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FIC: News from mutant high (PG)

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  • loonylittlewitch <loonylittlewitch@yahoo
    Title: News from Mutant High Author: Lisea (Kuutar@1witch.com) Rating: PG Notes: If you re reading this on the yahoo website, the email addys are linked, and
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 12, 2003
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      Title: News from Mutant High
      Author: Lisea (Kuutar@...)
      Rating: PG
      Notes: If you're reading this on the yahoo website, the email addys
      are linked, and as you can probably guess, they'll take you nowhere.
      More Notes: This is strictly a poor attempt on humor, not to be taken
      seriously.
      And Yet More Notes: If anyone else has ideas for these, I'd be more
      than happy to publish them on my website.
      Thanks to Henrietta, my beta!

      ***

      Subject: Mutant High Online Newsletter
      Sender: mhoneditor@...
      Send To: cxavier@..., ssummers@..., jgrey@...,
      omunroe@..., logan@..., bdrake@...,
      kpryde@..., jlee@..., marie@...,
      stjallerdyce@...


      MUTANT HIGH ONLINE NEWSLETTER

      THIS WEEK'S HEADLINES:

      TEENAGER'S MUMMIFIED BODY FOUND IN BOATHOUSE - RED SUNGLASSES FOUND
      ON SITE

      REPORTS ON WEIRD MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS IN SECRET BASEMENT

      KITCHEN'S NIGHTLY ATTACKS SOLVED - CLAWMARKS ON FRIDGE A DEAD GIVEAWAY

      SHOCKING REVELATION: SUGAR REPLACED BY SWEETENER - STUDENTS SUFFER
      FROM WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS



      TEENAGER'S MUMMIFIED BODY FOUND IN BOATHOUSE - RED SUNGLASSES FOUND
      ON SITE

      A young teenager's mummified body was found in the boathouse last
      week. The shocking discovery was made when Mr. Logan -- a teacher at
      Xavier's -- noticed a smell while holding a afternoon p.e class by
      the lake last week.
      The police revealed that the victim was a student in Xavier's in
      the mid-nineties, who had gone missing one night after a fight with
      one of the teachers. The teacher is now a suspect, since a pair of
      red sunglasses were found on the site. Carbon dating confirms the
      glasses are from the same time as the body was buried. The
      authorities refused to give the teacher's name for publication.
      More on this as the case unravels.

      REPORTS ON WEIRD MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS IN SECRET BASEMENT

      Students at Xavier's have made reports about experimentations in a
      alleged lab complex hidden beneath the school grounds. The reports
      claim there had been screaming heard at nights, and that strange,
      green fumes has been flowing out of the mansion's ventilation
      systems.
      Our reporter caught Dr. Jean Grey early Monday morning, but she
      refused to comment. Our reporter then went to the doctor's husband,
      who agreed to reveal some information, but asked to meet us in the
      boathouse later that night. Unfortunately, our reporter slept in and
      missed the scoop.
      One student came forward and confided in us that the fumes he had
      inhaled at night had caused his hair to turn blue, but when we
      confronted the headmaster, Professor Charles Xavier himself, he had
      assured us the boy's hair had been chemically treated, and there was
      no such thing as an underground lab complex. We didn't see a reason
      to press the issue further.


      KITCHEN'S NIGHTLY ATTACKS SOLVED - CLAWMARKS ON FRIDGE A DEAD GIVEAWAY

      Over the last weeks, reports came in about the mysterious raidings
      of the kitchen's fridge. The staff had found the kitchen messed up on
      countless mornings, but the last attack left the final clue to solve
      the case. Three clawmarks were found on the fridge door on early
      Sunday morning.
      Just in case, the staff had set up a surveillance camera in the
      kitchen the night before. The footage clearly shows a small, furry
      animal coming in from a window.
      -We think it's a wolverine, Ororo Munroe, a staff member says.
      -There's a wolverine living it the woods nearby, another staff
      member says, wishing to be called "Just Logan".
      -The students have fed it, and think of it somewhat of a pet. But
      I'll take care of it. Right away, Mr. Logan said, before quickly
      leaving the scene.


      SHOCKING REVELATION: SUGAR REPLACED BY SWEETENER - STUDENTS SUFFER
      FROM
      WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS

      Yesterday, the whole student body suffered severe withdrawal symptoms
      after the cafeteria sugar had been replaced by an artificial
      sweetener.
      The school's medical doctor, Jean Grey: -We found several student
      shaking on the cafeteria floor, and some were tearing out the kitchen
      cupboards in search of sugar. Then there were some who were just
      sitting by the table, apathic.
      -It will take time to get the students to face this trauma, and
      move on. We believe this to be a act done on purpose, and we will
      find the person responsible, said Professor Xavier, the headmaster of
      the school.
      Mutant High Online Newsletter did a little digging of their own. We
      discovered that Ororo Munroe has been recorded by the surveillance
      cameras at the main gate. The surveillance tapes show Ms. Munroe
      driving off grounds, demonstration signs on the back seat with texts
      like: "Sugar kills your teeth", Down With Sugar", and "Send Sugar To
      The Moon Forever". In the tapes, Ms. Munroe is shown wearing a "Sugar
      Is Evil"- t-shirt, commonly seen among people who belong to the
      feared "Artificial Sweetener is God"- cult.

      ANNOUNCEMENTS:

      Friday, 13th Jan:
      Mr. Summers's history class: Schooltrip to Leceister, NY: Lecture of
      the history of museums. Bus leaves at 7.30 a.m. from the main gate.
      Everyone not wishing to attend can report to Mr. Summers at the
      boathouse an hour before.

      MISSING:
      Two cats, tabby, about four years old. Goes by the names of Cuddles
      and Toddles. Anyone with information about these two cats, please
      come to Logan's office. Reward.


      Got a scoop?
      Send to: mhon@..., or alternatively to
      youllnevercatchme@...

      ***

      "Who writes these?" Scott asked, after reading the print-out the
      Professor had given him.

      "I don't know. It's addressed to all the teachers and five oldest
      students, who we all know. I've already talked to them, and they
      don't know anything of this" Xavier informed him, Jean, Ororo and
      Logan.

      "It seems to be harmless. Funny, too" Jean chuckled.

      "Says you," Logan grunted.

      "I asked Kitty to find this sender from our server. It doesn't seem
      to exist."

      "Excuse me?" Ro asked. She and computers weren't on speaking terms.

      "The address, where it came from: mhon@.... It doesn't exist."

      "So, what do we do about it?" Jean asked.

      "For the moment, it's harmless, as you said. We'll just have to wait
      if there will be more, and until then, there's nothing we can do.
      Now, let's head for dinner, shall we?"

      The teachers got up (except Xavier, of course) and took a course for
      the kitchen.

      "Always knew you've murdered your students, One-Eye. How'd you do it?
      Trig test?" Logan teased Scott while they were walking down the hall.

      "I have Coddles and Toddles, Furball. I'm keeping them hostage in the
      boathouse" Scott threw back, and Jean chuckled under his arm.

      "What are you laughing at, Red? Fumes getting to you?" Logan sneered
      at her.

      "Maybe. But not enough to go raid the kitchen, you little furry
      creature, you" Jean snickered, reached over and fuzzed up his hair.
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