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Claustrophobic 1/2, R

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  • Serena Michaels
    Claustrophobic, 1/2 Author: Sineya Disclaimer: Not mine. Distribution: Take it, just let me know where it s headed. Rating: R Category: L/M/S Author s Notes:
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 14, 2001
      Claustrophobic, 1/2

      Author: Sineya

      Disclaimer: Not mine.

      Distribution: Take it, just let me know where it's headed.

      Rating: R

      Category: L/M/S

      Author's Notes: Yes, I've actually ::gasp:: finished the story! I know, I know, you're all awash in a sea of amazement right? Well, thank yourselves, because everyone who harped, nagged and bitched about the story are the reason I finished it! I mean, I'm a professional slacker, and sometimes I take awhile to finish a story. BUT, I always finish them, ::looks away:: uhh.....eventually ::stares at feet:: sometimes.


      There are four people.

      There are four people in my head.

      There are four people in my head, and one of them is an insane woman.

      There are four people in my head, and one of them is an insane woman, one of them is a tyrannical man.

      There are four people in my head, and one of them is an insane woman, one of them is a tyrannical man, and two of them are in love.

      There are four people in my head, and one of them is an insane woman, one of them is a tyrannical man, and two of them are in love with the same woman.

      What the hell do I do now?


      It happened a few weeks ago.

      Scott and I had just sat down for lunch. Few months ago he came to my room to ask me if I'd like to eat lunch with him and the other X-Men. They'd all taken me under one big ol' wing, I guess they thought I was lonely. It had sort of become tradition, us all eating together. But today, it was just the two of us. I guess the others were busy or something.

      Anyway, there we were, talking and laughing and such. I had taken my gloves off because we were eating fried chicken, and the damn things had cost me a bundle, I wasn't gonna get them all greased up for nothing -hand me some lube and some Logan, then we'll talk about grease. Scott didn't seem to mind, so I figured, what the hell. I was sitting there staring at his chiseled features, and wondering why I couldn't find a man like this.

      Now I know what y'all are thinking -how could I want someone like Scott, when I was completely, head over feet for Logan. I mean they're different than night and day, right? Wrong. They're a lot more alike than you think. Definitely not in appearance, but at heart they're both proud, strong, loving men.

      Yeah, I know, Logan, the Wolverine, loving? But he is, and I'm really glad that I'm the only one who knows -makes me feel kinda special.

      Back to the incident.

      So we were just talking about how nice it was out, and Scott was asking me how classes were going, when we both reached for the last piece of fried chicken.

      And our hands brushed skin on skin.

      Let's just say things went downhill from there.


      When another person lives inside your head, it's a battle.

      When four people live inside your head, it's war.

      When those two of those people hate each other, it's pure chaos.

      Cause WWIII just broke out.


      I used to cry over a bad hair day, or when a zit blemished my perfect skin. When my clothes didn't match, or when I broke a nail.

      Now my tears are filled with the horror of concentration camps, of men forcing themselves into me, into my body. My nights were filled with visions of small rooms, of needles poking into me, of my body being broken, and reformed.

      Now, I have memories of a lost brother, the feeling of tape over my eyes, it being the only thing that would keep them closed when my powers first developed.

      I mean his powers -not mine, never mine.

      Now my nights are filled with dreams of lustrous, red hair. Of a curving body grasping me inside it. Of soft, smooth skin, and callous-free hands running over mine. Visions dance before my head like a SlideShow.

      Glowing red glasses, staring down at the eyes of the woman below him as he moves in and out of her body. Then the scene changes, now a growling man arches his body under a mound of flesh, flesh that rides him into oblivion.

      And I always wake up gasping, pleasure running through my body as I reach my peak. I know I should be grateful, the men in my head are giving me true pleasure, who cares if its through fantasies of another woman?

      But I wish for the days when I would wake up gasping in pain. I miss the dreams of numbness, of bruises and bleeding, of torn clothes, and scalding hot water. The dreams, of needles poking into my body, and being torn away from my loved ones.

      Maybe I'm a fool, or a freak, or insane.

      Because nothing hurts more than this.


      I can't face them anymore.

      I was so worried about Scott that day. When I saw him in the med lab it was like Logan all over again. Luckily, Jean calmed me down, telling me it wasn't my fault, and if she said that, then who was I to dispute it?

      Fortunately for my guilt, I had two firm Jean followers in my head.

      So when I realized Scott wasn't dead, and that he would wake up in a couple of days, I was relieved. He didn't have Logan's healing factor, so it was pretty much a miracle in my eyes, and let me tell you, I got down on my knees and praised the Lord.

      When he did wake up, I pretty much avoided him, after the usual -sorry I almost killed you with my deadly skin -apology. Logan had heard it twice, guess all the men I want have to deal with it sooner or later.

      Just when I was happy wallowing in my own self-pity, and having my heart filled with agony, because all the two on my head talked about was Jean, and argued over her, and who she wanted more.

      Logan said she wanted to jump his bones real bad. Scott said she was happy enough riding him every night, she didn't need some rough animal to pleasure her. Which Logan countered with, maybe she needed the feel of rough sex in the morning. That was pretty much what my day consisted of.

      So, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did.


      Logan came home.

      Just when things couldn't get any worse with Scott, Logan comes home.

      Someone up there must really hate me.


      Have you ever had to listen to two people bicker constantly? Endlessly? But you can't yell at them and give them a time out, slap them on the hand, or give them a cookie. You have to listen to them fight incessantly. Everywhere you go, they take over your mind, drown out your thoughts, and fill up all the empty spaces you have saved for your own thoughts and feelings and memories

      That's what Logan and Scott were doing to me. They were pulling me apart. It was like, half of my heart was in Logan's hands and the other half was in Scott's. My brain now had an iron curtain down the center of it. These two mighty forces had somehow overpowered Magneto and Ms. Marvel. A war was going on in my head, and my mind was the battlefield.

      Y'all would think good 'ol One-Eye -dammit, Logan- would win the battle, after all, he was the most recent occupant. Nope, Logan just had to stick his head in, just to get Scott's goat.

      Everyone had started tiptoeing around me lately. Could be because one minute I'd be growling at them, and the next apologizing profusely. It seemed to me that Marie was nowhere to be found, and I kept it hidden as well as I could. Staying in my room at all possible times, when I wasn't desperately needed outside.

      But the day Logan came back, all my well-intentioned acts of avoiding everyone the past couple of weeks went to Hell.

      Although, maybe I shouldn't blame him, but myself. I mean it wasn't his fault I was starving.

      I mean, what could he have don.......hell, ya know what, I'm shoving all the blame on those two, if it wasn't for them and their constant tug of war in my head, I wouldn't have had to hide out in my room.

      Anyway, it all started with lunch.


      After days of sneaking out at night to steal some food, I got hungry for something other than leftovers and decided to eat lunch with everyone else just this one time. Logan and Scott were bein' pretty quiet today, so I thought it'd be okay. What I didn't realize was they were a little TOO quiet.

      So there I was, waiting in line for my lunch, when low and behold Logan walks up behind me. I knew he was there, I could smell him even before he spoke.

      "Marie." He grunted in his Logan-like fashion. And I waited for the Scott in my head to answer with a sarcastic comment. I was pretty surprised when he didn't.

      "Logan, hey." I smiled at him, a kind of relief pored through me when, again, Scott was silent.

      He grabbed my arm, tugging gently, "Come sit with us, Marie." He nodded his head towards a table.

      A table where the Professor, Ororo, Jean, and Scott sat. I grimaced, I really was NOT the mood to deal with all of them. Then I looked at Logan, who's eyes held the tiniest hint of pleading, and I just couldn't resist him.

      I mean come one, it's Logan with puppy-dog eyes. Would YOU be able to?

      "Okay, Sugah." I picked up my plate, and grabbed a soda from the bucket. Following him back to the table. I stared at Scott, who smiled softly at me. It was such a great smile, then he turned towards Jean.

      So there I was, sitting, making sure I kept with the small talk. And Logan, and Scott started flirting with Jean, competing for her attention. I mean, it wasn't enough that I saw her with each of them in my dreams. It wasn't enough that they argued constantly about her. No. I had to sit here and physically watch and listen to them go at it.

      I saw red. Literally. And things just popped out.


      I jumped up.

      The only people who noticed were the Professor and Ororo. THEY didn't even acknowledge me. I guess they were too busy with Jeannie. Then the men in my head decided to make a statement, unfortunately they decided at the same time.

      So when I jumped up, Scott's powers manifested, and my eyes started warming up, glowing red.

      Seconds later, bone claws popped outta my hands.

      Suffice to say, I had their attention now. As my head turned, I could see I had the whole damn rooms attention. And silently, in the back of my mind, Marie cried out, but it had no effect. She was lost. Hell, they'd even bound Rogue, and threw her in some closet. Now only Logan and Scott were speaking, and it sure wasn't pretty.

      I glared at Logan, my eyes burning hot, "Stay the hell away from my girl!"

      Then, my head snapped towards Scott, claws raised menacingly,"Shut the fuck up, One-Eye!"

      They all stared at me, jaws dropped and eyes wide with worried shock. As insults flew back and forth outta my mouth.



      "Shit for brains!"

      "You're a fuckin' Prick, Cyke!"

      "Come on WOLVERINE, take it like a man!"

      The way my voice changed, the inflections, the fluctuations. My body slumped, then straightened. That's what made it so chilling. Everyone around me was staring in shock, finally Jean stood up, and stepped towards me, laying a hand on my shoulder.

      Bad move, Jeannie.

      'Cause somehow, Rogue had gotten free.

      And Jean was not one of her favorite people.


      My eyes stopped glowing, the claws popped back in. I don't know how the hell she got out, but it wasn't a good thing. Rogue was the tough-ass, southern chick, and she had a wicked temper.

      And maybe this makes me a bad person, but I was cheering deep down for her.

      I stood up straight, and stared into Jean's eyes.

      "Get your hands the fuck off of me!" Jean was quick to comply -it might've been the death glare- but I guess Logan got pissed.

      "Marie, what the Hell is wrong with you?" I wasn't completely sure then, but I think someone forgot to tell him about the incident.

      I stared at him.

      How could he possibly not know? This man, who I loved, would do anything for him. I mean, we're kindred souls, he should know.

      He didn't.

      Now I was glaring, eyes darting between the three of them. Scott, Logan, Jean. The three people who's bodies I know better than my own. The two who live inside me.

      "You wanna know the fuckin' problem?" My voice screamed." The problem is you, you two." I pointed at Scott and Logan

      "The problem is I wake up every night screaming." My voice shook. I looked at Jean,"You know what my voice calls out every time?" I moved towards her, felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Logan again.

      "Don't fuckin' touch me!"I shouted.

      "Marie-"His voice was colored with anxiety, an unnatural occurrence for the big, bad Wolverine.

      "My name is Rogue!" I grabbed his hand, threw it off me, and continued to stalk towards Jean.

      I stopped right in front of her."I shout your name Jeannie, and my body shutters with pleasure." I stared into her eyes, hating the look of compassion and understanding.

      I glanced around at them, my voice now shaking. "Before I go to sleep I pray --get down on my knees, and beg the Lord- for bruises and blood, for any kind of physical pain." Everyone stood stock still.

      "Anything, but voices calling out in the throes of ecstasy." I could feel my body shaking with rage and anguish.

      "Anything but visions of creamy, white flesh, and burning red hair." A river of emotions ran through my body, and I flew to the nearest wall, punching a nice-sized hole into it.

      I turned back to them. My eyes were blazing, a feral look shining through.

      "Then I come down here, I come and sit down, and what the fuck happens!?" Filled with rage, I flew at Logan, sending him into a nearby wall. I heard the hum of the Professor's wheelchair, as he moved towards me, but I wasn't finished yet. Maybe he could feel it or something, because he stopped, staring up at me.

      I picked up Scott, throwing him over to here Logan had landed.

      "What happens?" I growled out. "I fuckin' smell her all over you two." I broke down, sobbing.

      I was sick and tired of all this bullshit, and my body collapsed. My mind collapsed.

      Before darkness enveloped my eyes, I bit out a few last words.

      "Why can't it be me?"


      Sure, I was a little harsh.

      And sure, I was kind of mean.

      But how else was I supposed to deal with all the rage inside me?

      Bottle it up?

      Yeah, that's worked real well in the past.


      I could hear them talking.

      "I don't know how she kept this from us for so long." Jean sounded so worried, I think she felt like it was her fault.

      Don't you just hate it when you really wanna hate someone, but they won't let you?

      "Do not blame yourself, Jean." Xavier's voice was quiet. "After all she has been through, you know that Rogue has developed a great ability to build shield's that even I can't break through." I detected some hurt. "She is quite adept at hiding her true feelings."

      "Jean, it wasn't your fault." Cyke was frowning, I could hear it in his voice. "If it was anyone's fault, it was mine." Ah Scott, ever the gentlemen. Always willing to take one for the team.

      So unlike Logan.

      "It sure as Hell was your fault, Bub."I could just see the claws coming out."If you hadn't been so Goddamn careless, then this wouldn't have happened." I heard a quiet thud.

      Probably pushed him.

      As usual, Scott wasn't gonna let Logan get one up on him.

      "Well maybe, if you had actually been around, like you PROMISED." Sarcasm dripped from his mouth.










      Then a little moaning, which sounded like Scott

      And a little groaning, which was definitely Logan.

      Hey, that's just how they sound like in the throes of passion. Wonder if that's what they'd sound like together, at the same time, caressing bodies. Hands reaching, pulling me into the fold, intertwining

      Jutting nipples...

      Swollen lips, pouting, gasping.....gasping.....gasping.




      I opened my eyes slowly.

      Logan was standing above me, a shocked expression on his face. He must've smelled my arousal.

      Hmmm, maybe I can have play with him a little. I mean, I know he doesn't want me, but surely a little harmless flirting can't hurt.

      I smiled seductively up at him, "Hey Sugah." I sat up, arching my back as I stretched. "Ahm alright now." I turned my pearly whites towards Scott. Then Jean, she looked pretty hot. In fact.....

      ~God, I'd like to rip that teasing, little skirt right off her. Shove her over that table, and just pound into her core. She'd be so tight, sweet, soft.....supple.~


      I wasn't sure if that was Logan or Scott. But it sure as Hell didn't help my presently aroused state to be thinking in such a....carnal way. In fact if Logan's face was any indication, the temperature just rose a few more notches.

      But I smiled at them all, trying to look reassuring. I smiled again at Jean, she really was a stunning woman, beautiful even, I'd love to.....

      Uh uh, no way, I refuse to have anymore dirty thoughts about Jean Grey. So SHUT THE HELL UP!

      They were quiet.

      I looked at Scott. "It wasn't your fault." I reached out and took his hand, to my surprise, he didn't pull away. "You would nevah do anything like that deliberately." My voice was filled with honesty.

      Can you believe the man actually blushed? He's SO adorable!

      "Rogue, are you quite sure you're okay?" The Professor looked at me. His eyes held concern, his tone distraught. Guess he wasn't as calm as I'd thought.

      "Yeah." I lay my free hand over his. The other was busy running across Scott's fingers. He didn't seem to mind. "I'm fine, Professor."

      Finally, I looked at Jean. She wasn't looking at me, I followed her gaze where it landed on mine and Scott's now entwined finger's. She seemed to be staring in apprehension, but when I looked up at her again, she was smiling softly at me.


      *Don't worry about it Rogue.* Her voice was kind and forgiving in my head. *I understand.*

      A small smile and a "thanks" was my reply.

      I jumped up from the table, and ran over to Logan. "I'm sorry, Sugah." I stared up into his eyes, then pulled him into a hug. "I didn't mean it." He ran his hands down my back soothingly, coming to rest on my...

      "Hey." I yelped as I pulled back. The big doof had just pinched my ass. Hard.

      He had this gorgeous, teasing smile on his face. Guess I was forgiven.

      It wasn't enough.

      I took a deep breath, okay hear goes.

      "Scott?" He looked over at me, I think he thought I was gonna yell at him or something.

      Men, go figure.

      "Yeah, Rogue?" The room filled with tension. I could hear Logan let out a growl behind me.

      I looked at the Jean and Charles.

      "Could y'all give us a minute?" They stared at me for a minute. Jean looked like she wanted to probe my mind, although she couldn't if she tried. I really have gotten pretty good at blocking telepathy.

      The professor on the other hand....thankfully he just looked resigned. No curiosity on that stoic face.

      They left the room.

      I turned back to Scott and Logan. Who were, as usual, having an angry, testosterone-y staring contest.

      I was sure they were gonna pull out and start measuring any minute now.

      I gulped quietly. But Logan must've heard 'cause he looked over at me.

      Scott gaze soon followed.



      They were staring at me.

      Piercing hazel and what I imagined to be deep, sea blue, were staring.

      At me.

      Waiting for me to say something. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I said the first thing that popped in my head.

      "So.....Red's lookin' pretty hot today." I slapped my hand over my mouth appallingly, as their eyes widened with amusement and shock.

      Okay, maybe I was a little embarrassed.

      "Okay, um, that wasn't what Ah wanted to say." I blushed. "I guess y'all still have a big influence on mah personality."

      They nodded together. See --they're like twins.

      I heard a deep growl of disbelief, and pointed snort in the back of my mind.

      Guess they didn't share my opinion.

      "Um, I just wanted to apologize one more time." I smiled sheepishly. "It's just when I saw y'all flirtin' like that..." I took a deep breath, "With Jean, well....having yah in mah head thinking about her is enough."

      "Marie......" While Logan was busy looking for the right words, Scott found them.

      "Rogue, if Id known how much it upset you, then I wouldn't have bothered...." Bothered? Huh. "I'm sorry."

      Logan spoke up, "Yeah, what One-Eye said."

      I covered my nervousness with a short laugh. My words would have a great impact on our futures.

      "Thah reason ah asked y'all to stay, was 'cause ah really need to tell ya something." I rubbed my hands together uncomfortably together. "Okay, here goes." I looked up into their eyes.

      Eyes that were staring at me steadily, as I cleared my throat.

      "Over the past couple of weeks Ah've been thinking." I took a deep breath. "Ah've been so unhappy here lately," Scott looked like he was about to apologize again. "No, no, it wasn't yoah fault."

      Another deep breath, "I'm leaving."

      They stared uncomprehending. Logan was the first to speak.

      "Darlin', you don't have to do that. I'll be leaving soon, and you won't have to deal-" I held up my hand.

      "It's not you, it's neither of you." I hope they couldn't see through that doozy. "It's me-Marie, ah need to find mahself again." I gestured to my head. "There's a lotta people runnin' around up here, I need to sort 'em out."

      "Rogue, does this have anything to do with-" Scott just couldn't stop blaming himself.

      "It has nothin' to do with what happened last month." I smiled reassuringly. "I just need tah get out, to be alone for awhile."

      They both looked scared, and I wondered why. Maybe they were afraid I was gonna get hurt or something.

      "Hey, don't y'all worry about me." Laughing I gestured again. "I got two smart, resourceful men in mah head, not tah mention a woman of the 90's."

      Walking over to the two of them, I placed a hand on each chest.

      "Ah need to do some soul searching, and y'all can't be a part of it." I smiled at them, albeit a little sadly.

      "There's nothin' you cahn do to change mah mind." Stepping back I reached for the door, turning before I opened it.

      "Just let me go." I sighed, exiting the room.

      And the two men turned to stare at one another thoughtfully.


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