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fic:L/R drownin butterflies

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  • becky lee
    hey people just a quick swoony rogue/logan fic hope you like becky *** Title; Drowning Butterflies. Author; Eternity/aka Becky. Rating; R, I suppose for nasty
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 11, 2001
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      hey people
      just a quick swoony rogue/logan fic
      hope you like
      becky

      ***
      Title; Drowning Butterflies.
      Author; Eternity/aka Becky.
      Rating; R, I suppose for nasty angst and stuff, I dunno, I'm English.
      Summary; Rogue can't sleep and Logan can't let go, so they go swimmin' (sort
      of).
      Disclaimer; I wish I owned them but no.
      Archive; just ask.
      Notes; Feedback is always nice. Not an amazing story, but inspired by
      Natalie Merchant's song 'My Skin', from her 'Ophelia' album. Absolutely
      gorgeous song, some lyrics are in there.

      # Indicates song lyrics


      *******


      The heat was unbearable.

      It was only five in the morning but Rogue felt as if New York had suddenly
      transformed into the Amazon Tropics. A 100-degree heat wave in April and
      Storm wasn't even involved. The weather seemed just as confused as Rogue
      was.

      Deciding she could take no more of her sticky bed and it's tangled sheets
      Rogue concluded that an early morning swim would be a great way to cool
      down. Dressed in her emerald silk dressing gown and her best figure-hugging
      black bikini, embroidered with red and gold silk butterflies, she picked up
      her Walkman and made her way down to the poolroom.

      She padded softly into the room, the tiles under her feet cooling her
      already. The room was huge, with the pool in the centre, surrounded by a
      white tiled floor, a few potted palms and scattered sun lounges, masked in
      shadows. The only outer wall was made entirely of glass, giving a
      breathtaking view of the outside grounds. Rogue smiled at the streaked blue
      and pink sunrise as she discarded her robe and clutching her Walkman,
      sauntered to the ledge at the deep end of the pool. Lowering herself to sit
      at the edge, she placed the headphones to her ears and dangled her feet into
      the refreshingly icy water. Rogue relished the sumptuous feeling of the
      waves, like fine silk as they rippled around her lower legs, the lapping of
      the water chilling her inflamed skin. A smug grin made its way across her
      face as she thought of everyone else upstairs, tossing and turning in sweaty
      sleep. Turning up the volume of her favourite CD, she leant back, pressing
      her hands to the floor behind her, tilting her head to gaze at the angels
      that decorated the domed ceiling. Kicking her legs lazily through the water,
      she closed her heavy lids and for the first time that week felt completely
      relaxed.

      *******

      It was four am when Logan woke from yet another nightmare. They had eased a
      little in the time he'd been at the mansion, but this past week, what with
      the heat and the situation with Rogue, they seemed to come flooding back.
      Knowing he wouldn't get back to sleep, he pulled on his jeans to cover some
      of his nakedness, grabbed a cigar and lighter and ambled down to the
      poolroom. In an ancient building like the mansion, the poolroom was the only
      place where the air conditioning continued all night and Logan knew it was
      the only place he could unwind. And God knew he needed to do that. He had no
      intention of swimming, since he couldn't remember how and would probably
      sink like a stone, so instead laid on one of the sun lounges, smoking his
      cigar in the darkness.

      The past week had not been easy. When he arrived home a few months ago after
      his latest quest for his past, he was greeted, as always, by Marie with open
      arms. Only this time they were bare arms.

      He just didn't know how to handle this new temptation. He had thought and
      dreamt about her the whole time he was away. Dreams that no man should be
      having about someone half his age. The only thing that kept him sane, that
      kept him grounded, was the knowledge he could never touch her. Her skin was
      a barrier that guarded her from his affliction, his obsession to feel her
      creamy flesh beneath his coarse and seeking hands. The revelation that she
      had learnt to master her gift through meditation had sent the big, bad
      Wolverine spinning into emotional turmoil. He was no longer content with
      little touches and friendly glances. He found himself staring at her like
      her was about to rip her clothes off with his teeth. Her enchanting face and
      stunning figure seemed to awaken the animal inside him, which Logan thought
      he had successfully tamed. Every move she made, every word she uttered drove
      the beast deep inside him to take her as his mate and brand her as his own.

      Once he got a handle on the unquenchable craving, he decided to take it
      slow, building her confidence in him and reassuring her he'd be around for
      more than just a few weeks. He was more than happy to make the effort,
      exchanging long looks filled with yearning and delicate touches furnished
      with sincerity, creating an unfathomable affinity between them.

      But a week ago, as always when you think things are going perfectly to plan,
      disaster struck.

      For no reason whatsoever, Rogue lost control of her powers. Her ability to
      temper the absorption and the divine freedom at the wonder of skin to skin
      contact had disappeared in a matter of hours.

      And so did Rogue. She was shattered, retreating from being the dauntless
      woman she had become, back to the timid girl she once was. But she wasn't
      the only one in anguish. Logan felt it too. It was excruciating for him to
      watch his Marie suffer penitently. Just when she was beginning to evince the
      passion and hunger for life that only Logan knew burnt brightly inside of
      her, she was sent hurtling back to square one. It was almost more than he
      could bear, watching the only woman he had ever loved struggle so hopelessly
      against an unperceivable enemy, while he stood idly by, unable to save her.
      She was once again entombed in her body, buried there, and Logan blamed
      himself for failing in his promise to protect her. He considered running
      again to elude the grief, but with her twentieth birthday a day away, he
      decided to stay.

      Normally a birthday in the mansion was a joyous occasion, making Logan gag
      on the sweetness of it all. But this birthday was different and no one, not
      even Logan could escape the subdued misery that hung in the air like a bad
      smell. The students had tried their best with a lavish party, but no one
      felt like dancing, the older X-men showered Rogue with gifts, to no avail.
      Nothing they could buy her could replace what she had just lost.
      Incidentally, Rogue confined herself to her room for most of the night.
      Feeling wounded and content to be alone, she wrapped her body in the safety
      of her warm bed sheets and cried.

      Never one to give up easily, long after everyone had retired to bed, Logan
      felt compelled to pay her a visit. He simply walked in, like it was his own
      room, stalked over to the bed and climbed in beside her. He did it without
      thinking, trying desperately to ignore the overwhelming atmosphere of
      suffocating wretchedness. He felt as if he was somehow choking on her
      invisible tears.

      She lay face away from him, almost curled into a ball, as he ran gloved
      fingers over her arm in a soft and consoling caress. Neither had bothered to
      undress, too distraught by the week's events, so Logan slid an arm under
      Marie's tired body, pulling her back to his chest, to spoon behind her. His
      breath caught as the salt of her tears assaulted his senses. He despised the
      feeling of uselessness, racked with anger that there was really no one to
      blame, no one to shred, no one to kill for hurting this goddess that he
      adored. With a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, he attempted to
      speak, only to be halted by the dryness of his throat and his own cowardice.
      He wanted to confess his love for her, his need to hold her body to his and
      whisper sweet nothings in her ear, but he just didn't know how to begin. As
      if sensing his intention to speak, Rogue turned in his arms and gazed up at
      him. The muscles of his heart tightened at the sight before him. Her eyes
      were bloodshot, the skin below raw and puffy, her whole face cast with
      tears.

      Crestfallen.

      And before he knew what he was doing, the pain, the love, the anger and
      depravation, manifested into one single emotion.

      Need.

      He draped the sheer chiffon scarf she wore around her neck over her edible
      lips and began to plunder them with his own. Rogue's hand flew up to his
      shoulder urging him to stop but he couldn't. If he couldn't give a decree of
      his devotion, then he would give her this. Physical evidence of all the
      affection he had for her that dwelt below the cool, stern exterior. He
      fondled the ribbon-like strands of platinum hair as he cupped her face in
      his hands, the carnal fervour rising inside him as he felt the burn of his
      erection against the rough fabric of his jeans. Rogue finally broke the
      kiss, manoeuvring back a little to stare at him bewildered, her lips red and
      swollen. Her eyes betrayed what she was thinking. That unconsciously he
      pitied her and wanted to ease her pain. Her dark abyssal gaze echoing the
      misguided cruelty as she spoke.

      "I can't bury myself in you, Logan, no matter how much I want to escape. You
      might think you can help me but you can't. You're just as haunted as I am,
      maybe even more so�" He looked at her, almost hypnotised, dumbfounded by her
      cold-hearted ramblings, "�This is my nightmare, Logan, and I don't need your
      sympathy. Now, please leave."

      Nothing could have hurt him more. Logan prided himself on never feeling
      sorry for anybody, but he felt sorry then. Sorry for her request for
      isolation, sorry for his rejection and sorry for his inability to voice all
      the things he was dying inside to say. He vowed then to tell her soon, if
      only to reassure himself he was still part human and capable of sentiment.
      He got up slowly and left, shutting the door behind him, leaving her to cry
      herself to sleep, like he knew deep down she would.

      He hadn't seen her since. Up until the moment she strolled into the
      poolroom, blissfully unaware of his presence. He watched her as she moved,
      her smell, the distinct odour of strawberries mixed with midnight sweat.

      Intoxicating.

      His entire body ached for her. He tortured himself further by inspecting her
      smooth, voluptuous curves. The pale flesh glistened with light reflected by
      the flowing water as she sat at the edge of the pool. He watched as she put
      on her headphones and leant back, providing him with an astonishing view of
      pert breasts, deliciously confined by her bikini. Logan decided then and
      there he had to have her. At any cost. The need to ravage her too great,
      killer skin or not.

      ********

      As Rogue sat at the poolside, relaxed by the lilting music that dwelt in her
      ears, the lyrics made her think of what had happened with Logan.

      #�Take a look at my body, look at my hands, there's so much here that I
      don't understand�#

      She'd been so close to telling him everything, all the feelings she'd kept
      hidden for years whilst pretending to be his sister and friend. She had
      become a consummate actress.

      #�Your face saving promises, whispered like prayers, I don't need them�#

      She could no longer hide the fact she was besotted with him, convinced that
      maybe after two years he would return her confession of love. She'd seen the
      change in him recently, eyes growing dark with want and glowing with
      addiction every time she saw him. He ignited a kind of secret magnetism
      between them, causing her heart to flutter when he came too close, closer
      than he had ever come before.

      But then it happened. She lost control. And in turn, she lost him. She knew
      Logan and the basic animal instincts he acted on, the feral sexual appetite
      that dictated his body. She knew he would never want a woman he couldn't
      touch.

      #� 'Cause I've been treated so wrong, I've been treated so long as if I'm
      becoming untouchable�#

      So when he came to her room that night and looked at her with eyes
      overflowing with lament, he only confirmed her suspicion that all he felt
      was sorry for her. That's why he did what he did and why he had kissed her,
      his attempt to heal the scars, part of his oath of protection. And from all
      the people in the world, she could not stomach HIS pity.

      #�Well, contempt loves the silence, it thrives in the dark, like fine
      winding tendrils that strangle the heart, they say that promises sweeten the
      blow, but I don't need them, oh no, I don't need them�#

      So she pushed him away and marred him with vicious words. She could never
      rid herself of the memory of his face, pain inscribed in every feature, sure
      it would come to plague her dreams. She kicked her legs harder in the
      water, trying to disguise the sound of her own crying. Maybe in time, this
      lapse would end. She almost laughed. She had deluded herself, half-heartedly
      convinced the woman lurking beneath the poisonous touch, that that was all
      it was. A lapse.

      #�I'm a slow dying flower, a frost killing hour, sweet turning sour and
      untouchable�#

      Knowing that all the wanting was for nothing, that the unrequited love she
      had once found so romantic, was to remain unrequited, that she would never
      feel more alone than when she was with Logan, was a mocking bruise inside of
      her.

      #�I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness, oh I need
      this. I need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, an angel sweet love of my life, oh
      I need this�#

      Through the tears she focused on her reflection. Although the cold liquid
      nourished her skin, it could do nothing to mend her heart. Rogue felt the
      sorrow rising in her again as she remembered the brush of Logan's gloved
      hand on her skin.

      #�Do you remember the way that you touched me before, all the trembling
      sweetness, I loved and adored�#

      She sat upright, throwing away the headphones, along with the song that had
      come just too close to home and buckled over sobbing loudly. Trying to
      still her shuddering body, she grasped the pool ledge, her knuckles white
      from the pressure, as the tears slowly desisted. She was about to dive in to
      the inviting water when a shadow fell over her. Tall and strong with
      sculptured stature, she realised the towering figure could only be one
      person, but still couldn't bring herself to look up at him, over her
      shoulder.

      Instead, she heard him move.

      Logan positioned his body, sliding hesitantly down, until he sat, spoon
      fashion, on the cold tiles behind her. His jean-clad thighs wrapped around
      her naked ones, the blue material soaking through as his lower legs joined
      hers under the water as they danced of their own accord. Rogue struggled to
      repress her irregular breathing as he shifted, bringing himself closer
      still, pressing his groin into her buttocks. Shards of nervousness
      splintered through her as she pondered just how long he'd been there. She
      could feel the warmth of his body when he moved, reaching for her silk robe,
      draping it carefully over her shoulders. He pulled her back, so she could
      reluctantly lean against his broad, bare chest, while his powerful, yet
      comforting arms encircled her waist in an unbreakable lock. He buried his
      face in the abundance of her hair, breathing hard.

      He had encompassed her whole body with his own.

      He rocked her back and forth gently, feathering kisses along her silk
      covered shoulders and then pressed the side of his head to hers, protected
      by a fall of luxuriant hair. Letting out a long sigh, he finally felt her
      strained body go limp in his arms. He looked out at the sunrise through
      tired eyes and wondered what he should do or say, anticipating Marie's next
      move.

      But she just kept still, frozen almost, eyes shut tight, cradled in her
      beloved's arms. Tears spilled from under the closed lids. This was all she
      had ever wanted. To be held by Logan, bound in an intimate embrace. Now this
      was all she could ever receive from him and all she could ever dare to hope
      for.

      His charity.

      And with that cutting thought stinging in her mind, she shifted forward,
      just enough to loosen his grip and shrugged off the robe, rendering him
      unable to pull her back. Placing her hands just above his covered knees, she
      pushed herself from the edge of the pool, breaking free from his vise-like
      hold, to lower her body into the water. The pool was deep and Rogue was out
      of her depth. Logan watched apprehensively as she circled in the water to
      look at him, his face involuntarily tensing from worry. Rogue smiled,
      treading water whilst watching him. He stared back, sat with arms braced on
      the ledge either side of him, appraising her with endless eyes. Rogue looked
      over his body, every perfectly defined muscle gilded by the glow of the fast
      rising sun and sadness crept over her as she gazed upon all she would never
      have.

      Logan watched her ferociously, coiled like a spring, when still wearing the
      same forlorn expression, she slipped beneath the waves. She floated there,
      cocooned in an icy blanket. She didn't seem to care anymore, but then all at
      once it was as though something inside of her finally snapped. Something
      abrupt, like a dam giving way, allowing her a form of tranquillity she was
      sure she'd felt somewhere before.

      It was less than a minute before she felt the biting grip on her upper arms
      and was suddenly exposed to the violent intrusion of hot air. Strong hands
      pulled her up out of the pool and laid her down on a hard cold surface.
      Looking up to the ceiling, with its shining angels, Rogue let veins of clear
      water trickle from her mouth, taking in the forgotten feeling of warm air in
      her lungs. Lying flat on her back, she turned her head to see Logan on the
      floor beside her, arms on bent knees, with his head in his hands. His whole
      body dripped with water as he rubbed his palms against closed eyes. Rogue
      could tell from the bass grumbling coming from him that he was either angry
      or upset, and she hazarded a guess he was both. She glanced down at her
      throbbing arms. Examining the red blotches shaped like hands, she thanked
      the stars her powers hadn't kicked in.

      "I didn't mean to hurt you." It was such a low rumble it was almost a frail
      growl, but was loud enough to echo off the tiled room, the sentence ringing
      in repetition. She noticed then, that that was the first time either of them
      had spoken. She sat up, adjusting her bikini and brought her eyes to his. He
      looked broken and, if possible, she hated herself even more, because she had
      done that to him.

      "What do you want from me, Logan?" Her voice was quiet and lilting, in the
      same tone you would use to speak to a disgruntled child. Logan turned his
      head to stare at her, exhausted and Rogue sucked in a breath at the image
      that confronted her. His mouth was closed, lips thin from rage, but his eyes
      were streaked red, laced with what resembled tears.

      "I want you to understand�" he spat out through gritted teeth as he rose to
      his feet, taking on a forbidding stance, one she'd only ever seen him use
      when approaching an enemy for a fight. And for the first time, she was
      afraid of him. She sat, petrified, eyes wide like a rabbit caught in
      headlights, as he paced forward, stopping right in front of her. She trailed
      her eyes up his body and watched, defenceless, as his gaze bored into her,
      burning a hole through to her soul. As she searched his face for any hint of
      what he would do next, his eyes softened, worshipping her, as he ground out,
      "�I want you."

      Rogue looked up at him stunned. She knew by the look in his eyes that he was
      deadly serious, but she couldn't comprehend what he was saying. She had
      never endured such a diversity of misery and joy in a single second.
      Blinking back tears she looked down. Down at the floor, down at her body,
      down at her skin and she instantly felt faint. Grabbing onto Logan's legs
      for support, she pressed her head to his knees, shaking it from side to
      side, whispering into the wet fabric, "How could anyone want someone they'll
      never be able to touch?"

      Logan was having enough trouble concentrating on remaining upright at the
      feel of Marie's hands curled around his legs, but the question brought him
      thundering back to reality. He spoke, his voice hard and clear in
      declaration, "Because touch is just one side to love, Marie, and if you get
      the control back, I can be lazy and if you don't, then I get to be
      inventive. That's all darlin'. There's more to love than just your body,
      Marie, believe me." All Logan could see was the top of her head, a quivering
      mass of hair as she wept at his feet. He loathed the fact he couldn't hold
      her tight and stop her crying.

      "I wish� I could� believe that, Logan� but�I can't�" It was barely a choked
      sob between shallow gasps, but it was enough for the wild and reckless
      animal in Logan to break free.

      In one swift move, Logan drew Rogue up his body, to her feet, wrapped his
      strong arms around her and crushed his mouth to hers in a frantic and
      timeless kiss. Logan was fascinated with the feel of Marie's lips under his,
      delighting in her reception to his insatiable thirst for touch and the taste
      of her flesh mixed with chlorine from the pool. He had never known
      uncontrollable want like it and when Marie groaned into his mouth and traced
      his bottom lip with a thrashing tongue, Logan's knees almost buckled under
      the weight of the sensation.

      As Rogue wound her arms around Logan's neck, she devoured his mouth with
      desperation. Her body in the midst of sensory overload, she was unaware of
      anything except the brush of Logan's skin against hers, overwrought by the
      feel of her breasts flattened to his brawny chest and the pound of her
      heartbeat in her ears as his hands slid up and down, over her toned wet
      body.

      Coming to her senses Rogue broke the kiss. Gasping for air, she looked at
      Logan. His eyes shone with love and desire, his mouth quirked in a sly grin
      as he looked at her hands, laced with his.

      Bare hands.

      Rogue could barely conceive what was happening. Confusion was apparent in
      her face as she considered the situation. Logan stepped towards her, her
      hand clasped in both of his, held over his heart as he tilted his mouth to
      her ear and whispered, "Snap."

      Of course. The subsidence of all the tension, the exertion of all the pent
      up anger when she lay under the water. She had simply let go. The same way
      she had when she first gained control. The build of nerves from her
      inevitable proclamation of love to Logan, the stress of her birthday, had
      all been washed away.

      She lifted her free hand, using shaking, naked fingers to trace his lips,
      watching as his handsome chest rose and fell with the steady rhythm of his
      breathing. She smiled at the feel of his hand running over her breast,
      lovingly cupping the flesh before twining the silk yarn of an unravelling
      butterfly in his fingers. She loved this man more than life itself, but
      wanted all the cards on the table.

      "I don't want you to feel you have to settle for anything you don't really
      want, Logan�" she mustered, still fighting for breath. Logan looked at her
      again, slipping a hand over her collar bone, up her throat and around her
      neck, bringing her so close that they were nose to nose. His smile beamed
      and he began nipping her lips in soft, airy kisses, as he growled, "I love
      you, Marie. I always have darlin', and I always will."

      He moved his hands down the length of her body to rest on her hips, grabbing
      and fitting them tightly to his own, proving that it wasn't just his eyes
      that were on fire. Rogue kissed him with deliberation as Logan effortlessly
      lifted her up his body. She enclosed her long, supple legs around his waist
      as Logan carried her down the steps into the clear blue liquid of the
      awaiting pool. Rogue moaned as he captured her mouth whilst discarding her
      bikini, the only sound the crackling of bursting bubbles and smacks of
      unruly kisses as the lovers sank beneath the water in a celestial embrace.



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