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The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Professor Charles Xavier

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  • Jennifer Matarese
    Author s note: Disclaimers in the first part, The Maid. Spoilers for both X-Men and X2 . Timeline s close enough. And now, onto story bits ...
    Message 1 of 1 , May 13, 2003
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      Author's note: Disclaimers in the first part, "The Maid." Spoilers for
      both "X-Men" and "X2". Timeline's close enough. And now, onto story bits

      The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Professor Charles Xavier
      by Troll Princess

      DAY ONE

      Have gone to Washington with Jean, leaving Scott in charge of the students.
      Ha! Sucker. Cannot believe he fell for either one of those propositions.
      Would not be the least bit surprised if we returned to the mansion to find
      the man with his eyebrows shaved, his skin dyed red, and the mansion upside

      As for Jean, have got her all to myself until tomorrow. Hmm. Wonder if
      she's ever heard that saying about bald men in big chairs --



      In my excitement, momentarily slipped my mind that Jean telepathic as well
      as telekinetic. Thankfully, Jean standing at podium adorned with heavy
      gavel which she was all too keen to fling across the room with her powers as
      a reminder.

      Hey, there's Erik. Wonder if *he's* ever heard that saying about --


      DAY TWO

      Have downed my way through half a bottle of aspirin since yesterday, as Jean
      obviously rifling through the part of my brain that's the most hard up.
      Last time, was only given grumbled warning about her aversion to black
      leather corsets and her allergy to butterscotch before the pie hit my face.
      Suppose I asked for that one.

      In other news, took a peek into Erik's head and found out he's sent minion
      on wild goose chase for mutant to use in nefarious plan. Knowing Erik,
      mysterious mutant either broody, sexy boy toy or reject from Cartoon Network
      rerun. Can only hope for the latter, as between Scott and John, have more
      than the mansion's quota of the former.


      Scott and Storm back from Canada with unconscious stranger and easily
      spooked teenager. Mansion now a disaster area, as teenage male mutants's
      idea of wooing a girl like Rogue apparently involves centrally localized

      Mansion not getting any cleaner, either, as besotted maid practically living
      in the med-lab. Have warned Jean to keep an eye out, as would not be all
      that surprised if maid caught giving Logan long, involved tongue bath.

      Then again, as have yet to pass by anyone in the mansion who *hasn't*
      thought of giving Logan long, involved tongue bath, cannot really fault her

      DAY FOUR

      Gave male students stern talking-to in regards to attempts to woo Rogue, as
      at this rate, mansion should be smoking pile of cinders within the week.

      However, am finding the irony of the situation amusing, since great sucking
      mutant vortex of painful death now has better chance at a sex life than I

      DAY FIVE

      V. good news, as Logan now awake and vertical. Hooray! Honestly, am only
      happy due to guilty pleasure of making rest of the mansion jealous during
      solo school tour.

      Seriously, only reason.

      I mean it.

      Oh, for heaven's sake.


      Hey, wonder if he's heard --

      Uh-oh. Feral stranger now giving *himself* a tongue bath. Would tell him
      to stop, but sight strangely hypnotic. Also, anticipation of Jean's
      reaction to mental image too good to give up on.

      DAY SIX

      Major excitement last night, as Rogue drained away Logan's power and left
      him unconscious. Have decided not to reprimand her, since Logan probably
      requested it to get felt up by Jean again. Lousy git. Wonder if he'd like
      to spend the rest of the week thinking he's a Pomeranian.

      Unfortunately, chaos erupting among students again, as rumors about Rogue
      sucking away Logan's power until he passed out being *grossly* misconstrued
      by male members of the student body. Competition for her hand (and certain
      other body parts) now reaching Olympic-calibur proportions. May have to
      put grandfather's urn into storage before Piotr decides to juggle *that*, as

      Hmm. Wonder if Piotr's ever heard --


      You know, she couldn't even *do* that a month ago.


      Rogue a runaway. Ororo and Jean repeatedly changing outfits as if it's a
      nervous condition. Scott and Logan verbally snipping at one another to hide
      the sexual tension.

      As if we don't have enough problems, now have to worry about spontaneously
      generating interdimensional portals in dorm closets that erupt sandwich
      dressings. Am officially not surprised by *anything* anymore. Have sent
      Storm to investigate. Anything to get her to stop changing clothes.

      *sigh* May fake coma to get much-needed vacation from this madhouse.


      Yay! Due to Erik's calculated machinations, am now lying comatose in the
      med-lab. So much for faking it.

      Would probably be enjoying a much nicer vacation from it all if ditzy
      British maid had bothered to clean Senator Kelly goo off of the table. Or
      if anyone had bothered to put anything on me under this stupid blanket.

      Eww. Senator goo squishing in uncomfortable places. Either that, or ...

      You know, have decided I would rather not think too much on that.

      DAY NINE

      One thousand, seventy-five, one thousand, seventy-six ... officially one
      thousand and seventy-seven ceiling tiles in the med-lab.

      Hmm. Wish someone had bothered to close my eyes, since ceiling tiles now
      becoming main source of entertainment.

      DAY TEN

      Finally awoke from coma to find Logan once again lying unconscious in the
      med-lab. Healing factor, my ass. The man spends more time unconscious than
      the coma patients on "Days of Our Lives". Can only believe it's a thinly
      veiled attempt to keep Jean's grubby little mitts all over him, as it was
      one of the main reasons I stayed out of it so long, too.

      Also, Rogue apparently now after Jean as well, as made move to grab her rear
      at dinnertime. Thought it was extraordinarily funny until she started
      winking at me and asking me why Erik had Mystique so well trained in turning
      into me.

      Have decided to ignore such comments, as they make me grow sentimental of
      old times, terribly jealous of Mystique, and embarrassingly horny.


      Logan gone on grand adventure to find past. As he took Scott's bike with
      him, was forced to listen to Scott whine about it all afternoon. Tempted to
      ditch ethics regarding using my powers for an hour and make Scott think he
      was in love with Logan, but pretty sure whining would only intensify and
      Siryn would develop a complex at the sound of it.


      Argh! Am disgusted by Storm's on-off accent, so have decided to do
      something about it. Ethics regarding mutant abilities set aside for now, as
      ridding her of that annoying affectation can only be good for mankind.


      V.v. good news, as Storm's accent gone the way of the dinosaurs. As ridding
      her of accent more fun than anticipated, have spent entire day trying out
      new ones on her. So far, have decided that French too snooty, New York too
      harsh, and Southern likely to distract the male students into wearing
      baggier pants to class.


      Wonder if I could do something about that haircut of Storm's. Nasty thing
      looking more and more like cheap Halloween wig with every passing day.


      Have decided to go back to that no-powers rule, as haircutting experiment on
      Storm a disaster. Woman obviously left the mansion and went directly to the
      nearest hairstylist in 1978. Suppose I should be happy, since at least she
      didn't get a mohawk.

      Hmm. Could kill for some of Erik's chocolate cheesecake right now.

      No, seriously.


      V. good news, as Logan back from Alkali Lake. Unfortunately found nothing
      there, but still hoping that he cannot possibly have been stupid enough not
      to check belowground.

      Am off with Scott to ask Erik about assassination attempt and chocolate
      cheesecake recipe, as cannot live without added knowledge of either any
      longer. Cannot say I'm anticipating the trip, as Scott's taste in music
      beyond atrocious. Man has strange unholy attachment to boy bands I cannot
      even begin to comprehend.


      Oh, just *perfect*. Have been kidnapped by evil soldiers and locked in
      dripping basement with catatonic former student. Round of pokeno out of the
      question, as mutant lunatic much more interested in playing hopscotch with
      my brain.

      Huh. Illusions amazingly realistic. Cannot help but wonder if he takes
      requests, as have had ongoing fantasy about Jean, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and
      kiddie pool of Kool Whip I've been dying to take for a spin.


      Am officially pissed off, as brain has been used like popular Muppet by at
      least two mutants in last twenty-four hours. Certainly bad enough when
      crazed catatonic vegetable wandered around my head in drag as a very
      badly-dressed ten-year-old Now Jean's got me giving drippy goodbyes to
      milksop boyfriend.

      Have considered myself lucky, though, as I took over again before either one
      of them got any funny ideas about sloppy goodbye kisses. Have had quite
      enough mental damage for today, thank you very much. Am not even going to
      start on snarky maid rifling through my pockets for loose change while out
      of it.

      However, did get big hug from teleporting Smurf. Go, me! Wonder if he's
      heard --


      Oh, come on! She's not even in the bloody plane right now!


      Jean dead. Logan broody. Scott depressed and whiny. So basically, only
      difference between this week and last Jean's corpse at bottom of Alkali

      You know, Scott's kind of cute when he's grieving. Wonder if he's ever
      heard --

      Oh, I give up.

      Flavor of the Moment (http://flavor_of_the_moment.blogspot.com) --
      Because sometimes, leaving your brain at home is a good thing.
      All I have to say is ... Hugh Jackman? I want one. Can I have one?
      -- DuAnn Cowart, spotted on the Scratching Post

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