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Fic: Tears Only Run One Way

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  • Redd <raggedyredd@yahoo.com>
    Title: Tears only run one way Author: Redd Rated: PG Disclaimer: Characters, Lyrics.. nothing is mine.. I am making no money from this endeavor. Archive: Ask
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 8, 2003
      Title: Tears only run one way
      Author: Redd
      Rated: PG
      Disclaimer: Characters, Lyrics.. nothing is mine.. I am making no
      money from this endeavor.
      Archive: Ask and Ye shall receive.
      Feedback: Please.. I may or may not write a sequel to this depending
      on feeback.. so Its up to y'all.
      A/N: Thanks to Neda, and Brian for the betas.. Much appreciated.
      Summery: A Rouge Ramble.. 'Nuff said.

      ++Tears only run one way, never back the way they came
      Tears only run one way, and that's down, down, down
      Just like that river flows a tear wont be controlled
      Though many fools have tried not one has turned the tide++ Sung by
      Rodney Hayden, Written by Robbie Fulks

      {Rogue POV}

      There are things in life that you can't change no matter how much you
      may wish otherwise. If I can come to accept this, then why can't
      everyone else? No matter how hard I wish and pray, I'll always have
      deadly skin. There are no cures, and there are no magical remedies.
      I've come a long way from the girl I used to be. I can now summon the
      powers that I once possessed at will. Today I can have Jean's powers,
      tomorrow Logan's. They are all retained in my DNA, and I can use them
      whenever I have need. But I still can't control my skin. I still
      can't cross that boundary that separates me from other women. At
      least not with anyone I'd like to cross it with.

      How is it I can come to accept these things, and people like Scott
      Summers, and Charles Xavier can't? They keep urging me to try. They
      can't admit that there is nothing else *to* try. Worse, there is
      nobody to try for. I think that deep down they know that if they
      admit that *I* can't be cured then they'll have to admit that the
      Dream we fight so fervently for is an impossible goal. I suppose that
      the point of the Dream is to inspire hope not only in others, but in
      ourselves. It's that hope that in the end everything will come out
      okay, even though we know deep down that it won't. Hell, we're lucky
      to have survived this long.

      Logan is gone as much as he's here these days. The same can be said
      of Storm, Beast, Nightcrawler, Angel, Iceman, Jubilee, and Shadowcat.
      They drift in and out of here at will, always welcomed back with open
      arms. The only constants these days are Professor Xavier, Cyclops,
      Jean, and myself. I'm the one who *can't* live out there. It's far to
      dangerous. Too many things can happen. I learned that when I tried to
      attend college in the city. This place is as much my prison as it is
      my sanctuary. Jean and Scott called it quits long ago, and most days
      are spent with them avoiding as much contact with each other as
      necessary. Who knows why Jean stays... Sometimes, I believe that it
      is only to spite Scott. Scott is much like myself in that life
      outside the grounds of the Xavier institute is almost impossible. The
      visor is a little too noticeable.

      Over the years I've watched as my classmates, friends, and team
      members have all moved on to start lives of their own. Some have
      joined other groups to fight against mutant persecution, and more
      still have went on to simply work and have families in the "real"
      world. Some did both. Kitty and Kurt, scarcely married a year, have a
      brand new daughter. Seeing them together has made me envy them more
      than these simple words will ever be able to convey. I don't even
      envy them their relationship, as I can live with out that. What I
      envy them is that precious child that they created. I wish for a
      child to hold in my arms more than anything else in the world. It's a
      foolish wish from a foolish woman.

      I think that's why Jean and Scott broke it off. Scott wished for more
      than Jean was willing to give. I know that Scott, like me, wished for
      a child and I know that Jean denied him. I don't think I've ever seen
      someone more crushed, than he was. Especially for the reasons she
      chose. She said that she didn't want to run the risk of a child being
      born with such an uncontrollable power as his optic blasts, and that
      her work was far too important to delay it by having a family. I
      think she should've stuck with the second reason, and not used the
      first at all. Then again, who am I, who has never had a successful
      intimate relationship, to judge the rights and wrongs of someone
      else's. All I know is that it hurt me badly to see my friend and
      leader in so much pain.

      These days I spend a lot of time with Scott, and I find myself
      falling. He seems to be doing the same. It scares me to be feeling
      these things for this man whom I would hate to hurt above all others.
      This man who is just as wounded as I. There is no changing my skin,
      or his eyes. Our only choices are to take the chance or walk away.
      Should we be content in fighting for the Dream? Or should we seek
      personal fulfillment as well? I've found that tears only run one
      way... down. Perhaps I should walk away
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