FIC: A Devil Named Angel
- Title: A Devil Named Angel
Category: Foof! Silly, foof!
Summary: Jubilee and St. John take care of Logan and Marie�s daughter
Pairings: Marie/Logan Jubilee/St. John
Disclaimer: Let�s see. I own a few nickels and a half-eaten Popsicle.
Other than that, not much.
Photo Notes: That�s a picture of me when I was 2. I was �helping� my mom
Jubilee Point of View
Sex. That one little word got me in more trouble than it should have now
that I�m 22 and all grown up. Well, in theory anyway. It�s so not fair! I
mean come on for God�s sake! It�s a completely natural, biological process.
Too bad Rogue and Logan don�t see it that way. I mean, obviously they do
share that viewpoint, but they don�t think their two-year-old should.
Whatever. I mean she�s a pretty advanced kid, so I think she�ll pick up on
the birds and bees rather early anyway. She already says �damnit� which
isn�t surprising considering what a guttermouth her father is. No comments
about pots of glass please.
Anywho, St. John and I were watching �Dawson�s Creek: Too Hot for
Television� where Joey and Pacey were getting it on. Neither of us saw
Angel totter into the room. Oh! And another thing, who�s brilliant idea was
it to give that kid her name?! Angel? She�s half Logan for Christ�s sake!
It�s such an oxy maroon.
The tot walked right up to the TV and asked �what that?�
St. John clicked off the movie while I answered her question Couldn�t have
lying to a child on my conscience now could I? Anyway, Rogue came barging
into the room, presumably looking for her AWOL daughter. Angel ran over to
her and shouted �Mommy!� She held out her arms to be picked up.
Rogue snatched her up and all was well with the world. For about two
minutes. �New word!� the tyke proclaimed joyously whilst St. John and I
�Well, then let�s hear it Angel-baby� the overly protective mother said,
before placing a kiss on her daughter�s little head.
Rogue shot a rather murderous look, at John and I. I�m just glad she�d not
like Scott. If looks could kill, we�d have literally been toast. �Jubes,
we�ll talk later.� Was all she said before exiting the room.
�Angel, remember how sometimes when daddy says something, we don�t repeat
�Well, sweetie, let�s do that with Aunt Jubes too okay?�
�kay! She�s loud too.�
�At least, it was Rogue and not Logan.� St. John reminded me.
�Nah, we got off lucky.�
�You�ve never dealt with a pissed off Rogue have you babe? Way worse than
�We could offer to babysit, you know so they don�t have to bring Angel on
that trip next week.�
�Dude, we�re going to have too now anyway.�
�So, we�ll just suck up and volunteer then.�
�Did you hit your head recently hun?�
�You�ve never babysat Angel have you?�
�No. But she�s only two, can�t be THAT terrible.�
�Oh it is THAT terrible, it�s far beyond the realm of terrible. It�s out
and out nightmarish.�
�Oh really. And what�s she done that garners that description then?�
�Well, Jean�s new haircut wasn�t voluntary.�
�How did she get the scissors then?�
�Storm left a pair of gardening shears on the picnic table outside. Jean
fell asleep, and Angel gave her a makeover.�
� Fine, we�ll just have to make sure one of us is always awake then.�
�We�ll have to take shifts.�
�What? Jubes, she�s only two. She probably sleeps a lot anyway.�
�Not according to Bobby. He had her last time Logan and Rogue left. He
said she crawled out of her bed and jumped on him in the middle of the
night. She wanted to play.�
�Well, I�ll be sure to tell her to jump on you then. Since you�re so keen
on the idea, you can play with her and I�ll sleep!�
�I�m not interrupting anything am I?�
�Not at all Rogue, Jubes and I were just discussing your lovely daughter.�
�About that. Um, Logan and I hadn�t really planned on telling her about
that kind of stuff so early.�
�Anyway, we�ll make it up to you. We�ll watch Angel next week.�
�Thanks John! Jubes, you sure?�
�Yeah, yeah. Though if she cuts my hair, or does anything really strange
you and the ape are gonna pay for it chica!�
� Jubilee, she�ll be a perfect little Angel, she always is!�
�Yeah, and I hate shopping.�
�Well, thanks again. Logan and I appreciate it.�
�Yeah, yeah. Now get out of here. Go make monkey love with the hairy
�Speaking of monkey love.......�
�John, put me down or I�ll fry your ass!�...............
One Week Later..........
Okay, so John and I have to watch the little devil. I have fully accepted
that, and I have baby proofed out suite in every way. There is absolutely
nothing Angel can do to make my life hell! Yep, I kick ass.
Kind of funny watching John with her. He�s almost as whipped by her as
Logan is. No wonder he doesn�t believe me when I tell him she�s really
evil. A total hell raiser, that cute little face can�t fool me. Oh, she
just kicked John, definitely trouble.
Okay, back to the sugar cookies. Nobody makes these the right way. If
they weren�t supposed to have a lot of sugar in them, they wouldn�t be
�sugar cookies� would they? Now where, did I put that Crisco?
�mm helpin� ant Jube!�
Shit, that cannot be good. Do I want to turn around? Oh, come on it can�t
be that-Holy Mary mother of God! There is Crisco everywhere! All over out
counter, our floor, on the walls.... All over Angel. She needs a bath now.
God, there�s more goop than girl really.
�St. John Aldrige! Get your as-Self in here!�
�Wha- holy crap! How�d she do that?�
�You were supposed to watching her.�
�I just went to the bathroom, I couldn�t have been gone for more than a
�Okay, well she needs a bath now. So, what will it be, Crisco mess or
�I�ll take the kitchen.�
�Come on Angel, we need to clean you up.�
�Yea! Bath! Ducky!�
I drew the bath water, and Angel somehow convinced me that she couldn�t take
a bath without her rubber ducky. I figured John could watch her for a
second while I ran off to get the requested duck. A big mistake.
When I came back, Angel wasn�t covered in Crisco anymore, but she was
completely black. She�d taken the newspaper that was on the toilet and
threw it into the bathtub before climbing in. Instead of getting Crisco off
of her, I now had to get her back to her natural color. I was in way over
my head. I needed help. I needed a professional. I needed Jean. Hairdos
aside. Jean was the only one who�s survived the living terror that was Angel
for two weeks.
I wrapped the now naked and newsprint-tattooed girl in a towel and took off
for the med-lab. Jean and Scott were both there, and Scott visibly blanched
when he was the little bundle of joy in my arms. The man can face Magneto,
Sabertooth, Toad, and Mystique all together, but he is absolutely
defenseless against Logan�s daughter. Angel had stolen Scott�s visor and
tried to flush it down the toilet. When she found out it was too big, she
took his motorcycle keys instead, those are long gone now.
Logan laughed his ass off about that one, and still ribs Scott about having
his candy stolen by a baby. Yeah right, baby my ass. Angel causes more
destruction than most of the teenagers at this school combined. Her teenage
years must be the beginning of the apocalypse.
Six Days Later............
Angel is back with her parents now. St. John never wants to have kids, the
kitchen smells like Crisco, and our bathtub is preeminently black. Other
than that, we survived mostly unscathed.
Or we did until diner anyway. Rogue announced something fairly terrible.
She and Logan are expecting another child. I�m sure the collective scream
of terror could be heard miles away from the mansion. A sibling for Angel?
God have mercy on mutantkind.
This idea came to me at work when a family with a little girl came into the
video store I work at, and a little girl pointed at a movie and said "Look,
people have sex."
Her dad wanted to know where she heard that and it was funny.
SO, that's that.
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