Fic: All of Heaven Away 6: In Between Days - 1/1 [Hank]
- Title: In Between Days
Author: Victoria P. [victoria_p@...]
Summary: Hank's turn to think about everything as winter turns to
Series: All of Heaven Away
Disclaimer: All X-Men characters belong to Marvel and Fox; this piece of
fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.
Archive: List archives, with the others in the series.
Feedback: makes my day
Notes: 'Cause Hank deserves a little time to share his thoughts. Thanks
to Dot, Meg, Jen, and Pete. In Between Days is my favorite Cure song. If
you want to read the others in the series, they're at
In Between Days
I watch her. I always have. I'm in love with her, after all. All of us
have been, at one time or another.
She chose Scott, the golden boy. With his good looks and confidence, who
wouldn't have chosen him?
But I continued to love her from afar. A goddess on a pedestal, who
deigned to take pity on a beast like me, and called me friend.
Even when I was with Trish -- and the less said about that, the
better -- I continued to watch Jean. We work so closely together, how
could I not?
When Trish left me, I couldn't bear to stay in New York. There were too
many memories, and too many reminders of what I would never have. Never
before had the happiness of others so grated upon my nerves, but seeing
Jean and Scott together, while I was alone, nursing a broken heart, was
too much. They tried to include me, cheer me up, but their talk of
engagements and weddings only made me sadder.
I took a position at Berkeley. Got as far away from them as I could, and
spent a very happy two years doing research. I hid in the basement
laboratory, like some freakish Dr. Frankenstein. Going out only after
dark, wearing a trench coat and fedora -- I lived out many of my
childhood fantasies, pretending I was Humphrey Bogart or Cary Grant,
spying on the enemy for the greater good.
When Charles called me to tell me of a new mutant at the school, one who
couldn't touch, I was intrigued. I allowed myself to believe that it was
curiosity, as well as the desire to help the poor creature who was thus
afflicted, that brought me back. But I've never been good at
prevarication. I needed to see Jean again, and I knew that we'd be
working in close proximity to help the girl -- Rogue.
I was drawn to her from the first, and she to me. I was the only one she
could touch, and I was grateful for once for the mistake that had led to
my blue and furry condition.
When Logan returned, I saw how she looked at him, and knew that she was
in love with him. It was written in every line of her being.
He, as most of us, had eyes only for Jean. We were in the same boat, he
and I, and we became friends. But I knew that I'd never have the chance
he would to share her affections. Logan has joked that he should more
rightly have the codename Beast, but it is no more than that -- a joke.
He has a feral, animal quality, it's true, but it draws women to him,
while my monstrousness drives them away.
No, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I do not indulge in such weakness
anymore. I learned a long time ago that I am not a man who makes women
swoon. They are much more likely to turn away in horror from me, or,
what may even be worse, laugh at my advances.
So, I continued to watch as Jean went to him, after Scott left. It
didn't bother me as much as you might think. I knew she didn't love him,
and all I craved from her was her love. Her friendship had sufficed, and
her affair with Logan wouldn't take that little bit of her away from me.
When Rogue departed, I gave her a map and a credit card so she could
always find her way. And I tried to be a good friend to both Logan and
Jean as they realized the enormity of their error.
When Scott came back, we all made the erroneous assumption that he would
reconcile with Jean. I had already steeled my heart against the pain of
seeing them together as they rebuilt their love. I had no idea -- though
I pride myself on being a keen observer, I obviously missed the signs on
this one -- that Ororo was in love with Scott. Nor did I ever expect him
to return her feelings.
It seems that everything has worked itself out now. Rogue has Logan, who
despite his gruff exterior, is gentleness personified with her -- and
lives in desperate fear that she will somehow stop loving him. Ororo has
Scott, and together they are slowly growing into their love, which
blooms as the flowers in her garden.
Jean is still alone, working on ridding herself of the guilt I know she
carries like an albatross around her neck. I try to be helpful, always
ready with a joke and a smile as we work together every day, but it
makes me want to wreck the lab when I see the dark circles under her
eyes, and I know that she spent another night alone, crying into her
Would that my fairy tale would come true, that the beauty I adore could
find love with this Beast. But I know that reality seldom follows the
path of children's stories, and I hide my heart, because of all the
things I'd love for her to give me, pity isn't one of them.
"There's nothing I won't do, but some things are gonna cost you extra."
Mike Kellerman, _Homicide: Life on the Street_
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