Author: Elizabeth Wilde
Title: Of Course We Can't be Friends
Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks
for it, http://www.biteyourtongue.net/wilde
Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. Don't sue!!! The
title comes from the song "Cup of Coffee" by
Garbage. Unfortunately I have no claim to them
Classification: angst, vignette
Summary: Bobby vents about his break-up with an
Feedback: to wilde@...
Notes: This story was begun in February of 2002 to
allow me to vent about a rather messy,
painful break-up. I finally finished it a year later
from a much happier, safer place.
I didn't realize being dumped could throw you into
shock. Guess what? It can! Isn't that fun?
There's sarcasm there. Hear it? Sorry, the bitterness
is maybe obscuring some of it. I'll work
on that. But I'm in shock. Or mourning. Or some other
generally evil emotional crap that I don't
deserve in the least.
What did I do wrong? Did I talk too much? Say
something stupid without realizing it? Am I a
horrible kisser? I don't even know! But, then, would
it be better if I did? If I knew beyond a
shadow of a doubt that this was somehow my fault?
Would it hurt less? I want to say yes, but in
truth, I doubt that anything at all would help. Ever.
And it doesn't really matter one way or another. My
brain hurts. My heart. I feel sick to my
stomach. Part of me wants to run out and do every
stupid thing that I've ever thought of doing
just to prove that I still can because everything's
okay and it doesn't matter that I'm alone
now. That's the worst part. Being alone. It's not that
I want to grab the next girl I find just
to have someone. I want what I had... what I *thought*
I had with her. But I'm alone. I wonder
if having someone just to be there would make it any
better. Probably not.
I've listened to every depressing love lost song I
know about, and none of them have offered
solace. Depressing music doesn't help. Go figure. I
did cry a lot. Yeah, that's right, I cried!
Guys cry too, especially when the love of their life
just leaves. Okay, maybe she wasn't. Maybe
she was never ever meant to be anywhere near me. Maybe
even I knew the minute she agreed to go
out with me that we were on opposite sides of some
invisible fence and that nobody who wasn't
just like her would be able to really make her happy.
Maybe I knew I wasn't strong enough or
weak enough or something to compliment her properly.
None of that worrying and thinking and figuring
matters now. Not even a little of it. Now I'm
alone and I have to learn how to be alone again. I
have to learn all over how somebody just sits
there by themselves or goes out with friends without
thinking about their other half waiting for
them and thinking of them and loving them somewhere
because there isn't anyone out there loving
There never was.
I knew someday I'd finish another one! Whew!
Daydream Believer [about me] ~ http://livia_augusta.tripod.com
"We've always been ready for female superheroes because women want to be them and men want to do them." -Famke Janssen
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