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FIC: Jus Ad Bellum Part I: 6/6: MA: Rogue, all

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  • Jenn
    6/6 ***** {It was so high--the air felt thinner and the cuffs were biting into my wrists--struggling so far hadn t done a damn bit of good. Sinking down, I
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 28, 2001


      {It was so high--the air felt thinner and the cuffs were biting into my
      wrists--struggling so far hadn't done a damn bit of good. Sinking down, I
      tried to push my thumb farther into my palm, trying to make my hand
      smaller, get out of the cuffs. I wanted out. Out, out, out.--}

      {"Don't do this," I begged, and maybe there was compassion in his eyes when
      they met mine. But not enough--compassion was not enough, would never be
      enough. Not for me. Bastard.}

      {"I'm sorry, child." Liar, liar, liar, he wasn't sorry, he couldn't be
      sorry. If he was sorry, he'd let me go now, let me down off here, his
      hands wouldn't be--wouldn't be touching my face, cold up here so high, God,
      I don't want to die, I haven't even lived yet...}


      I sat straight up and watched Kitty collapse beside the bed, one hand
      outstretched. Rushing through my dream-confused mind was thousands of
      images I couldn't begin to process. I grabbed for my head, groaning at her
      horror and shock and--


      Oh God, no, she knew who I was, they'd know, and my feet wanted to move, my
      mind wanted to scream for Jean, because Kitty knew something wasn't right
      and she was so strong in my mind, I could feel her in every pore of my

      --Calm down, Rogue.-- Carol's voice was acid, burning through the layers
      of confusion and panic, and I breathed out abruptly. --Just a--there we
      go.-- Slowly, the images faded. --You know how to sort your mind. Start
      fixing it. Good girl, bring it under control.--

      My training with the Professor snapped into place. I wrapped my arms
      around my knees, shutting my eyes, and began to sort through the
      personality that Carol and Logan were damming for me. It wasn't an easy
      process, and I knew I couldn't finish it now, no chance of it. I had an
      unconscious Kitty to do something about.

      --Carol, if you say kill her...--

      --I wasn't. You're strange about that sort of thing. No. We're going to
      set up an accident and she fell when she was waking you up. Short term
      memory is usually shorted out anyway during trauma--she touched you and
      then stumbled, hit the back of her head on something.--

      I pondered this briefly--inner Kitty was utterly aghast past the hysteria.

      --Notice the lack of, say, a bump?--

      Carol sighed.

      --You're strong enough. Lift up her head, hit it against the floor.--

      I crawled down to the rug-covered hardwood. I'd trained enough with my
      strength to know how much force to use--a nice bruise, a headache, a little
      concussion maybe--please God, no, but it could happen. Straddling her
      body, I lifted her head and looked into her face.

      "Kitty, I owe you." Then, with infinite care, I hit her head into the
      floor. Waited a moment, then grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around my
      shoulders, flicking a look in the mirror to see my hair, adjusting the
      wig--this damn thing had to go soon. With that in mind, I looped the
      blanket over my head, locking my fingers on it below my throat.

      Open door, get into hall, now be hysterical. Convincingly. Not hard.

      "Help! Help!" I screamed, and doors began to open. Scott and Jean both
      emerged from their door, eyes finding me instantly. In a few minutes, my
      room was flooded with worried and curious people and I retreated to my bed,
      drawing my bare legs up beneath the covers. Jean glanced around to take in
      the scene and sat down on the floor, gently cradling Kitty's head, eyes
      dark with worry.

      "Just a bruise--maybe a concussion. Scott, could you carry her down to the
      infirmary?" Her voice was firm as Scott gently picked Kitty up, injured
      head cradled on his shoulder. "Are you okay, Marie?"

      And double strange, to hear her call me Marie. Freaky, even. I clutched
      my blanket closer.

      "Everyone out," Scott said, and I got glimpses of suspicious looks and the
      faintest frowns as they retreated in Scott's wake. With a flicker of her
      fingers, Jean shut the door, locking out the other presences and tilting
      her head to give me an unreadable look.

      "My fault," I said softly. She slowly seated herself on the bed and I
      hoped my hands were hidden well enough that she didn't see I was wearing
      gloves. "I--I had a bad dream and she--she woke me up. She--startled me."

      All true. Jean hesitated, then slowly nodded.

      "That happens, Marie. She'll be fine--I'll just keep her in observation
      for the night, but I didn't see anything serious." A pause. "Do you want
      to talk about it? Your dream?"

      {Hands grabbing me, holding me down, I could hear the machinery in the
      distance. I wanted to scream, but they'd gagged my mouth and I saw--oh God,
      more needles, more tests, a scalpel, and the collar was so tight, God, how
      could they do this and believe this was good, that this was human, nothing
      more than animals...}

      "God," I whispered, my body beginning to shake. Jean's arm touched my
      shoulder and I jerked involuntarily. Instantly, she dropped her hand, and
      real warmth, compassion--all Jean Grey--flowed from her, wrapping me up in
      empathic warmth and caring.

      She wasn't my Jean Grey, but God, she was close.

      "I'm sorry, Marie." Slowly, she stood up, letting her hand linger on my
      shoulder despite the stiffness. "Do you want someone with you tonight?"

      I shook my head sharply.

      "I don't think I'll be sleeping." Truth. I wouldn't be, even if I didn't
      have to assimilate all of Kitty's memories. Jean nodded quickly and turned
      toward the door, hesitating with her hand on the doorknob.

      "If you need anything, just call." A pause. "Anything, Marie. That's
      what we're here for."

      Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I nodded. Not so different. My

      "Thanks, Dr. Grey."

      "Jean," she said with a small smile. "Good night, Marie."

      With the door closed behind her, I pushed the blanket off, crossing my legs
      and shutting my eyes, beginning the breathing exercises Logan had taught
      me, the discipline that Jean and Xavier had trained into me, and delved
      deep into the feel of Kitty's mind.

      Never had so much changed so fast.

      End Part I

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