FIC: The weakness in me, Not rated, J/L, J/S
- View Sourcesongfic: THE WEAKNESS IN ME
language: English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-Men doesn't belong to me. 'The weakness in me' also doesn't, it belongs to Joan Armatrading. Thanks for that wonderful song!
archive: Please ask first, but- of course ;)
Timeline: in/after the X-men movie.
Universe: movieverse only
Romance: Scott/Jean, Jean/Logan
Summary: Listening to the radio while working can be dangerous.
Feedback: will not be just appreciated, but loved, hugged, kissed, petted and called George *G*
>>> <<<: This is the songSeven years. Seven years by Scott's side, and I didn't even think of another man? Is that normal? I used to call it true and eternal love. I'm not so sure anymore.
>>>I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love. But to you I gave my attention right from the start.<<<
>>>I have a lover who loves me. How could I break such a heart? Yet still you gained my attention.<<<You. Why did you have to come back? Why do you have to stay here? The moment you entered that door I was lost. and you knew.
>>>Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles in love?<<<Scott is jealous. Of course he is, he has all reason to be. You're more in my lab than training with the pupils. Oh, you have an excuse everytime, of course. One examination after the other. There's nothing I can do for you, but that doesn't matter. You just want to be near me. And I have no strength to send you away.
>>>Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone?<<<All those times you've called from Canada. I wouldn't be surprised if Scott told me he'd listened to our talks to make sure, we don't have telephone sex. He never trusted you. He has no reason to trust you. And now he has stopped trusting me.
>>>You make me lie, when I don't want to.<<<I can't think of any more excuses for your examinations. You never tried to persuade me to do anything... But how should I explain to the others that we do nothing but sitting there and talking? That you try to show me that you're not the wild bastard you seem to be? And that I'm starting to believe?
>>>And you make someone else some kind of an unknowin' fool.<<<They all know how serious this is. All but Scott, who doesn't want to believe it. The Professor, 'Ro, Marie. Marie, mostly, because you has told her. She lost the battle for you the minute you saw me. Not that I would have wanted this. But I can't help. I can't change your feelings. And I can't change my own, either.
>>>And you make me stay, when I should not.<<<It would be so easy just to leave off, ask one of the nurses to do the examinations. But there's the look in your eyes, making me stay everytime.
>>>Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?<<<Seven years just- forgotten? Why can't I just delete you from my system?
>>>Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by?<<<Last time you followed me. I hate company when I go for a ride. But you even took some riding lessons just to be able to find me in the woods that day. Instead of being angry for it I blushed like a teenager.
>>>But I mean to see you, and I mean to hold you. tightly...<<<From that day on you hunted me in my dreams. For some people dreams are just crazy imaginations. For me they're mostly nothing but my deepest wishes. I'm afraid. God, I'm afraid. Seven years. And now all I can think of is wanting to know how your hair would feel if I touched it.
>>>Feelin' guilty, worried. Waking from tormented sleep. This old love has me bound, but this new love cuts deep.<<<Last time I woke up screaming. In that dream I saw myself stabbing Scott from behind. He held me tight. Asked me, what was up with me. What was I supposed to tell him? Something like, 'Our love has slipped away on silent wings and I didn't even realize'?
>>>If I choose now, I'll lose out- one of you has to fall.<<<I know how much you love me. I know it's more than a crush. I saw it in your eyes, and I see it in your mind. You gave me trust that you never gave to anyone. Scott gave me an engagement ring yesterday.
>>>And I need you, and you.<<<I can't just quit all that we have. We've always been together. But I can't go on like this, either. With your eyes on my mind in every step I take.
>>>Why do you come here, when you know I've got troubles in love? Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone? You make me lie, when I don't want to, and you make someone else some kind of an unknowin' fool. And you make me stay, when I should not. Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?<<<"Jeannie?"
"I'm nearly finished, Scott." I turned the volume of my radio down, getting ready to leave my lab. Only the wet drops on my papers left me realizing that I was crying. Fast I ran over her face, trying to hide it.
>>>Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by?<<<"I heard Logan paid you a visit again."
It was no question. "He has problems with his health. The metal suddenly begins to hurt." A lie again. I heard my voice trembl.
"Do you want me to leave?" Scott took me in his arms, softly put away my tears. "All I want from you is to tell me. Stop playing that game with me."
>>>But I mean to see you. And I mean to hold you. tightly.<<<"I love you", I said quietly. But it was Logan on my mind, Logan in front of me, when I spoke these words.
And Scott felt it. A short mental pain, like a bee sting, when he closed the connection, that we had lovingly called 'link'. "Good luck, darling. To. both of you." He kissed me tenderly and turned around then. "I will always love you, Jean." He left me alone.
The radio crashed against the wall, thrown by a psychic hand. I collapsed, crying, sank to the floor.
"Jean, for heaven's sake! What is it?" 'Ro... She must just have passed by the lab. I felt her arm around my shoulders, her worried sight.
"You know how they say, a horrible end is better than neverending horror?" I hide my face in my hands.
"I've heard that before", Storm answered quietly.
"They're wrong, my friend. They're unbelievable wrong."
He-Man/She-Ra & X-Men lair
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