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Fic: "No Sacrifice" (1/1) R [Logan/Rogue, Scott/Jean]

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  • Nadja Lee
    No Sacrifice By Nadja Lee 07/10/02 English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes. Disclaimer:
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 22, 2002
      No Sacrifice

      By Nadja Lee 07/10/02

      English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

      Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

      Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

      Timeline: After the 2. movie

      Universe: An AU based on the trailer for the 2. movie

      Romance: Logan/Rogue, Scott/Jean

      Summary: Scott tells about what happened to make Logan protect his Marie…forever.

      Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

      Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@....

      Rating: R

      Author’s notes: This will never happen in X-men 2; that’s why this is an AU…consider it a darker side of things. Oh, and I wrote this when I was depressed so that should be warning enough…

      Thanks so much to Karen for the Beta

      * * *

      ”Good morning, Logan…” a small pause, long enough to notice, long enough to make Scott feel the pain again. “Rogue. I hope you’re both well this morning.”

      With ease born from years Scott manoeuvred his wheelchair through the door and into Logan and Rogue’s room. It was a big room, it had been used as an extra dining room before the…attack and later rebuilding, but now it served its purpose to protect the two loved ones from the world. There was a bathroom connected to the room and Scott had installed a sink and a refrigerator in the room so Logan didn’t have to leave to get something to drink. The room itself was bare save their shared big bed, a closet, three chairs and a small table. The walls were painted in bright colours and covered in paintings and photos, so that not much wall space was left untouched. Many of the paintings were some Rogue had drawn and the rest was photos of the outside, of water, sunsets, sunrises…..rainbows. The largest picture hung from the ceiling, suspended by small wires and a little away from the wall. It was an image of a sunrise. Logan changed the painting in the ceiling as the day passed from sunrise to sunset, from a photo of a clear sky to rain, as the seasons passed the photo changed from flowers blooming to snow falling so Rogue could see the days as they went by.

      Logan sat by Rogue’s bedside, holding her right hand in his, his lips brushing against her skin. It was ironic that something so terrible as this would solve the mystery surrounding Rogue’s mutation. Hank, the school’s new doctor had explained to Scott that her mutation was controlled by her brain so when she slept or otherwise wasn’t conscious her mutation was off.

      Scott wheeled closer, close enough to reach out and touch Logan’s shoulder, yet he dared not. His eyes weren’t focused today; they had that familiar far away look in them that he knew well. Tears had frozen on his cheeks and his face was twisted in agony and sorrow. No, he dared not touch him. Rogue’s mutation hadn’t been the only change the terrible act had caused; his own mutation had changed or rather evolved as Hank had explained. He had suffered brain damage as a child and had therefore been unable to control his eye blasts. However the trauma he had gone through and the severe injuries he had suffered in the attack had given him the power of empathic, a power he had always had but that his brain damage had prevented him from using…until now.

      “Is she…” Logan rasped, his voice low and pained. He didn’t talk much these days but when he did it was always about her. Scott let his empathic powers gently touch Rogue’s aura, careful not to go too deep. Right after his mind had been opened to his new power he had been overwhelmed and unable to turn it off and protect his mind; he had drowned in an ocean of feelings not his own. Hank had isolated him from any human contact and slowly he had been able to fight his way back and gradually be able to spend more time with other people again but he still had to be very careful that he didn’t go in too deep and lose control.

      “She’s fine. She’s resting,” Scott said softly. He hadn’t felt any change in her aura at all since the attack. It was like she was sleeping but without physical or emotional reactions. She was closed off in every way. “She wants me to tell you she loves you,” Scott continued gently and knew she would had asked him to say that…had she been able to say anything at all.

      Logan’s eyes lit up in pure joy, for a moment shinning like stars. Then he remembered where she was…why she was there and the light died again.

      “Thank you,” Logan said quietly, stroking Rogue’s cheek gently. The motion, so infinitely sad, so infinitely gentle almost broke Scott’s heart. The overall feeling of depression, of loss and sadness in the room was so heavy that even his by now well built mental shields were about to give in. He understood why the others couldn’t bear to visit here very often but Scott needed to check in on them…for his own well being as well as theirs.

      “She feels a little cold,” Logan mumbled to himself, worry in his voice. He pulled off his shoes and went under the covers and drew her close, careful not to pull any of the tubes out of her which connected her to the machines monitoring her heartbeat and everything else; the entire back wall was filled with electronic equipment necessary to keep her breathing…. necessary to keep her alive.

      “Maybe she just needs you to hold her for a bit,” Scott whispered, fighting tears. That was what he had said about Jean….."I just need to hold her….just for a little bit longer…please, just a little bit longer.”

      “Yes…yes….I’ll hold her now…..I have her now,” Logan mumbled and drew her close, kissing the top of her head. “You’re safe now, Marie….safe….” he continued to whisper things to her, now too low for Scott to catch and he knew that Logan had totally forgotten all about him, all about anything but her like he so often did.

      “I’ll come back later today. Bobby will bring you some food,” Scott said, not sure if Logan heard him. If he did hear him he made no indication of it. Since the attack Logan hadn’t moved from Rogue’s side, he had been with her all the way…taken care of her, tended to her…his gentle touch in sharp contract to his build, but in perfect harmony with the love and agony Scott read in his eyes and heart. With a last look at Rogue tucked safely inside Logan’s big embrace Scott manoeuvred his wheelchair around and out into the hallway. He drew a deep relieved breath when he was finally able to lower his mental shields a little. He had hoped Logan’s projection of loss and agony would diminish in time, that he could pull through…slowly but that he would. Now he wasn’t so sure he ever would. He dreaded the day Rogue’s body gave in and finally let her rest in peace…. Wolverines mate for life…somehow he couldn’t see Logan letting his mate being buried in the cold ground with no one there to hold her or warm her through the ages.

      Scott slowly made his way to his office, the office that had once been Xavier’s. Ironic that it should take a tragedy of this magnitude to finally change the public’s view on mutants; nothing was perfect and there was still a lot of fighting to be done but it had created debate and support for their cause…ironic that Xavier wouldn’t be around to see his life dream become a reality.

      So much had changed…so much had been lost. They had lost twelve teachers and four students with twenty-four wounded, fifteen of them with permanent injuries. The attack had primarily been directed at the teacher’s section of the mansion, something that the anti-mutant group ‘Friends Of Humanity’ who had claimed responsibility for the attack had been quick to point out.

      He tried not to think about the attack but everything that was missing made him remember. It had happened not long after Logan had come back to the mansion. They had never figured out from where their attackers had learned of them but it was likely they had trailed Logan. Xavier had been prepared for anything…anything but an attack so cruel and so big it shocked the world for years to come. It had been night, a beautiful night in fact with a clear sky and lots of stars. Maybe their attackers had known the telepaths would have trouble picking up their presence when they were sleeping until it was too late, but most likely it was just to hide their crime under the cover of night.

      Scott’s face became twisted in agony as he remembered the worst night of his life; a night that would haunt him till the day he died. Xavier had warned him about a danger, his voice ringing in his mind and waking him from sleep at the same moment Jean had touched his arm, telling him she sensed something was wrong. Scott had quickly shook himself awake and had told Jean to go wake Logan. He had given her a quick kiss and then ran in the other direction; towards Xavier’s bedroom. His mind had been worried though he had been sure Xavier could hold off any attacker with the power of his mind…and he could. Only this attack wasn’t like anything they had trained for. Suddenly the hallway had shook, debris falling off the walls and the chandelier falling to crash to the floor. An explosion! It had come from Xavier’s room. Terrified Scott had begun to run even faster.

      *Jean, warn the kids. Xavier…,* Scott said in his mind, hoping she could hear him through the confusion.

      *I have warned them. I asked them to use the backdoor. They’re almost all out. I got Logan; he wants to go get Rogue,* Jean told him back.

      *No. Just get out. She must have heard you. I…,* Scott began, frightened that she’d get hurt. He wanted her out of harm’s way as soon as possible. Another explosion shook the building, this one even closer to him and the power of the blast sent him flying out of one of the big hallway windows. His last thoughts was on Jean and he tried to reach her…


      He never knew if she heard him because his body had made contact with the grass outside, the power of the blast making him hit it as if it was stone, his head slamming down on the winter frozen ground and made him lose consciousness.

      Next time he woke up was in a hospital bed, his face and right arm bandaged. In wonderment he had registered he was seeing in colour but only in a very limited range of vision. The joy of coloured sight was dimmed when his memory caught up with him, and was replaced by worry and agony. Then a million feelings of agony and helplessness, all the other patient’s feelings, slammed into him and made him lose all sense of self. It would take six months of isolation and intense training with Dr. Hank McCoy before he had been well enough to learn what had happened to Jean and the others. He had known Xavier was probably dead and he was right, but he had hoped Jean had made it out. She had but had died on the way to the hospital. Scott had refused to admit she was dead, a reaction Hank had expected and after countless talks he had giving in to Scott’s demand for him to see her. Hank had been unable to give up on Jean and had kept her body artificially alive with machines. She was dead in every way…only the machine refused to let her go.

      Scott had held her then and cried, told her he loved her, told her how sorry he was, that he should have known, should have been prepared…. and all too soon Hank had pulled him away from her. She had felt cold…so cold. He wanted to hold her, to warm her….to be with her. It had taken him two months to finally let his brain tell his heart that she was gone; that he should allow her rest. It was months after her funeral before he slowly began to care about others and himself. Hank told him he had broken his back in his fall and that he would never walk again. The right side of his face had been horribly scared and his right eye was blinded. The impact had been so hard that the brain damage that had initially affected his eye beams had been reversed; instead of being constantly on they were now constantly off. However, it had also allowed him to tap into his emphatic powers; no matter if he wanted to or not.

      It had taken a year before Scott had been well enough to try and go see Logan. It took several attempts before Scott was able to face him without the agony in Logan’s aura being so strong that it sent Scott into unconsciousness. He was told that Logan had found Rogue and together with Jean they had been on their way out when another explosion had hit them. Logan had stood as a shield for Rogue, holding her close but Jean had been unprotected and had, like himself, been blown out of the building, only she had landed on her head, her spine broken and her mind destroyed. Logan had held on to Rogue, trying to shield her as they were thrown from the building as well. In the air on the way down Logan must have fought to make himself land first and take the full force of the impact…but never made it. His strength, that should have been her salvation, became her undoing. She was pinned to the ground, taking his entire weight on her, his skeleton making the impact even harder and he must have heard it when her spine broke and saw the light leave her eyes forever. She was now as Jean had been, only Logan would never let go; she was dead in everything but body, but Logan would not fail again. This time he would protect her and keep her safe…and so he did.

      It might have been more humane to let Rogue finally have peace, but Scott didn’t have it in him to separate the two of them. Living with her like this was slowly killing Logan, but taking her away from him would kill him for sure.

      He recalled what Bobby had said to him when he had seen Logan’s continuing protection and tending to Rogue…. seen the love and madness mix into one bittersweet mixture.

      “What a sacrifice,” he had said, his voice sounding old before his time, holding a world of pain and sadness for a couple which could never be and a man who would never let go of the one person who had meant everything to him.

      “No…no sacrifice at all,” Scott had whispered softly. Bobby hadn’t understood him but it was true. It was no sacrifice at all…..to be with the one you love…forever….no matter what. He would give all he had, all he was, all and then some, to get Jean back, in any shape or form.

      No…it was no sacrifice at all.

      The End
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