FIC: Of Friends and Good Intentions (3/?) PG13
- Title: Of Friends and Good Intentions PT 3
Rating: PG13, for language
Category: Super silly and strange
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Distribution: List sites and Disquieting Muses
Dedicated: to Nanci-wan, Diebin, and all the chicks who read this and
didn't spit in my eye for defiling the characters. May you all - as little
Obi-wan would not say - live long and prosper.
Author's Note: I highly recommend taking a look at the first 2 parts if you
want to make head of tail of this puppy. Although, it'll still only make
minimal sense. LOL.
Also, this is not betaed. Ignore whatever booboos arise. Thanks.
Of Friends and Good Intentions 3
�A fight is the next best thing to sex.�
Holy crap with whipped cream on top. �What?� Rogue wasn�t quite sure she�d
heard correctly. She was praying she hadn�t.
Kitty was characteristically cheerful, tossing little Obi Wan in the air,
and catching him with a small �Weeh.� She was demented. �Sure. You can just
ask him to teach you.�
�He *already * teaches us.�
Oh no no no no no. �Oh no no no no no no.�
It was midnight and the only illumination in the room was coming from
Jubilee�s smurf night lite. Rogue watched as her friend bounced up on her
bed. �Why the hell not?�
�Private lessons? That sounds� That sounds like��
Rogue snorted. �It sounds like my excuse for getting him to touch me.�
�So?� Kitty�s light laughter filled the room and both Rogue and Jubilee had
to shush her. �What? That�s *exactly * what we�re trying to do.�
�Rogue. Babe. We�re not asking for your opinion. This is on your agenda for
tomorrow.� Jubilee stood up and padded over to her desk. She grabbed a
sheaf of papers, which she dutifully handed over to Rogue.
Sitting up in bed, Rogue leaned over and switched on the lamp on her bed
stand. All three girls groaned as the heavy light hit them. Blinking, Rogue
took the papers in hand and examined them. �What the � what is this,
Jubilee? A diagram? How in the heck am I supposed to follow this?�
Kitty answered for her friend. �It�s like a script. You have to follow it
to the letter or it won�t work.�
Raising an eyebrow, Rogue replied, �Is that so?�
The sarcasm was lost on Kitty. �Yeah. And, if everything is done right,
then you just follow the little drawings.� She pointed at some stick
figures on the page. �I drew them myself.�
Jubilee nodded and patted Kitty on the head. �You�re very talented, Kit.
Now, the most important part is the script. *I * wrote that.�
Turning to the next page, Rogue saw what looked like a movie script.
Logan�s lines had been inserted as well. �How do you know what he�s going
to say?� she asked incredulously. What was wrong with these girls?
Jubilee smirked. �He�s only like the most predictable guy on Earth. Like,
just now, when I was coming back from the bathroom, I ran into him and said
�Hey there�. You know what he said?�
Rogue�s face remained impassive. �No.�
�He said �Hiya, kid.� Just like that. That, my friend, is predictability.�
�Uh huh.� Rolling her eyes, Rogue sighed deeply. �That proves?�
Pride filled her every pore as Jubilee pointed at the writing on the page.
/(Logan enters gymnasium. He is wearing sweats and little else.)/ Rogue�s
eyes flew upward. �Jubes��
Innocence personified batted her eyelids: �What?�
/(Logan enters gymnasium. He is wearing sweats and little else.) Logan: Hey
Rogue: Hi, Logan. (Rogue stares at Logan with her big, brown eyes) How are
(Logan saunters over to Rogue and flexes his muscles, which has a
devastating effect on said Rogue) Logan: Ready for the lesson?
(At this point, Rogue�s instinct will be to smile prettily. She will,
however, fight this instinct and throw him a sultry look instead)/ Rogue
stopped reading long enough to glare at her friend.
�Stop looking at me like that.�
�Jubilee - �
�Keep reading,� the young Asian urged.
�And look at the drawings,� Kitty chimed in.
/Rogue: Sure, sugah. Bring it on!/
�Sugah? I don�t talk like that, Jubilee. And stop snickering Kitty!�
�Come on. You�re ruining the mood. Read all of it, for Logan�s sake.�
�Well, Logan�s like your god isn�t he?� Jubilee explained, giving Kitty a
high-five in celebration of her cleverness.
Shaking her head, all Rogue could mutter was, �Whatever.� Everyone around
her was losing her mind. �Weak.�
Jubilee crinkled her nose in confusion. �What?�
�This is weak, Jubes. He�ll see right through this.�
Kitty decided this was the time to chime in. �No he won�t, Rogue. Logan is
denser than lead.�
Rogue groaned and hid her face behind her hands. �Oh, geez. This is like
something out of some bad romance novel.�
�Exactly the point,� Jubilee declared.
Mesmerized by her own drawings, Kitty gestured toward some especially
inspired moment in which� Rogue frowned. What exactly was that mess of
stick figures depicting? She shook her head while Kitty nodded knowingly.
Smirking, Kitty replied, �Come on. You don�t need me to spell it out for
Rogue looked to Jubilee for help. �I think she does, babe.�
�Um, well, you know. You *know *.�
Rogue remained genuinely unaware of her friend�s meaning.
Blushing furiously, Kitty tried again. She began outlining the figures with
her finger. �See? There *you * are and that there is Logan.� She cleared
her throat. �You really have to read the script to get the full picture.�
The fury in Rogue�s eyes shone more brightly than Jubilee�s smurf night
lite. �I think I get the picture well enough, thank you.�
Sensing a moment of possible retaliation, Kitty ran to her bed and grabbed
hold of little Obi-wan. Jubilee just laughed. �Just keep reading, Rogue.�
She couldn�t believe this. She couldn�t believe she was doing this. And she
couldn�t believe her friends were watching this by video surveillance.
The door to the Danger Rooms slid open and Logan strutted in. He was
wearing sweats and, oh God, little else. Was a tank top considered little
else? Were tank tops considered the male equivalent of the bra? It
certainly seemed so.
She resisted the urge to let her eyes widen in innocent guile, instead
throwing a look that Jubilee guaranteed would �melt butter�.
�Hey, Logan,� she purred.
He gave her a smile, confusion etched on his face. �Hey, kid. Something
wrong with your eyes? You�re kind of squinting.�
Uh, oh. This was *not * in the script. She straightened and gave up on the
sultry gaze thing. �No. No, I�m doing fine.�
He nodded. �You ready?�
She swallowed, sat on the floor to begin stretching and choked out, �Sure,
sugah. Bring it on.�
Logan coughed and gave her a strange look. �Ok.�
The stretching went on a few minutes as Rogue wondered just what Jubilee
and Kitty were thinking.
Little Obi-Wan sat on Kitty�s lap as she munched on Cracker Jacks and
stared at the video monitor. Jubilee caught her offering the bear a piece
of caramelized popcorn but decided to remain silent. Sometimes, it was just
too weird to comment on.
�She�s been stretching for a while,� Kitty said through a mouthful of
Jubes nodded. �Well, maybe she wants to be limber, in case�.�
�Gah!� Kitty was choking on her Cracker Jacks. A hard slap on the back
brought a chunk hurling out of her mouth. It promptly landed on little
Obi-wan. �Gross, Jubilee,� she managed.
Rolling her eyes, Jubilee replied. �Yeah. Next time I�ll let you choke.�
Kitty�s sneer disappeared when she caught Rogue getting up. �Ooh. Action
Jubilee smirked. �Good thing she wore that body suit.�
Logan�s next action made Kitty bounce in her chair and point excitedly at
the screen. �He�s getting behind her!�
Jubes was right there with her. �Man!�
Gasping, Kitty added, �He�s putting his hands around her waist!�
�Is he going to teach her something?�
�Babe, I certainly hope so.�
Kitty frowned. �Wait, what�s - �
Before Kitty could finish her question, Rogue did something that made both
Kitty and Jubilee cringe.
She brought a heel down on Logan�s toes so he loosened his grip.
Immediately, an elbow was jammed into his midsection. The height achieved
by her leg was astounding. The apparent force of Rogue�s back kick dropped
Kitty whimpered. �What�s she *doing *?�
Jubilee scowled and shook her head. �Fighting?
� *Why *?�
Jubilee�s scowl deepened. �This is *not * what I wrote.�
�Did she just grab him by the hair?�
�I don�t care what kind of healing powers you�ve got, repeated blows *there
* have got to cause some permanent damage.�
Kitty winced. �No little Wolverine�s running around, I guess.�
Jubilee stood up, ready to turn the monitor off in disgust. �Did she not
*read * the script?�
�Or look at the diagrams?� supplied an indignant Kitty.
�I mean,� Jubilee began, pacing the small room, �who exactly is teaching
Kitty shook her head angrily. �No one!�
�Right. I mean, look at that. She�s got an arm around his throat, gagging
him, squeezing the begeezus out of him.� She paused, blinking at her
apparent naivete. �Oh my God.�
�What? What?� Kitty remained puzzled.
Jubilee fetched her bag and pulled out the notebook. She flipped the pages
to Kitty�s diagram and waved it around her friend�s face for a few seconds.
�Kitty, you drew that! Look!�
Kitty took the notebook from Jubilee and studied it carefully. �Yes, but I
meant that to be a hug, not a violent act of aggression.�
Sighing, Jubilee brought a hand down to slap Kitty on the head. She stopped
right before hitting her intended target. Instead, she picked up little
Obi-wan and began pummeling Kitty on the shoulders. Kitty retaliated by
slapping Jubilee across a thigh with the notebook. �Okay, okay. Stop!�
Jubilee called it off when the notebook began coming apart. Their work, she
thought, must not be in vain.
�All right,� Kitty said breathlessly. �What now?�
A nervous Jubilee took the notebook from her partner and crime and said,
�Well, Picasso, we have to figure out what comes next.� She looked up at
the monitor. �I mean, what follows kicking Logan�s ass?�
Kitty�s eyes went to the action on the screen. Rogue was literally kicking
Logan in the behind. �I don�t remember drawing that.�
�It doesn�t matter what you *drew *, it matters what Rogue saw.� She turned
her attention to the drawings. �Okay. Here. See? This, I kid you not, looks
like stick figure Rogue shoving her foot up Logan�s non-existent stick
booty.� Jubilee�s eyes widened. �Oh, shit. Shit shit shit shit.�
Kitty grimaced. �What? What happens next?�
Before Jubilee could answer that question, the Rogue on the monitor (for
certainly that could not be sweet Rogue, their friend), began using what
could only be referred to as patently fake wrestling moves. She ran to the
far side of the Danger Room and, to Logan�s complete surprise, executed a
mean clothesline maneuver. However, considering Rogue�s size in comparison
with Logan�s, it was not Logan who was felled by the move.
�* I* drew that?�
�There�s no chance I didn�t just see that, right? I mean, there�s no chance
in hell I�m having a bad nightmare and Logan is not laughing his freaking
butt off right now, is there? She didn�t just imitate Hacksaw Jim Dugan on
a bad day and take * herself * out of commission?� Jubilee groaned. This
was *not * good.
Kitty did not respond. She was having to much fun writhing around the
floor, laughing hysterically, trying hard not to crush little Obi-wan under
her heaving bosom.
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Jubilee tried not to cry. Rogue would not
be happy about this. No, she would not.
Kitty hid behind Jubilee, less than bravely facing a sweaty, angry, and
rather worse-for-wear version of Rogue.
�You want action?� Rogue hissed, taking the notebook and picking up a pen.
�I will give you action.�
Jubilee and Kitty both quaked in their respective boots.
Kitty swallowed down the lump in her throat and walked into Jean�s lab.
Looking up from her work, Jean smiled and said, �Hi Kitty. What brings you
�Uh, well, you see, I�m sort of worried about Jubilee.�
Jean�s smile disappeared. �Oh, I see.�
�Yeah. Um, have you noticed anything strange?�
�As a matter of fact, I have. Have you?�
�Like, she waddles around sometimes, pretending she�s a penguin.�
�And, uh, she has trouble communicating unless it�s in animal speak.�
�You know, barking and stuff.�
�How long has this been going on?�
�Oh, I�d say about a year.�
�A *year *?�
�And you just came to me know?�
�Well, I didn�t think it was serious before.�
�Before *what *?�
�Before today. I think it�s mating season, Dr. Grey.�
�Hey, Jubilee. What�s up?�
�Anything the matter? What are you holding behind your back?�
Jubilee shook her head. �Nothing.�
�Oh. Have you seen Kitty?�
�Damn, that girl�s weird. Has she shown you her bear?�
�Okay. Well, I�ve got to get going.�
�St. John, will you��
St. John watched in bewilderment as Jubilee seemed to fight an internal
�Will you�� She was pulling at her earlobe and twitching now. �Damn it, all
right!� She breathed in and shouted, �ST. JOHN ALLDERYCE, WILL YOU GET
NAKED WITH ME AND FATHER MY CHILDREN?"
Before John could do anything more than stutter, she ran away.
�I don�t think I can forgive you this one.�
Rogue rolled over in bed. �Did you not see me humiliate myself in front of
Logan? I think your little thing with St. John was nothing in comparison.
You don�t even care what he thinks.�
Jubilee snorted. �That�s beside the point. Now the whole school thinks I�m
a major nut job.�
�And,� Jubilee continued, �why exactly did Queen Amidala over there get off
scott free? It was *her * �diagram� that got you in trouble in the first
place. If you�d just followed the script as written - �
Kitty was snickering under her covers but promptly stopped when she heard
Rogue say, �Don�t worry about her, Jubilee. Revenge is a dish best served
cold. Freezing in fact.�
Practically whimpering, Kitty replied, �It was *not * my fault. Never did I
draw a choke hold. That was supposed to be a *hug *. A hug damn it.� She
leaned over and embraced little Obi-wan. �Why are artists always so
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