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FAN FIC: Certain Sides Affects May Occur PG (complete)

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  • Linda J <adnilnosnhoj@yahoo.com>
    Certain Side Effects May Occur By Linda J. Disclaimer: Sense I don t get paid to write, I ll have to give you the cheap version; THEY AIN T MINE! Rating: PG
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 20, 2003
      Certain Side Effects May Occur
      By Linda J.
      Disclaimer: Sense I don't get paid to write, I'll have to give you
      the cheap version; THEY AIN'T MINE!
      Rating: PG
      Feedback: Good or bad, my ego thrives on it! adnilnosnhoj@...
      Archive: Just let me know so I can tell my friends!

      Summery: HUMOR
      Remember in the movie when Charles says the mutating device doesn't
      seem to have any affect on mutants? He was wrong!

      It's been almost two weeks since the Brotherhood and X-men battled
      it out at the Statue of Liberty.
      None of our hero's or for that matter the villains noticed that
      their naturally mutated bodies had in fact been affected by
      Magneto's Crazy mutating machine. The changes were gradual and at
      first hardly noticeable. But by now- those little changes began to
      manifest themselves in very obvious ways.
      It started with a phone call from Erik.
      "Hello, Erik, is everything alright?"
      "Alright!?!" Erik's voice was nothing less than hysterical. "You
      have the audacity to ask me if everything's alright!?!"
      Charles tried to calm his friend down. "Erik, what on earth are you
      talking about?"
      There was a strange and uncomfortable moment of silence. Erik had
      finally regained control of his composure and tried to best to keep
      him self in check. "Charles, I look like the frickin Tin-man from
      the wizard of Oz!"
      Charles broke out in a snicker as his friend continued. "My skin
      began to itch and burn and a rash quickly developed over my entire
      body. This morning I woke up and my whole body is a silver color."
      Charles would have thought the whole thing was a joke but he was
      able to read Erik's mind now that he was no longer wearing his
      helmet. He read his friend's thoughts and realized that Erik was
      telling him the truth.
      "Hmmm…I see." Charles noted aloud. "Your WHOLE body? I mean…even…
      there?" He whispered.
      "Yes!" Erik angrily whispered back in the phone. "Even there!"
      "Oh my." Charles gritted his teeth and winced. "I assure you Erik, I
      know nothing of this predicament you find yourself in; but I'll do
      what I can to find out what has caused this to happen."
      Charles no sooner got off the phone when Scott barged into his study.
      "Professor Come quick! Jean's in trouble. She's locked herself in
      the bathroom and won't come out!"
      Charles couldn't help but notice that Scott stood there in front of
      him weaving his body back and forth like a stalk of wheat blowing in
      the breeze.
      "Scott…" Charles asked calmly. "Did you have a little too much
      coffee this morning?"
      "Coffee? Ya I'd love some! Oh wait you meant did I H-A-V-E some? No,
      I skipped the go-juice this morning and went straight to the danger
      room where I waited there for Jean, but after a few minutes I
      started with out her. And wow professor, I had the best work out I
      ever had in my life. I don't think I've ever kicked butt like that
      before. Oh but…what were we talking about? Yeah, like I was saying,
      I waited and waited and waited for ummm…oh yeah Jean to come to the
      danger room and she never showed. I went back to our room and found
      her locked in the bathroom and she's yelling at me about her bio-
      logical clock doesn't have a snooze button and all that other stuff
      and then she told me to just shut the hell up!"
      The whole while Scott told his story, he was either clapping his
      hands together, bouncing on the balls of his feet, or doing bending
      By the time Scott was through, Charles was exhausted just from
      watching him.
      "I see." Charles began to move his chair towards the door. "Um…have
      you seen Ororo this morning?"
      Scott went behind him and began to push the chair so that they could
      get to Jean a little faster. "Your chair must be broke, Professor.
      It's barely moving today! Seen Ororo? Ummm…No come to think of it, I
      haven't seen her at all today.
      "That's odd." Charles wondered aloud. "Um…Scott would you slow down
      a little; I don't carry full coverage for my chair." Charles joked.
      They made it to Jean and Scott's room in what had to be record time.
      When they arrived, Jean was no longer there.
      "She not here!" Scott dashed from one end of the hallway to the
      other end looking for his fiancé. "Jean! Jean! Where are you Jean?"
      Um…Scott, Scott" Charles tried to clam Scott down long enough to
      talk to him.
      "Actually it's not Jean that I'm concerned with at the moment Scott.
      Haven't you noticed how, well how antsy you seem to be moving this
      Scott shook his head, "NO…well now that you mention it…a little;
      Charles quietly nodded his head. "I'm sure Jean's fine and is around
      somewhere. Snapping at you is uncommon for her, but nothing for us
      to get anxious about." Charles then began down the hallway toward
      Ororo's bedroom.
      "It's Ororo that I'm concerned with at the moment. I feel her
      emotional state is in a low right now and that's very unusual for
      her as well as possibly dangerous to the environment considering how
      much influence Ororo has over the weather."
      When they got to her room they heard the weather goddess crying
      "Miss Monroe, Ororo…" Charles softly called out as he gently knocked
      on her door.
      "Come in." she called out from her bed.
      Charles gave Scott a worried look. "Scott is with me, is he invited
      to come in as well?"
      A moment went by before Storm answered. "I guess so, it doesn't
      really matter; nothing does."
      Scott opened the door and the two men walked in to find the shades
      drawn and the lights out. Scott began the conversation as he
      desperately tried not to bounce into the room. "Hey, what's up
      She finally managed to lift her head off her pillow.
      "I know what's wrong with me." She sighed. "When I went to bed, I
      felt fine. But when my alarm went off this morning…I don't know…I
      just felt so, so blue."
      Charles then thought about the weather outside. "Scott, would you
      please open the curtain, let's look at what the weather's
      Scott leaped over the bed and grabbed the curtain string and gave it
      a harsh tug. The curtain rod came down with a crash!
      "Ooops! I'll pay for that!" Scott insisted.
      "Never mind that now." Charles called Scott to focus on the
      situation at hand. "How does it look outside?"
      "Cloudy." Scott described the weather. "Oh Look, Kurt's mooning
      Bobby, and now Bobby trying to shoot ice pellets at him and now
      their running in the yard and now their heading toward the red
      convertible and now their…" Suddenly Scott opens the window with a
      jolt. "Hey, watch it!" He yelled at the boys.
      "Scott." Charles tried hard not to loose his patience. "Does it look…
      well gloomy out side?"
      "Gloomy? I'll say." Scott mentioned though he was paying more
      attention to the activities out side then the weather.
      "Scott, Go ahead and find Jean. Bring her to the conference room.
      Storm, you need to pull yourself out of this; you'll need to come to
      the conference room as well. We need to figure out what may be
      causing all of you to be acting so strangely."

      As Charles was on his way to the conference room, Jubilee caught him
      in the hallway.
      "Professor X, something terrible has happened to Rogue. She needs
      someone to help her out of the bathroom!"
      `What else could go wrong?' Charles thought to himself. He mentally
      reached out for Rogue and discovered that she was indeed under a
      great deal of mental anguish. Normally Charles would have asked
      either Jean or Storm to check on a female student, but this was
      turning out to be a very abnormal day!
      "I'll see if I and Kitty can calm her down. Find Dr. McCoy and bring
      him back to Rogue's room. We may need his help getting her out." The
      professor instructed Jubilee as he turned his chair around and
      headed toward the girl's wing.
      As Charles approached the girl's bathroom, he could sense Rogue and
      that she was feeling very bad about her appearance, but at Rogue's
      age, a slight case of acne could be the problem. "Rogue," Charles
      politely called in. "This is the Professor. Are you able to come out
      of the bathroom?"
      "I can't" Was all that the southern belle cried out.
      Charles cocked his eyebrow. "Are you saying that you are physically
      unable to come out on your own?
      "Yeah," She began to whimper. "I'm stuck!"
      "What do you mean?" Charles caringly asked the girl on the other
      side of the door.
      "One hand of mine is glued to the shower door handle and the other
      is glued to the temperature dial, and…and my head is…" She kept
      herself from crying, "My forehead is glued to the shower head! This
      is REALLY uncomfortable Professor."
      For a moment Charles wondered if Jubilee had played a mean prank on
      Rogue, but this was too dirty even for her.
      "Are you dressed?" Charles thoughtfully asked. "If so, may Dr. McCoy
      come in and see what the problem may be?"
      "Um…"she thought a moment. "Yeah, I'm dressed just ask him not to
      laugh OK?"
      Charles wondered how awful she must think she looks if she was
      worried about Hank laughing at her.
      As soon as Beast arrived he unlocked the door. There she was with
      her back facing him, with one hand on the door handle, one on the
      temperature dial and her head plastered to the shower head.
      "If this is someone's idea of a joke," Rogue warned Kitty who was
      standing by the doorway, "They're dead meat!"
      "Well let's take a look here." Hank gently said using his best bed
      side manner. He moved her hand around to see if there had been any
      adhesive used to hold her hand in place. Strangely he found nothing
      forcing her hand. "Well the good news is you won't have to kill
      anyone today Rogue."
      "Hmmm…now let's see if we can get you free." The Dr. added. He then
      took her hand and gave it a firm tug. It was difficult, but it did
      finally pry loose. However as soon as he let go, *zoom* back to the
      handle it went.
      "How odd." Hank studied the problem. "It's as if her body has been
      He started to remove the rest of Marie's body, careful to keep it as
      far away from any metal as possible
      Charles then began to see the day's strange occurrences may have
      something in common after all.
      "That's not all…" Marie quietly murmured.
      About that time, Dr. McCoy had just her freed her head from the
      shower head. Slowly she began to turn her face toward them.
      Suddenly Kitty let out a shriek and Charles gasped a bit when they
      saw Marie had grown a thick and scruffy dark beard and dark bushy
      "Just `cause I LIKE the guy don't mean I wanna look like him!" Rogue
      sadly admitted.

      By the time Charles finally made it to the conference room he felt
      he may have found a reasonable explanation for everyone's sudden
      As he arrived he found Scott and Jean waiting inside. Storm had not
      yet made it out of her room.
      As Charles rolled in Scott was bouncing from chair to chair while
      Jean seemed to ignore it. Then suddenly she snapped; *Just pick a
      chair; they're all the same!*
      Suddenly, she realized he heard her. Jean asked nervously. "Did I
      say that out loud?"
      "Actually, Jean…" Charles went on to explain. "You didn't say it
      Just then Dr. McCoy escorted Storm inside and to her chair. She
      looked like she wished she was dead.
      Charles continued, "But you thought it." He then began to explain
      his theory.
      "I believe that all of you who were exposed to the rays from
      Magneto's muting device may be experiencing certain side effects."
      But before Charles could finish his theory, Scott jumped to his feet
      and started running around the room screaming, "We're all gonna die!
      We're all gonna die!"
      "Scott, please sit down; we must remain calm." Charles tried to calm
      the overly energetic mutant down.
      "True, exposing non-mutants to the rays proved to be fatal, but that
      does not mean you will meat the same fate. Each of you has
      experienced sudden and even extreme changes, but this does not mean
      you will die." Charles went on to explain. "For example, I believe
      that some of Scott's solar-energy which normally is transmitted to
      his optic nerves is now in very tiny amounts being added to his
      metabolism. Jean, your thoughts are being unconsciously broadcasted
      aloud. Rogue has regained some of Magneto's powers but she not able
      to control it, also she has some of Logan's physical appearance. And
      Ororo, I believe where you once controlled the weather, the weather
      is now controlling you."
      Charles paused for a moment to let what he had just said sink in. He
      then continued. "We must monitor and keep a close check on all of
      you. Hopefully, this may just go away. But we will do everything we
      can to find a cure, I promise."
      Then Storm thought to ask. "What about the brotherhood? Were they
      affected as well?"
      "I am aware that Magneto has been affected, but for the others…well
      we may never know.

      On a distant uncharted island in the Atlantic Ocean, the evil
      mutants suffer in silence.
      Sabretooth, feeling half dead choose to lie on the couch and watch
      the tube, covered up in a bear-fur blanket. "A-a-choo!" The seven
      foot felinoid grabbed for the box of Kleenex only to find he's just
      taken the last one. *cough snort sniff* Sabretooth's unexpected swim
      in the Hudson River had given him a terrible cold.
      With a stopped up nose, he whimpered "I wish I was dead!"
      Then suddenly he heard a familiar voice coming up behind him. "Oh,
      sweet ums are you sick? Don't worry about a thing. Your blue bunny
      baby boop is here to take care of you." Sabretooth managed to peek
      out from the cover just enough to see Mystique walking over to him
      and checking his forehead to see if he was running a fever.
      "M…M…Mystique? What's happened to you?"
      "I just woke up this morning and realized how much you mean to me,
      you great big lovable kitty-cat." Mystique scratched behind his ear
      for a moment.
      "When Erik called me this evening and told me that he has discovered
      that being exposed to those nasty rays are dangerous I had to come
      and check up on the two dearest, sweetest brothers a girl could ever
      Just then Toad walked in. "I thought I `eard the chopper. What's
      wrong? *Ribbit*" He stopped dead in his tracks, not believing what
      had just come out of his mouth.
      He opened his mouth to apologize, but instead of words coming out,
      *ribbit* and then another *ribbit*
      Sabretooth gradually sat himself up in an attempt to join the living.
      "Dangerous?" He asked fearfully. "NOW he tells us!"
      "Oh…you poor, poor tiger you've never sick a day in your life have
      you?" Mystique asked in a sweet motherly way.
      "No, *sniff* I haven't. It's awful." He whined. Immediately, she put
      her arm around him. "Well if there's anything I can do." Sabretooth
      snuggled up close making sure she didn't see him stick his tongue
      out at Toad.
      "What about me?" Toad managed to say before another *rabbit* escaped
      his lips. "Oh I'm sure I can make time for you too. And don't feel
      bad about that cute little sound you're making. I like it." Mystique
      Mystique reached out for him and pulled him close to her breasts.
      Now it was Toad's turn to stick out his tongue at Sabretooth.

      Dr.'s McCoy and Grey worked around the clock to find a cure for the
      afflicted mutants only to discover that within a couple of days the
      affects wore off on their own.
      Before the end of the week, everyone was back to normal. That is
      everyone but Sabretooth and Toad who both agreed to pretend their
      conditions continued in order to keep this "new" Mystique with her
      hyper-motherly instincts at their beck and call.
      "Mystique," Sabretooth called from the same spot on the couch where
      he had been all week. "Would you come in here and fluff up my
      A moment later Mystique appeared in the doorway holding a steaming
      hot bowl of soup in her hands. "I thought you may need something to
      eat, dear."
      There was a tinge of sarcasm in her `dear' but Sabre elected to
      ignore it.
      "Erik called." She said as she slowly walked over to him. "He says
      that these side affects are only temporary."
      Sabretooth said nothing though he began to sweat. She then
      continued. "I know that I'm feeling like my old self again. How
      about you? Surely your healing factor has returned by now." She was
      now standing directly in front of him. She took the bowl and tipped
      up over onto his lap.
      "Rrrroaraaah!" He yelped in his felinoid way. "Geeze woman! That's
      hot!" He jumped up just as Mystique leaped out of his way. "Wait
      till I get my claws on you, you blue assed bit…"
      "A-a-ah!" She warned. "What do you think Erik would do if he found
      out that your little scheme kept me from completing my mission?"
      Sabretooth stopped dead in his tracks. He knew she had him by the
      "Now, to start repaying for my kindness, you can go to the main land
      and buy me something from Tiffany's. That's just for beginners,
      An angry but sensible Sabretooth nodded his head.
      "Good. Now clean up this mess. I'll have to leave right away…"
      Suddenly from a distant room, "Mystique, come `ere and scrub my
      back." Toad yelled from his bathtub.
      A twisted and evil grin sprang up on Mystique's blue face. "We'll
      finish this conversation later."
      She quickly left and headed to Toad's bathroom. Sabretooth followed
      from a distance. From down the hall, a few feet away he listened.
      "Ah there you are babe." Toad seemed content. "I hoped you would get
      in `ear b'fore the water turned cold." All Sabre heard next, was
      Mystique opening a drawer. "What do you want the blow dryer for?" He
      heard Toad say. Then suddenly Toad screamed "Yeaaah! Not again!"
      There was a gruesome *z-z-z-app* sound coming from the bathroom and
      the lights flickered and dimmed.

      By the beginning of the next week, everything was pretty much back
      to normal. Or at least as normal as it could get at the X-mansion.
      Rogue was no longer shaving her face twice a day; Jean no longer had
      to concentrate to `think happy thoughts think happy thoughts'; Storm
      was back in control of her environment; and after a nice, long rest
      Scott was back to normal as well.
      It wasn't until now that Logan called the Professor and checked in.
      "Hello, Logan. How are you felling?"
      Logan snapped, "Fine; why?"
      "Well, last week we discovered that the rays from Magneto's mutating
      machine did indeed affect mutants. And sense you too were in the
      rays' path I suspect that you too may have experienced certain
      temporary sides affects."
      At first Logan said nothing. Then he began to chuckle and his
      chuckle quickly turned into a boisterous laugh. "Yeah you could say
      I wasn't my usual self last week. But don't worry Charles, I found
      the perfect remedy to it."
      Charles seemed a little surprised to hear Logan so calm, even happy
      about his affliction. "So then, are you back to normal now?"
      "Yeah, and it's too bad. Oh well I guess all good things come to an
      end; and in this case everything that goes UP eventually comes
      DOWN." Logan confessed.
      "Oh, I see." Charles caught on to Logan's subtlety.
      "Look on the bright side, Logan." Charles joked. "Now you can sit
      comfortably on the bike again."
      "Thanks Chuck." Logan growled.
      "Don't mention it." Charles finished.
      -THE END
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