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Fic: "Mutant Wars" PG-13 (1/1) [Scott, Logan, Rogue, Jean, others]

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  • Nadja Lee
    Mutant Wars By Nadja Lee 24/10/01 English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes. Disclaimer: “X-men”
    Message 1 of 1 , May 4, 2002
      Mutant Wars
      By Nadja Lee 24/10/01
      English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
      Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
      Disclaimer: “Star Wars” and all the characters here belong to Lucas, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
      Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
      Timeline: Set in a totally AU.
      Universe: See above. AU
      Romance: Logan/Rogue
      Summary: Scott Skywalker meets Logan Solo and goes to rescue a Princess…
      Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
      Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@...
      Rating: PG-13
      Sequel/series: Not on your life *LOL*
      Note: Obviously I succeed in fucking with two universes at the same time. Go me *LOL*. It’s of course Star Wars and X-men.
      Dedicated to Sorcieré; you got me into this silly fic stuff. It’s all your fault. *G*
      Also dedicated to Karen who got me to finish this fic that I started months ago.
      Thanks to Joanne for the Beta. You’re one of a kind; thanks for being there.

      * * *

      Theme music

      In a very near future…
      In a town near you…

      Mutant Wars!

      Episode 4
      Someone: “What happened to the first 3 stories?”
      Narrator: “They aren’t written yet. I’m just leaving it open to be sure I can always write more.”
      Someone again: “Why?”
      Narrotor: “Well…….Will you just shut up!”

      A New Hope

      It was a time of civil unrest
      The President had gone fishing
      And now no one could find him
      Though that wasn’t the biggest problem

      Senator Kelly used the President’s absence
      To appoint him self Emperor of the world
      - as we all know ‘the world’ is the US
      So he had no troubles there
      The bribery of the state heads didn’t hold him back either

      But a cry for lower taxes
      And free hash…
      I mean free press
      Made the princess Jean of Alderiagian
      - little island- you don’t know it
      Take a stand

      But now as she raced home aboard her flagship
      The Emperor’s right hand: Darth Magnus
      Right behind her
      Things seemed grim as she was carrying…

      Someone: “She’s with child? Cool.”
      Narrator: “No, you fool. She had the plans for the Emperor’s new super weapon with her.”
      Someone again: “Isn’t that more than a little stupid to send plans over a dreadful weapon to a princess? Even a 3 year old would think of threatening her homeland.”
      Narrator: “I don’t know why she had them. Maybe because without them there wouldn’t be a story. So, now shut up!”

      The plans over
      The Water Star (which naturally could turn anyone into water)
      Aboard her ship

      Oh, the excitement……….

      Fade out

      * * *
      Scene 1- The Princess’s Flagship

      * * *

      Lots of smoke. People in white board the ship. A man in a black cape flies and lands on the deck.

      Lord Magnus: “Search the ship and bring me the passages. I want them alive!”
      In another part of the ship a beautiful tall black woman dressed in a lady-in-waiting’s dress..
      Someone: “How does such a dress look like?”
      Narrator: “I don’t know. Use your imagination. Now, shut up or I’ll fuckin’ shot you!”
      Someone again: “Okay, okay.”
      The lady in waiting is hurrying through the corridors.
      Jubi-PO: “My, we’re bloody gonna die! Yeah, we are. What’s that?”
      A figure in white; a young, beautiful, intelligent, wonderful…
      Someone: “Get on with it already. We got the picture.”
      Narrator: “Okay, okay.”

      This wonderful creature is giving Jubi-PO’s trusted companion, Drake-D2, something before she disappears into the shadows again. Drake- D2 goes over to Jubi-PO.
      Jubi-PO: “Where have you been? We’re under attack. We’re gonna die. We’re all gonna bloody die.”
      Drake-D2: “You know what I love most about you, my sweet? You’re optimism.”
      Jubi-PO: “Oh, shut up! So, what happened?”
      Drake-D2: “Nothin’ but we has to escape.”
      They hurry to the rescue boats and miraculously all Lord Magnus’s guards are stupid enough to leave them all unguarded. The two servants get in a boat and sail for land.

      In the command room:
      Soldier: “Captain, we see a rescue boat trying to get away.”
      Captain: “Any intelligent life onboard?”
      Soldier: “No.”
      Captain: “Then let it go. We have to save bullets or we’ll have none left for all the executions the Emperor has ordered.”

      In yet another part of the ship soldiers are looking for passengers. The Princess sticks her head out from a corner just to be sure she is seen and can be captured.
      Soldier: “There is one. Set for stun.”
      The princess run right into the open to be extra sure she is caught so all can feel sorry for her but she does get to shoot one guard though it’s later discovered he died from heart failure and her shot had missed by miles.
      Soldier: “I have to say this to you readers; don’t worry. She’ll be al right.”

      Soon after the princess is brought before Lord Magnus.
      Princess Jean: “Lord Magnus. The UC (United Counsel) won’t allow this…”
      Lord Magnus: “Sure, they will.“
      Princess Jean: “How do you figure that?”
      Lord Magnus: “Because it says so here.”
      He holds up a piece of paper that says:
      We, the UC, have no trouble seeing Princess Jean dead. Especially not since she has cheated on all of us at one time or another.
      - The senators.
      Princess Jean: “Oh.”
      Lord Magnus: “Yeah. So, you wanna tell me where the rebel base is or do I get to torture you? *Please* let me torture you.”
      Princess Jean: “If you let me go…I’ll make love to you.”
      Lord Magnus: “UGH. I wanted to torture you not get tortured!”
      Princess Jean: “You…animal!”
      Lord Magnus: “Women. Take her away. “
      The Princess is lead away, all the way trying to seduce the guards to release her, which doesn’t work. The captain enters.
      Captain: “The plans aren’t onboard. A boat got away. “
      Lord Magnus: “She must have hidden the plans in it. Send someone to get them. Where did the boat land?”
      Captain: “In the middle of Nowhere.”
      Load Magnus: “Oh. Nice sunny place.”

      * * *

      Scene 2- The servants in the middle of nowhere
      * * *

      Boring scene. Let’s move on

      * * *

      Scene 3 – Xavier Kenobi meets Scott Skywalker
      * * *
      We open to see a strip bar, two men sitting by a table. One is Scott Skywalker, a handsome young man with a Savior complex and Red Shades and the other is an older man in a wheelchair, bald and…….well, bald should cover it.
      Scott Skywalker: “Xavier Kenobi, I was told you trained my father to become a great warrior.”
      Xavier Kenobi: “Oh. Says who?“
      Scott: “Well........I thought I just did.“
      Xavier: “Oh, yeah, you did. So what of it?”
      Scott: “So, teach me to be a great warrior so I can go do hero stuff and sacrifice my life for Someone.”
      Xavier: “Tell you something; Someone is way too annoying to be worth sacrificing your life for him. So; No.”
      Scott: “What do you mean ‘No’? You can’t say no.”
      Xavier: “Why not? I’m busy trying to pick up chicks here. Now go plague someone else.”
      Scott takes up a book that conveniently lay on a chair next to him and turns it to a page.
      Scott: ”Look here, old man. It says right there ‘and Xavier agrees to train Scott.’. See?”
      Xavier takes the paper from Scott and reads the lines. He then reads the cover.
      Xavier: “Damn. How did you get your hands on the manuscript? Never mind……..fine, I’ll help you.”
      Scott: “Great. You won’t regret it. I have two servants with me who can lead us to a Princess and everything. This is so exciting!”
      Xavier: “Oh, man. This is gonna be a long trip.“
      He stands up and reluctantly walks with Scott out the strip bar.
      Scott: “Hey…wasn’t you supposed to be in a wheelchair?”
      Xavier: “I was?”
      He quickly scans the manuscript.
      “Xavier: “HA. It doesn’t say I have to be in a wheelchair *all* the time. I only use it to pick up babes anyway.”
      Scott: ”But……..”
      Xavier: “Shut up. Who’s training whom here? Come, let’s find us a captain and go save that princess.”

      * * *

      Scene 4
      The ‘Scott and Logan meet’ scene…………oh, two handsome men within 50 feet of each other….slash……slash!
      * * *
      We’re in a church as suddenly a handsome rogue named Logan Solo and Vicbacca, his overgrown mud……
      Vicbacca: “I resent that.”
      Narrator: “Sorry.”
      …..and his well trimmed overgrown dog
      Vicbacca: “Better.”
      Narrator: “Thanks. Now, shut up!”
      ……..where were we? Oh, yeah. Anyway, this handsome stud and his…companion suddenly bust into the church, firing wildly behind them as they literally ran into Xavier and Scott.
      Logan: “We’re in the middle of a fight here. Walk only inside the dotted line.”
      Scott: “Sorry but we’re looking for a captain to help us save a princess.”
      Logan: “I don’t do Princesses.”
      As he speaks he and Vicky……
      Vicbacca: “I *hate* that name! I *hate* you!”
      Narrator: “Quiet or I’ll let you die before this page is up.”
      Narrator: “Good!”
      …….Logan and Vicky keep firing at something but only succeed in almost bringing down the house. A priest comes running.
      Priest: “It’s terrible!”
      Scott: “We’re so sorry about the damages, Father…..?”
      Priest: ”Kurt. It’s not the damages. Who cares about that? This building is over 500 years old anyway. No, one of his shots ruined the wine!”
      Scott: “Hmmm.”
      Xavier: “Get lost, Kurt. We’re on a mission here……..know where there are any strip joints?”
      Scott: “Xavier!”
      Xavier: “Oops.”
      Vicbacca: “What was it again you wanted?”
      Scott: ”To save a princess, destroy a super weapon and save the world. Before 8 tonight. I want to be home to watch the reruns of Jeopardy.”
      Logan: “That’s all? I thought it was something hard.”
      Scott: “Will you do it?”
      Logan: “What’s in it for me?”
      Scott: “We’ll pay you.”
      Xavier: “With what?”
      Scott: “Aren’t you loaded?”
      Xavier: “I’ve spent it all…….”
      Scott: “…..on women no doubt.”
      Xavier: “Or men. I’m not picky.”
      Scott looks towards the skies.
      Scott: “A little help here, thanks.”
      Narrator: “Typical. Chivalry truly is dead.”
      Logan: “Whatever. Give me some coins or your little adventure will be without me and let’s face it; without me no story is worth reading.”
      Narrator: “Are you sure this universe is big enough for your ego?”
      Logan: “Actually; no. You better leave.”
      Narrator: “Funny.”
      Logan: “I thought it was.”
      Suddenly some coins appear in Logan’s hands.
      Logan: “Good. We’re now in the saving the world business.”
      Vicbacca: “Then maybe we can soon pay off Sinister The Hut for that little accident you had.”
      Logan: “God damn it, Vic. How many times do I have to tell you; It wasn’t my fault. The guy’s tail *does* look like a mop.”

      * * *

      Scene 5
      The rescue
      * * *
      Logan, Scott and Xavier gets onboard Lord Magnus’s flagship and amazing succeeds in getting past hundreds of guards to reach the Princess’s cell. Scott enters the cell only to find it is nothing but a livingroom with a TV set.
      Scott: “Princess Jean, I’m here to save you.”
      Princess Jean: “About time. What kept you? People these days. Do you know the torture I have been put through?”
      Logan: “A broken nail?”
      Princess Jean: “How did you know? That wasn’t even the worst part.”
      Logan: “Why? You broke two?”
      Jean: “The worst part was that they forced me…forced me to watch this horrible video…of them burning Gucci shoes! Can you imagine?!”
      Logan: “Oh, yeah. The horror is unspeakable.”
      Jean: “Exactly!”
      Scott: “Bad guys coming. Let’s run to the ship.”
      Everyone runs towards the ship. They come to a crossway. Scott is about to drag Jean one way.
      Logan: “Oh, no, you don’t. I’ve seen this part too. You’re not getting any free kisses here. I know the way.”
      Logan, Scott and Jean reaches the ship only to see Xavier and Lord Magnus locked in deadly combat.
      Scott: “We have to help him.”
      Jean: “Who cares about him? I’m safe.”
      Logan: “Oh, yeah. That was my first concern too.”
      Jean: “Of course it was. Everyone loves me. I’m perfect. I’m smart, powerful, sexy, beautiful…”
      Logan: “Please God, just kill me now.”
      Jean: “Hey, I wasn’t finished!”
      Logan: “Is there anything more important to you than your ego?”
      Jean: “If there is I want it caught and shot!”
      Scott: “Xavier is losing!”
      Logan: “How do you know?”
      Scott: “Magnus just said ‘checkmate’”
      The deadly art of chess playing was a horrifying act to watch indeed and as Scott had said; Xavier lost.
      Logan: “Why in the world are you screaming?”
      Scott: “Oops, sorry. I was a bit too fast.”
      Lord Magnus kills Xavier in front of Scott, Logan and Jean.
      Logan puts his hand over Scott’s mouth.
      Logan: “Thanks. I got it the first time.”
      Jean: “Come on. Let’s go. Tell me are you always this incompetent or am I just lucky?”
      Logan: “That’s it. I’m not moving one inch until she is replaced!”
      Narrator: “Now, listen, that’s an unreasonable…”
      Narrator: *gulp* ….Ah, it’s a very reasonable demand; sure.”
      Suddenly Princess Jean turns into Princess Rogue.
      Logan: “Much better.”
      Scott: “Thank God! Does this mean I don’t have to date her in this universe?“
      Narrator: “Well……yes”
      Scott: “YES. I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

      * * *

      Scene 6
      Destroying the Water Star
      * * *
      The Water Star is inside a big building that the rebels need to blow up. Naturally all rebels save Scott has failed at this task; could be the crabs they had for dinner or the fact that they’re all asleep.
      Anyway, our fearless hero nears the building.
      Logan: “Use the force.”
      Scott: “What? What force?”
      Logan: “Oops. I mean, kill the fuckers!”
      Scott plants the explosive and the plant explores in a lot of fire and smoke.
      Logan: “You can come out now. Everyone has begun to worry about you.”
      Out of the smoke, like a graceful figure from a dream, like a lost memory, like………
      Logan: “Enough with the metaphors already!”
      Narrator: “Hey! I happen to like ‘em….”
      Narrator: You know, violence really isn’t the answer…….okay, okay……”
      Scott was alive and well, the plant had blown up. But…..
      Scott and Logan: “But? ‘But’ doesn’t sound good. It’s not……it doesn’t mean…….”
      Narrator: “Oh, yes!”
      Scott and Logan: “Oh, no!……”
      Narrator: “Oh, yes. Lord Magnus was still alive and out there.”
      Scott and Logan: “*big sigh* What have I done to deserve this?”
      Narrator: “You want a list?”
      Sound of eye blasts being fired
      Narrator: “Now, guys, let’s be reasonable………. …… Ugh. I didn’t mean……HELP!”

      * * *
      Scene 7
      Medals Ceremony
      * * *

      Logan, Scott and Vicky…
      *gets stern look from Vicbacca*
      I mean Vicbacca gets ready to walk towards the podium where the beautiful Princess Jean…
      Logan: “Will you stop with the Jean thing already?! Gee, I thought we had that one cleared up!”
      Narrator: “Sorry.”
      Okay, where were we? Oh, yes.
      …Where the beautiful Princess Rogue….
      Logan: “Much better.”
      Narrator: “Will you shut up and let me finish?!”
      Scott: “He’ll be quiet now. “
      Narrator: “Good.”
      …Where the beautiful Princess Rogue is waiting for them. The doors open and they begin to walk towards her between the lines of soldiers who are really underpaid technicians hijacked for the job but who cares?
      Logan looks stunning in his black west and the Bloodstripe down his pants. Scott wears a yellow jacket…
      Scott: “Why did I get the yellow jacket?! I look like Jubilee!”
      Narrator: “How the Hell should I know? I just say what I’m told. Now, shut up!”
      Scott (mumbling to himself): “This is not fair.”
      Scott wears a yellow jacket and looks very…sunny.
      Scott (sarcastic): “Real funny.”
      Logan: “I thought it was.”
      They reach the podium and Princess Rogue hang big medals with X’s on them around their necks.
      Logan: “What IS it with your people and the letter X anyway?!”
      Scott: “Well, I wanted to have ‘sex’ but the comic code doesn’t allow that word so we had to take out the s and e. 1 out of 3 isn’t bad.”
      Logan: “‘suppose not.”
      The heroes turn around to receive the techni…I mean the soldiers applause. They smile and all is well in the world.
      Vicbacca: “Hey, what about me? Don’t I get a medal?”
      Narrator: “You’re a sidekick. Sidekicks never get anything….well they die from time to time but other than that…”
      Vicbacca: “Life sucks.”
      Scott: “You realized that too?”
      Narrator: “Hey! You’re supposed to be happy. Now shut up and smile!”

      And they lived happily ever after….until someone found out that sequels sells! Money, money, money…it’s a rich man’s world….

      * * *

      The End

      Fade out

      Theme music


      Black Screen

      The End – this time for real………..truly *crossed fingers*
      Logan: “Yeah, right……….and if you believe that I have some nice sunshine spots on Hoth I’ll like to sell you…….”
      Narrator: “Hey. I think I’m insulted.”
      Logan: “Gee…….you can think?”
      Narrator: “Funny.”

      The END!
      Scott: “Hey, what about me?”
      Narrator: “What *is* it with ‘The end’ you don’t get?!”
      Scott: “Well………..can I take a few minutes and think about it?”
      Narrator: “Fine…..and while you do that….”

      THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!--------truly!
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