet was Professor Xavier’s, saved for entertaining
      "special guests".

      *Which means people who have some political pull,* Logan thought darkly, as
      he turned an interested eye on a shelf lined with bags of chips. Xavier may
      not have liked it, but he courted the political beast now and then, if
      there was a benefit to gain for his school.

      Barbecue-flavored. Ranch-flavored. Pizza-flavored. *Good grief, how can
      there not be any--? Ah.* Logan snatched a king-sized bag of ordinary potato
      chips from the shelf, and turned to leave the kitchen.

      "Oops… oh, crud."

      Logan froze instantly. His time here had taught him that in a
      school--especially a school for young mutants whose control of their powers
      was often questionable at best—*oops* was the last word one could possibly
      want to hear. And a very intense *oops* had just come from the direction of
      the half-lit dining room in the middle of the night.

      With the sort of morbid curiosity most often reserved for gawking at a
      train wreck (or a new student about to demonstrate some awesomely revolting
      or destructive "gift" for the first time), Logan moved toward the doorway.
      Still holding the forgotten bag of potato chips by the top edge, he
      clenched his fists--equivalent for him to cocking the hammer of a pistol.
      One of the earliest painful lessons he had learned about his claws was to
      keep his fingers out of their way.

      Thus prepared for any sort of mayhem necessary, he peered out into the
      larger, table-filled room.

      One table near the center of the room was fully taken up by a coffee mug, a
      laptop computer, and a mound of paperwork. Scott Summers was seated there,
      savagely digging an eraser into a page of said paperwork as he muttered
      words that, coming from Cyclops, surprised Logan--and amused him
      tremendously. He folded his arms and leaned a shoulder against the edge of
      the doorway, observing for a long, enlightening moment before he spoke.

      "So who’s flunking class this time?"

      Summers started upright, and there was a very loud, satisfying *snap* as
      his pencil broke in two. He looked up, his face coming pretty close to
      matching the color of his ruby-quartz glasses.


      "Sorry," Logan replied cavalierly, and unfolding his arms, sauntered toward
      the table with his bag of chips. Summers stared at him for a moment,
      undoubtedly glaring behind the ubiquitous shades, then produced a new
      pencil from his shirt pocket and sank back into his chair.

      *Anal twerp just =would= have a spare,* Logan thought with a mental snort,
      surveying the photocopied forms that were spread out all over the table.
      The logo of the Internal Revenue Service was prominent on several of them.

      "Doing taxes, huh?"

      Summers let out a long, slow, audibly simmering breath. "Yes."

      It didn’t surprise Logan that Summers got that assignment. With a facial
      shrug, he stepped around the table and headed for the coffeemaker by the
      wall--one of those big industrial cafeteria jobs.

      "I wouldn’t if I were you," he heard muttered darkly behind him. He turned,
      and Summers chucked a thumb toward the machine. "The coffee in there is ten
      hours old, and it wasn’t that good to begin with."

      Wordlessly, Logan pointed at Summers’ half-full cup.

      "*Eight* hours old," the younger man grumbled.

      Logan’s eyebrows arched slightly. "Been here that long?"

      The reply emerged as a groan. "Longer."

      With a wry smile, Logan continued to the coffeemaker and poured a cup. No
      sugar, no creamer. He ambled back to the table, sat down across from
      Summers, took a swig of the stale brew and then raised the cup in a mock
      salute, wishing he could see Summers’ eyes bulge out.

      "Did they line your stomach with adamantium, too?"

      "I’ve tasted worse." The *worse* being, admittedly, his own coffee-brewing
      attempts. Logan set his cup on the one clear spot left on the table, and
      purely for show, extruded a claw to slice his bag of chips open. He would
      have propped his feet up for good measure, if the paperwork hadn’t been in
      the way. It was risky, but always tremendously entertaining, to provoke the
      look he was getting from Summers now--one of those patented
      *you-are-such-an-animal* glares. The kid’s face was certainly expressive,
      even from the nose down.

      If Summers didn’t like being treated as Logan’s own personal zoo exhibit,
      however, his pride was not about to let him show it. Under his breath he
      uttered a feeble little growl that made Logan want to laugh, then with his
      pencil clutched in a death grip, he returned his attention to the tax forms
      on the table.

      With a smirk Logan began to munch on his potato chips, idly attempting to
      read the forms which, from his perspective, were upside-down. He was
      untroubled by the fact that they made very little sense to him. If he had
      to, he could figure out just about anything--but *until* he had to, he saw
      no reason to take up space in his already problematic memory.

      "So. Taxes," he murmured after several minutes.

      Summers sighed and leaned back, staring down rather woefully at the papers
      in front of him. "Yeah."

      A vague idea occurred to Logan. "But the school is, what--a non-profit
      deal, right? Doesn’t that help?"

      "Oh, it helps financially. But it just makes the paperwork that much worse,
      because you have to account for every little thing."

      "Uh." Logan’s lips quirked. "Yeah, I guess you must get a good tax break on
      world-saving stealth jets."

      Summers’ jaw tensed. "Okay… so *not* everything. But *you* try explaining
      why we had to rebuild half of the second floor--twice--in the last year."

      "Termites," Logan replied, perfectly deadpan. "Come on, brainiac. You gotta
      be right in your element with all this numbers stuff."

      The younger man carefully slid his fingers under his glasses to rub the
      bridge of his nose. "One of the laws of the universe, Logan. Somehow this
      ‘numbers stuff’ is a lot harder when there are dollar signs involved." He
      sighed. "April Fools’ Day isn’t the first of April--it’s the fourteenth."

      Logan uttered a growl that shook the coffee mugs on the table. "Don’t
      mention April Fools’ Day."

      Summers responded with an almost sympathetic grunt, and for a moment, they
      sat silently commiserating over the previous day: April the first.

      "So how’d they get you?" Summers asked at length.

      Another growl. "You mean besides getting sent out to rent 'Edward

      Summers let out a sharp, strangled snort of laughter. Logan had to admit
      there was a certain clever subtlety to that particular joke… but he had not
      appreciated it, all the same.

      "Oh, yeah, it was real funny. Especially after I got *back* from
      Blockbuster, and found the note I’d had stuck to my back by a magnet the
      whole time." Glaring at Summers, who was now doubled over in his seat and
      shaking with mirth, Logan ground out, "So what about you?"

      Gradually Summers’ laughter settled down, and he swallowed hard, shaking
      his head. "First of all, I woke up to find my glasses blacked out with shoe
      polish. Then there was the dead fish… and then there was the whole… ketchup
      thing." He abruptly reached across the table to snatch the bag of potato

      Chuckling, Logan watched Summers wolf down a handful of chips. "What about
      that scene you had in the hallway with Sally-Rose?"

      Summers turned pale and nearly choked on chip crumbs. "Oh, please, not that."

      Sally-Rose was one of the newer and more… *interesting* students at the
      school. A refugee from a broken home, the girl had suffered no shortage of
      trauma in her fifteen years--with the result that, on top of being a
      mutant, she was mentally disturbed and had a genuine split personality.
      Most of the time, she was just Sally: sullen, withdrawn and practically
      mute. However, at any moment she might suddenly become "Rose", whose
      outrageous behavior could put Jubilee’s hyperactivity to shame. And still
      more bizarre, those two personalities had completely opposing mutant

      Put simply, it was like having Iceman and Pyro in one package.

      She, at least when she was Rose, was a student Logan particularly dreaded.
      Rose had a crush on him, and she was more of a predator than *he* was. He
      had been burned--literally--each time she managed to corner him. Sally, on
      the other hand, was terrified of him, judging by her reaction once when her
      personalities suddenly switched while Rose was trying to seduce him. The
      frostbite hadn’t been any more fun than the flash burns.

      Now, the look on Summers’ face and the tone of his voice were making Logan
      curious. "Come on, Cyclops, ’fess up. Rosie’s hitting on *you* now, isn’t

      "No," Summers grumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

      Understanding dawned, and Logan gaped. "You mean--the *other* one?" he
      asked incredulously.

      Summers winced… and Logan burst out laughing.

      "It’s not funny," Summers snapped. "That girl needs some serious help."

      "If she’s after *you*, I’d agree!" Logan scoffed. With a wicked grin, he
      reached across the table to give the other man an affable thump on the
      shoulder. "Welcome to the ‘victims of Sally-Rose’ club."

      Summers grumbled something and shoveled a handful of chips into his mouth.

      "Sorry, I didn’t catch that," Logan remarked glibly. Summers waved a
      dismissive hand at him, and with a shrug, Logan took back the bag of chips.

      Between them, the two men finished off the entire bag. Logan stepped into
      the kitchen to throw it away and to empty his coffee cup into the sink,
      then came back into the dining room and stood for a moment with his arms
      crossed, watching Summers for a few moments more.

      "I’m gonna go back to bed," he said at last.

      "Mmm," Summers acknowledged vaguely, engrossed in numbers once more.

      "And Cyke?"

      Summers looked up. With a wolfish smile Logan stepped forward, leaned over
      the math teacher’s shoulder, and placed a finger on the tax form in front
      of him.

      "You forgot to carry the two."

      He wished he had a camera to capture that sublime moment when Summers
      realized he was right.

      Chuckling, Logan left Summers to pass through the entire spectrum of shades
      of red, and breezed out of the room with one parting *coup de grace*:

      "April Fools."

      © 2003 Jordanna Morgan - http://www.jordanna.net
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