Fic: The Long Hard Road Out of Hell - 4/? [Logan, Rogue, others]
- Disclaimers etc. in Part 1
< > indicates thoughts
~ ~ indicates telepathic conversation
// // indicates memories
The Long Hard Road Out of Hell
Logan tossed and turned in the throes of his nightmare. It was a recent
one -- a reenactment of the night he impaled Marie combined with the night
she'd caught him fucking Jean. It was worse than his old nightmares, because
in this one, he was the one inflicting the pain, and Marie bore the brunt of
it. He hated it, hated himself sometimes, with a fierce loathing that hadn't
lessened with his time away.
A sound startled him awake and he sat up abruptly, nostrils flaring. Logan
could smell anger and fear and nervousness, as well as -- <Shit> -- Logan
was out of the bed faster than Scott thought anyone weighed down by two
hundred pounds of adamantium ought to be able to move. He suddenly found
himself back against the wall, Logan's claws on either side of his neck and
one just touching his Adam's apple.
"Why do you smell like her blood?"
Scott blinked behind his visor. He'd washed up and changed, but obviously
not well enough.
"Where is she? Is it Magneto again? Sabretooth? That blue bitch? I swear
I'll kill her this time," he growled, retracting the claws and pulling on
his jeans and a flannel shirt.
"No," Scott replied. "She -- look, there's no easy way to say this, Logan.
This morning, I found her -- she'd slit her wrists."
"Jesus fucking Christ," Logan breathed, his stomach twisting with nausea.
"It's a long story. I'll tell you on the way."
Logan, on the motorcycle, followed Scott's rental car to the airstrip where
the Blackbird was parked. He was trying desperately to tell himself that it
wasn't his fault and that he didn't care. But he knew he was lying on both
If he had kept away from Jean, didn't take the opportunity she offered when
she and Scooter had fought and he'd left for DC with the professor... If
Marie hadn't come bursting into his room, thinking his growling was due to
nightmares... If he had stayed, regardless of the hurt in Marie's eyes, the
accusation in everyone else's...
He sighed heavily as they reached the jet. If onlys were a waste of time. He
had to get home and heal Marie. If he'd fucked up the one person who had
always been good to him, he didn't think he could live anymore. Hell, he was
barely living now, going from town to town, fighting and drinking and
occasionally fucking. It was never satisfying, because Marie wasn't with
He rode the bike onto the jet and then settled into the co-pilot's seat.
He'd been on enough missions in his time with the X-Men to know the
rudiments of flying the thing, but he was glad he didn't have to.
"What happened?" he asked again.
"She was attacked. She absorbed the bastard. He's trying to make her kill
herself," Scott said tersely.
"Christ," Logan muttered. "Two telepaths and they can't do anything to help
"They don't think it's ethical." Logan's head whipped around at the sarcasm
in Scott's voice.
"And you do?"
"If you'd seen her--" Scott broke off, blinking away tears the other man
could smell, but couldn't see. "What that bastard did to her--"
There was definitely more going on than the One-Eyed Wonder was telling him,
Logan thought. "And you think I can help?" That was the most surprising part
of all. He and Scott hadn't fought when the affair with Jean came to light.
Scott simply acted as if Logan had ceased to exist.
"No one else has been able to," the other man replied shortly. He said
nothing more for the remainder of the trip.
They arrived back at the mansion, and Logan could smell Marie's blood from
the hangar, a level below the lab.
Without waiting for Scott, he tore up the emergency stairs, taking them two
at a time in order to get to her. <That much blood can't be good,> he
thought wildly. <She can't be dead. She can't.> In the two and a half years
he'd been gone, the one idea that crossed his mind constantly was how to
make it up to Marie. How to get her to forgive his betrayal. If she was
dead, he couldn't do that. Therefore, she couldn't be dead. It all made
sense as he burst into the lab, startling Jean, Xavier and Kitty from their
vigil at Rogue's side.
Xavier, as always, was the first to recover. "Welcome home, Logan," he said
Logan ignored the other man and made his way to the girl on the gurney. Jean
and Kitty moved so he could get closer.
"How--" Jean began, when Scott entered the room. "I see," she said, shooting
a look at her husband that did not bode well for him. He ignored it.
~I wish you had consulted me, Scott, instead of going through my files,~
~Would you have agreed with me?~
~I was actually going to suggest it as our next course of action, if you and
Jean were comfortable with it.~
~I think I can handle a little discomfort if it helps Rogue,~ Scott replied,
before putting his shields up and ending the conversation.
"I see," Xavier said, echoing Jean's words.
Logan ignored them all, his concentration focused solely on the girl with
the white stripes in her hair as she lay upon the bed. Kitty wordlessly
handed him a pair of latex gloves and he pulled them on before brushing a
hand across Rogue's pale face.
"Hey kid," he said softly. "You awake?"
Her eyelids fluttered and she murmured, "That you, sugar?"
He felt his chest tighten at the endearment, one he hadn't heard in two
years, and said, "Yeah."
Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him and shrunk away. "Don't touch
"Marie, please --"
Her voice was low and hard. "Don't fucking touch me. Any of you." She sat
up, ignoring Jean's cry, and lifted her bandaged left arm. She saw Scott in
the background and said, "You should have just let me die."
"You know I won't do that, Rogue."
"Right. Good old Cyclops, always playing the hero. And you," her eyes swept
over Jean, Xavier and Logan, "the good doctor, always trying to make amends.
The mentor, putting a good face on the failures and the freaks. The
Wolverine -- fucking up everything you touch. I was right when I met you,
Logan. We *are* alike. God, how I wish we weren't."
She hopped off the table and struggled out of the lab, leaving them looking
at each other, stunned.
Logan whirled on Xavier. "Talk fast, old man. You've got some serious
explaining to do. I've spoken with you twice in the past month and you never
"We thought it was best -- " Jean began.
"Shut up, Jean. I wasn't asking you."
"Logan, please -- " He turned at her voice and she took a step back at the
ferocity in his eyes.
"I said*shut up,* Jean." He looked at the man in the wheelchair. "Well,
"Rape is --"
"Rape?" An almost inhuman growl sounded from his throat as nine inches of
razor-sharp adamantium sprang from his hands and wrecked the table on which
Rogue had lain. "Who? I swear to God, Chuck, I'll kill the fucker."
"You're not the first person to suggest that, actually," the professor said
dryly. "Erik offered to have him killed, as well. His influence, even from
prison, is extensive."
"Old Magnethead's got the right idea for once," Logan replied.
"Calhoun is already in prison and killing him would not help Rogue deal with
her situation." Xavier's voice was sure and authoritative. "It would only
make us feel better."
"Why don't we find out for sure?" Scott said, in agreement with Logan for
"You didn't mention rape, Scooter."
"I wanted to get home in one piece," Scott replied.
Logan let out a bark that might have been laughter, had there been any humor
in it. "When did it happen?"
"About nine months ago. She was attacked in the parking lot at the college.
She managed to free herself when he touched her.
"This was her third attempt at suicide. Dr. Betsy Braddock, a colleague of
mine, is on her way here. I think she may be successful in helping treat
Rogue. She regularly counsels survivors of sexual abuse. Obviously, with
Rogue having absorbed her attacker, her situation is more complicated than
most, but Betsy is an excellent psychiatrist, as well as a powerful
"I spoke with her this morning, and she'll be here in a couple of days."
Xavier looked at them all sternly. "Until that time, Rogue is to be kept
under a strict suicide watch. Scott, Logan and I will do most of it, since
we can't be sure she won't attack you or Ororo, Jean. Logan, keep your
temper in check, please."
He left them; Logan stared at Scott, Scott at Jean. Jean kept her eyes on
the floor. She and Rogue had rebuilt their friendship after Logan left, but
she still felt guilty. Especially now that he was back -- seeing his
reaction to what had happened, she wondered how she'd ever doubted that
Rogue was the one who truly held his heart.
Logan stalked out without a word. They knew he was going to find Rogue.
"Why, Scott?" she asked softly.
"We can't help her. Maybe he can." His voice was flat. Jean knew how much he
hated seeing anyone hurt, and how much worse it was to see Rogue, the girl
he thought of as his little sister, in such pain.
She walked over and put her arms around him, kissing him gently. "I love
you, Scott Summers."
He rested his head in the hollow of her neck. "I love you, too," he
Thats one more kid wholl never get to go to school / Never get to fall in
love / Never get to be cool Rockin in the Free World Neil Young
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