Fic: "Do You Love Me?" R (1/1) [Scott/Jean, Logan/Rogue]
- Do You Love Me?
By Nadja Lee 6/06/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Disclaimer: Sometimes When We Touch was sung by Dan Hill (at least this version Im listening to now is *LOL*) and belong to him, song writers, record company and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe.
Universe: Set in the movie universe.
Romance: Scott/Jean, Logan/Rogue
Summary: Jean thinks about her very strange and often painful relationship with Scott and compares it to Logan and Rogues.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Sequel/series: Comparison piece to Cuts Like A Knife
Thanks to Estelle for the Beta
* * *
Do you love me, Jean?
You cant ask like that. You cant ask me that. I choke on my reply, I dont know what to say or do Ill rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie.
Love has never been something clear and pure to me. It has always been a game. In my home there was never any I love yous, hugs or big emotions ..it wasnt done. Im not sure I would know how to do it. In time you lose your ability to be honest and pure in your love and I did just that.
I wouldnt know how to have a simple love or how to repay it in kind. My love has always been like a conflicted pattern of mixed colours.
So do I love you? Im not sure. Sometimes I do and sometimes I dont. Sometimes I want you near me; other times I want you to stay away. Sometimes I seek your love, other times I provoke your hate. Sometimes I need your respect; other times I purposely destroy it. Sometimes I want you to be safe and other times I seek to hurt you.
Why? I dont know. Its complicated. I've never learned how to love unconditionally; I wouldnt know how to do that. I hardly know what I want so how should I be able to explain it to others?
I look at others around me, like Logan and Rogue. They share a special bond, its like they are connected at the heart. Their love is pure and unconditional; its innocent in its intensity and shines bright through the darkness. They make love seem so simple; like a fairytale. Sometimes I envy them that and other times I only feel contempt.
Maybe its the openness and honesty in their relationship that scares yet excites me. I hardly know who I am or what I want ..if I try to psychoanalyse myself I wouldnt let myself out among other people for a very long time. The mind is a strange thing; it can save you ..or imprison you and somehow ..its always so hard to figure out just which of the two it is youre doing. Am I freed or imprisoned, locked in my own mind?
Sometimes I want to hold you till I die, till we both break down and cry till this pretend and strange game we play is stopped sometimes I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides. Sometimes I want to hide, run far away, sometimes .
Sometimes I want to hurt you, see you bleed, see you cry. Sometimes I want to break you, drive you to your knees, see your heart break and see you beg and plea. Sometimes I want to help you up, guide you, lead you, take care of you and never leave you.
At times I think were drifting apart yet we always come together. We hurt, we love ..it never stops. Its a circle I cant break.
At times I understand you and I feel so near you .then everything falls apart and youre a stranger again. At times I want to lay down my pride and just be yours .at other times I want to stand tall and never break down.
Sometimes the feelings inside me dim and youre like a brother or friend but then the flame ignites again and the game is on. Sometimes I close my eyes and just wish things could be simple and I didnt have to hurt you like I do or take the hurt you give me.
Who am I to judge you? Were in a game and generally one Im winning but youre coming after it. Sometimes I fear Ive destroyed the light in you because sometimes I feel no light in you at all, just a cold and cruel cunning, a predators smile on your lips but then the mask falls back into place and Im left to wonder which part of you is real and which is pretend.
Do you love me?
What can I say? I never lie; thats part of the game. We never lie in words anyway.
Sometimes, Scott .sometimes.
Comparison piece to Cuts Like A Knife