Fic: "My Younger Years" (1/1) PG [Scott/Jean]
- My Younger Years
By Nadja Lee 10/07/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Disclaimer: Am I The Only One? was sung by Marc Anthony and belong to him, the song writers and record company and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.
Universe: Set in the movie universe.
Summary: Scott rethinks his relationship with Jean and finds that he needs room to grow in.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Thanks to Estelle for the beta.
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I sit here in the dark and I wonder....are we playing some kind of game and if so is the game even ours? Weve been together for six years now and the flame of passion that I held in my youth is no longer burning....I was blinded then by your beauty as any schoolboy would. Remember, I was just a boy. I didnt know about commitment; I just wanted love. Ive played an adult since we started dating but I was only seventeen when we started going out. Its just that now I wonder what Ive missed and what could have been. I wonder if I wont have regrets and believe me; I dont want our love to be a regret.
I think about what Ive missed all my youth.....You had already had your youth; you were twenty-eight when we started going out but I never got to have any. I hardly had a childhood and now I find I didnt have a youth either. Yes, I never made those stupid teenage mistakes but maybe I should have because arent our mistakes a part of life? I want to make mistakes I can learn from and that I can look back at.
Am I the only one who sees what we have become? The passion has died and now its just comfortable and known. Not a hint of what used to be is left when everything was new and fresh and passion stirred whenever we touched. Now we hardly ever touch.....Hell, we hardly even talk. Cant you see that we have moved apart? Youre really to settle down and have a family, you want to get married. But love youve already seen the world, you have been wild and you have made mistakes. All I ask is the chance to do the same.
Am I the only one who sees what we have become? I see no reason to go on like this. Lets not argue about which fault it is; lets just call it fate. Well only torment ourselves for no reason. Lets face the truth; were building a life on a lie. We dont want the same thing from life because were on two very different stages in life. Youve past youth and are now mature, Ive never had a chance for a youth and I need and want one. I dont want to sit when Im eighty and be an old and bitter man who regrets everything and always wonders what if?. I need to have just some answers and just some memories of something....wild and forbidden. Theres no reason to go over the edge but I do need to try and look down over the cliff or Ill always wonder and regret I never did. I need to do this now while theres still time.
Love? What of love? That young teenager who fell in love with you would say that love conquers all but in reality it doesnt. I loved you then and I still love you now but were too different and we have moved apart; our wishes and dreams arent the same....I doubt they ever were but when we started going out we were both too much in love to notice.
In any relationship you must compromise; I know this but this isnt working. Im the man you want me to be but frankly.....Im not sure Im the man I wish to be. Maybe in ten years the man I am today is who I want to be but not now. For once I want to dress and act my age, I want to let loose and be free....somewhere far away where no one knows me so I can start over. I need a fresh start.
Lets not part as enemies because we never were. I loved you then and I love you now, dont pretend anything else even to make this easier on yourself. Im sorry to hurt you, truly I am but if I stay Ill die.....slowly Ill die inside and I fear Ill one day blame you for that emptiness Ill feel inside...and Ill eventually end up hating you. I dont want to do that. Lets remember and celebrate what we had and part as friends. People change and people grow apart.... People fall apart.
I cant be the only one who thinks that this isnt working out. Lets not torment ourselves and pretend. Theres not a hint of what used to be........ Ive grown up but Ive had no room in which to grow in. I need that now.
So, please......let me go and lets part as friends.
No hard feelings?
Just remember, you were my first love and so far you have been my only love. That makes you and the love we had very special and Ill always cherish that.
But now its time to find out who I am and what I want. I need to find myself before I can even try and find a we.
Youre a very beautiful woman, a remarkable woman. Youll find someone who can give you all you want because you deserve someone who does that; someone who gives it all and means it but that someone cant be me.
Thanks for the years you chose to spend with me, Ill cherish our love always.
Bye now, lov........be strong like I know you are. Thats it thats it, no tears.