Fic: "Darker Destiny: The Roles One Plays" R (1/1)
- Darker Destiny: The Roles One Plays
By Nadja Lee 14/05/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe/an AU. Before the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Summary: A young woman tells of her life and choices
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
Warning: May contain disturbing elements. This is a VERY dark tale! You have been warned.
Dedicated with love to Sorcieré
Sequel/series: Part of the Darker Destiny series.
Thanks to Estelle for the Beta
Have you ever wondered what it is like to play a role for so long you forget who you are ..
What would she say? What would she do? Never me. I cant be me, Im not sure I remember how to anymore. Ive played so many roles through my life that I begin to wonder if there even is a me inside somewhere.
Sometimes role playing is fun, to unleash your imagination and be someone else. But when youre always stuck in a moment, never moving, never changing back ..then things starts to blend. Who are you? becomes a hard question, answered only with careful consideration. Who am I? This week? Last week? Tomorrow?
We all wear masks, none of us shows who we truly are. Were taught from childhood to play a role to fit in. Everyone should look, act and think the same so we do; we pretend we do. Inside were all different but if we pretend long enough people will forget that.
Abnormality isnt viewed with kindness but with disgust. There are strong rules for intelligence and beauty and if you divagate too much from them youre an outsider. Then you only have two choices; be alone or pretend. I choose to pretend and Im good at it.
Too good. My mind is a Hell I cant escape. When someone asks me a question I have hundreds and not just one ready reply to it and I have to sort through them all to figure out how the person I am today would react.
In the darkness late at night I even begin to wonder if my memories are real. Ive made up so many stories in my mind that I now have trouble remembering what really happened and what didnt. I simply forget and all the colours in my mind bled together and become one. Im trapped in my own web and I cant get free.
I need someone to help me sort it all out but I dare not show the real me to anyone because she is lost to me. Ive even lost her real name ..or have I? I dont know. I cant remember what Ive made up and what was real. I just cant recall. So many colours, so many answers ..so many names and so many faces.
I feel like Im falling, I cant stop it and I cant help it. Im lost, running around without direction. What shall I do? Im not even sure whom I am so how should I know how to do anything else?
I try to go on and pretend everything is fine but by each passing day more and more of my façade fades and crumbles away. I fear what will be left should my wall fall. Will it be the real me behind all that pretend or will it be someone else? Someone made up from all my lies and pretend? Someone I dont know and have never known?
Im so confused. I dont know what to do or who to turn to. I feel like my head is burning and I want to scream. Someone help me. Stop all these blasted voices in my mind. I never meant for it to go this far I didnt. It was like when one lie was said, when one life was made up I couldnt stop. Fantasies were always more interesting than real life and soon real life stopped and only fantasy was left. No rules, no limits ..and no self.
Everything is going in circles; Im getting dizzy. What shall I do?
Who AM I?
Please ..I need to know. Yet .do I want to know?