Fic: "Don't Wake the Baby", Gen/humor, G
- TITLE: Don't Wake the Baby
AUTHOR: Mara Greengrass
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL: fishfolk@.... Feedback is better than
PERMISSION TO ARCHIVE: Yes, just let me know.
CATEGORY: Gen, humor
SUMMARY: See X-Men. See X-Men babysit.
DISCLAIMER: The X-Men and the X-Men movieverse belong to Marvel and
Twentieth-Century Fox and other entities with expensive lawyers. I am
making no profit from this story.
NOTES: This is a sequel to "She's Having a Baby...Maybe." It feels a
bit anti-climactic, since everyone else seems to have addressed these
themes recently, but since it's done, I might as well send it off.
Thanks to Eiluned for the reassurance :)
DEDICATION: This story is for the babies (or former babies) in my
life: Oz, Rachel, Anna, Noa, Hannah, and Jake. No matter how old they
get, I'll always remember them as small, warm, and screaming their
It was a warm, late-summer night at the Xavier school. The students
were snug in their beds, or at least someone's bed, and Scott Summers
had finally gotten his three-month-old daughter Rachel to sleep. He
was curled up, warm and snug next to his wife.
The moon was glowing, the crickets were chirping, all was right with
the world. So, naturally...
Scott rolled over and nudged Jean. "Honey?"
"Jean, honey?" Scott's eyes were covered with his night mask, so he
couldn't see her, but she didn't seem to be moving. He heard her
groan. "Jean? I'm all for sharing the joys of parenting, but I've only
had a few hours sleep. Jean?"
Another groan and an unintelligible mutter were his only response. His
darling daughter let out another wail and Scott sighed. Keeping his
eyes closed, he took off his mask and put on his glasses.
He pulled off the covers and opened his eyes to find his daughter
floating by. She was about three feet off the ground, followed by a
diaper, a pacifier, and her favorite stuffed bunny. Rachel smiled and
waved at her daddy as she went by.
In his years with Professor Xavier, Scott had seen many strange
things, quite a few improbable things, and at least three things he'd
thought impossible. But none of that prepared him for this moment.
Without opening her eyes, Jean held out her arms and Rachel floated
into them, followed by the bunny. The pacifier and diaper settled on
"Urk," Scott said as Jean lifted her nightgown and began to nurse
their daughter. The baby settled down happily and Jean finally opened
"Urk," Scott said again, a little more firmly this time.
"What's wrong?" Jean asked.
Scott lowered himself back on the bed and closed his eyes again.
Really, having a baby was wonderful, Scott thought. Most of the time.
When, say, he wasn't short on sleep or covered in spit-up.
He looked blearily at himself in the bathroom mirror, wiping away the
steam from his shower. "Well, I've finally found the bright side of my
red glasses. Nobody can see the bags under my eyes." He heard Jean
laugh in the bedroom and a corresponding giggle from Rachel, and felt
a smile form on his face. Okay, there were compensations.
"Scott?" Jean asked.
"Did the Professor give a dress code for this afternoon's event?"
"This aft...oh, Parent's Day. Not exactly. I think his exact words
were 'Send Jean to make sure Miss Braddock's skirt covers her knees.'"
There was a smothered laugh from the bedroom and two faces peeked
around the doorway. "He didn't!" Jean said.
"He did. And I couldn't bring myself to ask if he was joking. I think
he's worried about how the event will go, and the effect of rising
anti-mutant sentiment on the few parents who actually stay in touch
with their kids. Especially after the incident with Sarah's parents."
Jean bounced Rachel up and down a bit. "I'm more worried about the
effects of Parents Day on the other kids." She frowned, hugging her
baby tighter. "Rogue's been more than usually upset."
Scott reached out and pulled his wife and daughter into a tight hug,
trying to imagine what could cause a parent to throw their child out
on the streets.
Rachel reacted to the sudden change in mood with a whimper and Jean
pulled away. "That's enough of that, you finish getting ready. We
still have morning classes to teach."
One calculus, one algebra, and one statistics class later, Scott was
hurrying down the hall to check on the progress of the caterer when he
passed Jean's classroom. He couldn't help stopping to look through the
Jean was leaning against her desk and drawing a picture in the air
with her hands. By the notes on the blackboard they seemed to have
reached the respiratory system. Rachel was asleep in a bassinet, which
rocked back and forth with a suitable application of telekinesis. It
was, the Professor said gravely, good practice for Jean.
Scott smiled and Jean sent warm thoughts down their link. Then he
continued on his way.
An hour later, the dining room looked like it had been attached by a
pack of rabid interior designers. Designers obsessed with balloons and
who had obviously just learned how to make banners with a color
printer. Scott winced as he estimated the number of ink cartridges
he'd be replacing, but the whole effect was oddly endearing.
He paused in the doorway to survey the scene. The Professor was
smiling genially at a mousy-looking woman and her weedy husband. Hard
to believe they were the parents of the tough Angelo.
Warren was off in the corner with a new buddy, a financial type, and
they were happily discussing some recent merger. Scott shrugged. As
long as the parents were happy, Warren could dance the macarena.
Some of the students were valiantly mingling, like Paige and Sam, who
were introducing their mother around. At least *she* looked happy to
Speaking of being there, where had his wife and child gotten to? The
Professor raised an eyebrow, obviously wondering the same thing. Scott
shook his head.
**I'll find her,** the Professor said into his mind, **if you take
this pair off my hands.**
**Deal,** Scott said, as he walked over to be introduced.
**Jean?** the Professor called.
**On my way, sir. Rachel is not pleased at being awakened and moved.**
**Perhaps you should leave her with someone so she can go back to
sleep. Bringing her here will only mean more stimulation. Why don't
you check if Hank is in his office?**
Jean hurried to Hank's office in the lower levels as fast as she
could, considering the height of her heels. Rachel squirmed in her
arms and made little sounds of annoyance.
The door was fairly difficult to open while holding a squirming baby
and a diaper bag, but Jean had recently become an expert.
Hank looked up from his computer screen at the sound of the door.
"Dear lady, I thought that you and your delightful progeny were due to
charm your way through the parents?"
Rachel stopped squirming at the sound of his voice and smiled at her
Uncle Hank. He held out his arms and she happily snuggled up to her
very own living teddy bear.
"I am," Jean said, "but Rachel was getting restless. Can you watch her
for a while? I'm sure she'll go right back to sleep."
Hank paused, thinking of his unfinished work, but he was unable to
resist Jean's pleading look. She could use some time off from watching
her daughter now and then. "I'm certain that Rachel and I can find
diversion enough for a few hours."
Jean thanked him profusely, kissed her daughter, and clicked her way
out of the lab.
Rachel curled up in Hank's lap, and he kept the two of them
entertained for a little while with various gadgets off his desk. The
ones that rattled or chirped kept her happy for a while, but when Hank
tried to put her down on her blanket on the floor, she got cranky.
"Dear child, it is imperative that I accomplish at least some of my
tasks today. Perhaps you could occupy yourself for just a short
Rachel started to cry, and Hank sighed. He picked her and her things
up and set off to find another vic...er, volunteer. He was not ready
to be a parent.
Meanwhile, back at Parent's Day...Scott and Jean were being gracious.
Very gracious. They did it well, actually, but it was tiring.
**I can't believe I already miss Rachel,** Jean said to Scott.
**I know what you mean, but she needs to get used to spending some
time with other people,** Scott said, smiling at Bobby's mother as she
described something cute he'd done as a baby. **So, how is Rachel
doing, anyway? You can't tell me you haven't checked up on her at
Jean chuckled mentally. **You got me. She's doing fine, she was
sending happy giggly thoughts a few minutes ago. I'm sure she'll fall
The snacks were set out on the rec room table, the television was set
to the Cartoon Network, and Jubilee had hidden the remote. She was
firmly ensconced and determined to enjoy her afternoon off from
classes when Hank and Rachel loomed over the back of the couch.
"Hey, Hankster, whatcha doing?" Jubilee asked. "Aren't all you teacher
types supposed to be wowing the 'rents?"
"The Professor allows me to skip certain of these yearly events. He
knows that I am not entirely comfortable in public."
Jubilee changed the subject hurriedly, realizing she'd been remarkably
tactless, even for her. She was fond of the big furry guy after all.
"So the price was watching the kid?"
"No, Jean asked me. Her presence is absolutely necessary, as she is
our best known faculty member, and Scott is the Professor's right
hand. In any case, while I am very fond of Rachel, she is inhibiting
my work." Hank tried to look at Jubilee as pitifully as Jean had
looked at him. "I know you two get along quite well."
Jubilee groaned and Rachel burbled at her. "It's my day off!" Hank
just looked even more pitiful.
"Oh hell, Blue, gimme the baby." Jubilee jumped off the couch and took
Rachel. "Hey, I can introduce her to some cartoons. I guess she's too
young for Cheetos."
Hank looked uncertain. "I'm not sure Scott and Jean..."
"Do you want me to take the baby or not?" Rachel started to cry, Hank
handed her over and took off.
Jubilee looked down at the wailing baby and sighed.
It took Jubilee an hour to get tired of babysitting. This might very
well have been a world record for her notoriously short attention
span, but the final straw was when she finally broke down and changed
a nasty diaper.
"Okay, kid, you're cute and all," she said as Rachel giggled happily
at the on-screen antics of the Animaniacs, "but I don't think I'm
quite ready for parenthood. I'm not done being irresponsible yet. I
wonder who else got out of going to Parent's Day?"
"Come here, no need to be afraid of a baby," Jubilee said.
"I'm not afraid," Logan said, stepping closer and leaning to peer at
the small thing in her arms. She responded immediately by grabbing his
sideburns and yanking. Logan jumped back and automatically popped his
claws on one hand.
"Hey!" Jubilee said, "She's just a baby!" Rachel looked confused at
all the fuss.
Logan stayed a few prudent steps away. "She's a Summers, she's
predisposed to not like me. Just put her on the blanket. And remember,
you owe me for this."
Jubilee said, "The event will be over in a few hours. Can you
Logan growled and she scampered away.
Logan stood his ground and eyed Rachel, who looked up at him from her
red and black blanket. "Well, it's just you and me, kid."
She gurgled and waved her hands. Logan frowned. She gurgled a little
louder, seemingly perplexed by the lack of the usual reaction.
Logan crossed his arms. "I signed on for the superhero business, not
for babysitting. I thought you were going to go to sleep, anyway."
Rachel's lip quivered. Logan's frown deepened. "What?" Then she
started to cry. "Oh hell, what do I do now?"
Rachel's cries turned to wracking sobs. Logan looked around, but since
no help seemed imminent, he picked her up, resting her gently against
him like he'd seen everyone else do. She leaned against his shoulder
and immediately stopped crying.
She was tiny, he realized, but her body seemed to generate warmth all
out of proportion to her size. He stroked her head lightly as she
gurgled happily at him. One tiny hand clutched at his sleeve and the
other grabbed at the soft black hair on his chest.
"Oof," Logan said as she pulled, "that's quite the grip you've got
there." He detached her hand from the chest hair and looked down at
Rachel Summers mustered all her considerable talents at charming
grown-ups and smiled at Logan, and as he held her, his frown smoothed
out and he found himself grinning down at the baby. "Whadda ya know,
maybe this babysitting thing isn't so hard."
He sat in a chair with Rachel in his lap and she tugged at his
t-shirt, his hair and his arms. "I've got an idea," he said, "let's go
take a walk in the woods, and see what's out there." Rachel laughed.
"I guess that's a yes."
So, he wrapped her up in her blanket and took her to the woods on the
edge of the school property. There he put his woods skills to a use he
had not heretofore considered.
Rachel was fascinated by everything she saw, cooing at the birds,
giggling at the textures of the leaves, and staring in awe at a deer
he stalked for her. Logan was impressed that she seemed to understand
when to keep quiet and when she could make noise.
After they had been wandering for a while, Rachel started to get
Logan settled down under a tree. He relaxed as the small warm bundle
made tiny snoring noises onto his shoulder.
"Aww, isn't that cute? The big bad Wolverine caught with a baby!"
The voice of Sabretooth was unwelcome at the best of times, but this
was just too much. "Don't wake the baby," Logan growled. Watching his
enemy through narrowed eyes, he placed the sleeping Rachel on the
ground beside him and jumped up.
Without another word, they launched themselves at each other.
The combat was fierce, and the two seemed evenly matched until
Sabretooth let out a roar. Then, there was a sudden flurry too fast
for the untrained eye to follow. When the dust settled, Logan could be
seen sitting astride the prone Sabretooth, pounding his head against a
"I SAID" Thunk "DON'T" Thunk "WAKE" Thunk "THE BABY!" Thunk.
When Scott and Jean came looking for their daughter, they were mildly
surprised to find Logan and Rachel sitting on the front porch. Since
Rachel was happily drinking a bottle, they weren't worried, just
surprised and pleased.
Logan looked up as they approached. "Hey."
"You and Rachel have been getting acquainted?" Jean asked.
"Well, I hope you had a good time," Scott said tentatively.
"Yup, she's a good kid." Logan stood and stretched as Jean picked up
her daughter. "Oh, you might want to grab Chuck and go check out the
"Is something wrong?" Scott looked worried now.
"Nah, you just need to figure out what to do with Sabretooth, since
Rachel and I dropped him off." Logan looked like he was trying not to
laugh at them. "G'night, Rachel. We'll continue your lessons when
you're a little older."