Darker Destiny: Torn To Pieces
By Nadja Lee 14/05/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe/an AU. Before the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Summary: A young man is slowly falling
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Warning: May contain disturbing elements. This is a VERY dark tale! You have been warned.
Sequel/series: Part of the Darker Destiny series.
Authors notes: This is not meant to offend the Christian faith nor the Catholic way of practicing it. If you think a discussion about Christianity, especially the Catholic Christianity, will offend or disturb you then please read no further. Thanks.
Thanks to Estelle for the Beta.
Have you ever wondered what it is like when your mind and heart are being torn in two?
As a child everything is simple; there is only back and white, good or evil. As you grow older the colours mix to form grey and everything gets so complicated.
Faith is simple for a child, there are no complicated questions and there are always answers. As one grows older the questions get deeper and the answers disappear. Everything becomes maybes, nothing is certain anymore.
My faith has always been strong, Ive never doubted there is a God out there and that was why I chose to dedicate my life to the Catholic Church. However even though Im sure of that one fact everything else stands so unclear to me. When I pray I wonder; shall I pray for something and then think of course itll happen because I have faith in God or shall I think He might not do it. The first could be arrogant while the latter could be taken as doubt. What is the right way? Is there even a right way?
Is it all right for me to pray for something for myself or is that wrong? Should all my prayers be for others? If I have one impure thought will it send me to Hell? Is there even a Hell? If God is Goodness and forgives then there shouldnt be a Hell but there might be one
.What IS God? Not a man, not a person. That is a childs point of view. A gathering of all that is good? An every present being, existing in everything and all around us? But if that is true then there cant be a Hell because revenge and punishment aren't some of the light and good emotions and desires. On the other hand who am I to judge what I cant possibly understand?
My thoughts have been in turmoil ever since a girl has awoken my heart with forbidden desires and Ive begun to have doubts. Is it Gods will that Im to be denied of love, of a family of my own? How can that be if God is pure Goodness and Love? Shouldnt He then encourage it? But again; who am I to question these things?
I think of her and long for her though I know I shouldnt. I try not to, I try so hard but shes either an angel sent to ease my loneliness or the devil in disguise showing me a sure way to Hell. My mind is being torn in two as my heart is breaking. I dont know what to do; Im so confused.
.please help me. Save me. I do not know where to go from here. Please, I beg of You
dont leave me now.