Fic: "Redefining Happiness" R (1/1) [Logan/Rogue, Scott/Ororo]
- Hi all,
Well, like I said I can't say no to a dare and Sorcieré dared me to outdark her story "Loss and Desire"
So, here is my attempt.
By Nadja Lee
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century
Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I
make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the
author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without
permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Romance: Logan/Rogue, mild Scott/Ororo
Summary: Logan has his own definition of happiness
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@p...
For Sorcieré with all my love. Now, outdark THIS one *EG*
Also thanks to Sorcieré for the Beta and suggestion of a new title. Hope this
one works better *smiles*
It had to be this way, one day theyll see it too. Jean yelled at me in fear,
saying Im a psychopathic killer who never deserved to have been born. Scooter
just looked shocked, disbelieving. He asked just one thing when he found us;
why? If he needs to ask, then there is no point in explaining. No point in
telling him that I did it because I loved her so much. Because she deserves the
best. Because she dont deserve to suffer any longer.
I realised I loved her when I had left her. So I came back. Back to give her
the one present I can give her; escape and freedom. She didnt understand. Now,
she does. Where she is now, she understands everything and shell thank me;
thank me for having saved her.
I remember how she looked at me as I stabbed her that first night; full of
fear yet trust still in her eyes. The look she gave me now was different yet
the same, it was filled with love yet sadness. She said just one thing as I
held her in my arms - why?
We always long for what we cant have, that is true. For years Ive lived with
the knowledge that I couldnt die and believe me; I did test that theory. For
many death is something frightening but for me it is peace, freedom and escape
from the torture of this life. Every night I relive a nightmare so vivid it
must have been true, every morning I wake up and hope something has changed but
it hasnt. I still dont know who or what I am. But I know this; the choice
that is every humans right, the choice of life and death is no longer mine.
When I met Marie I figured shed be my way to escape. The others thought it
romantic and brave that I risked my life for her but in reality I had hoped she
would grant me the escape I was seeking. But she didnt and I left.
I returned as I realised how much I love her and because of that I couldnt
just leave her like I had. I couldnt leave her to the coldness and cruelty of
life. A life where she would never be able to touch, never feel the sweetness
of a kiss or feel the joy of seeing her children grow old. She would be
condemned forever to live alone, isolated and feared by all. Not even I am
cruel enough to leave her to that fate.
I remember so clearly how she came to me in my bedroom as she had before. She
sat by my bedside and talked softly to me, comforted me and eased my tormented
mind. I woke up and looked into her lovefilled eyes. It was a sight Ill never
forget; she looked like an Angel and I knew I had to help her. I took her
gloved hands in mine, told her how much I loved her and drew her into a hug.
She threw her arms around me and whispered she loved me too. I drew back and
smiled at her. I felt tears on my cheeks - though I do not know why - as I
asked her to close her eyes. Full of trust she did as I bid. I whispered Ill
always love her and then I popped my claws and drew them into her chest. Her
eyes flew open yet still they held only love and warmth mixed with confusion
and pain. I took her in my arms and held her close while I stroked her hair. I
whispered calming words to her, words I dont even remember what was. She
mumbled a weak why? before her eyes froze in place, a teardrop frozen halfway
down her cheek. Why? Why, beloved? For love of course. Only for love.
Suddenly Jeannie, Scooter and Ro entered my room. Jeannie felt at once that
Marie was gone and told the others so. Scooter seemed like frozen in place,
shocked and disbelieving. Ororo whispered a prayer to her Goddess and fell into
Scooters arms and cried by his shoulder. Jeannie exploded in anger and made
all kinds of things fly at me. Scooter steeped between us and ordered us to
calm down and told Ro to take care of Rogue.
In that moment I knew my chance was now. Jeannie had found out during one of my
many stays in sickbay - which was really just her good excuse to take my
clothes off - that only Scooters eye beams could kill me. Finally, I had found
a way. But I knew Scooter would never kill me unless I threatened someone he
I observed Ro and Jeannie for a short time and I noticed Scooters eyes went
more to Ros side than Jeannies. Im enough of a warrior to know that in a
potential dangerous situation you always look towards the person for whom you
fear most and in this case that was Ro for Scooter.
All the better anyway. I like Ro a lot better than Jeannie and Ill rather
give her my gift than Jeannie. I moved towards Ro but Scooter stepped before
me and demanded I left the Mansion at once in his cold leader voice while
Jeannie was still screaming herself hoarse yelling at me. No matter what else I
think of him I gotta admire the mans guts. Without answering I knocked him out
and moved in on Ro. She stared frightful up at me and I noticed her eyes
turning white and lighting forming outside. I had to move now. I got a hold on
her and whispered that I wouldnt hurt her, that I was making everything all
right then I broke her neck. I lay her neatly next to Marie on the bed. Maybe
Ro will now watch over my Angel? I think she will.
Jeannie tried to use her powers at me but she was exhausting herself. Scooter
woke up and told Jeannie to get help and she ran from the room as fast as she
could. Scooter got to his feet and looked towards where Ro had been
standing and found her laying next to Marie, looking like she was sleeping. A
yell of pure agony escaped his lips as he ran to her and cradled her body in
his arms. Tears ran down his cheeks as he mumbled words I had trouble hearing
but I did get the general idea; why did I never tell you how much I loved you?
I approached him and wanted to make him understand; she was in a better place
now; a place which had no fear, no loneliness no torture. Only love and peace.
She was happy now. I said his name and he looked up and me and held Ro tighter
against him. His entire face seemed to change from one of sorrow to one of
cold, calculated hatred as he looked from her to me. His eyes I of course
couldnt see because of the shades but if I had I know Ill have seen such an
intense hatred that Ive never seen it before. I knew he wouldnt understand at
first but in time in time he might.
Then he spoke, his words soft yet with an edge of steel; the words filled with
agony and hatred as he asked me the same Marie had; why? Why? Again, there is
only one answer; for love . only for love. The love I bear for Marie.
He didnt say anything as he took up a hand and removed his glasses. His eyes
were closed yet somehow he still knew where I stood and I felt he knew . I
wouldnt move. As I saw his eyelids begin to move I smiled and whispered a
heartfilled thanks as my wish finally came true. I was joining Marie in a place
far from here; far from pain.
Then I felt nothing more as all went black but one thought was left in me;
Where is the happiness I sought?
I wondered because .it wasnt in life and as I was at the edge I realised it
wasnt in death either.