Fic: " If I Said " I love you" Would It Help?" PG-13 (1/1) [Scott/Jean, Loga n/Jean, Logan/Rogue, Storm]
- Hi all,
A few notes
1) I´ll continue "Trapped In Darkness" soon but since so many authors seem to be physically torturing Scott at the moment, I thought I´ll give my dear boy a break...for a while.
2) This story is about betrayal in relationships and the choices which can change everything.
3) This story is movieverse but if anyone reads the comics, it was inspired by the preview cover of Logan and Jean.
4)The comic based fic " How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?" with a Scott/Jean pairing is also out.
5) Guess that was it.....Enjoy!
Feedback: Is always welcomed.....please?
If I said I love you would it help? By Nadja Lee 03/01/01
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: X-men and all the characters here belong to Marvel , 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set after the movie
Universe: Set in the movie universe. Only the movie NOT the book that goes with it!
Pairing: Scott/Jean, Logan/Jean, Logan/Rogue
Summary: Jean betrays Scott with Logan and that leaves Scott with a choice .Shall he forgive ..can he forgive?
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Note: The last few lines in this story, the poem in the end, is the lyrics from Disneys Broadway play Beauty And the Beast. Everything they wrote are theirs and if there is anything in them they didn´t write, I wrote it. All which they wrote belong to them.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@....
*mmmm * is telepathically thoughts spoken in the mind. mmmmm is spoken out loud.
Scott drove towards the mansion late at night. He had been to a conference for mutant rights and had been away for the entire week. He should actually first be home tomorrow but he had drove all night to get home as he wanted to surprise Jean and be with her. After he had parked the car he went towards his room and looked at the time. It was almost three in the night. He opened the small jewellery box in his hands to reveal a diamond ring in a golden band. He had a very special question to ask Jean so he was sure shell forgive the lateness of the hour. With a smile on his lips and a song in his heart he lay his hand on the door handle and froze as he heard noise from inside.
Oh, yes. Yes, yes,
It was Jeans voice, obviously speaking in a state of passion.
It was Logan´s voice, following hers. Scott stood as frozen, refusing to believe it. More moans followed from the room and Scott felt like a knife had been thrown into his heart. Something made him carefully open the door; he had to know the truth. A big mirror on the back wall gave him sight of the entire room and the big bed in the middle.
Oh, God, he whispered as he softly closed the door again. Jean and Logan...together .He walked as in trance through the hallway, away from the room he had shared with Jean for almost three years now. He went to the kitchen but even there he felt like he could hear their screams of passion even though he knew he was imagining things. He ran outside, not caring that he was still in his finest suit from the conference. It had started to rain but Scott didnt feel it. Blindly he ran and ran as if Lady Death was following him but in a way She was for his heart was dying. He reached the lake at the edge of Xavier´s property and he fell to his knees, tears running down his cheeks.
Why? Why? he mumbled, pleading the heavens for an answer.
WHY? he screamed as loud as he could, his agony going out in that one word. Why? He looked at the box in his hands and he opened it. The moonlight made the ring glitter but Scott didnt see its beauty any longer but only the dream it had represented. A dream which had died tonight.
Damn it all, he swore and savagely threw the ring into the lake as tears and the rain washed his face and his body. On his knees by the lakeside, the rain falling like tears from heaven, he wished the water could wash away the pain he felt inside.
Scott. Scott, what are you doing here? Ororo asked as she gently lay her hand on his shoulder and woke him up.
Jean??? Scott mumbled sleepily and instinctive reached for her only to have the whole nights events come back full force to him. She was gone. Lost to him forever. His red glaze settled on Ororo.
What are you doing in my .. he began but then looked around. He was by the lakeside, still wearing the same clothes as last night. Now, he remembered. He had cried himself to exhaustion last night and he must have fallen asleep.
Come, my friend. Lets go inside, Ororo held out a hand to help him up and Scott let her. Together they walked towards the mansion. He didnt want to go back. He didnt want to see Jean in Logan´s embrace but he had to sooner or later. Feeling like a soldier walking right into a set-up, he entered the mansion with Ororo and went to the kitchen where there were confusion as always. Teachers and students ran around to find a place to sit and the breakfast they wanted. But Scott saw nothing of it. His eyes had found Jean from across the room and he felt like crying or beating someone up. Anything to release this anger and pain in his chest. But as always he did neither. He couldnt see Logan anywhere but if Jean was here, he couldnt be far behind. Jean noticed him and smiled at him as she walked to him.
Scott. Youre home early, she said with a smile as she gave him a kiss on the lips which he was too shocked to respond to.
I came home last night, Scott said tonelessly and watched her reaction. She stiffened and her eyes became guarded.
Really? I didnt see you, Jean avoided his red glaze and turned back to a table to fill a bowl of cereal.
No. I guess you were busy, Scott tried to keep the pain and bitterness from his voice but the shaking of Jeans hand told him he hadnt quite succeeded. Scott was about to go to her as he saw Logan enter the room. Scott walked stiffly to him as anger boiled up inside him.
You, outside. Now, was all he managed to hiss as he passed him and he had to draw on all his control to not just open his eyes and blast him away where he stood. Logan gave him a odd look but followed. As soon as they had existed all the kids, and the teachers too, walked to the windows to watch what was to happen in the garden.
Cyke, whats all this about? Logan complained as Scott had dragged him outside and still hadnt said a word. Scott stopped so suddenly that Logan almost bumped into him. He turned around and looked at him.
How dare you ask that? Do you think me that stupid? Scotts eyes glowed a dangerous red which meant that he was just barely holding his powers back.
Look, Cyke, Im getting tired of this. Just tell me what the fuck is going on? Logan demanded to know, not backing down.
Of all the women here, you just had to take the one who was mine, didnt you? Scott hissed, his eyes glowing and his voice barely concealing a pain and bitterness Logan didnt know Scott was capable of.
What the hell . Logan began but never got to finish as Scott took a swing at him, his fist colliding with Logan´s face, sending him to the ground.
You know damn well what Im talking about. You and Jean. Last night, Scott yelled, knowing they were watched but beyond caring. We may not be the best of friends but we do work together, Scott shook his head and tried to stop the tears which sprang to his eyes. Damn it, Logan. I trusted you, the words were pained, whispered.
I dont go where Im not invited, Logan growled and got up and popped his claws.
Stop this at once, Ororo demanded as she landed between them.
Get out of my way. I dont want to hurt you, Scott warned as she blocked his way to Logan as well as Logan`s way to him.
My friend, this is not the way, Ororo´s voice was kind, soft.
You knew didnt you? How could you? Scott yelled accusingly at her. He nodded at Logan, fury and murder in his covered eyes as he said We arent through yet, and with a last look at Logan, he swiftly turned around on his heels and left.
Scott, Ororo called after him but he didnt listen. He needed to get away before he hurt someone to easy the agony he felt within.
Scott sat at the mansions roof, staring at the star covered sky. He had spent the day in a near by inn, trying to drown his sorrows in alcohol which hadnt done anything but give him one of the worst headaches he had ever had. He used to love the stars. Their sparkle and their infinity. He had once thought they represented hope. Now he wasnt use what he saw anymore.
Hi Sugah, a soft, southern accented voice said from behind him.
Go away, Rogue, Scott said without turning.
So you can continue to drown yourself in self pity? Ah think not, she seated herself next to him and looked at the stars in the sky.
Ah once wished Ah could hold a star in ma hands. See it pulsing with light and life. Ah´ll hold it carefully in ma hands, trying to not let it get away from me, Rogue began, her voice soft and low. Scott looked at her as she continued to talk, intrigued by the beauty of her words.
But it always did. You cant hold a star. You cant catch it. You can stand in its light for a short while but sooner or later itll leave you. It always does, she turned to look at him, tears glimmering on her cheeks.
I ..hurt, Scott uttered softly as tears fell from his eyes.
Ah know. Ah hurt too, Rogue whispered and Scott looked intensely at her before gently wiping her tears away with his shirt sleeve.
You love Logan, Scott said and smiled at her shocked look. Yes, I know. Even if I do wear glasses Im not blind, the last wasnt spoken as a reproof yet still she blushed. One of the students had said it in class right when Scott had entered and they had all laughed. Now, she regretted that. That and so much more. That she hadnt stood up for him. Logan´s distaste in him from when she had absorbed him might have had something to do with it but to be honest she knew that most of it was her own fault. She wanted to fit in, wanted to be like the others and the students which held Scott closer than a teacher who was good but also good at making fun off were few and in between. At least from the boys. Most of the girls liked him because he always was so kind and then he didnt look half bad.
Ah know, Rogue whispered and gave his hand a gentle squeeze through her glove.
Does he ., Scott began but stopped as the words got stuck in his throat.
..love her? Ah dont know. Despite what you might think this isnt some conspiracy. None of us knew before today, Rogues voice told of the truth of her statement as pain lashed her voice again.
No one? Scott pressed.
No one, Rogue clarified.
I gotta go. Thanks for the talk, Scott yelled over his shoulder as he ran from the roof to Ororo´s study. He had a apology to deliver.
Scott, I can we talk? Jean asked softly as she entered his office the next morning. Scott looked up from his papers and tried to ignore the pain the very sight of her brought to his heart.
Sit, his voice was toneless as he gestured to a chair. She sat and looked at her hands for a while.
Scott, I .., she stopped, not knowing what to say.
I just need to know; why? Scott leaned over the table, his voice threading to break down.
I .I dont know. I wanted nearness. I guess I wanted to see what it would be like with him, tears was in her eyes now. Im so sorry. So very sorry,
How long has it been going on? remarkable that ones voice could sound so reasonable when you are dying inside.
Only while you were away. I swear, Jean insisted, tears ruining her make-up.
Why should I believe a word you say? his voice was filled with bitterness and pain but also a hint of hope. He wanted to believe. He needed to believe again.
Because I love you. It only happened once, in the week while you were away, and I swear itll never happen again. Please forgive me, Jean stood up and reached for him but he drew back as if burned.
And Logan what of him? Do you love him?
I thought I did otherwise I wouldnt have done this but I dont. I love you, she reached for him again and this time Scott walked around the table and took her into his embrace.
And Logan how does he feel? Scott asked into her red hair as she lay her head on his shoulder. How he had missed the feel of her, the smell of her.
I thought he loved me but discovered he didnt I ., she looked down and whispered . I .kind of told him
What? Scott wanted to know and took her under the cheek, forcing her to met his red stare.
..that we had broken up, she admitted and saw the tightening of his jaw. Im so sorry. Please forgive me, she pleaded now but didnt care.
I dont know if I can, Scott whispered and softly kissed her on the top of her head, a single teardrop falling into her red hair before he walked out the door.
Scott, Ororo said as she landed next to him by the lakeside.
Ororo, he acknowledged but still just sat there, seemly looking at nothing but she knew that a world of pictures had to be playing in his mind.
You want to talk about it, my friend? she asked gently as she seated herself next to him. For a while neither said anything then Scott finally spoke,
She asked me to forgive. I know Xavier wants me to. What am I to do? He turned pleading covered eyes towards her and she could have sworn that she saw his soul being torn in two by the agony of his heart.
I cant take that decision for you. I know that Logan asked Rogue the same thing as he realised he loved her and not Jean. As you know . She gave him a small smile she forgave him but then shell forgive him anything,
I loved Jean. I still do. But what is love without trust? he tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice and failed miserablely.
What is love without forgiveness? Ororo asked softly.
You think I should forgive her? Just like that? After all she has done? Scott asked and stared shocked at her.
I´ll forgive but Im not you. Besides I feel you have already made up your mind, Ororo´s voice was still kind, soft as a summer wind.
I guess I have,
No matter what happens, I´ll stand by you, Ororo promised and Scott smiled warmly at her.
Thanks, my Beautiful Wind Rider. Thanks,
Scott, Jean said happily as he entered the kitchen to see her baking brownies, his favourite kind. Jean never baked unless she was distressed.
Jean ., something in his voice made her stiffen but then she resumed her work.
Im almost finished. Its your favourites. Just sit down and , her voice was getting misty and Scott went to her and took the spoon she had in her hand away from her.
Jean, we need to talk,
I .I cant. I need to bake and .., her voice held tears now and the knowledge of a truth she didnt want to face.
Forget the cakes, he demanded and drew her into his embrace and she cried by his chest.
Why? she whispered as Scott cried too, mumbling words of comfort and stroking her hair.
Because I love you.. Because I`ll always love you, Scott whispered and she lifted her tear filled eyes to look at him.
Then come back. Come back to me. Well make it work. I know we can, Jean pleaded.
I .I cant, Jean. That night a piece of me died. A light, a dream I can never get back. I cant .forget and I wont forgive. I just cant, his words held a world of pain and tears blinded his vision.
Dont do this to me, she whispered, a hand stroking his cheek.
I dont, you did this when you were willing to sacrifice all we had together for one night with Logan, his words didnt hold bitterness, it was just a ascertainment.
But I love you, Jean cried as Scott bent down and kissed her forehead.
No, you dont. You probably never have, he wiped her tears away and turned to go, his posture even more in control than ever. He needed that control now if not he were to fall apart.
Scott sat on the roof, staring at the stars. He wanted to find that dream again he had seen in them. He wanted to find that light. But he saw only darkness. A tear fell from his eye and the moonlight made it glitter like a diamond. He had always had a dream. He had always been the one who never gave up. Now he understood that Jean had been his dream, his light, his star. That night he had found her in anothers arms all his dreams had shattered and his light had died out.
His heart felt like it had shattered into a thousand pieces and he felt a emptiness in his soul like none other he had ever felt. He was alone again. Alone and cold. He looked at the stars for guidance and comfort but for the first time in years; they didnt speak to him. Scott looked to the stars again and reached for them. He wanted to walk the great tapestry of glowing stars as he used to. He wanted to take a star in his hand and fell its warmth spread through his entire body. He wanted to see his eyes, his very soul, being reflected back at him in the stars gold white colours. Then hell let the star go to find its place on the never ending heaven of stars. But he couldnt fly to them today. His spirit wouldnt let him fly free anymore. It was broken and had lost its wings. He feared he would never fell the warmth of the stars again or fly among them as a silver eagle overlooking the pride lands. He remembered Rogues words and now knew what she had meant. For Rogue Logan had been that star and for him Jean had been that star. The one who shore the brightest yet also the one he was forced to let go. The one hell never be able to tie down. The one he couldnt have.
What he wouldnt give to undo these last days. To be ignorant of it all. To have just arrived a few hours later. He had never believed that ignorance was a bliss but now he wasnt so sure. If it could undo the agony in his soul and heart; it might just be worth it. He knew there was a way. He could forgive Jean, he could try and forget it had ever happened. But he couldnt forget. He wanted to but he couldnt. Every time he thought of Jean the image of her in Logan´s arms resurfaced. Had he still been able to find that light within him which had shinned so brightly, forgiveness would have been natural. That same light which Ororo bore as a cloth around her body, that goodness and kindness which was her very soul. Her ideals had been his for so long. Now, he didnt know what to believe. He was lost but more than anything; the emptiness within scared him. Once, he had had hope. Now it was all gone.
Hope of love
Hope of happiness
Hope of my dream
One day will come true
But that was not to be
As my dreams dies
As the time fly
Love a lost illusion
But deep within
Is utter blindness
As my heart dies
No pain could
No life could be cheaper
No hope left within me
Feedback: Please? I`ll love you forever for it *G*
Webpage "X-men hero: Cyclops"
Remembering Connor MacLeod, the Highlander.
"Seems to me the only problem a white man has with a coloured, is that he is afraid.
People are always afraid of what they don`t know or don`t understand. Me, I`m not afraid of much. Maybe save boredom"
- Little J, "Posse"
"The black man have never had any problems with the red man. As for you, white boy, now that is a whole different story. I mean...
First you enslave the black man,
Then you explore the yellow man,
And finally you kill the red man so you can steal his land"
- Abobo on the history of America
"God is goodness,"
"Would that be the same God that saw you put the black folks into slavery and steal the Indians land?"
- Liana`s father