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The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Bobby Drake (X/X2)

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  • Jennifer Matarese
    Author s note: I love movie!Bobby. Seriously. Even though considering how so many Bobby fanfics turn out, I simply *had* to do this to him. Because I m
    Message 1 of 1 , May 29, 2003
      Author's note: I love movie!Bobby. Seriously. Even though considering how
      so many Bobby fanfics turn out, I simply *had* to do this to him. Because
      I'm evil and deserve to be destroyed. :) (I also love movie!Scott. You
      wouldn't know it, though, the way I treat him. If they'd stop feeding me
      ammo in every X-Men movie, I probably wouldn't be so hard on him.)
      Son of Author's Note: (On second thought, I would definitely still be this
      hard on Scott. 'Cause it's fun and burns more calories than jogging. I
      lose three pounds every time I make a snarky comment about the stick up his
      ass. Go on, you try it.)

      The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Bobby Drake
      by Troll Princess

      DAY ONE

      Ack! Professor and Jean off to Washington, and have taken everyone else's
      last tenuous grip on reality with them. Could have sworn Storm locked in
      linen closet full of tapioca, but may have been delusion induced by Pixie
      Stix overdose. Would have let her out, but loud, off-key rendition of
      "Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall" obvious sign she's enjoying the

      In other news, Scott currently dancing through the first floor in his
      underwear in insane attempt to be just like Tom Cruise. Only watched him
      for a half hour before I got up the nerve to tell him to stop.

      However, definitely not gay. (V.v. good!)

      DAY TWO

      Have discovered shampoo missing, and am positive that Jubilee behind it, as
      overheard her grumbling as she passed me in the hall about my "nancy-ass
      boy-band hair" and Lance Bass. Was going to ask her what she did with said
      shampoo, but sudden visual of Lance Bass in my head gave her long enough
      window of opportunity for escape.

      Dreams don't count, right?

      Right. See? *So* not gay.


      Scott and Storm back from overnight trip to Canada with jumpy girl and
      unconscious and shirtless muscle man. As everyone else currently down at
      locked med-lab door not able to get in and presumably licking the window,
      have decided to make attempt to befriend jumpy girl in kind welcoming
      gesture as well as to go through entirely different avenue to unconscious
      muscle man --

      Hmm. Have reread last sentence, and definitely only meant first option.

      Still not gay, I swear.


      Ugh! Underwear drawer filled to brim with pudding. At least, am pretty
      sure it's pudding.

      As boxers currently doing backstroke in sea of tapioca (at least, am sort of
      sure it's tapioca), am stuck with going commando until next mall outing. Am
      tempted to inform Jubilee, as squicky mental image stuck in her head and
      ensuing gagfest in the girls's bathroom bound to be easiest revenge

      DAY FOUR

      Argh! Snarky maid starting to get on my nerves. Came back to my room after
      classes today to find my drawers glued shut, all of my clothes sewn into a
      giant ball and injected with a tasty spray cheese center, and my bed on the

      Stupid yowling Brit. Am positive she's making up that acccent as she goes
      along, anyway. Has to be the only reason any sane person in this house
      aside from me would own the entire series run of "Absolutely Fabulous."

      "Black Adder." I meant "Black Adder."

      What? What'd I say?

      DAY FIVE

      Took advantage of history class with new girl today to make highly romantic
      gesture with ice rose and invitation to be escort on personal school tour.
      Go, me!


      V. bad end to the day, as missed opportunity to show Rogue around the
      school. Could not stop watching sloppily dressed med-lab muscle man give
      himself long, involved tongue bath in school hallway, as sight strangely

      Not gay, though. Just have never seen anyone who could make their leg bend
      behind their head like that, is all.

      DAY SIX

      Hmm. Have no idea what John did to piss off the girls, but was stunned to
      find his entire collection of Playboys currently phased through the wall of
      the boys's dorm. Have no idea how Kitty and Jubes even found the freaking
      things, as whole box of them safely hidden under my bed.

      Still not gay --


      On second thought, definitely *my* Playboys stuck in wall. Am terribly,
      horribly upset. Oh, woe is ...

      Oh, come on!


      Ack! Troublemaking doppleganger apparently wandering through the mansion
      making my life a living hell. Instead of doing all of my homework, cleaning
      my room, and going to all of my early-morning classes for me, stupid clone
      insists on scaring off perfectly good quasi-girlfriend. Can assure you,
      diary, that making moves like that definitely not going to help with that
      whole gay thing.

      Can be grateful, however, that airtight alibi in my grasp, as was doused
      from head to toe in nasty sandwich dressing mess spewing out of closet in
      dorm room and spent the entire afternoon in the bathroom trying to make
      myself not smell so much like a week-old bacon double cheeseburger.


      As if week wasn't going bad enough, was approached by a depressed,
      blubbering Scott today while in the TV room. Had the nerve to sit next to
      me on the couch, put his head on my shoulder, and whimper out a request for
      me to serenade him with slow, sexy rendition of "Dirty Pop" to make him feel

      Sorry, but no way in hell *anyone* is gay enough to do that.

      DAY NINE

      Have decided that Jubes could not possibly be anything other than clinically
      insane, as crazy twit suggested we lighten the mood around here by playing
      horrible, rotten prank on snarky maid. Would have said no, but am not
      buying that interdimensional portal bit for a minute and am frankly sick of
      everyone suddenly getting hungry for Arby's every time they come within ten
      feet of me.

      DAY TEN

      Ha! Have saved Jubilee and myself from certain grounding over pranks on
      maid by using keen deductive reasoning and intelligent use of logical

      Okay, abject groveling and pitiful wailing, but is very fine line between
      both of them.

      Also, Rogue back from being used in bad guy's nefarious plan with weird
      streak job on bangs and curiously sexy attitude adjustment. Not sure why,
      but find it extraordinarily difficult to resist her charms when she grabs my
      ass and calls me "bub."


      Logan off on grand adventure to find his past. Took Scott's bike. And, if
      sound coming from Scott's bedroom is any indiction, also took his pride and
      joy, his baby, the love of his life, the only thing that keeps him truly
      happy, and any semblance of his manhood.


      Have never heard a grown man sob like that. Has gone through five freaking
      boxes of Kleenex and it's only been an hour.


      Got to act like walking fire extinguisher today, as John once again setting
      fire to snotty pedestrians. Would probably be twice as pissed about whole
      sordid situation if Professor not paying me fifty bucks a week to keep John
      from setting any more priceless artifacts on fire.

      However, as Professor said nothing about burning truant jerkoffs to a crisp,
      cannot possibly be held responsible for food court ass-clown roasting.


      Yay! Logan back from road trip with Scott's bike. Entire household now
      breathing huge collective sigh of relief, as Scott's repetitive whining
      making every dog in the neighborhood bark like crazy.


      V. bad news, as soldiers now invading the mansion. Either that, or strange
      dream I had last week coming true. Only way to be sure is if Rupert Everett
      walks through the front door of the mnsion carrying a dozen roses with my
      name on them.

      I mean it, though. Seriously not gay.


      Have offically come out of closet to family. Parents happy, friends out of
      their minds.

      However, followed that by telling family I'm a mutant. Now, friends happy
      and parents out of their minds. Can obviously not satisfy *anyone* anymore.

      Um, scratch that first part, as am not gay. At all. Really.


      Was ordered to stay on plane with Rogue and John while teachers, naked blue
      supermodel, and stupidly dressed Gandalf lookalike go fight bad guys. No
      complaints here, as may finally be able to use favorite line of dialogue
      from "Airplane" to get laid in time of crisis. Go, me!


      Hmm. "Airplane" pick-up line unfortunately more inappropriate than I
      thought, as "It's so dangerous right now, and I've never been with a man
      before" only applies to John.

      Can only be v. bad, as John stomped out of plane due to horrible timing of

      I said I wasn't gay, right?

      Right. Just checking.


      World saved. Jean fish food. John off to join villainous duo in obvious
      attempt to either wear much flashier costume or get away with going stark
      nekkid into battle. Would not be the least bit surprised by either option,
      but can assure you, diary, that I do not care, as I am absolutely,
      positively *not* gay.

      John is. But I'm not.


      Ack! Spotted Scott and Logan on way to Jubilee's room doused from head to
      toe in tapioca pudding. (I hope.)

      Have no idea what they plan to do what they get there, but am now suffering
      from squirmy mental image of Scott and Jubes giving Logan long, involved
      tongue bath.

      But still, not gay.


      I mean it.

      Oh, for crying out loud ...

      Troll Princess
      Flavor of the Moment (http://flavor_of_the_moment.blogspot.com) --
      Because sometimes, leaving your brain at home is a good thing.
      Buffy: (to a teenager she's counselling) "So, let me get this straight,
      your ex-boyfriend left you like all the other men in your life. He beat your
      father figure's girlfriend and he has the personality of a bread box? Hmm.
      He sounds nice." -- "Beneath Who?"

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