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FIC: Nature Trail to Hell 2/2

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  • Autumn Biggins
    Disclaimer in Part 1 Where we last left the X-Men: In a snow covered field in Montana the X-Men stared in open-mouthed silence as a pack of wild boy-scouts,
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 11, 2001
      Disclaimer in Part 1

      Where we last left the X-Men:

      In a snow covered field in Montana the X-Men stared in open-mouthed silence
      as a pack of wild boy-scouts, and one pink clad Scott advanced on them.

      �Scott, I thought you were on the side of truth and justice and equality!� a
      distraught Jean Grey cried.

      �Well babe I am, but I�m also all for ending the spread of HIV, and AIDS
      that are ruining out great nation! We must end the faggotry that runs
      rampant in America!� the pink wonder proclaimed.

      � Okay, but that still doesn�t explain why you�re with the lynch mob
      Scooter� Logan argued.

      � I cannot associate myself with you when I know for a fact that one of you
      is a flagrant fairy!� Scott shot out.

      �Oh really, mousier? Who is it?� Remy asked with genuine curiosity.

      �Logan.� Scott stated, rather proudly.

      Before Logan could pop his claws and gut Scooter, Rogue came to his
      defense. �Oh honey, I can assure you Logan is SOOOOO not gay!�

      �Okay, then its Remy.� The rather unastute leader surmised.

      �Remy is not gay at all, unless I�m a man� Ororo coolly stated.

      �Well its not Jean, duh!� Scott snorted, clearly miffed that none of the
      others was owning up to their obvious secret life-style.

      �Um actually Scott, I�m bi-sexual� the redhead confessed.

      �No, no, no! You�re my girlfriend damnit! You have to be on the straight
      and narrow path just like my boyscouts and me! Who have you been seeing
      Jean?� a distraught Scott inquired.

      Suddenly the Scoutmaster shifted into the familiar sight of scaly-blue
      Mystique. She strode over to Jean and engaged in a lip-lock with the
      redheaded X-Man. The stunned troops were confused. Their all-powerful
      Scoutmaster was a woman? Impossible! No woman could organize a manly event
      like the jamboree!

      The two lovebirds eventually drew away, but remained staring lovingly into
      the other�s eyes. Finally Logan spoke up with the question on everyone�s

      �What the fuck are we here for?�

      �Oh, um some troop guy was killed or something right? And we have to
      apprehend the culprit, because Montana cops are too stupid to figure this
      one out.� Rogue replied.

      �Oh, well actually we know who killed the troop leader. It was Sabertooth�
      Mystique spoke up.

      �What the hell for?� Ororo erupted.

      �Well, Jean and I needed a way to bring all the important people in our
      lives together, so we could show you all that we love each other very much.�
      Mystique informed the group.

      �Oh, and you needed to kill a boy-scout leader to bring us all together so
      we could preach against intolerance and teach assistance?� Rogue asked.

      �No, we just don�t like boy-scouts. Victor, let�r rip!� Jean shouted.

      The huge beastman lunged forward and began digging his claws into
      boy-scouts, swinging left and right. The troups screamed and ran for their
      lives, knocking other boys to the ground and generally ignoring all the
      manners and rules of scouting that they had ever learned.
      Meanwhile, a stunned group of X-Men stood by and watched the carnage.

      �Shouldn�t we help?� Remy questioned.

      �No, they deserve it after years of intolerance and oppression of others�
      Rogue stated.
      The others turned to look at her. �Sorry, Erik slips out every now and

      By this time, the ultra-fast Sabertooth had pretty much taken care of the
      boy-scouts and the X-Men turned to leave when they heard Scott scream.

      �Should we take Scotter with us?�

      �No. He made his choice; he�s one of them. Besides Mystique can always
      play Scott if fluffy ballerina man asks questions.� Jean rationalized.

      The rest of the team simply shrugged and boarded the plane. Jean
      telepathically let the man in charge know the mission was completed.

      �X-Men, I have a mission for you!� the loon screamed into their minds.

      �I need you to infiltrate Target, I have run out of Depends!�

      �But, sir you do not wear Depends� Storm informed him.

      �Well, I do now!� the fluffy one cackled.

      The X-Men simply groaned and set a course towards Target, to pick up some
      dippers and some Trails End Popcorn.

      The End!


      "The Sweeter the sin, the bitter the taste, in my mouth."-U2

      " I see a girl of the night with a baby in her hand
      Under an old streetlight next to a garbage can
      Now she put her kid away and she's gonna get ahead
      She hates her life and what she's done with it
      That's one more kid that'll never go to school
      Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool"
      -Rockin' in the Free World, Neil Young

      "In this life, there are nothing but posibilities."-Empire Records

      Lucas: Waren, look what you took. Rap, metal, rap, metal, Whitney Houston?
      Waren: Its for my girlfriend.
      Lucas: Sure it is. A guy like you needs to diminsh his criminal impulses,
      not magnify them!
      - Empire Records

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