in kind of a blue mood when i wrote this
Title; Unearthing Marie
Author; Eternity aka Becky
Rating; R just to be safe
Summary; Logan confronts Marie about his fears and his regrets
Disclaimer; I own them not
Archive; just ask
Notes; Feedback is always nice. Thanks to victoria p for beat-ing. Inspired
by the Cranberries song �No need to argue�. Lyrics included, as usual, and
brace yourself people, there is no happy ending! Shock horror!
There�s no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could
But it left me so sore
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had
I knew, I knew, I�d lose you
You�ll always be special to me
And I remember
All the things we once shared
Watching T.V movies
On the living room armchair
But they say it�ll work out fine
Was it all a waste of time
�Cause I knew, I knew I�d lose you
You�ll always be special to me
Will I forget in time
You said I was on your mind
There�s no need to argue, no need to argue anymore
There�s no need to argue anymore
It had been three years. Three years and one day since Rogue first met the
X-men and now she really was part of the team, uniformed and everything. The
next mission that occurred, she was going on and she couldn�t have been
happier. Xavier was proud, Scott was encouraging and Kitty and Jubes were
exceedingly jealous. Everyone complimented her on completing the training
and evaluations in such a short space of time. Everyone except the person
she actually wanted the congratulations from.
Rogue just couldn�t understand it. Ever since a beaming Jean announced she
was joining the team a few days ago, Logan had been like a bear with a sore
head, moping around in a continual sulk. At first he�d avoided her, making
excuses to evade her at a moment's notice, and now he was running around
spreading the occasional vicious rumour. And they weren�t his usual humorous
rumours either, normally about Scott and his days of the week underwear, but
underhanded, derogatory rumours. And worst of all they were about Rogue.
He�d been telling anyone who�d listen that she wasn�t up to the job, that
she couldn�t handle herself, wasn�t fast enough, strong enough, even that
she would destroy the group dynamic. And Rogue had had enough. She had
thought that their relationship was good; they�d had some ups and downs in
the past, but they�d been resolved. He cared for her and she cared for him,
it was obvious to everyone. They were like brother and sister, drinking
buddies and fighting partners, but now Logan was marring that with his
campaign of vicious whispers.
Rogue thought about confronting him, but she knew he�d either deny it or let
rip, getting so angry he�d start breaking furniture. She knew that Logan
would never back down when it comes to a fight and she wasn�t prepared for a
bloodbath. She was sure he�d lash out like a wild animal, something he
seemed to be turning into recently, with his foul temper and unpredictable
moods. It had all started around the time she told him she loved him. He had
laughed it off, patted her on the head and disappeared for four months. You
know, the standard Wolverine reaction. By the time he returned, she�d
managed to stop crying herself to sleep at night and to out grow her
so-called crush, enough at least to get on with something that resembled
life. He came home and slowly, things became less awkward. They grew to be
friends again and they both carried on as if nothing had ever happened.
Rogue worked hard at banishing all the romantic feelings and concentrated on
controlling her power, learning that she could touch. She trained harder and
thought ahead, to the rest of her life.
And the rest of her life had led her here, to helping save people from a
danger they were unaware of, secret battles and invisible oppression.
Stopping the harassment she had once witnessed. But right now, SHE was the
one suffering. Suffering at the hands of the man who had sworn to protect
her. He was the man who had promised to shield her from this bittersweet
pain, like blankets of barbed wire. She needed to distance herself from him,
for a while at least, so she could think in peace. So she went exploring.
She ventured into the old west wing of the mansion, through rooms full of
antiques, clutter and junk, all covered in cobwebs, until she came across
it. Her new room.
Being just two doors away from a broody Logan was starting to feel
suffocating, as she was always alert in case she bumped into him and was now
trying her best to stay out of his way. The perfect solution was to move
further afield and this place was perfect. The room was large, with high
ceilings and arched windows. All that it required was a good cleaning. She
did it secretly, mopping floors and touching up the painted walls, to make
the place habitable. She was forced to confess her little plan to the
Professor and enlisted the ever-loyal Storm to help her move her stuff in.
She managed to ferry the boxes and trinkets, along with her clothes, without
Her first minor mission was complete in the space of one week. The room was
almost finished and as Rogue looked around, her smile faded as she realised
she�d forgotten one key item. Her journal. She kept it hidden behind one of
the loose wooden wall panels in her old room and so she went to retrieve it.
Walking back through the mansion, Rogue noticed how late it was. It had to
be after midnight, because there was hardly any noise. She thought about
tomorrow morning, when everyone would find out about her little move and
wondered what they�d say. Nothing happened in this school without comment.
Everyone would know when she went down to breakfast. Everyone except Logan.
He�d be the last to know, since he�d been getting up later and later and
drinking more and more.
Rogue walked into her old room, swinging the door shut behind her as she
crossed the empty floor to the south wall. She was moving the panel when she
heard breathing. Air being blown from lungs that weren�t her own. She
stopped what she was doing and turned to see a fuming Logan, standing in
front of the closed door. He looked furious, his jaw clenched in frustration
as he moved to stand in the centre of the bare room.
�And just WHEN were you going to tell ME?�� he snarled, his nostrils flaring
as he stalked forward.
�Is now too late?�� Rogue spat out sarcastically, grabbing the journal and
gliding past Logan and out the door. He chased after her, a steady stride
through the hallway and up the stairs, still a little taken aback by her
sass. The dimly lit, spiralled, stone staircase was so tight that Logan had
to turn sideways or be wedged in-between the brick because of his broad
chest. Marie pummelled the stairs with her bare feet, trying to get away,
but in the darkness she heard him whisper, �Why are you doin� this, Marie?�
Rogue looked back at Logan, his face masked by the shadows and she was glad
she couldn�t see him because it gave her some kind of courage, unable to
observe his reaction.
�Well, you obviously don�t want me around anymore, Logan�� She started
walking again and Logan followed, waiting for the rest of her sentence. �And
you know what, that�s fine by me!� They exited the stairwell and Logan
looked at the dusty maze of corridors, sneering at Marie�s choice of new
�That�s not true and you know it. I do want you around, I never said I
didn�t,� Logan argued as Rogue threw open her door and stormed into her new
bedroom, throwing her journal down on the bed and circling on the spot to
face a confused Logan, who was now leaning on her doorframe.
�Fine, you didn�t say that, but what about the other things you said? About
me bein� on the team. All those nasty little whispers, the gossip, the
talkin� behind my back! I thought you were my friend!� she yelled, walking
to the window, folding her arms over her chest and turning her back on him
as she gazed out to the trees, trying to focus on taming her trembling body.
Logan moved to sit on her bed. Looking at her rigid back, he sighed, �I said
all those things BECAUSE I�m your friend, because-�
�So you admit it!� she spun around, her eyes wild.
�Yes, I admit it! I don�t want you on the team!� he roared, standing up and
self-consciously running a hand through his hair. Rogue shifted her crossed
arms uncomfortably and tears flooded her eyes, blurring her vision.
She shuffled her feet as she asked, her throat dry, �Why?� She looked down
at the floor, anticipating his answer.
Logan walked forward, stopping before her and raising her chin with a cold
hand. He locked her eyes with his own and spoke softly. �Do you know what
makes me a good fighter, Marie? It�s the fact that�I don�t care if I live or
die. I know it�s hard to kill me, but what WOULD finish me off, once and for
all, is if�is if�� he swallowed nervously, ��something happened to you.�
Rogue looked deep into his eyes, the darkest and purest hazel divulged
everything, gave it all away and she knew he meant it.
�I lost you once, Marie, I don�t wanna lose you again.� Rogue licked her
lips, attempting to speak as Logan stared down at her intensely, tenderly
stroking her cheek with rough fingers.
�When did you lose me, Logan? What do you mean?� she whispered, her brows
furrowing, exhibiting her confusion.
�The day you told me you loved me.� The words hung in the air, full of
possibilities and horrific conclusions. �I should have said it back.� Logan
watched her face changing, tears rolling down her smooth cheeks, wetting the
skin and she stepped back to perch on the window ledge, support for her
weakening legs. Logan noticed there was something in her eyes other than
tears. She stared up at him, a demeanour of helplessness and anger and the
craving for explanation. The hardest part he�d already said, and it was time
to disclose the rest.
�I did love you. As much as you thought you loved me, but you were young and
I couldn�t let myself believe that you knew what you were sayin�. You were
too good for me, Marie, I would�ve ended up hurtin� you and I�d die before I
caused you pain. So I did what I do best. I walked away. But when I came
back you were with that shit, Remy, and you were-- sorta happy. I settled
for bein� your friend �cause as a lover, I had lost you.�
He took a breath and Rogue grasped the opportunity to speak, �You didn�t
lose me, Logan. You gave me away.� She stared up at him, blinking back the
tears in the blue moonlight. �Why now? Why after all this time, Logan?
You�ve been back for eight months. And you made it clear that all you wanted
was my friendship.� She tipped her head down, looking at the old floorboards
and hiding behind a fall of hair.
�I always wanted more from you, Marie, but you were datin� him, so my
friendship was the only way of always bein� near you. Then when Remy left,
I�d played the friend so well and made the illusion so complete, that even I
believed it. And then when you joined the team and I saw you fightin� Scott,
I sorta realised how grown up you really were, how beautiful you�d grow to
be and I wanted you, even more than before. I envied the past and despised
my regrets and I realised. How things pivot on passed moments. And it left
me numb inside to think of my life without you in it. Us, together, it's all
I knew. And all I ever want to know� please, Marie.� Rogue lifted her head,
eyes wide and glassy from crying. She smiled feebly as Logan knelt in front
of her, parting her legs and moving in-between them to take her hands in his
�And what if I�m not the same person now, Logan? I�m not Marie anymore. What
if I�m not in love with you now?� she sniffed, tilting her head to the side
and caressing him with ghostly eyes. Logan gazed up at her, a familiar fear
paralysing him as she spoke in a haunting whisper. �Once upon a time, I
would have hollowed out the fabric of my heart to fit you in. That�s how
much I loved you then, Logan. I gambled my whole life on telling you how I
felt, and I lost. I could have screamed down the heavens, but I seemed
destined to lose you. I washed my hands of it all once and I won�t dirty
them again. YOU made me believe I�d misplaced my feelings, that it was all a
stupid teenage crush and I got on with my life. I convinced myself that you
truly didn�t care and I decided I didn�t need anyone at all. And now you�re
telling me I was wrong, that all that strugglin� was for nothing! I won�t
accept that. I can�t chance believin� that you actually do love me!� Rogue
closed her eyes as Logan squeezed her hands tightly before letting go and
standing up, towering above her, from in-between her thighs.
�That�s not true, Marie. And that�s not fair. I know you. You�d chance the
whole world and more on love. It�s the kind of woman you are!� he bit out,
baring his teeth in rage.
�Not fair? Life isn�t fair, Logan, you and I are livin� testaments to that!
And you think you know me? Just what the hell do you know about me, Logan?�
She hissed through gritted teeth as she stood to equal him in presence,
�I know how you long to be genuinely loved, because I see it in your eyes
when you watch Jeannie and Scooter kissin�. I know because I see it on your
face, how it matters when I leave and how it don�t when I return. I know you
like I know myself, because part of me is still in there. I know you cry for
no reason and you sing when you�re alone�� he paused, taking a deep breath
as he grabbed her arms and pulled her to him, their faces just inches apart,
�I know you were banished from an unforgivin� world and that you�re still
afraid of the body you own. I know you love, beyond all your attempts not
to, I know you love me. I know I love you. More than you�ll ever know!� He
stopped, searching her eyes for signs of resistance as he wound an arm
around her tiny waist and leant in to kiss her.
Her lips were hot, wet and yielding under the working of his mouth, retuning
his illustration of desire with the fervent movements of her tongue. Logan
dragged his hands up from her waist and ran them through her glossy hair,
wrapping his fingers in the dark strands as he invaded the warm cavern of
her mouth. His eyes still closed, he cupped her fragile face with the palms
of his hands as he nipped her lips with his teeth, concern evident in the
devoted kisses at the feel of her skin, damp with tears that he had
Rogue refused to comprehend what was happening to her. Her heart was
silently warring with her brain and all she could concentrate on was the
sensation of Logan plundering her mouth and the tantalizing rasp of his
rough hands on her face and body. Her heart was pounding, signalling the
catastrophic effect that only Logan could create with a touch. He brushed
her teeth with his thrusting tongue and she sensed chilling shards of
electricity pulse through her flesh and run up her spine. She was entranced.
Logan rubbed his lips along hers, lovingly pecking the corners of her mouth
and breathed sizzling air against her lips. �Marie.�
That one word was his unmaking.
Rogue took a step back, pulling her face from his hands and placing an icy
space between them. She rocked slightly on her feet, as her expression
turned both hard and forlorn. Her eyes brimmed over with more salty water
and she spoke in a broken and hushed murmur, �I�m not Marie anymore, Logan.
The day you left, part of me died. Marie died. And I can�t revive her now.
Rogue buried Marie. Buried her so deeply I can hardly hear her scream. And
you know, she does scream, Logan. Every time you look at me, the way you�re
looking at me right now, she tries to claw her way to the surface, but I
won�t let her. I can�t afford to, I can�t bear that. Because I know you�re
gonna make me love you so deeply, that when you leave me again, all of me
will die. Maybe you were worth that once, but now my life has more than just
you in it.�
Logan eyes widened and bored into her. She wasn�t the same person he�d found
in the back of his camper in Canada. She was harder, colder and he felt to
blame. He looked at her face, she wore a mask of pity, covering her own
disappointment and desperation.
�You�ve changed.� It was a sadistic snarl and his body tensed, standing
straight, but it was all he could compel himself to say.
�I am what you have made me.� She looked away from him as she said it,
ashamed at her attempt to hurt him, though she doubted she could bruise him
as profoundly as he had her. She let out a long sigh, closing her eyes and
causing more tears to spill down her cheeks. �It�s over, Logan.� It was
blunt and cruel and cut him more severely than any weapon ever could. �One
of us should leave.� Rogue looked over his shoulder to the open door,
hinting her need to be alone.
�I�ll be in my room,� Logan bit out as he started towards the door, but her
words halted him, stopping him in his tracks.
�No. I meant, one of us should leave�the school, the mansion, here. For
He couldn�t look back at her over his shoulder, he didn�t know if he could
stand what he�d see there. A broken woman, imprisoned in her own body and
now it had nothing to do with her mutation. She was dead inside and he had
had a hand in killing her.
�I�ll go pack my bags." He whispered. "Goodbye�Rogue.�
He marched out of the room, his stomach knotting, pretending not to hear her
Rogue crumpled to the floor, weeping. He had called her Rogue.
He would leave and she�d return to being all alone. Surrounded by people and
Isolated again, but this time, it was self-inflicted.
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