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Fic: "Darker Destiny: Those Who Never Made It" (1/1) R

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  • Nadja Lee
    Darker Destiny: Those Who Never Made It By Nadja Lee 14/05/02 English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes. Disclaimer: “X-men” and all
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 20, 2002
      Darker Destiny: Those Who Never Made It

      By Nadja Lee 14/05/02

      English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

      Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

      Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

      Timeline: Set in the movie universe/an AU. Before the movie

      Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.

      Romance: None

      Summary: A young woman thinks and feels……

      Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

      Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...

      Rating: R

      Warning: May contain disturbing elements. This is a VERY dark tale! You have been warned.

      For Karen who asked for Kitty’s Darker Destiny.

      Thanks to Estelle for the Beta.

      Sequel/series: Part of the “Darker Destiny” series.

      Have you ever wondered what it is like to feel the world is passing you by?

      I did what everyone thought I would; I did everything as planned……..and I begin to regret it.

      I feel trapped, held back and locked away. All the dreams I had……not one of them have come true. I wanted to go to college; I never went past High School, I wanted to see the world; I've never been outside the state, I wanted adventure; the most exciting thing here are the cows.

      I’ve never seen or done anything; I’ve never been anything or anywhere. I married just after High School. He was the man I had loved since childhood. He’s the first and only I’ve ever had and now I begin to see it was never love but obligation, need and teenage infatuation.

      Every day is the same old routine and the most frustrating thing is that I’m the only one around here who seem to notice and care. Sometimes I feel like screaming and never stop. I want someone, anyone, to know of the invisible bonds I feel are holding me back.

      I just don’t know what to do anymore. This is becoming intolerable. My husband doesn’t know why I act so strangely and want me to be like all the other women here. Yeah, go home, mind the kids, clean the house and be happy, right? Sorry, ‘sweetheart’, but I just want more than that. Is that really so bad? That I want more? That it’s not enough?

      You tell me it should be enough to be your wife and the mother of your son. Yes, I do love our son, of course I do but that’s not the issue here. I still feel like I'm being strangled and I still feel like I’m slowly dying inside. I need to breathe, I need to break free.

      Please don’t try and stop me. I have to go. No, don’t………….I can’t. I can’t……..I can’t leave. Why can’t I? I’m beginning to hate it here yet I can’t get myself to leave. I have too many obligations and……..I’m afraid. If I leave it might have to be forever and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’ve never been on my own before. I’m not sure I could make it. I have no experience and no money. Where should I go? What should I do?

      Maybe this is all there is for me. Maybe I should just try and be happy with what I have. I have more than most; I know that. Yet my heart still yarns and seeks.

      Sometimes I wish I could be like the other women here. I wish I could be happy with being just a mother and a farmer’s wife…….but I can’t. I can pretend but there is no peace within me. I keep getting the feeling I wasn’t meant for this life but for something else…..something more.

      I try to satisfy my hunger for more with books and movies but it’s never enough; it could never be enough. I keep getting the feeling that the world is passing me by, that I’m missing my one big chance. It’s frustrating and makes me desperate to do something even if I’m not sure what it is.

      Mostly I just feel lost. Mostly I just feel like standing in a room and screaming…

      Mostly………I know I’m just feeling this way because I’ve realised my dreams will never come to pass.

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