little Jean/Logan fic, sad
- again a little fic of mine... like the songfic you don't need to know my canon except for the pairing Jean/Logan and Scott/Flash (my char) to understand it; hm... that's my frist real Jean/Logan story, I'm kinda proud :
Series: X-Men: Academy (but not really belonging to it, won't be on my hp either... something like out of the canon)
Title: IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES
author: B'Teena DOL; myself ;)
language: English, but that's not my native language, so please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: All X-Men and other Marvel characters in here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and else. Not mine, except for Flash/Cat
Universe: Only based on the storyline of the movie 'X-Men' that was released in the year 2000.
Timeline: A few months after the movie
Summary: kind of songfic- what if tomorrow never came?
Feedback: I'd very much appreciate it :)
remark: Knowing the song 'If tomorrow never comes' from Ronan Keating might underline the meaning of this story;)
words in <that breaks>: This is the song 'If tomorrow never comes' sung by Ronan Keating
<Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping.
She's lost in peaceful dreams...
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark.
And the thought crosses my mind:
If I never wake up in the morning,
would she ever doubt the way I feel
about her in my heart?
If tomorrow never comes... Would she know how much I love her?>
"Kitty, for heaven's sake, turn it off", Scott moaned. "You chicks have no idea of good music. Cat, put that Bon Jovi CD in, will you?"
"So very sorry, but in this case I declare my solidarity with the others. I love this song", his girlfriend grinned. "We'll be there soon, anyway."
"Besides I can't see any difference between Ronan Keating and Bon Jovi", Logan, who was driving the bus, mentioned teasingly.
"That just shows that you know as less about music as about anything else", Cyclops replied charmingly.
"Boys! Could you stop fighting for just one day?" Jean ran over her temples. "This day will be enough stress, without you proving to each other who's the bigger asshole."
"You're worrying too much", Storm threw in. "We're just going to a museum."
"Yeah, and hell's just a sauna." The doctor shortly looked at the pupils in the back part of the bus. "Going to an exhibition with 20 mutants is the most silliest idea ever practiced in this mansion. If something happens, remember that I protested."
"Registered and noted", Scott nodded. "You're exaraggating... Hell, could you finally turn off this sound? This man can't sing, and the subject of the song is completely overused. I just don't understand why you woman dig things like that."
"I think it's sweet." Cat hummed the melancholy melody quietly. "Interesting question, isn't it? What would you do if we wouldn't survive this day?"
"Hm... Finally beat that guy up?" Cyclops pointed at Wolverine.
"Oh, don't be too romantic, please." Flash rolled her eyes. "You two are impossible."
"Speak just for your lover, kid. I don't mind statements like that anymore", Wolverine commented. "After all I KNOW that Summers has no chance against me..."
"That's enough", Jean growled. "We'll be there soon, concentrate on that." But in her eyes there was something more than the anger about the childish behavior of the men. It had to do with the song that just ended. Cat was right, it was an interesting question. She took a short look at Logan when they entered the museum.
<If tomorrow never comes,
would she know how much I loved her?
Did I try in every way
to show her every day
that she's my only one?>
Well, if your boyfriend was immortal you probably didn't have to worry about what would happen if his life was in danger...
"Logan!" Rogue screamed, terrified.
Jean couldn't scream. She didn't get air. She didn't realize Mystique who'd probably beaten her till she was unconscious, if Marie hadn't protected her. She didn't see Scott defeating Toad, either. She couldn't move at all. Completely stiffened she stared at her boyfriend, who was lying on the floor in a fast growing pool of blood. When would she finally wake up? That was the cool thing about nightmares, that you always woke up when it got very bad, wasn't it?
Storm rudely hit her into the side. "Come one! We have to get out of here!"
Scott put Logan up from the ground, without taking care of the terrible wound, and they ran off.
Jean also did. Her body moved automatically while her mind seemed to be soaring high above it, still stunned staring at Logan. She didn't see or hear anything around her. Because she suddenly knew for sure that her boyfriend would die. She was too much of a doctor not to see it. Magneto's most powerful weapon, the reversal cannon, had taken away his healing factor, and Sabretooth had taken advantage of it without mercy, had shot him through the chest with an exploding bulled. Logan, the man whom she loved that much, would die, and there was absolutely nothing that anyone could do to prevent it.
"I'm sorry, Jean." Hank went to t he door of the sick bay. He hadn't been able to do anything. The injure was just too bad. The heart was half destroyed, and the machines that kept Wolverine alive, would soon fail. "Half an hour, at the most", Beast explained. "Don't have any hopes that he'll wake up once more. It's best if you just say your good-bye. Call me when it's over." Dry, blunt, as usual. There had been times when she had admired this calmness. Now a silly, irrational part of her wished that he had lied to her. A part of her that hoped in spite of her medical knowledge that Logan could recover. Of course she knew that the effect of the reversal cannon, that turned mutations against every hit mutant, would last much too long for it. His healing factor that had always saved his life, failed just in the most important battle.
And nevertheless she sat here beside his bed and waited for him to open his eyes. For his wounds under the bandage on his chest to close. Or for some new mutant arriving just now, who could give him back his powers.
The worst about this everything was that it wasn't too late for a rescue yet. No matter what Hank had said about the coma- Jean knew that Logan was still there. She could hear him in her mind, through the link that had been transferred from Scott to Wolverine when they had fallen in love more than half a year ago.
When Logan had come to Xavier, she had understood that Scott and her hadn't been able to give anything to each other anymore. The man who was the complete opposite to Cyclops, had awoken feelings inside herself that she had never known of to be there. She on the other hand had been able to tame the Wolverine inside of Logan, the wildness that could become brutality so easily. They had experienced wonderful, exciting, wild months. And now...
'Logan!' In despair she tried to find the voice again that she had heard inside her head for a moment, weak, but definitely there. It was no hallucination and no memory, it was his strong soul that fought till the end though he knew that it was useless. "Come back to me", she whispered, hardly audible.
"Jean?" A shy voice behind her.
She needed a moment to recognize it. "Roman."
A new mutant, just 14 years old, with completely unknown mental abilities. His soul could wander into other bodies. It wasn't telepathy like the Professor did it. Roman BECAME whoever he chose for it. The soul of the one he went into was transferred into his own body. He had come here because he couldn't control this ability. He couldn't change back. The chosen person had to fight the infiltration with all his or her power to undo it. "Jean, I want to help you."
"You can't. Nobody can." She sounded just as flatly as Ororo after Sabretooth had raped her a few months ago. Her life had been destroyed with Logan's. Nothing else but his exhausted breathing counted.
"What if tomorrow really never came?"
"WHAT?" She turned around surprised, looked at him for the first time. She had to lean her head back, he was quite big.
"Wasn't that what you were talking about in the bus today? Didn't you see how depressed Logan suddenly looked? Rogue and me, we could watch it quite well, you know. Don't tell me you didn't realize how he looked at you."
She shrugged lightly. Of course she had realized, she knew what the Changeling wanted to tell her. Something completely impossible, that was.
<If my time on earth were through
and she must face the world without me.
Is the love I gave her in the past
gonna be enough to last?>
"Jean, he knew it. I think he somehow felt it in this moment." Roman placed a hand onto her arm when tears streamed down her cheeks, for the first time since the attack had happened. "Let me try it. If his soul is still in this body, then I'll send her to mine. Then you'll have a few last minutes. If... if he dies, I'll be transferred back, anyway."
"He's hurt badly, you'd be in big pain", she reminded him.
"I'll be as less awake as he is now. And even if- I want it. Jean, please, let me help. There's not much time left."
She took a look at Logan's hand in her own, closed her eyes.
<'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
who never knew how much I loved them.
Now I live with the regret
that my true feelings for them never were revealed.
So I made a promise to myself
to say each day how much she means to me
and avoid that circumstance
where there's no second chance
to tell her how I feel.>
If he could touch her just once again... If she could embrace him... No matter what she said, she'd have given anything for it.
A quiet moaning. The hand in hers moved. Logan was awake.
For a moment she thought Hank had been mistaken, wanted to call for him...
But then Logan turned his head lightly, looked away, smiling lightly.
A hand was put onto her shoulder before she could turn around. "Jeannie." One word that cleared everything. There was just one man in this mansion who was allowed to call her that.
Nevertheless she shortly doubted when she stood up and looked into Roman's pretty brown eyes. Could it really be?
"Jeannie, it's me." He took her hands. "The man who asked you to marry him two weeks ago, in Frisco under the bridge, in the pouring rain. The first and only jerk on earth who does something like that in the rain and a big smog cloud. We agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone yet, so I'm the only one to know." He smiled lightly. "And I know of the little tattooed wolf on your back. And that all by yourself you're sometimes afraid of the dark."
"I was never afraid when you were with me. And this in Frisco was the most beautiful proposal ever", she replied in an unsteady voice. Crying she hugged him. "Logan!"
"I wish I'd know what to say now", he said quietly. "A perfect prepared speech... But I don't have something like that in store. We could talk about sex like no other couple, but we never talked about the death."
"Stay with me", she asked him, sobbing. "I don't want to lose you!"
"I know." He held her tight. "If I just could make it right! Just this wrong step, this minute of not taking care..." His voice faded, he had to stop. "Jeannie." Suddenly he sounded calm, composed. "Time's short. This body over there is dying rapidly. I want you to know how important you're to me. You were my life. And if it's over now, I'll leave in peace, because I had the most wonderful girlfriend any man can have." He shook his head slowly. "Without you... You gave a meaning to my endless journey. I stopped stumbling around and started living again. You were the best to happen to me in the last fifteen years. I'm thankful, Jeannie. I'm so very thankful that I can tell you all this." He shortly looked at the bed. "Take care of the boy. We owe him much. That I'm allowed to see your beautiful face once more..." He ran over her cheek. "If I could just find the words to tell you how much I love you!"
"You already did, Logan." She closed her eyes, ran through his hair. She forget that it wasn't his body. It was him, that counted only. "With every hour we spent together, with every smile, with every single gesture. I love you so much!" Again tears. "You'll always be the only one for me."
"Don't do that", he contradicted her gently. "Don't promise something like that. I don't have a past, I less have a future. I never had one. There's nothing like a future for men like me. But you have one, Jean, and I don't want you to give up. If you find someone who loves you, who protects you... Then don't look back. Our love is the only one, the eternal one. I'm sure that in our next lives we'll be together again. But till that happens, keep on fighting. I... I'll always watch you, love." For the first time in his short, empty life since the Adamantium-operation, Logan began to cry. "And then I want to see you smile. For me. For everything that we had and will have again someday." He took her chin. "Close your eyes."
<So tell that someone that you love
just what you're thinking of,
if tomorrow never comes.>
Their lips meet. In spite all the distance they made a last bridge of their love. When it was over, the high beeping that had shown Logan's heartbeat, became unsteady. Frightened they looked at the bed. It was time.
"Remember me", he asked her.
"Always", she promised. "We'll... we'll meet again."
"We will." He took her hand and placed it onto his chest lovingly. "I'm taking the love inside with me, Jeannie. I'll always love you."
"I love you too, Logan."
A last beep- the end.
Roman returned to his body. His sight was puzzled- then understanding. "Jean..." He took her shoulders gently when she wanted to shrink back.
Like being in trance she hugged him, feeling the usual thin silhouette of a fourteen years old boy again, not Logan's beloved body, like before. It was over. Now it was really over.
Tomorrow would never come.
yeah, depressing I know... I was in such a moood yesterday... well, thoughts?
He-Man/She-Ra & X-Men lair
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