FIC: Attack of the Killer Peeps IX: Who Wants to Be a Peepmaster?
- Title: Attack of the Killer Peeps IX: Who Wants to Be a Peepmaster?
Summary: More psychotic peepiness from this twisted kid.
Archive Rights: Terri's Peeps,Mutual Admiration, WRFA, Muse's Fool,
XMMFC, and anyone who has the peeps.
Dedication: For Dannette and Caroline. Happy birthday girls!
Disclaimer: I own not, therefore I'm poor.
Previously on the Peep Saga: The residents at the mansion may have
found a way to control the evilness that is peeps. Then again, maybe
Rogue was horrified by the thought that there may not be
peeps. Sure, the evil little lumps of sugar caused pain, death,
carnage, and foofiness, but they also brought Logan and Rogue closer
together-literally. Since discovering her special love for Logan,
Rogue had gained a rare insight into life and was happier than a
surgery patient still feeling the effects of morphine.
She knew what she had to do it. And was prepared to pay the
price at any cost. After all, it was for Logan. (Insert romantic
Chilling out after a hard day's work, the honcho of
housekeeping (Martha Stewart), was entertaining the journalistic
junkie ( Babwa Wawa)in her " Silent Lambskin Guestroom." They were
enjoying a nice cup of iced tea, chilled to just the right
temperature and served `just so' when a loud "Holy Mary Mother of
God!" interrupted their afternoon delight.
"Alright, where is he?" A rather ruffled Rogue
"Who? When using the pwonoun he, we don't know who you awe
wefewing too, since you did not clawify who `he' is" Babwa stated.
"Don't play stupid-ass with me, Wawa. You know who I mean."
"No, I'm afraid my colleague and I are unaware of the enigmatic man
of who you speak" the Sultan of Sundried-flowers added.
Rogue rolled her eyes, "the peepmaster!"
"Oh, Wegis? He's at ABC studios" Babwa tossed off.
"I demand you to take me there at once!" An irate Rogue
"Okay." A surprisingly compliant Martha said as she twiddled
her thumbs, clicked her heels three times and POOF! They were at ABC
The gruesome twosome disappeared and Rogue shrugged it off as
she entered the studio. A deafening chorus of "WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!"
assaulted her ears, and she quickly ran from the room. Figuring she
should read the plaque above each entrance Rogue weaned through the
corrodes until she came to the one marked "God's Country."
Being the rational person that she was Rogue assumed that ABC
would of course designate such a name to the station breadwinner.
And cracking her head through the door she realized just how right
she was as she saw Regis Philban sitting opposite of the hot seat on
the set of `Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?'
Rogue used her superior fighting skills that she had
inherited from Logan or acquired through training with Logan
(depending on which plotbunny induced story you believed) to
incapacitate all 10 players in the penalty box, er uh contestant box
and waited for the man onstage to fail.
Sure enough, fail he did and it was time for Rogue to take
" Welcome to the hot seat! I am Sir Regis Philban, the Lord
of this show."
"When were you knighted?"
"Well it's not official yet, but the Queen's a fan of the
show, so I figure it's only a matter of time." The cocky one
"Whatever, lets get to the chase. I know who you are."
Regis chuckled, a mirthless laugh that just grates on the
nerves of any sane person "well, who doesn't!"
" No, I KNOW who you are."
"And I know what you did last summer!"
"You are the Peepmaster!"
"Damnit! You're right, who told you? Oh it doesn't matter.
What do you want?"
"I want to be the Peepmaster!"
"You? The subject of many peep induced plotbunnies, as a
peepmaster? That's absurd. Kind of like Kathy Lee's record deal."
" Look, buster. Logan and I are together because of the
peeps, and I intend to keep it that way. Now lets cut to the chase
and play for the peeps."
" Pushy little thing. Fine, but I ask the questions. If you
loose, I reign as the peepmaster forever. If you win, well you
won't, but lets play anyway."
" Same rules as on your stupid show?"
"Yes, except you only get one life-line, and I get to pick
"Okay, so are you ready to plat `Who Wants to Be a
"Yeah, bring it on."
"Question one: Which of the following is a book title by Dr,
A. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Linebacker? B. Hop on Pop. C) I
Hate heroin Addicts. Or D. The Sandwich Who had a Guilt Complex from
Being the Sole Survival of a tragic Bus Accident.
"I'll say `B' Regis.
"Is that your final answer?"
Regis Stares dumbly at the computer, "Damnit, you are correct."
The audience goes wild with applause.
"Question Two. Which of the following is an active ingredient in
A. Hydrogen B. Sodium Glutamate. C. A Jar of Almonds or D.AD/DC?
"Is that a real question?
"Is that your fina- wait what?"
"Is that a real question?"
"Yes. Why? Too hard?"
"No. I just wanted to make sure I really did hear correctly, and
apparently I did. My answer is `A." Marie stated.
"Is that you fi-"
"Shut the fuck up!"
"Hey, lady that's no way to talk to me!" Regis fumed.
"I didn't day that!" an indignant Rogue replied.
"Then who did?" Regis asked.
"I did bub. What's this I hear about bein' a peepmaster?"
Will Rogue finish the challenge? Will Regis prevail? What the hell
is Logan doing? Find out in the next installment of Attack of the