Fic: Definitely Someday - 1/1 - Rogue POV [L/R]
- I'm posting this for a friend...
All feedback needs to go to Pete Meilinger at mellnger@... or
TITLE: Definitely Someday
AUTHOR: Peter Meilinger
E-MAIL: mellnger@..., p_meilinger@...
SUMMARY: Rogue. Logan. Mush.
TIMELINE: Hell if I know. Call it a couple years after the movie.
DISTRIBUTION: Anyone who's already got my stuff is welcome to this as
well. If anyone else actually wants
it, I'd be tickled pink to hear about it. This and all my stories can be
found on my site at
SPOILERS: None, I don't think.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I'm not trying to make
DEDICATIONS: To Vic, Jen, Meg and Dot. Especially Vic, 'cause she's the
one who made me write this.
NOTE: Vic pointed out that I might want to mention that my take on
Wolverine is based more on the comic book
version than on the movie version. Then I added about a million pounds
of mush, just to make Vic's teeth ache.
I watched Logan while he mowed the lawn. No surprise there.
I'm always watching him. If I could get a salary, and maybe
medical and dental, I'd be happy to make a career out of it.
Especially when he's mowing the lawn or doing anything else
that he takes his shirt off for.
But watching is all I can do. All I'll ever be able to do.
Not just with Logan, with anyone. I try not to let that
depress me, and usually I succeed, but just then it was
hitting me pretty hard. I sat there for a few minutes,
letting myself be depressed. Sometimes you just need a
"Hey, kid." Logan's voice scared me half to death. I
hadn't heard him come up. I looked up at him, trying
not to stare. He was smiling, like he always does when
he startles me. He was still bare-chested, and he had
sweat and little pieces of grass on his chest. I managed
to stop myself from licking my lips in appreciation, but
then I realized I was staring. I blushed and turned away.
"What's wrong?" He hadn't noticed me staring at him. Of
course not. He didn't think of me that way, so it didn't
occur to him that I would think of him that way. Sometimes
I hate having him inside my head, hate how well I know him.
"Nothing's wrong, Logan. I'm just tired. Got a lot of
studying to do, y'know?" I held up my chemistry notebook
to prove my point.
He shook his head. "I don't see how you can sit still
through a whole class, kid. Must be boring as hell." He
opened his mouth to say something else, then closed it
and chuckled. When he saw the confused look on my face,
he explained. "I was gonna offer to help you study, but
I don't imagine I'd be much use. I can't remember if I
even went to school, let alone anything I learned."
His voice was light, but I heard the pain underneath.
Logan doesn't talk about his missing memories very often.
He doesn't like to think about it. It makes him feel weak
and incomplete. He probably doesn't realize I know that.
I've never told anyone, not even him, just how much of him
I still have inside my head. His memories and personality
have faded, but there's enough still there that I think
it's safe to say I know Logan better than anyone else.
Maybe better than he knows himself.
I smiled to take his mind out of the past. "Tell you what,"
I told him, "I'll let you know if there's something you
can help me with."
He smiled. Not a big smile, but this is Logan we're
talking about. Any smile is a victory. "You do that,
kid. You do that. In the meantime, I gotta take the
lawnmower apart. The engine's all screwed up. I'll see
ya later." Without waiting for a response, he turned
and walked away.
"Bye," I called after him. It sounded pathetic. I wanted
to hit myself. But then he half-turned around and gave
me a wave and a smile. I smiled back. Two smiles in one
conversation, I thought to myself. The Wolverine must
be going soft.
Or maybe he's starting to see you as more than a kid,
the hopeful part of my brain added. I squashed that line
of thought. I doubted Logan would ever see me as an adult,
no matter how much I grew up. And I couldn't allow myself
that kind of hope. I'd never be anything more than Logan's
friend. I had to accept that.
Still, I mused to myself, being his friend means a lot.
And hey, he said he'd help me with my homework if he
could. That's pretty amazing. I'll have to keep an eye
out for something he can help me with.
I might have to start believing in Fate, because I found
the "something" the very next day. In Home Ec, if you can
believe it. Mrs. Porter gave us our project for the month:
find someone outside the class to teach us a recipe and
help us make it. The results would be judged by the entire
Not an assignment that would make most people think of
Logan, but most people don't have his memories in their
head. I knew it was something he could help me with, and
I knew he'd enjoy it, if only he'd let himself. That was
going to be the hard part, convincing him to do it.
I found him down in the garage, working on the bike he
and Scott keep stealing from each other. Boys and their
"Hey," I said to announce my presence, even though he
must've heard me coming all the way down the hall.
"Hey, kid. Be with ya in a sec," he said while he finished
tightening the bolt he was working on. When he was done,
he wiped his hands clean on a greasy rag as he stood up
and turned to face me. "What's up?"
"Why does anything have to be up?" I teased. "Do I need
a reason to spend some time with the nasty old Wolverine?"
I expected him to laugh, but he didn't. He just gave me
a lopsided grin as he said, "'Course not. You're welcome
anytime, you know that."
The look in his eyes told me it was as much a question
as a statement, so I smiled at him as I answered it. "I
know." Then I blushed as I admitted, "Actually, I do have
a favor to ask."
That got me a laugh. "Anything you need, kid, it's yours."
Oh, I'm gonna hold you to that, sugar, I thought to myself.
Aloud, I said, "Remember yesterday when you said you'd help
me with my homework, if you could?"
"Sure," he said, surprised. "You mean you've got something
I can help you with?"
I didn't say a word, just nodded and handed him the
assignment sheet. He read it quickly, then stared at
me in disbelief.
"Cooking?!" His tone indicated I was asking him to do
something worse than fight Sabretooth, Mystique and
Magneto all at once.
I chuckled. "Cooking," I confirmed. "What, you don't
think you'd look good in one of those white chef's hats
and an apron?" And nothing else? I added to myself with
He glared at me, but there was no heat in it. "I don't
know how to cook," he told me as indignantly as he knew
how. He turned back to kneel beside the motorcycle.
"That's not what Tiny Tim Hunter tells me," I drawled.
I laughed as Logan shot to his feet so fast he knocked
the bike over.
He glared at me again, then broke down and laughed with
me. "Dammit, kid, it's no fair, you knowing what I know.
Makes lying a losing proposition." I just smiled at him,
and he went on. "So, you know about Tiny Tim, huh?" I
nodded, and he sighed. "Okay, then, you got it. Meet me
in the kitchen after cleanup tonight."
He pulled the bike upright and went back to working on
it, muttering all the while about punk-ass kids who know
too much for their own damned good. I giggled and left,
a huge grin on my face.
Logan ate dinner with Kurt and Ororo that night, like he
usually does. I eat with them some nights, but I figured
I'd best give him some space if I wanted him to be in a
good mood after dinner. So, I ate with Jubilee and Kitty
at a table across the room. They just about busted a gut
laughing when I told them Logan was going to teach me a
"Logan?!" Kitty squealed.
"Cooking?!" Jubes screeched.
"Quiet, you two!" I hissed as half the nearby tables
turned to look at us.
"Oh, no, babe. This is not something to be kept quiet,"
Jubilee informed me. "This is something to be shouted
from the rooftops."
"Yeah," Kitty said, still giggling. "I mean, the Wolverine
in the kitchen? Talk about a fish out of water."
"I'll have you know," I informed them smugly, "that I
have it on good authority that he's a damn fine cook."
"What authority?" Jubilee demanded, then nodded to herself
as Kitty and I just looked at her. "Oh, right, the memory
thing. Duh. Kinda weird, though, you knowing something
like that about him."
I nodded and smirked. "Logan says it's not fair how much
I know, since it means he can't lie to me."
"Aww, poor Logan," Kitty crooned, and we all giggled.
We turned to look across the cafeteria at him.
He was staring at us. When we looked at him, he shook
his head and smiled. He raised his beer in salute, then
turned to say something to Kurt and Ororo. They both
laughed and looked at us. Kurt blew us a kiss, with his
tail instead of his hand.
We all giggled and turned back to each other.
"God, Kurt's cute," Kitty mused.
"Yeah," Jubes agreed. "It's the fur. Him and Hank both."
She thought for a moment, then grinned evilly at me.
"Hey, there's a thought. Maybe you should go after one
of those two, Rogue-baby. I bet the fur would mean you
could touch 'em just fine. If ya know what I mean," she
finished with a wink and a leer.
I blushed and started to reply, but Kitty beat me to it.
"Forget it, Jubes. You know there's only one man for our
Rogue." I glared at her, and she stuck her tongue out at
me. Then her eyes lit up, and she got a wicked grin on her
face. "I just thought of something - you've got Logan's
memories in your head, right?"
"Some of 'em, yeah," I allowed, wondering where she was
headed. I had a feeling it was nowhere good.
"Do you have any memories of him naked?"
I just stared at her in shock. I couldn't believe she'd
asked me that. Jubilee I would've expected it from, but
As if on cue, Jubes jumped in. "Ooh! That's a damned
good question, Kitty-Kat. What's the answer, Rogue?
Any naked memories? Or better yet, any naked-and-not-
alone memories?" She licked her lips and gave me another
"Keep your voices down," I hissed. "People are looking!"
There wasn't actually anyone looking at us, but it bought
me some time to get myself under control. Jubes and Kitty
turned to see who had overheard them, and by the time they
turned back to me I was okay.
"None of your business," I informed them smugly.
"She does!" Kitty squealed in delight. I just smiled.
"She certainly does," Jubilee agreed. "Now, the question
is, are we talking R-rated or Triple-X?" When I blushed
again, she pounced. "Aha! Porn it is, huh? Well, well,
well. We want details, girl! Length, girth, stamina, all
the good stuff."
I glared at her. "There ain't no way you're getting
details out of me, Jubilation Lee. You should be ashamed
of yourself, asking me that!"
She waggled her eyebrows at me. "You just want to keep
the images all to yourself, don't ya, babe?"
I looked down at my plate and refused to answer. And I
continued to refuse all through the rest of dinner, much
to Kitty's and Jubes' annoyance. Every once in a while,
I'd look up at them and smile dreamily. It drove them
nuts. It was the most fun I'd had in ages.
I was still in a great mood when I walked into the
kitchen to meet Logan later on. He was looking through
the cupboards and cursing under his breath.
"Whatcha doin'?" I asked.
He snorted and shook his head. "Not much. This place
doesn't have half the stuff we're gonna need."
He started counting off on his fingers. "Peppers, beans,
spices, meat, all sorts of shit. Stuff," he amended quickly.
He's so cute when he's watching his language.
"Sounds great. What are we making?"
He looked at me in confusion. "I didn't tell you?"
I shook my head. "Nope. You just growled at me to be
here and went back to the bike."
"I didn't growl," he protested.
"I heard a growl," I assured him.
"There was no growl," he insisted.
"Well," I admitted, "maybe not a growl, but there was
definitely a glower."
Logan nodded. "Yeah, I'll cop to the glower, I guess.
But you had it coming."
"Did not!" I protested.
"You did, too," he assured me calmly.
"I'm not gonna argue with you, kid."
"You are, too!" I said with a grin.
"I am not!" he snapped. Then he realized what he'd said
and we laughed for a while.
I love to laugh with him, about anything or nothing at
all. He's all mine when we're laughing together. That's
a strange way to put it, but it's the truth. He never
jokes around like that with anyone but me. He gets
along great with Kurt and Ororo, and he's friends with
a lot of other people here at the mansion, but he always
keeps his guard up, just a little bit. He'd never argue
about the difference between a growl and a glower with
anyone but me. It's stupid, but it makes me feel closer
When we stopped laughing, I reminded him, "You still
haven't told me what we'll be making."
"Texas Rattlesnake Chili," he informed me proudly.
"Chili? Cool, I like chili. But why's it called
"Because it's got rattlesnake in it," he said with a
look that told me he was wondering how I could possibly
not already know that.
"Snake meat? I am NOT eating snake meat!" He opened his
mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "And if you're
about to say 'it tastes like chicken' then you're gonna
have to explain why the hell we can't just use chicken."
His mouth snapped shut. After a moment, he chuckled.
"Yeah, good point. It doesn't really taste like chicken,
though. And besides, who the hell ever heard of Texas
Chicken Chili? It's just wrong."
Okay, he had me there. "Where can we get rattlesnake
meat?" I asked.
"Hell if I know," he admitted. "I'll figure it out
tomorrow. When's this thing due?"
"Not until next Thursday."
"Good. Gives us plenty of time."
"Yeah," I said. "But I was hoping to get started tonight."
That was only half true. I didn't care when we did the
chili, but I wanted to spend some quality time with Logan.
Maybe he felt the same way, or maybe he could just tell
I was disappointed, because he looked around the kitchen
and said, "Well, I guess we could do something else. You
up for some cookies?"
I'm sure my jaw hit the floor. "You know how to bake
He gave me an embarrassed smile. If I didn't know him
better, I'd have sworn he was blushing. No, dammit, he
"It's not rocket science, kid. It's just cookies. Why
wouldn't I know how?"
"Why *WOULD* you know how?" I demanded.
"I learned working for Tim," he said with a shrug. "I
thought you already knew all about this," he accused.
It was my turn to shrug. "The memories are pretty fuzzy.
I just knew you worked for a guy named Tiny Tim Hunter
as a cook and bartender in his bar. I don't even know
where the bar was."
"Right outside Vancouver."
"Okay," I said, nodding, "I remember that now. And Tim
was a short guy, right?"
"Yeah," Logan confirmed with a grin. "About five foot
nothing, maybe a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet.
All of it muscle. We called him the Little Big Man. He
used to box as a flyweight, a long time ago. He was
about sixty when I knew him, but he was still hell on
wheels in a fight."
His eyes lost focus, the way they do when he's remembering
something good. I don't get to see that look on his face
nearly often enough, and I cherish it every time I do.
"And he taught you to bake cookies?" I asked, to get
him going again.
That got a chuckle out of Logan. "Yeah. He taught me
how to cook all sorts of sh... stuff. Him and his wife,
Linda. They were both great cooks, but they preferred
to stay out in the main room, where the action was.
They knew everyone in the neighborhood, and everyone
"But why did he teach you to bake cookies?" I prodded.
Logan glared at me. "You're not gonna let that go, are
you?" When I shook my head, he snorted. "Fine. Tim and
Linda liked cookies, that's all. So did everyone else
at the bar. I tell you, it's amazing how well a couple
of chocolate chip cookies can taste after you've had
a few. We used to put 'em out in baskets next to the
peanuts, a couple nights a week. We'd be baking all
"The bar went through that many cookies?" I don't know
why, but that didn't ring true to me. Maybe it was a
piece of his memories coming back to me.
His eyes darted away from mine, and I knew it was
definitely something. "Well, no," he admitted slowly.
"It wasn't just for the bar. We gave a lot of them
"Away to who?" I sing-songed. I couldn't quite see the
memory that would've answered my question, but I knew
it was going to be good.
"There was, uh," he stalled. "There was a shelter next
door, and we used to send a few dozen a week over there.
And we brought some more to another place."
The memories finally clicked. "It was a battered women's
shelter!" I laughed. "And an orphanage! There was an
orphanage right outside town." I gave him my most wicked
grin. "You used to bake cookies for orphans, Logan."
He blushed again, and I swear it was the sweetest thing
I've ever seen. "I did not!" he denied. "I baked them
for Tim. What he did with them was his own damned business."
I closed my eyes so I could visualize the memories I'd
just recalled. "As I remember it, it was you who delivered
them. And the kids loved to play with you, didn't they?"
My eyes snapped open and I gasped in delight as I hit the
mother lode. "They all called you Uncle Logan! And you
gave them piggyback rides!!"
I started laughing so hard I thought I'd bust a gut.
And when Logan hung his head and refused to look at me,
I just laughed even harder.
After awhile, I slowed down to the giggles, and eventually
those went away too. I looked over at Logan. He was glaring
at me, but I could tell he was hiding a smile.
He shook his head in disgust. "I suppose this is gonna
be all over the school by tomorrow morning?"
I smiled at him. "Not a chance, sugar. This is too good
to share." And it was. It was another little piece of
Logan that I could keep all to myself.
My smile grew more serious as another thought occurred
to me. "The kids here like you too, y'know. You're good
He looked away and shrugged. "Yeah. I like kids, most
of the time. What you see is what you get. And we have
some common interests."
That was the truth. The younger kids at the mansion had
learned to follow Logan around, because he was always
willing to explain things to them. How to break down an
engine, how to fix a broken window, how to cut down a
dead tree. It was mostly stuff they didn't understand,
but they didn't care, because he talked to them like
they were equals. Kids like that, and he got along
pretty well with them.
The teenagers were another matter. Logan put up with
Kitty and Jubilee for my sake, but he avoided the rest
like the plague. Which was hard, given that most of
them thought he was pretty cool. I was the only one
my age that Logan ever really talked to. It made me
I realized I hadn't responded to Logan's comment. I'd
just been staring at him, lost in my thoughts. I started
to blush and stammer out some sort of reply, but then
I saw that he was staring at me, too, and he seemed to
be lost in his own thoughts.
"What are you thinking about, Logan?" I asked.
He jumped a little, startled, then smiled. "This and
that, darlin', this and that. How 'bout yourself?"
I nodded. "Nothing, really." Which was a lie, of course.
I was thinking about what a damned good father Logan
would be, and wishing I could be the one to help him
realize that. But I could never tell him that, as much
as I wanted to.
We stood there for awhile, looking at each other, then
he turned and started pulling things out of the cabinets.
Cookie-things. "Looks like we can do oatmeal or chocolate
chip," he said. "Or peanut butter, I guess. What do you
I started to answer, but stopped myself. "What's your
favorite?" I asked.
He considered the question, and said, "I'm a chocolate
chip man at heart, darlin'."
That was the second time he'd called me darling in just
a few minutes. I liked it. I liked it a lot, actually.
I tried not to read too much into it, but it was hard
"Chocolate chip it is, then," I said.
He smiled at me, then turned to the ingredients. "Okay,"
he said, "turn on the oven, will ya?"
"Somewhere between three-fifty and three-seventy-five."
"Okay," I said, turning the knob. "Oven's on. What's
"Grab some eggs and butter out of the fridge."
I went and got the butter and eggs. When I got back to
the counter, Logan was using a spoon to scoop flour into
a mixing bowl.
"What are you doing?" I asked. "Aren't you supposed to
use the cups?"
"Measuring cups," he informed me, "are for wimps."
I just looked at him for a minute. "Measuring cups are
for wimps?" I demanded.
"That's right," he said. I thought I detected the hint
of a smile on his face, but I couldn't be sure. He's
good at hiding them when he wants to.
"Measuring cups are for wimps?" I asked again. He nodded.
"So, you only bake cookies if it's manly, is that it?"
"That's right, darlin'," he answered, throwing a pinch
of salt and baking soda in with the flour. "Only way to
"Tell me," I asked with a smile, "exactly how did you
manage to turn baking cookies for orphans manly? 'Cause
I gotta say, I just don't see it."
He shrugged and started mixing with the spoon, but this
time I know I saw the smile. "Well," he said, "I'll admit
that was a challenge. But once I started mixing gunpowder
in with the flour, I was okay."
I laughed, and he let the smile out as he chuckled with
We laughed a lot over the next few minutes. It felt good.
Felt great. It felt normal, like Logan and I were just
two ordinary people baking cookies, not the untouchable
girl and the killer without a past. It felt normal.
Maybe that's why I kissed him.
It's not the only reason, of course. Being that close
to him has always made me want to kiss him, but I'd
never succumbed to temptation before. Maybe it was the
everyday, domestic feel of it, I don't know. Or maybe
it was the smell of baking cookies. After that night
in the kitchen, I'm willing to state that chocolate
chip cookies are definitely an aphrodisiac.
The first batch was in the oven, and we were dropping
the second batch onto a cookie sheet. We hadn't said
much for awhile, but that was okay. I like talking to
Logan, but I like being quiet with him even more. And
he was still smiling, a small, secret little smile. I
knew he was having fun. I knew he was happy to be spending
time with me.
I wasn't wearing my gloves. I took them off when we
started mixing the first batch. They were getting too
dirty. Most people get nervous when I take my gloves
off, but not Logan. He never batted an eye. That's
another reason I enjoy spending time with him. Another
reason I felt like an ordinary person.
Our hands touched while we were reaching into the mixing
bowl for more dough. I didn't move for a second. It felt
good to touch him. Then I came to my senses and jerked
my hand out of the bowl, looking fearfully at Logan.
He looked back at me calmly. "It's okay, darlin'. No
He was right. The connection hadn't started, so it was
okay. But he was still looking at me, and I couldn't
decipher the emotions I saw in his eyes.
And then I moved. I grabbed the scarf from around my
neck, and I pressed it against Logan's face, and I
He froze. For a long second, he didn't move, and I
thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. Then
his arms were around me, and he pulled me against him,
and it was wonderful. I brought my hands up and ran
them through his hair. I was getting cookie dough in
his hair, and he was getting it all over my shirt, but
I didn't care. My hands wandered down to caress his
It was only after I felt the connection start that I
remembered I wasn't wearing my gloves.
First came the prickly heat that I'd felt the other
times I'd touched Logan. It flooded through me like
adrenaline, making me even more excited.
Then came the senses. I could hear our hearts beating,
smell our arousal, taste the lust we felt for each other.
I moaned and pulled myself closer to him. He groaned and
ran his hands over my body, and I was in heaven.
But then I felt his emotions. Fear and guilt and shame
hit me like a sledgehammer, and I pushed him away with
frenzied strength. He was off-balance and weakened from
the drain. He tripped and hit the floor hard.
I stood there for a moment, breathing hard and staring
at him. He looked up at me from the floor, his eyes full
of emotion. Fear. Guilt. Shame.
I turned and ran from the kitchen.
I was on the bench by the pond when he found me. I like
to go there to think, or just to be alone. Most everyone
knows to leave me be when I'm out there. Ororo comes and
sits with me sometimes, but she never says anything, so
I don't mind.
I heard Logan coming, of course. I knew his senses would
be with me for at least a week before they faded. The
emotions would fade, too, but I knew I'd never forget
the way he looked at me. I'd never forget the way he
"Hey, k... Marie," he began, as he sat down next to me.
I laughed bitterly. "I'm not a kid anymore, huh?"
He sighed. "You haven't been a kid for a long time.
Since before I met you, I guess."
"No," I agreed. "Not for a while now. I'm surprised
That drew a snort of disbelief out of him. "Be hard not
to notice, darlin'. And..."
"Don't," I cut him off. "Don't call me that, Logan. I
don't want you calling me that anymore."
He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. I'd hurt
him with that, I could tell. Good, the spiteful part
of my brain whispered.
"I'm sorry, Marie," he said, looking at the ground.
I laughed again, humor mixed in with the pain. "You
don't have to be sorry, Logan. It's not your fault
you don't want me."
His head whipped up. "Now, where the hell did you get
that idea?" he demanded.
I looked at him scornfully. "You're in my head, Logan.
I know what you felt when I kissed you."
He shook his head. "No, you don't, Marie, because I
definitely wasn't thinking that I didn't want you."
"What?" It was all I could say.
He sighed, and looked out across the pond. "It's not
that I don't want you," he said in a very low voice.
"It's that I can't have you."
"What?" I asked again. I was completely bewildered. I
had never even imagined that Logan might see me as more
than a sister. I knew he cared about me. I had never
doubted that. But he wanted me? I couldn't believe it.
"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping against hope that
he might feel the same way I did.
He chuckled softly, but there was no humor in it. "It's
like," he began, then trailed off. He didn't say anything
more for a minute, and I didn't say anything either. I
just sat there silently and let him collect his thoughts.
To be honest, I don't think I could have spoken if I'd
"I knew you had a crush on me," he said, finally, "but
I thought it was just kid stuff."
"It's not," I said, willing him to believe me. "It's
more than that."
"I know," he agreed, nodding. "If you say it's more,
I believe you. But I didn't know that until tonight.
So I told myself it couldn't happen. That there were
too many reasons we couldn't be together."
"What reasons?" I demanded.
He sighed again. "Age, for starters. I'm too old, Marie.
And you're too young."
"Well, you are too old," I allowed, and he laughed.
A real laugh this time, and my heart soared to hear
it. "But I won't always be too young," I went on,
after he stopped laughing.
He nodded. "That's true."
"So what's the problem?" Before he could answer, I
went on. "I think I'm old enough now, Logan. Even
if you don't think so, I will be, soon enough. So,
if not now, maybe someday...?" I let the question
Logan closed his eyes, and I could hear the pain
in his voice when he spoke. "I don't do too well
with someday, Marie. I don't have a past. You know
"I don't care," I assured him.
"I know. I know you don't. But what that means is,
I feel like I don't have a future, either."
"You can," I told him. "We can. Together." I couldn't
believe how sure I was, considering how uncertain and
scared I'd been just a short while before. But I was
right, I knew it. It felt right.
"I want that," he said, his voice full of emotion.
"I want to have a future, and I want it to be with
you. But I can't see it. When I look, it's not there."
"What do you mean?" I asked. I had no idea what he
was talking about.
He waved his hands in the air, searching for the words.
"I can't get my head around it," he said. "That's why
I live in the here and now. The past is gone for me,
and the future is impossible to see. It's not real.
I have a hard time understanding things that I can't
see, or smell, or touch."
I felt tears coming to my eyes. "And you can't touch
me," I said, and all the pain came out in my voice.
"No!" he cried, finally looking me in the eye. "That's
not what I meant, Marie. That's not what I meant at all.
I'm doing this all wrong." He brought his hands up to
my shoulders. I tried to shrug them off, but he wouldn't
let me. He pulled me into a tight hug, then leaned us
both back against the bench, keeping his arm around my
shoulders. I sighed contentedly and rested my head on
"That's not what I meant, Marie," he repeated. "I can
touch you whenever I want to." He brought his head down
to rest carefully on mine. "Sometimes," he whispered,
"I'd swear you're the only person in the world I've
ever really touched, or who's ever really touched me."
I tried not to cry, but it was hopeless. The tears
started streaming down my face, but I was smiling at
the same time. I put my arms around Logan and squeezed
him as tight as I could. "I love you, Logan," I said,
then froze. I couldn't believe I'd said it out loud,
and I waited fearfully for his reaction.
He brought his thumb up to wipe at my tears, brushing
them away before my skin had time to affect him. "I
love you, too, Marie," he said softly, and I started
crying and smiling even harder.
"But not yet," I said, after a moment.
He kissed the top of my head. "Not yet," he agreed,
and I could hear the regret in his voice.
"Maybe someday?" I asked, knowing the answer.
"Definitely someday," he promised, and it was enough.
So that's where we stand. Someday we'll be together.
We don't know how long it'll take, but that's okay.
It'll be worth the wait.
Oh, and for those who are interested, we did eventually
make the chili. It went over pretty well. I got an A.
And Logan's cookies are the smash hit of the season.
And the way we've been acting together has all the
Life is good.