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Fic: "Redefining Happiness" R (1/1) [Logan/Rogue, Scott/Ororo]

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    Hi all, Well, like I said I can t say no to a dare and Sorcier���� dared me to outdark her story Loss and Desire So, here is my attempt. Enjoy: Redefining
    Message 1 of 2 , Oct 29, 2001
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      Hi all,


      Well, like I said I can't say no to a dare and Sorcieré dared me to outdark her story "Loss and Desire"

      So, here is my attempt.

      Enjoy:


      Redefining Happiness
      By Nadja Lee
      English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

      Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century
      Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I
      make no money of it.

      Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the
      author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without
      permission of the author.

      Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.

      Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.

      Romance: Logan/Rogue, mild Scott/Ororo

      Summary: Logan has his own definition of happiness…

      Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.

      Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@p...

      Rating: R

      For Sorcieré with all my love. Now, outdark THIS one *EG*

      Also thanks to Sorcieré for the Beta and suggestion of a new title. Hope this
      one works better *smiles*

      Part 1:

      It had to be this way, one day they’ll see it too. Jean yelled at me in fear,
      saying I’m a psychopathic killer who never deserved to have been born. Scooter
      just looked…shocked, disbelieving. He asked just one thing when he found us;
      why? If he needs to ask, then there is no point in explaining. No point in
      telling him that I did it because I loved her so much. Because she deserves the
      best. Because she don’t deserve to suffer any longer.

      I realised I loved her when I had left her. So I came back. Back to give her
      the one present I can give her; escape and freedom. She didn’t understand. Now,
      she does. Where she is now, she understands everything and she’ll thank me;
      thank me for having saved her.

      I remember how she looked at me as I stabbed her that first night; full of
      fear yet trust still in her eyes. The look she gave me now was different yet
      the same, it was filled with love yet sadness. She said just one thing as I
      held her in my arms - why?

      We always long for what we can’t have, that is true. For years I’ve lived with
      the knowledge that I couldn’t die and believe me; I did test that theory. For
      many death is something frightening but for me it is peace, freedom and escape
      from the torture of this life. Every night I relive a nightmare so vivid it
      must have been true, every morning I wake up and hope something has changed but
      it hasn’t. I still don’t know who or what I am. But I know this; the choice
      that is every human’s right, the choice of life and death is no longer mine.

      When I met Marie I figured she’d be my way to escape. The others thought it
      romantic and brave that I risked my life for her but in reality I had hoped she
      would grant me the escape I was seeking. But she didn’t and I left.

      I returned as I realised how much I love her and because of that I couldn’t
      just leave her like I had. I couldn’t leave her to the coldness and cruelty of
      life. A life where she would never be able to touch, never feel the sweetness
      of a kiss or feel the joy of seeing her children grow old. She would be
      condemned forever to live alone, isolated and feared by all. Not even I am
      cruel enough to leave her to that fate.

      I remember so clearly how she came to me in my bedroom as she had before. She
      sat by my bedside and talked softly to me, comforted me and eased my tormented
      mind. I woke up and looked into her lovefilled eyes. It was a sight I’ll never
      forget; she looked like an Angel and I knew I had to help her. I took her
      gloved hands in mine, told her how much I loved her and drew her into a hug.
      She threw her arms around me and whispered she loved me too. I drew back and
      smiled at her. I felt tears on my cheeks - though I do not know why - as I
      asked her to close her eyes. Full of trust she did as I bid. I whispered I’ll
      always love her…and then I popped my claws and drew them into her chest. Her
      eyes flew open yet still they held only love and warmth mixed with confusion
      and pain. I took her in my arms and held her close while I stroked her hair. I
      whispered calming words to her, words I don’t even remember what was. She
      mumbled a weak ‘why?’ before her eyes froze in place, a teardrop frozen halfway
      down her cheek. Why? Why, beloved? For love of course. Only for love.

      Suddenly Jeannie, Scooter and ‘Ro entered my room. Jeannie felt at once that
      Marie was gone and told the others so. Scooter seemed like frozen in place,
      shocked and disbelieving. Ororo whispered a prayer to her Goddess and fell into
      Scooter’s arms and cried by his shoulder. Jeannie exploded in anger and made
      all kinds of things fly at me. Scooter steeped between us and ordered us to
      calm down and told ‘Ro to take care of Rogue.

      In that moment I knew my chance was now. Jeannie had found out during one of my
      many stays in sickbay - which was really just her good excuse to take my
      clothes off - that only Scooter’s eye beams could kill me. Finally, I had found
      a way. But I knew Scooter would never kill me…unless I threatened someone he
      loved.

      I observed ‘Ro and Jeannie for a short time and I noticed Scooter’s eyes went
      more to ‘Ro’s side than Jeannie’s. I’m enough of a warrior to know that in a
      potential dangerous situation you always look towards the person for whom you
      fear most and in this case that was ‘Ro for Scooter.

      All the better anyway. I like ‘Ro a lot better than Jeannie and I’ll rather
      give her my gift than Jeannie. I moved towards ‘Ro but Scooter stepped before
      me and demanded I left the Mansion at once in his cold leader voice while
      Jeannie was still screaming herself hoarse yelling at me. No matter what else I
      think of him I gotta admire the man’s guts. Without answering I knocked him out
      and moved in on ‘Ro. She stared frightful up at me and I noticed her eyes
      turning white and lighting forming outside. I had to move now. I got a hold on
      her and whispered that I wouldn’t hurt her, that I was making everything all
      right…then I broke her neck. I lay her neatly next to Marie on the bed. Maybe
      ‘Ro will now watch over my Angel? I think she will.

      Jeannie tried to use her powers at me but she was exhausting herself. Scooter
      woke up and told Jeannie to get help and she ran from the room as fast as she
      could. Scooter got to his feet and looked towards where ‘Ro had been
      standing…and found her laying next to Marie, looking like she was sleeping. A
      yell of pure agony escaped his lips as he ran to her and cradled her body in
      his arms. Tears ran down his cheeks as he mumbled words I had trouble hearing
      but I did get the general idea; why did I never tell you how much I loved you?

      I approached him and wanted to make him understand; she was in a better place
      now; a place which had no fear, no loneliness…no torture. Only love and peace.
      She was happy now. I said his name and he looked up and me and held ‘Ro tighter
      against him. His entire face seemed to change from one of sorrow to one of
      cold, calculated hatred as he looked from her to me. His eyes I of course
      couldn’t see because of the shades but if I had I know I’ll have seen such an
      intense hatred that I’ve never seen it before. I knew he wouldn’t understand at
      first but in time…in time he might.

      Then he spoke, his words soft yet with an edge of steel; the words filled with
      agony and hatred as he asked me the same Marie had; why? Why? Again, there is
      only one answer; for love…. only for love. The love I bear for Marie.

      He didn’t say anything as he took up a hand and removed his glasses. His eyes
      were closed yet somehow he still knew where I stood and I felt he knew…. I
      wouldn’t move. As I saw his eyelids begin to move I smiled and whispered a
      heartfilled thanks as my wish finally came true. I was joining Marie in a place
      far from here; far from pain.

      Then I felt nothing more as all went black but one thought was left in me;

      Where is the happiness I sought?

      I wondered because….it wasn’t in life and as I was at the edge I realised…it
      wasn’t in death either.



      The End
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