songfic: On silent wings (J/L), PG-13
- Series: X-Men: Academy
Title: ON SILENT WINGS (Episode V); songfic
author: StormXPadme; myself ;)
language: English, but that's not my native language, so please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: All X-Men and other Marvel characters plus the song 'On silent wings', as performed by Tina Turner & Sting, belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and else. Not mine ;).
Universe: Only based on the storyline of the movies 'X-Men' and 'X-Men 2'.
Timeline: between the movies, shortly before X-Men 2
Romance: Jean/Logan, Scott/OC
Summary: Shortly before Logan leaves to Alkali Lake for a second time, he has to know about Jean's feelings for him.
Feedback: Will not only be appreciated but also hugged, loved, kissed, petted and called George ;)
else: The >>> <<</italic written words are from the Song ,On silent wings', sung by Tina Turner & Sting. This song is as less mine as the X-Men ;).
When Logan asked, Jean wouldn't answer. Nothing but, why would he want to know, at least. Everything was alright and as he wanted it, after all. They had fallen in love the minute their eyes had meet, and Scott was past with that.
Wolverine thought to have a pretty good idea of how Scooter and Jeannie had lived with each other before, alright. You didn't go for the rough, bad guy if you truly loved the good one. Scott was simply not what Jean needed, that was clear to both Cyclops and him.
And Scooter had Flashwind now, anyway. If there was something like an unquestionable couple, the two of them were pretty close to it.
Still... He never really knew. Fuck, SEVEN years! You didn't just scrub seven years! But Jeannie never talked about it. She never fucked around with her past much. Probably that was why they were so good together, though Wolverine would never dare to call any of his relationships 'perfect', like Scott and Cat used to. Jeannie and him both just didn't care much for the past. He couldn't, she wouldn't.
"Life's too short to mess with what's lost", she said when he asked her about her life before Xavier, about her life before him. She was willing to build a new life, a world of memory with him. FOR him.
He loved her a great deal for that. But just for once, before he drove to Alkali Lake once more, he had to know. He asked her in bed, because she always got melancholic after lovemaking. She talked more when she was melancholic. Perhaps it wasn't all that fair, but she could always stop. So he asked.
When he had asked, she didn't speak for quite a time. Then she got herself a cigarette. He had never seen her smoking before. "If love slips away on silent wings, then there's nothing left to save", she finally murmured. "The pain came in waves before, an ocean of it, slowly drowning us. When you and Cat arrived here, it was nothing but relief. We fell in love with someone else. That was the proof we had somehow waited for. Like, yeah, we really are fucked up, so for heaven's sake let's get through with it."
The smell of a cheap, old Carlton filled the room. Logan found he hated the way she looked when she was smoking. "I think, I still don't entirely get it", he mentioned. "You kinda refuse to care, don't you? So, tell me, do you always smoke in bed? Your hands always shaking like that? Don't bullshit me, Jeannie."
"You want to talk bullshit?" She began to sound annoyed. "You want to tell me, you believe that I'm just taking a break from my good guy with you? That you're thinking to be nothing for me but a last adventure before growing old? You think, Scott and me still have something going on and Cat is just his alibi? Is that what you want to tell me? Cause that's MY idea of bullshit."
Instead of growing angry himself, he felt his love for her more than ever. Excited, like now, she was so particular beautiful... And proud. So unbelievable proud. "If I didn't trust you, we wouldn't be in this bed together", he explained calmly. "I'd just like to know what happened."
Silence again. Then she nodded briefly, a gesture so short one could fail to see... If you had not been waiting for it, that was. "On silent wings..." she repeated absent-mindedly.
"I remember the song", he smiled. "To someone being supposedly 300 years old, 50 years mean nothing. Sting and Tina Turner might have helped Presley and Lennon write down the first tones of 'Blowing in the wind' already, but they both still do music you can listen to."
"Don't think, Elvis ever did 'Blowing in the wind', sugah." Her voice was just a bit unsteady. The shiver in it was as less audible to an occasional listener as her nod had been visible before...
Except Logan WAS listening. "What does it mean to you?" He gently took her hand when she reached for another cigarette and pulled her close, feeling her gorgeous, nude body move against his, enjoying the feeling of her soft, smooth skin without any second thought. Fucking her was the last thing on his mind right now. After 300 years you apparently learned to control EVERYTHING.
So there they laid, stomach to back, listening to the usual noise of a school outside. Steps in the hallway, most probably Bobby on his way to Rogue. A quiet giggle from the garden. Jubilee and Kitty in the pool, doing swim training in the dark to sharpen their senses. TV downstairs. TJ Hooker from the sound of it. A quiet but steady noise from the room nearby. Scott and Cat. Jean knew the sound of her old bed better than anyone, smiled shortly. "Fitting... I never heard that song till Flashwind and I began those mental trainings. Slow rock helped her relax, stir up her emotions, so I always make her bring her favourite CDs for the sessions. I don't think, Cat ever realized how much that one song got to me."
>>>There was a time when Iwould have followed you
to the ends of the Earth.<<<
"We were both young, excited and loaded. Guess, we needed to unwind." Her voice had changed. Now she was in memory. "He seemed like perfect. My counterpart. My opposite. You know, Scott hasn't been born with a suit and a tie. He was wild, impatient, passionate. All that I had lost with my studies and the mutation starting up."
>>>I was willing to share it all with you,the love, the hurt...<<<
"He knew me inside out from the start. My dreams, my feelings... I was the telepath, but he got a spooky insight at me almost at once. We started the X-Team back then, and that was hell of a job. But never mind, don't worry, Jean & Scott will do." She shivered slightly.
Logan hugged her closer. "Guess, you never had much choice."
"The Professor never meant to push us into these roles that much." She shook her head. "Just happened, like all of it. If 'Ro would have been any different back then, it might have been her. But it wasn't."
>>>I've seen you when your dreamswere falling in the dust.
But I never stopped believing in you.<<<
"Scott has dreamed of being a pilot. But they'd never even look at him twice. I realized much earlier than him that there'd never been a chance. I couldn't tell him."
"God, Jeannie, we're mutants!" Logan rolled his eyes.
"Scott was seventeen", she answered softly. "And me... The Professor's dreams had blinded me back then. At times we thought we could conquer the world if we only wanted to."
>>>I always thought or lovewas strong enough.
One you could hold on to, oh...<<<
"Wonder why you never got married." Wolverine lowered his head to kiss her bare white shoulder. Jean hardly reacted. It was like kissing stone. That was why she had refused to talk... The breaking had been more painful than any of them knew.
"He was too young, and I was too reasonable, even after jumping right into the blue with someone not more than a teenager." She frowned, then smiled a short, humourless grin. "To be honest, the Professor wouldn't quite let us."
>>>You never see it coming,you just let it fly.
On silent wings... On silent wings...<<<
"So we meet before Liberty Island, Cat got herself a Scooter, and that was it?" Logan asked. "You NEVER realized anything to be that entirely wrong?"
>>>You can't hide what you feel inside.And the fire has left your eyes...
On silent wings...<<<
"Mostly, we were much too caught up in our routine of teaching, fighting and fucking once or twice a week. Once in two weeks the end, though." She narrowed her eyes. "But there was this once dance... At the yearly school's prom..."
"Heard of it", Logan murmured. Cat had told him, before he had left to Alkali Lake for the first time. "Saw the photos, too. You look like teaching English instead of opening a prom on it. Grammar, too."
"I hate dancing", she confessed. "My sense of tact isn't the best. Besides, I hate to be lead like that. Biggest problem for Scott always was to keep me in place when doing a Waltz. That last prom evening, they started the night with that old Roxette-song, 'Crash Boom Bang'. That was the first time that the song was MUCH more interesting than the dance itself. Found my own roses dying on the floor that night. The thrill was all gone. That's the look on my face that you can see on that picture."
>>>I see us in our dreams,and we are dancing.
I can almost hear the song...<<<
"That dance haunted me at night. Scott never mentioned it, but I know it has hurt him just as much as me. He stopped waking me from my nightmares when he knew I was dreaming of the prom, because he was afraid to talk about it. There always was this song playing in my dreams from that night on." Jean trembled lightly now. "When we were dancing, I thought that I'd kill whoever chose that opening. No good in that, though. It would have happened anyway. Roxette just helped start it off."
"WHAT happened, then? Cold war?" Logan found that, knowing Scott, he could see him too well, walking down the hall his stuck-up way, barely greeting his fiancée when passing her by. Sitting at the perfectly made up breakfast table with that stick up his ass, making silence a training lesson... Wolverine sighed. No, that wasn't fair, alright. Ever since he had hurt Flashwind that badly with his claws that night before Liberty Island, she was kinda of under his protection. The short, Italian-tempered, impatient, emotional German had somehow gotten to his heart. He knew best how happy she was with Scott. He'd kill Scooter if she wouldn't be. Still, Cyclops wasn't someone he'd exactly wanted to call family. This would eventually change or not. Time would tell.
>>>But the prayers,they go unanswered.<<<
"Guess, you can call it that. It wasn't easy for any of us. We had nightmares, him too, for the first time since I knew him. I caught myself praying for us from time to time."
>>>But we both know,we're just hanging on.<<<
"Didn't quite help, huh?" Logan, who found God a strange, ridiculous concept brought up by a little, strange community just as ridiculous, arched an eyebrow.
"Couldn't. Helping ourselves would have done better. But whenever I looked at him, I knew that he was as desperately trying to believe as I was. We just had to keep on trying."
>>>Oh, I feel the shame,but I'll never know the reason why.<<<
"In the end, we cared for each other like siblings only. I was no longer closing the door of my lab when he entered, inviting him to fuck me right there on the desk..." She stopped when she heard his giggle. "So what?" But she blushed a little.
"It's just that Scooter is really the last one in this mansion I'd want to imagine fucking ANYWHERE outside the bedroom." Wolverine tried to gain back control, kissed her neck shortly. "Sorry. Go on."
"You have no idea", she remarked, grinning. "Anyway... Well, I stopped wearing the things he liked. I stopped leaving my office for diner. And he stopped trying to care for me more than for his work. We knew it was wrong, but trying became so much harder. And we never knew why."
>>>The rug was pulled so gentlyfrom under my feet.<<<
"But you DID know." This time when he kissed her shoulder, she turned to him. He could see a soft glimpse of tears in her eyes.
"That's the point. We knew and didn't do shit about it. I doubt we could have saved it - we just ARE more siblings than anything else - but we didn't even try. We never quarrelled. We never hit each other. We never fucked someone else. And for weeks, we didn't kiss. For days, we didn't talk. Didn't dare to touch the powder keg. We were good in fooling each other that it was the stress of Liberty Island coming. We never realized that it was over till you showed up."
>>>I only know that something good has diedbetween you and me.<<<
"And then it was too late, indeed." Wolverine nodded shortly. "Probably spared Cat and myself a lot of heartache that way. Spared the two of us from doing something extremely silly, too."
>>>Oh... It's just a memory...<<<"Yes." Jean rested her head on his chest. "Within hours it all turned into a memory. One, I'd like to forget, to lock for some time. Till it doesn't hurt so much anymore."
>>>You never see it coming,you just go separate ways.
On silent wings... On silent wings...<<<
"Those hours before the fight in the Statue of Liberty... You kept away from each other..." He wanted to give her the peace she asked from him, and he would... In a minute. Just one thing left to know.
>>>No more promises to break...Oh, our love has slipped away
on silent wings...<<<
"True. We didn't even share our bed that night. Only when Rogue screamed from your room, I left my lab."
So that was why she had been late when he nearly had cut off Cat's left arm. Suddenly it all fit. "Then you quit..."
"Right after the fight, when you were unconscious. Finally no common silent meals anymore. No ice-cold bed. No reproachful sights when one of us was late from duty. When I waited for him to leave Cat's room that night... That was when I knew that our engagement promise would be the last one, we'd break." She paused, suddenly understanding his troubles. "When I came to see you in the lab, Scott & Jean was no longer. You never took away his girl. I left voluntarily. HE left."
"Jeannie, you're an angel." Logan hugged her tightly. "Sorry for bothering you with it that much."
"Never mind." Smiling, she bit his earlobe, purring for him the way, he loved it. "I know a great way for you to make it right, though."
Well, with a goddess-like, naked woman by his side, who was he to protest?
>>>You never see it coming,but you know, it has to end.
On silent wings... On silent wings...
No more promises to break...
Oh, our love has slipped away
on silent wings...<<<
That night, Jean slept calmly. One month would pass till Alkali Lake.
One month till Logan would start to doubt in her one more - and indeed one last time. When she'd return from the Phoenix one and a half year later, he'd never doubt her again.
One month till Logan would tell a grieving, depressed Scott that Jean had made her decision- for Cyclops. He'd say it though inside he knew better than that. Knew HER better.
Scott would know better, too. He'd never answer except for a short grunt that could mean 'Thanks, but not really' as well as 'Don't be such a fool'. Why should he say any more? He had Cat, and they both wouldn't go off each other, no matter what else would happen during Alkali Lake. In Flashwind's tent for example.
Logan in the end would be the one who had nothing left but the role of the loser. For about 18 months, at least.
With her sub-consciousness, her telepathy, Jean knew all this. But this night she didn't have any bad dreams about it. This night, before the nightmares would really start to give her a bad time, so bad that even Scott and Cat would wonder and ask her... This night she was really happy for a last time before the Phoenix would come into her life and take a short but despaired time from Logan and her.
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