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"help is bright green" 6/? [humor]

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  • lady_sascha@hotmail.com
    Note: You can find all earlier chapters at http://www.tentative.net/sascha/wmf/index.htm This version hasn t been spellchecked yet, sorry. To Tan, Lise and
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 6, 2001
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      Note: You can find all earlier chapters at
      http://www.tentative.net/sascha/wmf/index.htm

      This version hasn't been spellchecked yet, sorry.

      To Tan, Lise and Kael. Just because. ;)

      "help is bright green"
      by Sascha


      CHAPTER SIX



      "Are they..." Jubilee wiggled her hand. "You know?"

      I shook my head, and glanced over at Rick and Izzy. I couldn't help
      but grin. Sometimes those two were just illegally cute together.
      Until a few moments ago, Rick had been chatting with me and Jubilee,
      but the second Izzy came into the Corner, stopping and looking
      around, Rick was on his feet and rushing towards him. Rick wearing a
      really big, shit-eating grin, and Izzy looking much the same as soon
      as he spotted Rick.

      They hugged and laughed and pushed Stace and Ellis off the couch.
      Then they kissed. One of those slow, long, with lots of tongue kisses
      they are so fond of.

      Oh, yeah, 'straight' is to Rick an negotionable label.

      Jubilee's eyebrows hit her hairline. "They're not? 'Cause they seem
      awfully friendly to be just friends if you know what I'm saying...?"

      I shrugged, looking back at her. "It's just Rick and Izzy being Rick
      and Izzy, really. They're really close friends."

      "No shit. Bobby and John are really close friends as well, and I
      don't see them doing that." She nodded towards Rick and Iz.

      No, Remy would probably be jealous, I thought, managing not to say
      that out loud. I shrugged again.

      Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Okay, if you say so."

      Actually, in my opinion Rick and Iz were so in love with each other,
      they looked at the other through rose-coloured glasses, but since
      they were both fiercely denying that, I tried to keep my opinion to
      myself. Mostly.

      I did tend to nag at Iz about it at regular intervals, but he just
      glared at me and changed the subject.

      If I didn't know better, I'd almost say they were afraid of
      something...

      Lin patted my hair to get my attention, pausing in front of me. "Did
      you see where Moric went? I have timtams and stuff."

      "Nooo..." I said slowly. "I don't think so..."

      "Moric," Jubilee said thoughtfully, looking around the Corner. "Is
      that tall, curly haired and wearing a sweater with some redhead with
      dots for eyes and a white dog on?"

      "Yeah, that's him," Lin nodded. "Did you by any chance see where he
      went?"

      "Uh-huh. Went through that door." Jubilee pointed at the door leading
      up to the roof. "I think some short, blond guy went with him."

      "Montgomery."

      "I wouldn't know."

      "Okay, thanks," Lin said and disappeared in to the kitchen. I eyed
      the kitchen door suspiciously. A lot of people had been disappearing
      into it, and they reappeared looking smug. Ron was in there. Hmmm. I
      deeply suspected that I was missing out on something yummy.

      I wanted something yummy.

      I got on my feet and wandered into the kitchen followed by Jubilee.
      No, I don't have a clue what she was doing at Moric's birthday party.
      She'd just sort of followed me there. Nobody seemed to mind much. I
      think they were just relieved that I hadn't brought all eight of them
      back.

      Ron and Cassie was making chocolatey things. Or rather, Ron was
      making them and Cassie was walking in his way. Lin was on the phone.

      "Cass, hand me the cream and the paper thingy."

      "The huh?" said Cassie and licked chocolate off her finger as she
      looked around.

      "The... Never mind," Ron sighed and reached over to grab the bowl
      himself. "You know, if you're not going to do anything but sneak-eat
      my chocolate and stand in my way, you could leave..."

      "Nu-huh." Cassie shook her head.

      "Knew you were going to say that."

      "Hey Ron," I said hopefully.

      Ron turned, spotted me and Jubilee and groaned. "Oh god. More of you."

      I beamed at him, hoping the good old Olsen charm would work.

      It didn't.

      Ron just turned back to whatever it was he was doing, shaking his
      head and muttering something I didn't quite catch in Swedish. I'm
      pretty sure I heard 'helvetes' in there somewhere though.

      Cassie grinned at us and jumped up on the kitchen bench.

      "CASSIOPEIA GRIESINIEMI!" Ron yelled immidiatelly. "Get your arse off
      the frying paper!"

      Cassie jumped down and gave Ron a meek look. "Sorry."

      Ron grumbled.

      "C'mon, Jubes," I said. "I don't think we'll get anything from this
      guy..."

      Jubilee grinned. "He's worse than Remy."

      I gave her a surprised look as I pushed the kitchen door open. "Remy
      cooks?"

      Jubilee nodded. "Yup. Is what he does when he's angry. He's really
      good too."

      "He... cooks... when he's... angry?" I repeated, trying to picture
      the broody seventeen year old I knew cooking. To be honest the only
      cooking I could picture him doing was putting something in the
      microwave and pushing the right bottons. Maybe not even that.

      "Uh-huh. Though I usually don't get to taste it. Only Miss Munroe
      does."

      "Miss Munroe? Why?" See, this is the downside of spending most of the
      time I'd been at the school in the computer room. All I knew about
      the kids came mainly from what I saw and what Kitty told me.
      Apparently, this didn't give me the whole picture. Strange, huh?

      "Miss Munroe's his sponsor," Jubilee explained. "She knew him from
      before he joined the school."

      "Oh." I added that piece of information to the folder in my head
      marked Remy LeBeau - Mystery man. "So they're close?"

      Jubilee shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I don't really know 'em very well."

      "You've been at the school for a while, haven't you?"

      She nodded. "Yup. Since I was twelve. Kitty, Kurt and Peter have been
      there longer. Oh and Liz. But otherwise I was one of the first
      students to attend to the school."

      "What about Pret-- Bobby?"

      She snickered. "Why do you call him that?"

      I feigned ignorance. Hard to pull off when you're turning a nice
      shade of dark green, but I tried. "Bobby? Well, it's his name, see."

      "Nah. Pretty Blue Eyes. Why do you call him that?"

      I gave up. "'Cause it's true. He's got pretty, blue eyes. I know.
      I've seen them."

      Jubilee grinned brightly and gave me a look that made me want to go
      hide somewhere. "You've a crush on Bobby!"

      "I do not!"

      "Do too! I can tell."

      "Not! Not!" I had a feeling I was turning the shade of green
      Norwegian pines have. "He's just a kid!"

      "Is eighteen," Jubilee corrected, still grinning. "And you do so. Oh,
      this is so cool. I have to tell him."

      "Oh god."

      "Hey Alex. Why are you blushing?" Jana gave me a curious look. She
      sat on top of one of the empty computer tables, braiding her hair.
      Kallie had ordered all the computers carried away to one of the spare
      rooms, saying something about this being a party and you can damn
      well survive without checking your mail every three minutes.

      Jubilee bounced. "He's got a crush on Bobby!"

      Jana blinked at her, then looked interested at me. "Reaaaally? You
      don't say..."

      "I don't have a crush on Bobby!" I shouted, exasperated.

      Close to everybody in the cafe quieted down and turned to look at me.
      I really wish they'd stop doing that.

      "The lady doth protest too much," Rick commented.

      Izzy agreed. "Yeah. Are you sure you're not just a tinzy bit
      interested?"

      I growled at them. "Shut up!"

      Jana poked me. "You know, I could ask him out for you, if you--"

      "JANA!"

      "Was just an offer, no need to shout..."

      Jubilee was rolling on the floor, laughing. "Oh I am so gonna tell
      Bobby!"

      I hid my face in my hands and wished they would find something else
      to talk about. For once, my prayers were heard.

      Lin walked out of the kitchen, beaming. "HEY! EVERYONE! Time for the
      prezzies! Someone go get Moric and Montgomery!"

      Ellis volunteered.

      "And we shall gather at the table," Rick said, untangeling himself
      from Izzy.

      Izzy gave him a strange look. "Have you been reading Hamlet again?"

      "Eh, no. Twelft Night."

      "Rick... What have I told you about Shakespeare?"

      Rick looked guilty. "Not a suitable bedtime story?"

      Kallie appeared from somewhere bearing gifts and shook her head at
      them. "You two are strange."

      Rick and Izzy beamed proudly. "We know," they said in unison.

      I swear they're being like this on purpose.

      ****

      Moric sat on the couch, a thick pile of paper in his hands. He was
      beaming brightly and appeared to be very happy with his gift
      stories. "Am I supposed to be reading them out loud?"

      "No!" Half the Corner, including me.

      "Yes!" The other half of the Corner.

      Moric obviously heard only the ones he wanted to hear. "All right
      then." He rifled through the pile of paper, then started from the top
      of the pile. "Okay, here goes..."

      And the reading session, which lasted quite a while, was on.

      ****

      "No, but see, it works!" Rick waved his hands wildly to emphasize his
      statement. "It's like a puppet theatre and I'm channelling that guy,
      while you have your guy --"

      "Yes, but whom is our resident green-skinned mutie freak
      channelling?" Iz asked, looking both amused and doubting.

      "Well..." Rick blinked, stomped for an answer. He eyed me. "Hmm..."

      "What are you two babbling about?"

      "Spirit persons," they replied in unison and grinned at each other.

      I arched an eyebrow. Personally, from what I'd heard, I thought it
      sounded like a certain someone had seen Being John Malkovic one time
      too many. "Uh-huh. Do I really want to know?"

      Rick pondered, then shook his head. "Probably not."

      "But you're going to tell me anyway?"

      "You've got it."

      Half an hour later I gave Iz and Rick a dubious look and inched
      slowly away from them. They had explained their spirit person -
      channeling theory to me, and besides being slightly dizzy, I was
      deeply convinced that they where both utterly and completely bonkers.

      While inching away from the two nutcases, who were completely
      oblivious to my disappearing, I bumped into someone. I turned around
      to apologize and came face to air with Penn d'Henri. I'm a bit taller
      than she is, you see. I looked down. "Penn! Hey! Didn't expect to see
      you here."

      She grinned. "Well, I had a day off so I figured why not? Nice to see
      you again, Alex."

      "Yeah, nice to see you too." I grinned back. "I see you've gotten the
      Felidae comic published?"

      "Oh yes!" She beamed. "Am real excited about that. Have you seen it?
      Bought it? Read it? Tell me!"

      I laughed and told her.

      ****

      "Hey, Alex!" Stace shouted. "I think these two belong to you!"

      I gave her a puzzled look. She pointed towards the door. I turned
      around and spotted Logan and Bobby standing in the doorway, looking
      around.

      What the heck where they doing here?

      "Oh good," said Lin from where she was sitting next to me, shuffling
      cake into her mouth. "They're here."

      I blinked at her. "You called them?"

      "Good guess."

      "Why?"

      She gave me a look. "Because Kallie told me to."

      "Okay. Why did Kal -- Jubilee."

      "Bright lad." Lin patted me over the head and disappeared into the
      kitchen, no doubt to pester Ron or make another phonecall. I got up
      as well and walked over to Logan and Pretty Blue Eyes.

      "Where is she?" was the first thing they said to me.

      "And hello to you too." I grinned. "She's celebrating Moric's
      birthday."

      "I got that part. Now where is she?" Logan said impatiently. Bobby
      seemed to be busy eyeing the cake. It was a rather nice cake though.
      Ron had out-done himself this time.

      "What? You're in a hurry?"

      "Yes, I'd --"

      "No," Pretty Blue Eyes interrupted. "We're not. We can stay a while,
      can't we? Don't want to pull Jubilee away from all this food -- I
      mean, fun, now, do we?"

      Logan looked unhappy. Before he could say anything, Lin showed up
      with cake.

      "Here, enjoy," she said, smiled and continued on her way.

      "Yum," said Bobby and grinned happily.

      Logan took a bite of the cake. "Well, we could stay for a little
      while, I guess..."

      I beamed at them.

      Not that I had any hidden intentions or anything...

      Really.

      I was just being nice by letting Jubilee stay at the party.

      Yeah...Sure, Alex. Keep telling yourself that.

      ****

      "Yeah, yeah, but there's one thing I don't get, sweets," Iz said,
      popping his chin up on his hand and giving me a thoughtful look. "Why
      this fascination with 'Stigmata'?"

      "He's got a crush on Gabriel Byrne," Cassie said. She reached over
      the table and grabbed the chocolate plate. For the third time. Izzy,
      Rick, Jana, Cassie, Galynne, Stace, Ron, Jubilee and I had all
      benched us around the four clower table for the dessert and stuff.
      The desserts and stuff were quickly disappearing.

      Izzy waved his hand. "Well, yeah, I know that, but there's lots of
      movies with him in it, so why 'Stigmata'?"

      "I've seen that one," Galynne said. "Provided of course that we're
      talking about the movie. Are we talking about the movie? It's bloody."

      "Yes, we are. Or rather Izzy is for some Izzy-ish reason," Stace
      replied before returning to her conversation with Ron.

      "So?" Izzy reached over the table and poked me. "Why Stigmata?"

      I shrugged. "It's just nifty."

      Jana blinked slowly. "It's just nifty? Blood and stuff and it's
      nifty? You're weirder than Gally."

      "Hey! No insulting the one with the claws!" Galynne did indeed look
      mildly insulted and waved a clawed hand in Jana's direction.

      "Let me rephrase," Jana said quickly. "Alex is NOT weirder than
      Gally. NO ONE is weirder than Gally."

      Galynne stopped waving her hand and looked satisfied.

      "You have a strange definition of nifty," said Rick and contemplated
      his piece of strawberry cake.

      Izzy pointed at me. "Have you guys ever watched 'Stigmata' with this
      guy? I've seen it four times, I think, and everytime they get to that
      wrist slashing scene --"

      "He puts a pillow in front of his face," Rick, Jana and Cassie
      finished, all three of them grinning at me.

      I glared at them. "So?"

      "That movie scares the hell out of you, doesn't it?" Izzy had an
      intrigued look on his face.

      "Well..."

      "You know, _normal_ people watch Halloween or Nightmare on Elmstreet
      or something when they want to be terrified," Rick pointed out.

      "Oh but see," Iz said and patted Rick on the shoulder. "Alex is a
      freak. He isn't normal. Huh. Actually, that pretty much explains it
      all..."

      "I'm dying of laughter, I really am," I said dryly.

      Iz gave me a brilliant smile. "Of course you are!"

      "Are you people always like this?" Jubilee wanted to know, tilting
      her head and looking fascinated.

      Jana nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

      "I think I like you," Jubilee nodded with a grin.

      "I think I like you too," said Rick. "Even though your taste in music
      is horrid."

      "It is not!"

      "Give it up," Iz adviced Jubilee, eyeing one of Ron's more exotic
      creations. "Rick's in the business. He claims to know these things.
      If he says it's horrid, it probably is. And if it isn't, there's no
      way you'll manage to get him to admit that."

      Jubilee arched an eyebrow. "In the business?"

      "Mmm." Izzy nodded. "He's a record producer. Hey, Ron, could you hand
      me that plate with the curly things on it? Ta."

      Jubilee stared at Rick. "You're a record producer? For real? No
      kidding?"

      "Yup." Rick eyed the plate Iz was holding. "Are you actually going to
      eat that?"

      "Are you insulting my cooking?" Ron asked.

      "Who? Me? Absolutely not!" Rick denied. "Great strawberry cake!"

      "Huh," said Ron, apparently satisfied with that.

      "Hey, this is good!" Iz munched happily on one of the curly things.

      ****

      "Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, for man was constant never,"
      Izzy quoted, grinning. "And I would have quoted Hero in honor of Jana
      here, but I can't remember a word she spoke."

      Jubilee grinned as well. "Are you an actor or something?"

      "An actor? Izzy?" I laughed. "Well, he's certainly got the primadonna
      act down path..."

      Iz gave me a hurt look and got up off his chair. He disappeared
      towards the bar.

      I closed my eyes and sighed. Fuck. Now I'd hurt his feelings. Damn. I
      started to get up to follow him and make nice, but Rick shook his
      head at me.

      "Don't. Don't bother. He'll get over it, he always does."

      "You're right, I guess..." I hesitantly sat back down.

      "Uh-huh." Rick nodded, then his eyes widened as he saw something. "Oh
      god. Iz, what are you up to?"

      I twisted around to see what he was seeing. Izzy was determindedly
      headed towards... Logan. Oh no. This could not end well. There was no
      possible way this could end well.

      "Logan, right?"

      Logan grunted. Kallie and Moric looked surprised up at Iz. Bobby
      tilted his head curiously and Daniel and Penn stopped talking.

      "So. I hear you're a teacher at the Xavier--"

      "I ain't no teacher. And I ain't interested in whatever you want."

      "But, we haven't even been aquainted yet!" Iz pouted prettily.

      "You know Alex, right?"

      Hey! He knows my name! I preened slightly.

      "...yeah."

      "Ain't you sleeping with Alex?"

      ...How the hell did he know that?

      Iz sort of huffed and tossed a glare my way. "Depends on your
      definition of fucking, my friend. Look--"

      "Ouch," I said. Oh yeah. Iz was _not_ happy with me. Cassie winced in
      sympathy.

      "Then, go. Back. To. The. Green. Runt," Logan said through clenched
      teeth.

      Iz posed. "I promise, I'd make it worth your--"

      "I'm warning ya..."

      Iz gave up posing, and went for irrisitibly charming instead. "Oh,
      you big, tall, handsome man! C'mere and gimme a kiss."

      Around this point Jana was bent over laughing, face more or less in
      her cake, and over by Logan's table, Bobby wasn't much better off.

      "I'm warnin' ya. I have metal claws, a mean temper, and a habit of
      usin' both. Fuck. Off."

      Iz beamed at him and the other people at the table. "Oh, he likes me
      for sure."

      Daniel gave him a sceptical look. "I wouldn't put money on that."

      "What part of fuck off ain't clear, bub?"

      "--the bit where we fuck. Want it on the car? In the school? I'd say
      here's a bit public, but I'm game if you are..."

      "Call 911," said Rick, looking as though he was expecting Iz to turn
      into a rather more bloody version of himself. So was I, really. I
      squinted in Iz' direction, hoping the following slaughter wouldn't
      look that bad then.

      Logan tilted his head and raised his hand.

      I closed one eye. Everybody else seemed to be holding their breath.

      Claws appeared.

      Iz arched an eyebrow. "Edward Scissorhand fetish? Yeah, well, I've
      had weirder shags."

      He's probably telling the truth too.

      "Why does he say 'shag'? He's not british." Jubilee looked puzzled.

      Rick shrugged. "OD'ed on Queer as Folk yesterday, probably."

      Logan growled, "Piss off, kid."

      Iz bent down and kissed him on the lips, which, by the way, I could
      have told him was a damn bad move.

      Two seconds later he was flying through the room, landing with a
      THUMP in front of Ellis and Montgomery.

      ***

      "Fuck, that hurts!" Iz complained, giving Rick an evil glare. Rick
      ignored him and kept dabbing his chin with pyrisept.

      "That was a bloody stupid thing to do," I informed Iz, sitting down
      on the chair across the table from him.

      "Shuddup."

      "Well, it _was_. What the hell were you thinking, anyway? 'Oh look,
      here's a scary guy with claws, I think I'll harrass him'?"

      "Alex. Shut up." Rick shook his head at me and went to get a bandaid
      from one of the cabinets here in the kitchen. Kallie has it for
      emergencies and stuff. Even got paracets in there. He came back with
      a bandaid featuring Mickey Mouse. "Would you two stop sulking?"

      "Who's sulking? I'm not sulking," I said. "Iz, are you sulking?"

      "Definitely not."

      Rick snorted. "I'm not sure which one of you is more the brat. You,"
      he looked at me. "Or him."

      I immidiatelly pointed at Iz while he pointed back at me.

      "I need some new friends," said Rick and sighed.

      Iz slung his arm around Rick's neck and pulled him down to a kiss. He
      let him go and grinned. "Oh, you love us to bits and you know it."

      I grinned. "What he said."

      Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress a smile.



      Cont. in Chapter 7
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