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Fic: Falling Into the Sky 8/8

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  • Shaz
    Thanks for reading, y all, and welcome to the end of the ride. I hope you enjoyed. ~*~*~*~ My life is complex. Damned complex. Even if I were a lowly mutant
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 19, 2002
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      Thanks for reading, y'all, and welcome to the end of the ride. I hope you
      enjoyed.


      ~*~*~*~


      My life is complex. Damned complex. Even if I were a lowly mutant with the
      ability to sharpen pencils with my mind or just have funny coloured hair and
      three toes per foot, it'd still be complex.

      But add all the people lodged up in my head, and I've got the thought
      processes that would give Freud a migraine.

      And then there's 'Ro. She means well, she really does. But she sees me
      through this idea that 'cause I could be something better, I should want to
      strive for that goal, and that just doesn't work with my life.

      Carol would say it's not meant to fucking-- vulgarity definitely included--
      be.

      I almost agreed.

      The X-Men were my haven, were my friends, were my place I could be what I
      thought I was, and apparently, they always would be. Even after a good run
      of living the junkie life and nearly sucking an Avenger dry, they're still
      looking out for me.

      One of these days, I swear I'll appreciate it.

      But three days to decide to go back to what I had before? Not an easy
      thought to deal with. Logan was still gone. Jean was apparently still not
      back to one hundred percent. The biggest city I've ever been in was in a
      state of revolving chaos that might get us, we mutants, into the position of
      a hunted demon.

      Also, Xavier would be pissed as hell.

      Shitty hotels and shittier dealers were easier to face than him. I could
      break Richard's nose and not flinch, but the almighty Xavier-- Carol enjoyed
      puffing him up and the mocking his position-- for him, I still cowered like
      a stupid little teenager.

      Hell, even having Roberto in my head 'cause I gave into his urging and took
      a moment of physical pleasure seemed less difficult to endure.

      When I was a kid, life seemed so much easier. Choices were simpler, and had
      faster results. Me, I'm trying to figure out my life in the near future and
      running into proverbial walls.

      Carol's laughing at me. Laughing at my indecision. My lack of faith in
      myself. My inner conflict.

      God, I miss heroin.

      I probably always will.


      ~*~*~*~
      [end]



      Shana

      stay tuned for more of this A/U at: http://www.greymalkinlane.com/caligo/
      -------------------------------------------
      "Life? Life's pretty much a knife fight in a dirt covered bar; and if they
      get you down, you best get back up." "Last Call at the Broken Hammer,"
      Andromeda
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