The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Professor Charles Xavier
- View SourceAuthor's note: Disclaimers in the first part, "The Maid." Spoilers for
both "X-Men" and "X2". Timeline's close enough. And now, onto story bits
The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Professor Charles Xavier
by Troll Princess
Have gone to Washington with Jean, leaving Scott in charge of the students.
Ha! Sucker. Cannot believe he fell for either one of those propositions.
Would not be the least bit surprised if we returned to the mansion to find
the man with his eyebrows shaved, his skin dyed red, and the mansion upside
As for Jean, have got her all to myself until tomorrow. Hmm. Wonder if
she's ever heard that saying about bald men in big chairs --
FIVE MINUTES LATER
In my excitement, momentarily slipped my mind that Jean telepathic as well
as telekinetic. Thankfully, Jean standing at podium adorned with heavy
gavel which she was all too keen to fling across the room with her powers as
Hey, there's Erik. Wonder if *he's* ever heard that saying about --
Have downed my way through half a bottle of aspirin since yesterday, as Jean
obviously rifling through the part of my brain that's the most hard up.
Last time, was only given grumbled warning about her aversion to black
leather corsets and her allergy to butterscotch before the pie hit my face.
Suppose I asked for that one.
In other news, took a peek into Erik's head and found out he's sent minion
on wild goose chase for mutant to use in nefarious plan. Knowing Erik,
mysterious mutant either broody, sexy boy toy or reject from Cartoon Network
rerun. Can only hope for the latter, as between Scott and John, have more
than the mansion's quota of the former.
Scott and Storm back from Canada with unconscious stranger and easily
spooked teenager. Mansion now a disaster area, as teenage male mutants's
idea of wooing a girl like Rogue apparently involves centrally localized
Mansion not getting any cleaner, either, as besotted maid practically living
in the med-lab. Have warned Jean to keep an eye out, as would not be all
that surprised if maid caught giving Logan long, involved tongue bath.
Then again, as have yet to pass by anyone in the mansion who *hasn't*
thought of giving Logan long, involved tongue bath, cannot really fault her
Gave male students stern talking-to in regards to attempts to woo Rogue, as
at this rate, mansion should be smoking pile of cinders within the week.
However, am finding the irony of the situation amusing, since great sucking
mutant vortex of painful death now has better chance at a sex life than I
V. good news, as Logan now awake and vertical. Hooray! Honestly, am only
happy due to guilty pleasure of making rest of the mansion jealous during
solo school tour.
Seriously, only reason.
I mean it.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Hey, wonder if he's heard --
Uh-oh. Feral stranger now giving *himself* a tongue bath. Would tell him
to stop, but sight strangely hypnotic. Also, anticipation of Jean's
reaction to mental image too good to give up on.
Major excitement last night, as Rogue drained away Logan's power and left
him unconscious. Have decided not to reprimand her, since Logan probably
requested it to get felt up by Jean again. Lousy git. Wonder if he'd like
to spend the rest of the week thinking he's a Pomeranian.
Unfortunately, chaos erupting among students again, as rumors about Rogue
sucking away Logan's power until he passed out being *grossly* misconstrued
by male members of the student body. Competition for her hand (and certain
other body parts) now reaching Olympic-calibur proportions. May have to
put grandfather's urn into storage before Piotr decides to juggle *that*, as
Hmm. Wonder if Piotr's ever heard --
You know, she couldn't even *do* that a month ago.
Rogue a runaway. Ororo and Jean repeatedly changing outfits as if it's a
nervous condition. Scott and Logan verbally snipping at one another to hide
the sexual tension.
As if we don't have enough problems, now have to worry about spontaneously
generating interdimensional portals in dorm closets that erupt sandwich
dressings. Am officially not surprised by *anything* anymore. Have sent
Storm to investigate. Anything to get her to stop changing clothes.
*sigh* May fake coma to get much-needed vacation from this madhouse.
Yay! Due to Erik's calculated machinations, am now lying comatose in the
med-lab. So much for faking it.
Would probably be enjoying a much nicer vacation from it all if ditzy
British maid had bothered to clean Senator Kelly goo off of the table. Or
if anyone had bothered to put anything on me under this stupid blanket.
Eww. Senator goo squishing in uncomfortable places. Either that, or ...
You know, have decided I would rather not think too much on that.
One thousand, seventy-five, one thousand, seventy-six ... officially one
thousand and seventy-seven ceiling tiles in the med-lab.
Hmm. Wish someone had bothered to close my eyes, since ceiling tiles now
becoming main source of entertainment.
Finally awoke from coma to find Logan once again lying unconscious in the
med-lab. Healing factor, my ass. The man spends more time unconscious than
the coma patients on "Days of Our Lives". Can only believe it's a thinly
veiled attempt to keep Jean's grubby little mitts all over him, as it was
one of the main reasons I stayed out of it so long, too.
Also, Rogue apparently now after Jean as well, as made move to grab her rear
at dinnertime. Thought it was extraordinarily funny until she started
winking at me and asking me why Erik had Mystique so well trained in turning
Have decided to ignore such comments, as they make me grow sentimental of
old times, terribly jealous of Mystique, and embarrassingly horny.
Logan gone on grand adventure to find past. As he took Scott's bike with
him, was forced to listen to Scott whine about it all afternoon. Tempted to
ditch ethics regarding using my powers for an hour and make Scott think he
was in love with Logan, but pretty sure whining would only intensify and
Siryn would develop a complex at the sound of it.
Argh! Am disgusted by Storm's on-off accent, so have decided to do
something about it. Ethics regarding mutant abilities set aside for now, as
ridding her of that annoying affectation can only be good for mankind.
V.v. good news, as Storm's accent gone the way of the dinosaurs. As ridding
her of accent more fun than anticipated, have spent entire day trying out
new ones on her. So far, have decided that French too snooty, New York too
harsh, and Southern likely to distract the male students into wearing
baggier pants to class.
Wonder if I could do something about that haircut of Storm's. Nasty thing
looking more and more like cheap Halloween wig with every passing day.
Have decided to go back to that no-powers rule, as haircutting experiment on
Storm a disaster. Woman obviously left the mansion and went directly to the
nearest hairstylist in 1978. Suppose I should be happy, since at least she
didn't get a mohawk.
Hmm. Could kill for some of Erik's chocolate cheesecake right now.
V. good news, as Logan back from Alkali Lake. Unfortunately found nothing
there, but still hoping that he cannot possibly have been stupid enough not
to check belowground.
Am off with Scott to ask Erik about assassination attempt and chocolate
cheesecake recipe, as cannot live without added knowledge of either any
longer. Cannot say I'm anticipating the trip, as Scott's taste in music
beyond atrocious. Man has strange unholy attachment to boy bands I cannot
even begin to comprehend.
Oh, just *perfect*. Have been kidnapped by evil soldiers and locked in
dripping basement with catatonic former student. Round of pokeno out of the
question, as mutant lunatic much more interested in playing hopscotch with
Huh. Illusions amazingly realistic. Cannot help but wonder if he takes
requests, as have had ongoing fantasy about Jean, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and
kiddie pool of Kool Whip I've been dying to take for a spin.
Am officially pissed off, as brain has been used like popular Muppet by at
least two mutants in last twenty-four hours. Certainly bad enough when
crazed catatonic vegetable wandered around my head in drag as a very
badly-dressed ten-year-old Now Jean's got me giving drippy goodbyes to
Have considered myself lucky, though, as I took over again before either one
of them got any funny ideas about sloppy goodbye kisses. Have had quite
enough mental damage for today, thank you very much. Am not even going to
start on snarky maid rifling through my pockets for loose change while out
However, did get big hug from teleporting Smurf. Go, me! Wonder if he's
Oh, come on! She's not even in the bloody plane right now!
Jean dead. Logan broody. Scott depressed and whiny. So basically, only
difference between this week and last Jean's corpse at bottom of Alkali
You know, Scott's kind of cute when he's grieving. Wonder if he's ever
Oh, I give up.
Flavor of the Moment (http://flavor_of_the_moment.blogspot.com) --
Because sometimes, leaving your brain at home is a good thing.
All I have to say is ... Hugh Jackman? I want one. Can I have one?
-- DuAnn Cowart, spotted on the Scratching Post
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