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Fic: Stayin' for Him 1/1

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  • Aericura
    early morning plot bunnies are persistent! (they also like Sarah McLachlan, uy.) :) Title/Part: Stayin for Him 1/1 Author: Shana Nolan E-Mail:
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 3, 2000
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      early morning plot bunnies are persistent! (they also like Sarah McLachlan,
      uy.) :)



      Title/Part: Stayin' for Him 1/1
      Author: Shana Nolan
      E-Mail: dpangel@...
      Genre: angst, Rogue POV, vignette
      Rating: G
      Archive: myself, Misty's, X-Grrls, XMMFF, Diebin's fic closet, others ask
      Spoilers: the movie (but I'm a comics grrl too). this is a much more
      movie-centric piece (largely cause I can't recall the comics for this aspect
      and it's early)
      Summary: Rogue ponders her path and what she has now (with Logan).
      Disclaimers: Fox and Marvel Entertainment Group have the X-Men and their
      movie. Stan Lee, I worship at your feet. I don't own anyone and I don't
      intend to sell this. no money, no sue, no powers. but my CB handle was
      Phoenix (great, date yourself, why don't you).
      Comments: are welcome. Flames, however, are only accepted from a mutant
      named Pyro and even he knows better.

      Notes: this is for those of you slowly turning me to the Logan and R/L side.
      you know who you are. *bg*

      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


      I can still remember it perfectly.

      That last day, leavin' everything I've ever known behind, runnin' away from
      everything and everyone that now hates me.

      Even if they don't know really understand why.

      So I packed. Gathered the clothes I really needed, a few belongings that I
      couldn't bear to part with and took that final look around the house.
      Filled one duffel bag and resolved myself to somethin' better. I walked
      through my parent's room, stared at the backyard where I used to play with
      friends, sat on top of the car that used to drive me to school.

      And it hurt so bad. I almost didn't leave then, but then I noticed
      something in the passenger seat. Openin' the unlocked door and grabbin' it
      in a gloved hand, I took a good long look at what made me really leave:
      Cody's hospital bracelet.

      I had found it in his hospital room after he had left. After his parents
      wouldn't let me talk to him. After he had stared at me in fear the first
      time he laid eyes on me after wakin' up.

      And I had only kissed him. My first kiss.

      Guess it'll be my last.

      I took down my map above my bed, taking the beads with me, and in its place
      I tacked a note for my mama. Told her I needed to be somewhere else, away
      from all this pain and from all these people that asked why I was all of a
      sudden not touchin' people and coverin' my skin.

      How am I supposed to explain that I can hurt them bad without them hatin'
      me?

      The first leg of my runnin' was a bus. They aren't so bad, lonely mostly.
      Got all these people on a long trip just like you, and no one talks to each
      other. I saw so much scenery on that bus, but when it ended I was stuck.
      Didn't have any more money left outside of a few dollars and a girl's gotta
      eat.

      So I hitchhiked. Found some truck drivers willin' to take on a pretty girl
      for some company and a smile. They didn't try to hurt me; one of them even
      bought me dinner at this truck stop, which I appreciated. He said he had a
      little girl at home 'bout my age and that if he couldn't see her well fed
      and smilin', he'd see me that way.

      But then I was back on the road, clingin' to the kindness of strangers. The
      second trucker wasn't bad, kept quiet and looked like all he wanted was a
      hot meal and a place to sleep. I fell asleep not too long after we left,
      and that night I was at the bar in Laughlin, but I couldn't believe it. It
      was as if my whole world had gone white, where a few days ago I was
      surrounded by dusky greens and browns. All that snow after all that livin'
      in the south, it was like an alien planet to me.

      But I guess I got lucky. I wasn't ever allowed into places like that bar
      back home, the men rowdy and rough to women like me, but what I saw in there
      was my salvation. A man with claws in his hands that wasn't afraid to stand
      up for himself.

      I envy for him that. I wish I could be that honest. And strong.

      And I still don't know why I followed him, but when he was stalkin' out of
      that bar with a fist of cash in a hand and insults bein' flung at him, I had
      to go. It was like someone was shovin' me to the door, and like a silly
      fool I obeyed and snuck into his trailer to join him on the road he was
      takin'.

      All of which landed me where I am now. In Westchester, New York, surrounded
      by a bunch of people that are like me, all of us different from the rest of
      the world. I like them and I'll stay around, but he's gone again. Left to
      find part of his past with a promise to return. Like Cody, I've got him in
      my head, havin' touched him and takin' some of him inside me, but he's
      different.

      I like him there. Even though I know he's somewhere on a road wanderin' his
      way into his own secrets, he's here too, rattlin' around my head and makin'
      me feel less alone. I keep cuttin' off the circulation to my one hand by
      clutchin' his dog tags too hard, but I don't care. He gave 'em to me with a
      promise of returnin', and I'm gonna hold on to them 'til he does.

      I guess I fancy him. That's what the others say; that I like him and wanna
      be special to him, and I guess they're right. I think about him and wonder
      what he's goin' through, and hope that he still remembers me back here,
      remembers his promise he made to protect me.

      I know he'll come back. He will. Even the Professor says so, but no one
      knows when. I don't like moonin' and lookin' sad around the school, makin'
      boys like Bobby think I don't like them, but I can't really help it. It's
      part of me, like he is now, and I have to wonder how long I can only live
      with a memory, and an echo of him in me.

      I just want to see him again for real. Touch him with a gloved hand, have
      him dare to hold me on the train like he did, doin' what everyone else seems
      afraid to do.

      But I'll wait. He said he'll be back here so I'm stayin' where he can find
      me.


      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
      END





      Shana

      dpangel@...
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      "Bottom line is: even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready the big
      moments. No one asked for their life to change, not really. But it does...
      So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moment's gonna come, you
      can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you
      find out who you are."
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