FIC: X2- The Writers Strike Back PG
- TITLE: X2-The Writers Strike Back
AUTHOR: Hunter aka KAT Hunt
DISCLAIMER: All X-Men characters belong to Marvel.
Blah blah blah�
SUMMARY: Ahhhhhh�..gee�.I dunno. I guess some guys
get together and toss some ideas around. You try and
EMAIL ADRESS: katduza@...
DEDICATIONS: Thanks LT. For words of encouragement�
�Okay. Picture this�
Canada�s frozen wasteland. Winter. Snow everywhere.
Cold, so cold that the trees explode from freezing
sap. There is not a single animal to be seen.
Snowflakes whip around on fierce winds��
�Yes, yes� Get on with it, man!�
�Alright. The camera focuses on our hero, Wolverine.
Starting from where the previous film left off, our
hero has found the compound that the Professor had
directed him to, except� his archenemy, Sabertooth is
there waiting for him! That�s the dude that Wolvie and
the X-Crew beat up in the previe by the way. Anyways,
we can do all that in quickie shots and angles in the
opening moments of this film. Okay, where was I? Oh,
So, seeking revenge for Magneto, Sabertooth, together
with his Partner-in-crime, Mystique, ambush Wolverine.
And Wolverine is caught! He is unconscious and held
prisoner! And wait for it� his feet are frozen to the
roof of an ice cave! It's Sabertooth's lair! Our boy
Wolvie is hanging upside down with his feet frozen to
roof of his archrival's cave! ISN'T THAT NEAT!!!�
"Cough, cough. Ahhhh, yes. Neat, very. But when does
the action start? This is supposed to be an action
movie, after all."
�Oh, yes, right. Well, the action begins as soon as
our hero awakens to his predicament��
�What the fuck!?� Wolverine stared at his frozen feet
while trying to stop the odd sensation of all his
blood sitting in his head. He was upside down and his
feet were stuck to the ceiling of what appeared to be
a cave. Arguing voices drifted towards his sensitive
ears from the front of the cave.
�Pussy cat and Blue Bitch must not be agreeing on
something,� he thought. "Well, whatever it is, I�m
sticking around to find out."
Curling his spine to reach up towards his feet, Logan
attempted to swipe at the ice that held him captive.
�Arrrgh!� he cried as he fell back to his hanging
position. He caught the gasp of pain as it left his
mouth to muffle it some. There was something he hadn�t
noticed when he woke up. An extremely large hunter�s
knife was stuck in his side where Mystique had
imbedded it. Logan's body had healed around it,
stopping blood from flowing out and muting the pain.
�Nice of them to leave that behind,� said Logan as he
swayed upside down for a moment. Trying to center
himself, Logan noticed something. The voices had
stopped, and footsteps were now approaching his
"Now�s the time."
Curling up again, Logan simultaneously yanked the
knife out of his side and released his claws. He
swiped at the ice at his feet and fell to the ground.
Rolling upright, Wolverine had the knife ready for
�Right-oh, now insert one big vicious one-on-one
battle. We can leave the details up to the
specialists. Yeah, maybe hire what�s-his-name that
trained Ray Whatchamacallit and Ewan So-and-so from
that other flick. What the hell was that called? Oh,
never mind. The point is there is lots of fur flying,
lots of snarling, lots of testosterone everywhere.
Battle ends with Sabertooth lying prone on floor.
Wolverine closes in for final swipe and just as he is
about to do it, Mystique steps in all sneaky like�
�And just where was she all this time?�
�Haven�t a clue. Though I'm sure we can figure
something out. Anyways, Mystique walks in as Wolverine
is about to finish off his old nemesis and she jabs
him with a needle filled with... now get this... a
killer virus designed to only kill those with the
Mutant gene! Yeah, yeah! We can give it a catchy name.
Maybe something from the already established canon,
not that we�ve paid any attention to that drivel the
last time, but the old fans didn�t seem to mind too
much. So, what was it called now? Legally, larceny,
Legacy? Yeah! That�s it, the Legacy virus. That�s what
we'll call it. Be a dear and just jot that down,
David, before I forget."
"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure!"
"Okay, where was I? OH, yes! So she sticks the needle
in hoping to infect Wolverine with the virus thingy
and in turn wipe out the rest of the X�ers, but just
as Wolvie is staggering away, Sabertooth gets a finale
swipe at him cutting a huge wound in his stomach.
Wolverine staggers out and collapses in the snow.�
�Wouldn�t all that swiping call for something more
than a PG rating?�
�And your point?�
�This is supposed to be accessible for children.�
�No problemo. We can just throw in some shadows and
stuff, blur the stomach wound. Besides, Hugh�s facials
are enough to carry the emotion of a gaping hole in
�Hmmmph, okay. Please continue.�
�Okay, so Wolvie staggers outside into a snowstorm
Wolverine collapsed face first into the snow. Blinded
by the storm he can�t see three feet in front of him.
The pain from his wound is was incredible. He had
never felt pain like this before. Whatever Mystique
had injected into him was impeding his healing factor
from knitting the stomach wound together. His whole
system felt like it was shutting down. He felt like he
was shutting down. Wolverine hauled himself up trying
to move forward.
He staggered down an embankment of snow and fell to
his knees again.
�Logan?� Was that a voice?
Wolverine lifted his head up.
�LOGAN!� A small figure moved out of the driving winds
and snow. She was followed closely by another person.
�Marie?� Logan croaked out before succumbing to the
pain and letting his body finally collapse.
Dropping to the ground next to him, Marie cried, �NO!�
Turning him over, she saw the wound and screamed for
�Now that scene's got real appeal to the
deeper-meanings-in-film addicts out there. The
helpless girl who was saved by the indestructible man
has now, in turn, saved him.�
�Wow! I�m sure that will get this movie into some
�I�m going to ignore that comment.�
The Blackbird flew gracefully over the frozen wastes
of Canada, its crew searching for their lost team
Storm spoke into the mic, �Professor, I�ve stopped the
snow, but I still see no trace of them.�
�Keep searching, Storm. They are out there,
Storm nodded absently to herself and continued to scan
the ground below.
Trying again she sent out a call hoping that it would
be picked up on Scott�s small personal mic.
�Cyclops, this is Blackbird. Do you copy? Cyclops,
this is Blackbird.�
Holding her breath, she waited, hoping for something,
Storm was about to call back to the Mansion when a
slight crackling on the mic system caught her ear.
�Nice of you to drop by. Hope I didn�t get you up too
A grin cracked her face, �Storm to Xavier. I�ve found
them! Repeat, I�ve found them!�
Suddenly, a small glimmer from the ground caught her
eye. Manuvering the jet lower, Storm caught sight of a
small tent and a figure waving a signal to her.
�So, the original X-Men were sent out to find
�That�s it exactly.�
�But how did they know he was in trouble? And why
where only two sent out to find him?�
�Inconsequential details which can be glossed over by
special effects... and marketing. Don�t worry about
�What about original designs? Is the Blackbird�s look
going to be the same as from the first movie?�
�We�re are currently in discussion over that. I mean,
really, look at Batman. The Batmobile design changed
in every movie. It got better all the time.�
�You know it, buddy! Those hubcaps where pretty cool
in the last film�all glowy-like.�
�That�s right. And just picture how the Blackbird
would look with some highlights on the wings or maybe
�Do jets have hubcaps? Someone call someone and find
out. We�ll need to look at the budget. But as you were
saying, now Wolverine has been rescued by his two
friends who in turn kept him safe overnight during the
snowstorm in a tent, and were then rescued by their
friend in the jet. And, then what?"
�Well, I�m thinking of a small scene with Wolverine in
the Bacta tank.�
�Bacta tank. It�s an idea I stole from another movie.
But don�t worry, I've got all the lawsuits covered.
See, the thing is, this Bacta tank looks a lot like
the tank Wolvie was supposed to have gotten his
metal-covered bones in from the original comics. So I
thought by tossing the tank in to help him recover
from his Sabertooth wounds� well, we get to cover the
whole Origin of Wolverine episode at the same time.�
�You mean screw Marvel over.�
"Not 'screw' dear boy. The term is "creative
�And then generally piss them off�?�
�Yes, that�s it exactly.�
�But what about the comics they�re busy releasing at
the moment about that particular story line. I thought
they were trying to thwart us?�
�Don�t worry about that. I�ve already set in motion a
legion of comic book collectors who will buy out every
copy in existence. No one will ever see a single copy
�So�, back to the movie. After Wolvie has recovered
from the Bacta tank, he flirts a bit with Jean to
really annoy Scott, says �hi� to the Professor and the
rest of the X-gang, and then I thought another battle
scene was in order.�
�I like that. Keep the action flowing. What did you
have in mind?�
�Two words- Giant Robots!�
�Oh, yeah! What about Giant Robots on four legs, sort
of a cross between a dog and a horse. Walking slowly
and powerfully across the landscape towards the
�Yeah and then they�wha?� What do you mean 'no'?�
�Sorry, but the robots I have in mind are from the
original comic story line. Sentinels. Giant purple
�Excellent!. I like purple. Go on.�
�Well, these giant purple robots have been designed to
track and capture Mutants. And they can fly��
- - -- --
--- - -- -
�Suffice to say that not much talking happens here.
We�re just gonna have lots of things blowing up and
with enough special effects to make even Spielberg
�Correct. And if you turn to page 23 you�ll see some
art work I�ve cut out from various strips to better
illustrate what I have in mind for the action
sequence. A Grande Finale of Storm managing to topple
one of the giant sentinels by swinging a large rope
between its legs as she flies circles around it,
tripping it. Wolverine jumping onto the neck of one
and ramming his claws down its neck to sever its
functions. And while Cyclops is bravely defending the
children, he gets captured!�
�By a Sentinel?�
�YESSS!!!! Isn�t that brilliant? Cyclops, the mutant
whom Wolverine has major issues with, gets kidnapped.
That forces Wolverine to rescue him. And not because
he has to, but because deep down inside, Wolverine
actually respects Scott. We can somehow get this
across with single face shots, emotion sequences, and
maybe hints of comradeship.�
�So after the big battle with the robots, Scott is
kidnapped by one.�
�That�s a good question.�
�And the answer would be...?�
�They need him to get Magneto out of the plastic
�Uhhh�Because..., because we can have more special
effects. Yeah, that's it!�
�Humph! Okay, please continue.�
�Okay, now Logan and the rest of the team are off to
Australia to rescue Scott...�
�Excuse me? Australia?
�Well, Hugh Jackman, our leading man wrote a clause
into his contract stating that he wouldn�t work with
us again if he didn�t get to go home for at least one
shot. Apparently this is his revenge for freezing his
ass off in Canada the last time.�
�Don't it just? That and I�ve always wanted to film
there, but I digress. Visualize Australia!�
�Are you sure Hugh Jackman is Australian?�
�Excuse me?!? Yes, I�m sure. Why?�
�Well, he doesn�t exactly look like Paul Hogan now
�There�s no need for you to look at me like that!
Look, have you SEEN the bugs you get in Australia? I
mean, really? The flies are tremendous!�
"I'll get you a hat with corks hanging off the brim,
"Well, okay then."
�Cough! Anyway, as I was saying� OH, MY GOD!!!! I�ve
got a brilliant idea for a dance scene! It just hit
me. Before they get to Aussie Land, they send Jean
over first on a recon mission to find more info on
Scott�s location. She gets captured by a Mutant gang
leader and is made into a sexy dance girl to humiliate
�Hmmmm� Sexy dance girl! I like that! Skimpy little
�Ohhhh, yeahhh, baby!!! Chains!�
�Hasn�t got much point though. Other than besides as
fuel for teenage wet dreams, that is.�
�Do you have a problem with that?�
�Hell no. Do you.?�
�Maybe we can even get Hugh to sing along in some of
�Yeah. He was involved in some musicals a while back.
Oklahoma, I think...�
�Ooooooh, now that�s a great idea! Utilize the talents
of all of our stars... Hey! Wait a sec. Did you just
�Uh, huh. Funny ain't it.�
BUWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Wolverine in Oklahoma! Lord
�Stop it! Heeheeheehee! You�re killing me!�
�Calm down, calm down. Anyway, so the team is in
Australia and they are busy searching for Cyclops
inside of Magneto�s Lair. Of course this is after they
rescue Jean from the Mutant Gang leader. And let�s
make that gang leader look really ugly. Maybe green
and slimy, kinda like a slug. And let�s make Magneto�s
Fortress in the clouds. All shiny and high tech as
opposed to that icky cave he had last time. Reminded
me to much of the Riddler's Island from Batman.�
�Okay, I�m jotting this all down. Hey! Maybe we can
hire some of those players from �Survivor: The
Outback� to be extras. That would be so totally cool.�
�Uhmmmm, you know, uh-uh. No, I don�t think so. I
looked into that already and they come with real price
tags these days. So, the X- team arrives at the
Fortress in the clouds, and splits up to find Scott��
Logan walked carefully down the corridor. All of his
senses were at their highest state of awareness.
Sabertooth had been this way. He could smell it. His
mic spoke softly into his ear.
�Wolverine. We have Cyclops on board the Blackbird.
Fall back. Repeat, fall back. We have Cyclops. Mission
�No way, darlin�,� Wolverine growled softly into his
mic. �I�ve got some unfinished business here.�
He knew Storm could hear him, but she didn�t answer.
The scent of his enemy grew stronger as he turned the
�Sabertooth.� Logan bared his teeth as he growled out
the name, his claws extending at the same time.
�Wolverine. So nice to see you again,� Magneto stepped
out of the shadows where he had been concealed behind
Wolverine cursed. He had been so intent on nailing
Sabertooth that he hadn�t even noticed the cross
currents of air. Cross currents in which the scent of
another enemy could easily hide.
�As I recall, you and I have some unfinished business
to attend to,� Magneto�s hand twitched slightly.
Sabertooth grinned as Wolverine slammed against the
wall and the first of many metal objects was sent
hurtling towards him.
�Oooh, I like that. Lots of things flying around.
Wolverine swiping at them with his claws.�
�He can�t swipe because he is magnetized against the
�Well, then unmagnetize him!�
Wolverine fell to the ground, as Magneto released his
hold on him.
�That�s better. So he is swiping away at the things
Magneto is hurling at him.�
�And then Magneto gets bored of playing with him and
sends an object through the big glass window which
Wolvie is standing oh so conveniently near.�
�I can see it now! It causes a vacuum that sucks
Wolvie through it!�
�Oh, man! We are on a roll!!�
Magneto watched dispassionately as Wolverine dangled
from a strut.
Walking away, the Master of Magnetism called to
�Come, Brother. It�s time to leave.�
Sabertooth cast a glance at Magneto, �I have something
to do.� He growled.
Magneto stopped and looked back briefly before moving
on, �I won�t wait long.�
�I�ve got a Perfect twist for the plot now�Just turn
to page 34.�
Sabertooth reached out a clawed hand to Wolverine.
�Fuck you,� was his response. �I don�t need your
help.� Wolverine tried to scramble up, but his
leverage was wrong.
Sabertooth tried another tactic.
�Join us, Wolverine. Your future lies with us. You
know this to be true,� he hissed.
Baring his teeth at the large furball in front of him,
Wolverine snarled, �I�ll never join you!�
Wolverine ignored him.
�Logan, look at me.� Logan jerked his head and glared
�Xavier never told you the truth, never told you
everything he saw in your mind.�
�He told me enough.�
�Logan� I am your father.�
�Oh my god!!! Really?!?�
Stunned, Wolverine stared in disbelief. The full
revelation of what had just been said rocking his
�No, no! That�s not true!� Logan shook his head.
�Search your instincts. You know them to be true.�
Shaking his head in denial, Wolverine screamed,
�NOOOOOO! Nooo!� .
�Join me. Together as father and son we can put an end
to this destructive conflict,� Sabertooth again
reached out his hand,�� and rule the earth!�
Wolverine hung his head. His whole body felt like
lead. �Why Professor? Why didn�t you tell me?�
�Wowzers! The fans will never guess that.�
�Yeah, totally. So, what happens then? Does Logan join
�Nahhhh, I�m thinking that at the precise moment
before Logan can say anything, the X-Men, led by
Storm, burst onto the scene. So the audience will
never know how Logan was going to answer.�
�Oh, goody! Suspense, I like that. We can carry that
over to the next sequel.�
�I�m also thinking of adding in a bounty hunter along
the storyline somewhere. Played by a guy called �Vin
�Vin Diesel? Who the hell�s that?�
�No idea. But while I was trawling the female fan
sites for ideas, I noticed a definite craze over him.
Thought it would be a good idea. You know, even more
�You were trawling the sites?!?!�
�You�re a bald, fat, middle aged guy. What were you
doing trawling female fan sites?�
�Look�are you happy with the plot or not?�
�Oh, well, yes. I think it�s gonna work.�
�Alright, then. Let�s take it down to the board and
see what they say.�
�Okie-Dokie. Hey, by the way, do you think they could
get me Hugh Jackman�s autograph?�
�I don�t see why not. We did write him off to
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