This is the comparison piece to Do You Love Me? posted a few days ago.
In time this fic can be read on fanfiction.net here:
Cuts Like A Knife
By Nadja Lee 6/06/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Disclaimer: Knife was sung by Rockwell (at least this version Im listening to now is *LOL*) and belong to him, song writers, record company and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.
Universe: Set in the movie universe.
Romance: Scott/Jean, Logan/Rogue
Summary: Scott thinks about his very strange and often painful relationship with Jean and compares it to Logan and Rogues.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Sequel/series: Comparison piece to Do You Love Me?
Thanks to Estelle for the Beta.
* * *
Do you love me, Scott?
Ive never known love; I dont know what it is. Im an orphan; love was for princes in fairytales
..never for me.
Do I love you? What a strange thing to ask. Of course I do
..but I also hate you. You bring me the greatest joy and the greatest pain.
You play a game and too late I figured out that I was part of it. Closeness or distance, love or hate, joy or sorrow
its all just a game.
When you smile at me I melt and I cant help smiling back, when you put your arms around me I swear Im in Heaven, when youre near me I want to bless the day I met you.
But then you turn around. You avoid me; pull free from my embrace, go hunting and hurt me in the worst possible ways. You bring me to my knees, you hurt and taunt me
At first I thought it was a phase. The only thing I had to compare our love to was what Ive read in books or seen in TV and they always make it look so easy
. their love was only joy and happiness. So when you started pulling back I let you go, when you flirted with others in front of me I pretended I didnt see
.when you stayed away for entire nights only to return to explain in full what you had done
I tried to be strong but tears fell from my eyes and I fell to my knees and begged; please dont break me this way. Please dont. Your words and actions are like a knife. It cuts me like a knife to my heart. Im so deeply wounded.
But you continued to hurt me; you always do. Its a game, I know that now. Loves nothing but a game. Little by little my childhood fantasies of a perfect love dimmed and left only cold hard reality. Well, two can play this game. Two can be a knife. I havent lived on the streets for nothing. I can take that coldness back I gave up to love you; believe me, darling, if you want to compare coldness and hurtful schemes
..Ill bury you.
Dont judge me for what I do; you started it. Ive yet to take a lover and you have had many so dont look like that
..I must admit I do enjoy the flash of hurt in your eyes when I purposely kiss Kitty in front of you. She admires me, hero worships me
.I use her. Maybe if I could let my wall down I could see her in another light than a tool to get to you but as long as you can wound me so deeply I dont dare to open my heart.
Our game continued and culminated when Logan and Rogue arrived. Of course you had to put the moves on him; I knew you would. What you hadnt counted on was he refusing you. No one has ever refused you before. I couldnt help laughing at your baffled look when he turned you down rather loudly in the dinner hall
I see them together; Logan and Rogue. I envy them so strongly I can taste it. I dont love Rogue in that way but I envy the love they share. Its so pure and simple. They have no games and no barriers. Theyre open and honest
Gods, I wish I had a love like that. Their love is in one word; perfect. Theyre so matched to each together, there is no power play or hurtful words between them, no role games
no mind games. Hes her protector and shes his soul and heart. So simple and so pure. So
Dont I deserve a love like that? Maybe I dont. Maybe I want a love like the love I share with you; filled with joy
filled with pain. Maybe I need it.
But the truth is it hurts me. Cuts like a knife. Im bleeding, Im drowning. Im so deeply wounded. How will I ever heal? Can I heal?
Do you love me?
Your question is unreasonable, darling, but so is this game we have to play. So, what shall I say? I cant lie. We never lie in words
..only with everything else weve got.
And in my mind I add; when you dont cut me like a knife. Cant you see Im so deeply wounded?