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FIC: Bill and Ted's X-cellent Adventure 1/2

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  • khakigrrl
    Title: Bill and Ted s X-cellent Adventure 1/2 Author: Khaki Email: rimmette@earthlink.net Rating: PG Disclaimer: Dude, I totally don t own anything. Author s
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 10, 2002
      Title: Bill and Ted's X-cellent Adventure 1/2
      Author: Khaki
      Email: rimmette@...
      Rating: PG
      Disclaimer: Dude, I totally don't own anything.
      Author's Notes: There is no excuse for this, but I'm happy to be in a
      silly mood. It's been a while. This is set right after Bill and
      Ted's Excellent Adventure and about three years after X-Men: The
      Summary: Bill and Ted take the phone booth to see what the future
      would be like if Wyld Stallyns had broken up.


      "Dude," Bill said when he saw his dark-haired friend leave the police
      station. "You got it set up?"

      "Totally. The garbage cans are ready for our most outstanding
      jailbreak," Ted answered, joining his friend next to the phone booth.

      "Excellent," Bill said. Then, he and Ted performed a simultaneous,
      though short air guitar performance.

      "That's everything," Bill said, stepping into the phone booth and
      opening up the book. "Your dad's keys, the tape recording, and the
      trash cans. We can go home and start band practice with the princess

      "Wait, dude." Ted said, putting his hand on the phone before Bill
      could pick up the receiver and start dialing. "I've been thinking."

      "'Bout what, Ted?"

      "You know how Rufus said if I went to that bogus military academy,
      it'd breakup Wyld Stallyns?"

      "Totally. A most heinous notion."

      "Dad talked to me before we left this morning."

      "Dude, he was ragging on you again, wasn't he?"

      "You're so right. He was saying how if I didn't go, I'd never learn
      responsibility and I'd never amount to anything."

      "Ted, you are so repeating his words. You know what Rufus told us.
      Dude, we even went to the future. You know how excellent everything
      turns out."

      "I know, but Dad always makes me feel so totally bogus. I wonder if
      there's anyway we could find out for sure how egregiously wrong the
      future would be if I went to military school. I mean, do we, like,
      prevent a world war or something?"

      "I dunno, dude, but I don't want you to go to that school just so we
      can find out."

      "No, Bill. I mean, like, using the booth."

      "Awesome idea, dude. Lemme check the phone book."

      Bill flipped through the pages for a few minutes before he
      concluded, "This thing's only for the past."

      "But the booth went to the future, we were there."

      "Yeah, dude, but that was an accident."

      "Hmm... Let's ask Rufus!"

      "Yeah, Rufus'll know."

      Bill picked up the receiver and reached with his other hand for the
      number pad before he stopped. "What's his number?"

      "I don't know, dude. Isn't he in the book?"

      "Oh, yeah." Bill scanned the phone directory before turning to the
      front and finding the help numbers. "Dude, let's call the operator
      and ask."

      "Good thinking, dude."

      Bill typed in the number and instead of triggering a time-travel
      event, a woman's bored voice came on the line.

      "Operator, how may I help you?"

      "Babe, I have to get a most needed number for Rufus."

      "Full name, date, and location, please."

      Bill cupped his hand over the receiver. "Bill, what's Rufus' last

      "I'm clueless, dude."

      Bill removed his hand and said, "It's just Rufus. He lives in your
      time. Don't you know Rufus?"

      "I'm sorry. I cannot give you the proper number without full name,
      date, and location."

      "Well, what about the future? Can we get a phone book for the

      "Future probabilities are infinite. There is no printed directory.
      Give me the criteria of the scenario, and I'll look up the number."



      It took ten minutes before the operator got the information she
      needed so Bill could dial them to Ted's probable future after
      military school. Bill typed it in before he could forget, and the
      phone booth traveled a bumpy, multi-connected path through time
      streams before finally landing on a vast, manicured lawn.

      There were children in small and large groups throughout the area
      playing a variety of games, but when the phone booth set down, they
      quickly turned and fled to the only building in view, a mansion
      standing regally in the center of the grounds,

      "Don't run away, little dudes," Ted called to them. "Bill and I
      aren't gonna do anything heinous."

      They ignored him, but before the last few children entered the
      mansion, a small group of adults came running out in almost identical
      leather outfits. They sped towards Bill and Ted, not stopping until
      they were within a few feet.

      There were five of them: three women and two men. Of the women,
      only one, a woman with brown skin and white hair, seemed truly
      threatening. Her eyes turned opaque white at the same time storm
      clouds started to gather in the sky, as if they were responding to
      her commands. The other two women took fighting stances, but the
      only unusual thing about them was that the younger one with white-
      streaked hair wasn't wearing gloves, Of the men, one held a hand up
      to his red, eye-covering visor while the other released three, nine-
      inch metal claws from both hands.

      Ted stared at the man's claws as if hypnotized, but Bill held up his
      hands and started talking.

      "Whoa, dudes and babes. We're cool. We totally didn't mean to make
      you freak out."

      "Who are you?" the red-visored man asked. "Where did you come from?"

      "We're from the past, royal, red-eyed dude." Bill held one hand to
      his chest while spreading the other arm wide. "I'm Bill S. Preston,

      Ted didn't respond to his cue to introduce himself, instead
      continuing to stare at the clawed man. Bill shifted his stance and
      nudged Ted with his elbow, causing Ted to turn his attention to him.

      "Dude, what?"

      Bill looked at Ted and then at the people standing in front of them
      before looking back at Ted moving his arms to indicate their
      position. Then, he whispered with an encouraging nod, "I'm
      Ted 'Theodore'..."

      Ted got the hint and mirrored Bill's posture, declaring, "I'm
      Ted 'Theodore' Logan, and together we're..." Bill joined with him in
      saying, "Wyld Stallyns." Then, both of them starting playing
      energetic air guitars.

      The leather-garbed people lowered their guard looking at the dancing
      duo and then at each other in confusion.

      "You're from the past," the visored man said, skepticism dripping
      from his voice. "All right, what year?"

      "1989, red-eyed dude. We came forward to find out what would happen
      to T..."

      "You," Ted said, pointing at the man who'd just sheathed his claws.

      "Dude," Bill said. "You sure? He's got your excellent, wild hair,
      but the dude has claws."

      Ted lifted his arm and unsheathed three, eight-inch bone claws.

      "Whoa, mega righteous, dude. How come you never told me you had

      Ted opened his mouth to answer his friend, but his counterpart
      stepped forward and grabbed his arm, looking at the claws more
      closely before growling, "How did you get these?"

      Ted shrugged his shoulders. "I'm a mutant, other-Ted dude. One day,
      my dad was yelling at me and they totally came out."

      "No way," Bill said.

      "Yes way, dude. It was so heinous. That's why Dad wanted me to go
      to that school. He didn't want a freaking mutant in his house."

      "Bogus. Why didn't you tell me, dude?"

      "Wait a second," the white-streaked woman said as she pulled on her
      gloves. "Are you saying that you and Logan are the same person?"

      "Totally, beautiful future babe," Ted answered nodding at the woman
      who now held the arm of his future self.

      "Hey," Logan said, pointing a single, shining claw at Ted. "You are
      not me. There's no way you're me."

      "Dude," Ted began before he was interrupted by the visored man.

      "Logan, you were like so, totally, a valley guy when you were a kid."

      "Stow it, Summers," Logan growled before turning and stalking toward
      the mansion, the white-streaked woman following close behind.

      "Dude," Bill said, watching him leave in a huff. "Was it something
      we said?"


      See Part 2
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